General Chat

Allan always wanted to be a celebrity...so he pondered on how he'd guarantee a spot on this Border Force show....on the Canadian one a UK Grannie had managed to appear by smuggling cheese in with her undies....could he get his lovely wife to help out or would he need to bring back his Mankini to smuggle some cheesie delights......

He remembered the Border Force many of whom can only speak gibberish, point to cue cards and then deprive people of various delicacies and demand money for so doing.

These confiscated delicacies are said to be going for destruction and are placed in appropriate bins.

As a recently removed American President was wont to say, it's all lies.

The confiscated foodstuffs are in fact taken round the back to a store set up by staff so that they can purchase items that would otherwise be unavailable.

These items could include frogs' legs and German sausages, which would have German Politicians up in arms and French Politicians flat on their faces

Allan had spent a couple of hours worrying about when he would meet these Frenc and German politicians when........

Well, thought Allan, that surely interrupted my planning for my next adventure.

I listened, enthralled, to some French and German politicians on a radio show recently, as they debated in near flawless English.

Can you imagine any of our vaunted representatives being invited on to a French or German chat show, and trying to converse in anything other than a laughable version of 'Pidgin English'? ;-)

Let battle commence.

The fair maiden with the lovely bunch of coconuts isn’t yet free to make that decision as she is still arguing over whether she can bring her coconuts into the country.

We will be able to see this in about 10 years time on Border Force. ;-)

Of course, where Allan really wanted to go was to Terra Australis Incognita, but he didn't know where it was, besides, if he ever did find the place, he would probably be taken to whatever passes for a hotel in that strange land, and placed in quarantine.

As for the fair maiden with the lovely bunch of coconuts, alas she had been fined $1000 for not wearing a mask in public. That was bit unfair of the police, she wasn't really THAT ugly

Would the fair maiden with the lovely bunch of coconuts dare to venture out with her fair skin in the summer heat......

..... could his OH have something useful in her capacious bag. Would she allow him to rummage through it?

Allan decided he needed adventure but also some relaxation if that were possible....he looked at a map of Australia....Bitter Spring looked welcoming...now how to get to the Northern Territories without being in trouble.....

Well, he mused, there's always that mysterious place the 'outback'

Strangely the 'outback' is always 30 to 100 kilometres further on from where you actually are.

Allan supposed that if you were in the correct geographical location even Sydney could be described as the 'outback' and having spent a few days there, he wouldn't argue with that description.

But here he was, a prisoner in his own country; at least, compared to some countries, it was an open prison

After taking a strangely long time to clean his shoes Allan was finally convinced they were clean enough at last.

Allan sat and pondered......since COVID time didn't seem to travel the same as BC (before Covid)....either it dragged on slowly or sped by faster than a speeding RR'd thread.

Mind you Allan thought I do at least have plenty of time to reflect on my travels.....after all I've been pretty much everywhere with everyone.....surely there's nothing I've missed is there........

She immediately threw up on his shoes.

Here we go again, thought Allan and this time there wasn't a ship in sight.

Yes it was the sixties, said Allan to his OH. You don’t have to keep going on ..six, six, six....
Or at least that is what he thought she was saying......

Being a child of the sixties, or at least becoming a teenager in 1961, Allan remembered the good old days of LSD.

Of course, this WAS prior to the decimalisation of the UK currency.

The thought of all that yellow and green was beginning to have a strange effect on Allan.............

Allan wondered if his OH had eaten the same thing as the toad. At least the yellow would be a change from her usual shade of green, he thought.

Actually, being interplanetary explorers, they weren't skipping down a yellow brick street, but down a rather gigantic yellow sick toad.

Allan trailed behind his OH as she skipped down that yellow brick street.

So slipping them into her bag, she went skipping down the street singing, "I've got the whole worlds in my hands"