General Chat

.... There was a lot of noise in the corridor, plenty of hushed conversation and then Allan's 'magic' curtains were pulled aside ( do they really think they are sound-proof too ?) and the changing situation was explained.

It would appear that the hospital had had a surge of patients admitted with similar symptoms, so Allan and OH would need to share a ward, where they and others could be treated together.

"Hop on these trolleys ", they were instructed.

Allan was in no fit state to hop anywhere and OH was at present in a 'leaning forward' position doing what was lately her oft times occupation.

The porter waited for Allan to be helped onto one trolley and they were off, leaving OH for the moment to continue watching for carrots (there's always carrots !)

Along the corridor they went and into a lift...................

As the doors closed Allan even in this state couldn't resist..."I called this meeting to discuss the current situation.."
Nothing......not even a smirk.....what sort of hospital was this....then as he looked around the lift he started to see who was in there with him.........

the girl with the coconuts, the old man from the shop, Fido, the butcher (with his knife and steel) Rik, the monkey and OH lying terrified on the other trolley.

'Eh up' thought Allan, 'something no quite right here. It says capacity for 6 persons, there are more than that!'

The butcher was muttering about 'fresh supplies' and Allan was suddenly struck by his resemblance to Sweeny Todd. (not the cop series obviously)

At the lift shuddered to the third floor and the girl with the coconuts flung open the shutters, Allan grabbed his OH's hand and began to leap to his feet....

Only as he was halfway through the door did he wonder why OH hand was so small and hairy.....looking back he saw he was clutching the Monkeys hand who in turn was clutching Fido paw. Fido had bitten the butcher cos he just smelt so good. The butcher had chopped through a coconut. The broken coconut had landed on Rick foot making him jump up crying like a baby and landing in OH lap as she lay still on the trolley. ....the only one not affected was the old man from the shop....well he was a wise old man and saw it all coming......

'Very interesting,' said the psychiatrist, 'It would seem that all these personalities are the result of your fervid imagination.'

'Not mine,' said Allan, 'But of many people. I think that I am just a receptor.'

'I see,' said the wise old man. 'The human entities I can understand, but a dog? A monkey?'

'Perhaps they're my wife's' replied Allan, 'She often calls me a beast, and I've been in the dog-house more times than I've had hot tins of "Chum"'

'I think that what you could do with is a complete break from everything. Get away, relax. Have you ever considered a nice long voyage'

At that particular moment Allan was thinking of a nice long term in prison for the slaying of a member of the Medical profession.

"Hang on Doc....you said get away from it all right?"
"Yes"
"Does that include the wife?"
"Well...."
"I'll take that as a yes.....can you send me somewhere where no one will talk to me for a long time?"
"Maybe...but.."
and that dear reader is how Allan not only went somewhere where no one would talk to him but got himself a new job.......a lighthouse keeper in Cordouan France.....now what could possibly go wrong there.....

....Allan had,t realised that that lighthouse is open to the publc :-D

No problem....his French ...like some other things...might be a bit rusty but still.....

..........but first, he had to get there.

He realised that shopping trips were going to be difficult in such an isolated location, so he needed to pack a few essential supplies to take with him.

First clothing and food, yes that would be a good start.
He knew what it was like to crave something he couldn't get...... That's what had got him in such a mess previously, so he had to think carefully............

.. trying to remember his schoolboy French he worked out that black was noir and boudin was a type of French sausage.

So what he needed was a butcher selling Boudin Noir and he'd feel right at home.

...but as he was still in the UK he might find it easier to look for a butcher with Black pudding....and that's how this all started isn't it.....so he looked for the nearest supermarket....and when he got there he found the shelves bare....someone or something had got there before him.........

Having studied French for five years in High school many, many, years ago, Allan had long ago decided that whilst not a TOTAL waste of time, as it did come in handy on a holiday in Bulgaria, a holiday which Allan should not have gone on at the time, at least without HM Government's consent (but that's another story) he was not likely to use the language and studiously avoided all such occasions.

Accordingly, he had applied, and been accepted, for a position at the Cape Leeuwin lighthouse positioned where the Indian Ocean meets the Southern Ocean.

This lighthouse had the benefit of being on dry land with adequate shopping facilities in either Augusta or, slightly further North, Margaret River.

Yeah but there's no fun in that is there....and not nice French wine......but whatever.... :-D :-D

So if going to this area he'd need a jab or two for any illness he might come across...now does Allan like jabs??.....

...but first he had to work out whether 'jabs' was a euphemism........

Actually Allan had first to work out how to pay for his trip back to Oz

Jabs?

Euphemisms?

Allan had always thought that a euphemism was a brass wind instrument, but he was always open to being corrected.

How to raise the fare back to Australia?

No doubt the collective voices in his head would be on hand to offer advice and in so doing to cause mayhem and carnage along the way.

Why bother going back to Australia everything he needed was in his OH copious bag??

He could lock himself in a hotel room and ask for passage to Australia....unfortunately, that had a chance of being rerouted to Canada so might not be the best method...

He could sell his body....no we won't go there....

He could set up a GoFundMe page........"Hi I'm Allan I need to get home to Oz to get clean clothes....someone had to tell him-don't stand downwind....and then it's off to be a lighthouse keeper"

OR........

he could go and find out where all those coconuts came from.

Allan remembered seeing an old black and white fillum with that nice Mr Guiness, where said Mr G. ended up on a tropical island (after doing some kind of nasty deeds of the criminal kind) being a tailor by day, but by night, he was waited on hand and foot by lovely native girls in grass skirts, pouring the local liquor into coconut shells.

Allan began to sweat, not a good idea as she needed a clean change of shirt

Could he wing it over to a tropical isle, or would be marooned in a lighthouse with only the weather forecast for company?

What would OH's copious bag hold for them....

One thing that OH had plenty of in her bag was stout rope.

All different thicknesses were there of varying lengths. Now that should be useful for a trick or two.

Allan decided that now would be a good time to perfect his...........

Stout rope and handcuffs....you just don't know what goes on in other peoples copious bags do you.... :-D

Escape act....well he's had a few calls already....

If only he had a straitjacket.....now where might he find one of those....

Well from the tailor's of course, where else would he obtain a straight jacket (is that the correct spelling, he wondered) and it must have one centre vent, not two side ones.

He already had and adequate supply of pears of trousers.

He was also after a knighthood as he wanted something to keep his ears warm when he was sleeping