General Chat

Luckily she has a very capacious handbag in which to carry her collection of planets.

It was quite a feat, but if Allan's OH saved this planet then she would have the whole collection.

Perhaps she could sell it on eBay

Whilst Allan was laying about his OH collected up the disused plastic as she wanted to save whichever planet they were on.

Had his OH been able to see his face, lies lies and more lies.

Fortunately for Allan he was used to his wife's ability to read his facial expressions and carried a bag for just such occasions.

Hurriedly slipping the bag on, Allan assumed a smug expression.

"You're lying! and take that smug expression off your face."

Allan stood, dejected. "but how can you see my face, I'm wearing a bag over my head," he whined pityfully.

"You should have used a brown paper one then, not clear plastic ." responded his OH

Still Allan did not know what he was supposed to have lied about.

At least it made a change from being a lay about

Allan had forgotten though that after a few decades of marriage one didn't need to actually say anything to get into trouble, one merely needed to have a look on their face....and Allan had a look on his face right now one which stated........

The Bosun's Mate saw the look in her eye, the thread in her hand and wisely decided to scarper.

"That's a shame," said Allan's OH wistfully, "I was looking forward to showing my prowess as a seamstress."

Allan looked at the fifteen inch needle in his wife's hand and decided not to comment.

Allan was also eyeing the ladder in the sparkly green tights. That could come in very handy he thought.

Meanwhile the Bosun’s m ate was carefully watching Allan’s OH who seemed to approaching at full speed with a long needle and what seemed to be green thread.

...to see what I could see see see, but all that I could see see see was the bottom of the deep blue sea sea sea."

Allan was praying that this litany of 'c's' would quickly end so that they could discuss the rest of the alphabet, particularly the 'p's and 'q's', also he was beginning to find those tights particularly alluring.

Allan idly wondered if the Bosun's Mate was actually a mermaid in drag

"Avast there me hearties" cried the Bosun's mate "I've been sailing the high seas searching for.............

That was a fine crop of mushrooms thought Allan as he awakened from his unusually active dreaming state.

The Mad Hatter poured him a nice cup of tea and wished him a very merry unbirthday.

Possibly, Lewis Carroll received his inspiration from the same source that Coleridge did when he, Coleridge, wrote 'Kubla Khan'

Just at that moment the Bosun's Mate arrived, complete with his sparkly green tights

Could have been worse thought Allan. Could have asked for frogs legs, and told the waiter to hop to it.

However, Allan decided to rise above the situation, and asked for the a la carte menu, resisting the temptation to ask if it arrived in a wheelbarrow.....

The old ones are always the best muttered Allan to himself.

No One was sure whether he was talking about the joke or his OH

The waiter smiled and showed an unusual number of sharp teeth. Allan couldn’t take his eyes off........

Allan ordered two crocodile sandwiches, and told the waiter to make it snappy..........

Allan was very proficient in foreign languages.

He was fluent in double Dutch and gibberish, and spoke French like a native of Borneo.

There was nothing that he could turn his hand to

It was in French and Allan thought he knew enough to get by..or did he.....

Allan groaned inwardly and waddled off to inspect the menu.

Allan’s OH didn’t want to get involved in the argument and was just pek ing around the corner

"but I haven't got a bill," Allan argued, "I'm not a duck"

But as this is a common occurrence we usually have one or two hanging around.

I’ll just call one over and add the cost to your bill.