General Chat

was the wrong ship!

This actually was a livestock carrier which just been recently banned from continuing the live sheep trade to the Middle East and had obviously had a very cheap make-over.

The work had been done very baaadly

Sheepishly Allan wondered whether to tell OH as she lay on the plump bed, or should he quickly slip away and try and find the correct ship.
He decided to scan the horizon and lo and behold...

there was Theresa May looking for solutions to her many Brexit worries. She realised the moment an underdog becomes an overlord, Boris starts acting very differently as all fickle politicians do.

He cannot resist looking at the lives of mere mortals who are not as pious & perfect as himself & with such a mop of hair, Donald Trump would like to add to his array of wigs.

Tomorrow is always another day. Strange, isn't it!

Blimey old Theresa keeps popping into my life should I be worried thought Allan.

Ah there's our ship....looks like they're almost ready to go....come on old girl let's be smart.

Allan and OH managed to board the good ship Calamity just in time.

At dinner that night.....

while the pendulum of life on board oscillates in sympathy with unutterable eagerness & expectation of a quiet evening in the lumpy bunk bed,

Dinner was sheeps tail soup followed by leg of sheep & Rhubarb & sheep dip crumble omg he say to oh why have we paid all this money for this .no wonder the captain looked sheepish ;-) Couldn't resist joining in ;-) Barbara xx

All are welcome Barbra we need the new input :-D


If that was dinner hate to think what breakfast will be like thought Allan, hang on a mo why does OH look so green....bless no sea legs....what's that she's mumbling something about barnacles where...nope sure I don't have any for her to plunder...

Next morning as the sun rose over the sewage farm onshore in the distance Allan......

As usual put his foot in it, OH had thrown up and missed the bucket leaving the floor awash with ....

enough to make a long story even longer.

but enough of what on earth is this thought Allan??....

I don't remember her eating carrots anyway......after checking she was as well as can be...eg alive....Allan went off in search of...

Breakfast " lim starving says Allan , wonder what dish of the day is might take some for OH now her stomach is empty she must be famished ,put some colour on her cheeks then again"....

war paints are discouraged because of their caustic ingredients but lipstick is still worn by Her Majesty on all social occasions, whether or not Allan got an invite to a fish supper in Buckingham Palace.

Queen Elizabeth was delighted to receive her 'cold weather' payment the other day, credited to her bank account at the branch just a short walk down from the Palace. It's the only branch still open in that area.

Fat Featherless Turkeys are much sought after at this time of year to be gobbled up by rich & poor alike. Good quality soup can be made from Turkey left-overs to warm the cockles of the poor & hungry homeless sleeping under flimsy sleeping bags in shop doorways & underneath flyovers.

Brexit will change nothing.

As Allan stumbled down the never ending corridors in search of a dinning room he kept meeting women of all shapes and sizes.

On introducing himself he was amazed to find that they were all called Lucy.

Remembering the bang on his head when he had slithered in the sludge on shore he now believed that these women were part of a Lucy nation (think about it, gentle reader) as was his continued visions of Mrs May and the references to Brexit.

Thus assured, he continued his gentle stumble.

Passing through a door he was certain would lead to a food area, Allan was surprised to find himself on an open deck.

Here he watched in amazement as another passenger approached him with what appeared to be a seagull on a lead.

"I say," said Allen, ever the gentleman, "What on earth are you doing?"

"Just taking a tern round the deck" was the response.

Allan decided that the food could wait, he needed to find something more liquid and potent so that he at least had some sort of excuse for all these weird encounters

:-D :-D

Allan started to wonder if maybe he was in another dimension or some such....Theresa Brexit terns oh my......at least no one has been called Bruce ...yet....

It suddenly dawned on Allan....this wasn't a holiday it was a test...if he passes what will he win he wondered......just as a broad beam of light....

sliced through the thickening fog.

Surely, this couldn't be the Inchcape Rock?

That name rang a bell with Allan, but alas, it was all in his mind as he remembered that the original bell on the Rock had been stolen hundreds of years before by Sir Ralph the Rover.
Besides, this ship was sailing in Australian waters where the only thing to worry about was colliding with the numerous boats using the Southern routes for their people-smuggling activities.

Now, not only day dawned, but so did the realisation that Allan was face to mask with Darth Vader; that beaming ray of light was from DV's light sabre (he'd left the heavy one back on his space ship

Allan began to

laugh at his own jokes...sad.....

Suddenly he thought maybe he should do something and wouldn't you know it, he happened to have a handy dandy mini lightsabre in his bum bag as you would.

Gosh darn it no power it was a solar one where's that sunshine in all this fog he pondered.....I know thought Allan the sure way of beating DV is.....

go to the clinic for dyslexics.

Allan began to realise that he had hit his head harder than he thought, although seven straight days without booze could also bring about a state of mind which bordered on normality.

With this depressing thought, Allan decided that it was better to fight fire with water and quickly began to

wonder why the word Dyslexia was so difficult to spell and yet so common....now where was I he thought oh yeah fire....as he expected DV cloak wasn't fireproof like all cheap costumes and it went up quickly. While DV was trying to douse the fire Allan went to the wheel house where he...

found a whisky bottle.

Unfortunately for the poor fellow, it was empty. He went into a crazy rage just like
Fr Jack in the popular UK TV comedy

And hit his head again knocking himself out,after a minute or two Allan started to come round and found himself face to face with Captain Black Beard ...