General Chat

"Pork Pie" boomed the blessed Brian.

"What this young lady needs is a plate of Pie and Mash with Green gravy with Jellied Eels for starters."

"With her tendencies for visiting the bathroom to use the white telephone......jellied eels.....are you mad?"....yelled Allan...."Me, on the other hand, would love it"...he said as he jumped into Brian arms pushing OH to the side....

.....But where to buy these delicacies?

When in London, do what Londoners do and head off to the Pie and Mash shop.

So 'Brian' marched them out of the Tower, ordered them on to the top deck of a tourist bus, - open top of course and they headed off, much to the delight of a group of foreign tourists,who thought this charade was part of the entertainment.

They passed many famous landmarks, with much camera clicking and then reached.......

Eel Pie Island.

They,d only gone and got on a bus going the wrong way.

Never mind, thought Allan I,ll still...

get my portrait painted, but how to pose......in my tank top or as Nature intended....

Nature intended it is then thought Allan as he struck his best Fabio pose hair all flowing in the breeze and nothing but pure cotton on....his tank top being a poly mix just wasn't good enough......
Now if any of you had more childish/gutter dwelling nature intended thoughts.........

Oh Twickers thought Allan. I thought they said something else.

I hope there is a game on just don't tell the OH there is another Royal Palace in the area. Mind you her getting lost in the maze...…...

Really we're doing corny jokes now....oh Maze gotcha.....

Allan was in a very small group of people that truly understood the rules of cricket....something about being out to be in....so maybe a maze with OH wasn't such a bad idea so where was she.......and where was the suddenly oh so quiet Brian....

Brian thought he might as well nip into Kingston todo some shopping in the sales. But once again he got onto the wrong bus and ended up at the Scilly Isles - which is a whole different story.






(A little local knowledge works a treat here) ;-)

I'm sure it does....please tell...... :-S :-)

Oh. Doi have to?

Well the maze is at Hampton Court. If you leave by the front entrance and turn right you should end up in Kingston but if you turn left you end up at the Sicily Isles. A double round about. No idea why it is called that.

To continue:

Allan has sent his OH into the maze....

.. where she was getting completely lost and Brian busy with the Marquis of Granby (For goodness sakes! That's the pub at the Scilly Isles!!! :-|)

Allan found he had time on his hands so...…….

He wandered across the green, past the box hedges and into the Tennis Court.

Might as well have a quick knock up while I am here. Work up a sweat so that I look windswept and interesting.

Allan had attracted a great crowd outside the windows, and when he knocked the last ball over the net, he thought he would vault over it...…

(I know these Palaces too... ;-) ;-))

Oh gawd some of us don't and can't be bothered to Google :-D

dear readers we all know what happened next poor Allan caught his foot in the net and ended up eating a mouthful of grass (lawn tennis I hope??). As he brushed himself down a round of applause erupted from the crowd....wow thought Allan they love me...then he turned to see they were in fact cheering Brian as he bounded to Allan rescue.......

No ordinary ball boy this.

He scooped Allan up and deposited him down by the umpire's chair.
Was more than Allan's pride hurt?

He rolled up a trouser leg to look.

All the ladies fainted.....my knees aren't that bad thought Allan...then he looked up and saw Bran had taken his top off....oh that's nice thought Allan he's going to bandage me...but no Brian was going to shield OH eyes from the sight of Allan knees......

Allan could stand it no longer, so he sat down and looked at his knee.

He nearly fainted at the sight of the twisted, bulbous, painful thing and exclaimed loudly "Ma Knee is the root of all evil"

His knee looked back at him and grinned.

This was too much for Allan. It must have been all those jellied eels on top of the weak and tasteless London beer that had fired up his fevered imagination.

Despite all the voices in his head, Allan still had no idea of his geographical location and was amazed with what could have been Hampton Court or even Hampton Wick.

Hold on though, thought Allan, I'm not a Cockney, but a true blue Lancastrian (ok we won't quibble that the actual birthplace shown on his birth certificate was a rather exclusive village in Cheshire known as Prestbury)

Oh what he wouldn't give to be striding over the Pennines once again, and to be sinking pints of Boddington's best bitter in one of the moorland pubs, or, bitter yet, pints of John Willie Lees in Middleton.

That will show them, thought Allan, metaphorically sticking his tongue out to the voices in his head.

He set off once again to find his OH and carry her over the threshold of the nearest Travel Agency once he could organise an appropriate crane.

:-D :-D

Allan found a car with the keys in it...blimey no wonder car crime is so high in the UK thought Allan....he jumped in shouted "If you want to be with me you better jump in now honey" and to his amazement both OH and Brian jumped in....oh well thought Allan two for the price of one.....they set off at breakneck speed and found their way to Leatherhead after a short drive...this made OH giggle in the back which was a funny place to giggle from not from her mouth...and she made whispered comments about Allan and the town having something in common...then onwards to somewhere called Downside....I think the Gods are trying to tell me something thought Allan what could it be

Allan screeched to a halt

OK, technically, Allan applied the brake in a somewhat harsh manner and it was the car that screeched to a halt.

Allan got out and opening the back passenger door, dragged Brian out, no mean feat given Brian's size.

'You drive,' wheezed Allan once the black spots if front of his eyes had dissipated, 'You've been driving police cars before I even passed my driving test'

Allan then

demanded 'Put yer foot down mate, and don't muck with me', said Allan.

'Oooh Fancy,' said Brian. :-D 'What a Day this has been!'

(sorry I came over all nostalgic then for a Panda)

Brian decided that he had been a cad for too long, and as quick as a Flash, he ........