General Chat

Oh dear!

Whatever did you post that could raise the ire of the RR'r, Caroline.

I hope that it wasn't anything to do with my possible 'Delicate' condition which I mentioned to you confidentially on a different thread :-| :-D :-D

Well, it proves that their is at least one reader of this thread, although not quite the active source of participation that you were seeking in your opening post :-D :-D

After that little speed hump- back to the fable, and please remember your manners and don't put your elbows on the fable

in the deepest dungeons of that dark and dank edifice. At least the helicopter with its thermal imaging device would not be able to spot them and all the recent events there may have left enough residual infra-red to cause some uncertainty and confusion.

Mind you those Beefeaters, once they had finished their Yorkshire puddings, could prove a bit problematical.

Still it was worth trying. Allan and his wife could always disguise themselves as corgis.

Allan always did like model cars.

I merely mentioned something/someone who had been mentioned numerous times and could only be offensive if ones mind were of the gutter type :-D :-D

anyway....


Hang on Beefeaters this isn't Windsor castle it must be the Tower....oh Gawd what have we done now OH map reading skills need honing somewhat...maybe if I give her some of these cheap sparkling jewels from what must be the most security conscious gift shop I've ever seen thought Allan she might improve.......

Allan was lost; so were the Beefeaters who must have gone to the same map-reading school as his wife.

Still, the journey was made easier because the distance between London and Windsor was only one-eighth of an inch on the map so they will be setting off shortly

It's a miracle Allan thought that OH managed to find the church in time for our wedding....anyway must be our anniversary son so she'd look great in that pretend crown....oh why all the alarms suddenly

Just like the siren on the police car, Allan had no idea how to silence the alarms, so decided that the best course of action was to make a quick retreat.

He thought it would be wise to leave any jewels in that room, because being in possession might ruin his 'not guilty' plea if he was later caught.

He'd just have to think of another anniversary gift nearer the time.

Lots of large black birds were awoken by the commotion and seemed to mock Allan's running style, screeching "Caw, caw, caw" as he dashed past wondering which door would offer the best chance of escape.

Up the stone steps clattered Allan. There at the top was a tiny cell, just enough space for two at the most. Crikey thought Allan, these ceilings are low, I know people were shorter in those days, but they could be no taller than children.

Hello...……….one more flight of stairs and we could be on the battlements.

The wind blew through Allans hair, and Allan grabbed at it.

The breeze from Old Father Thames was chilly, and gave Allan a shiver. Surely there was something in one of the rooms downstairs to keep hime warm. He cursed himself for not wearing his Fair Isle tank top.


Down the stone steps again, and along the corridor with the guns arranged around the walls, eerily gleaming in the flickering candlelight.


At once Allan saw a large wood chest in front of him, unlocked, Allan peeped inside and dragged out......

an old moth-eaten Beefeaters uniform....that'll do nicely thought Allan I always look good in red and OH loves a man in uniform.
There was no fooling those birds though........

Allan crept along the battlements, down the stone steps and out through Traitors Gate.

'There's irony' thought Allan 'oh well, may as well be hanged for a sheep than a lamb'

'Hey up, better behave like a Beefeater, march along here, bags of swank!'


The ravens looked on with glassy eyes, and began cawing again, thank goodness their wings had been clipped, or else it may have been a scene from that Alfred Hitchcock film.


Allan, began his flight to freedom, when the Ceremony of the Keys began.


The light was fading, and Allan managed to tag onto the procession of Beefeaters heading towards the main gate.


'Halt who goes there?' cried the soldier on the gate...……….

It's only me is as it turns out NOT the correct answer....Oh heck thought Allan...just then there was a shower of coconuts...I always thought she only carried 2...but it was enough for Allan to make his escape through the gates...now what....

Allan needed to get back to Windsor,.

I know, I,ll borrow a boat and sail down the Thames. Easy, he thought, as he hopped over the embankment wall only to find the tide was out....

fearing a mud bath would make him so youthful looking OH wouldn't know him, he quickly got out of that but not before he found a small object covered in mud...putting it into his pocket he thought I'll check that out later...he somehow managed to get to a little row boat moored nearby, and started his quest for Windsor....

..when he remembered where he had last seen his OH.

She was locked in the Tower of London and she did so love men in uniform......

'Blimey, Errol Flynn never had all this trouble!' thought Allan.

Going In, coming out, going in again, it could have been the Okey Cokey!!

Sadly it wasn't! Allan snuck under the bridge at Traitors Gate, and crept slowly and silently along the walls.

Now, where was OH? Not the Bloody Tower that was for sure.

Very possibly the Jewel Tower looking for inspiration for birthdays. The Star of India would look very fetching on a gold chain around ones neck.

Over the green again, past the chopping block, and inside the tower. Allan went along the passage, carefully avoiding the security cameras and opened the door in front of him. Standing in the middle of the room, was a Beefeater with his hands full of.............

It seemed to Allan that another personality had taken up residence in his head.

This was the only explanation as to why he knew his way around the Tower of London.

Although passing through London whilst travelling to Ash Vale, he had only once visited the Capital, spending a day there, but not to do the tourist thing.

Of course another explanation could be that there was a guiding spirit helping him, but the only spirits he was aware of were those imprisoned in glass containers until he decided to release them.

Still, to look on the bright side, at least he knew where his wife was and he was very tempted to leave her there.

Allan suddenly remembered that in a previous life he had indeed been a beefeater hence the uniform felt so normal...anyways....the beefeater hands were full of coconuts....and he was explaining to the nice young lady who it wasn't safe to be here at night time....Allan snug by while he was busy....and found OH........

In the arms of a beefy Beefeater who bore an uncanny resemblance to

Brian Blessed no less

and like Brian he had a booming voice...."Allan what's this hear you're not treating this sweet woman like a Queen....why not?"


He actually made the walls shake.....

Allan wondered just what OH had been telling this Brian lookalike.

Surely she wouldn't have had time to list ALL his failings. No, it must be those most fresh in her mind, which irked the most.

Somewhat intimidated by the foghorn voice, Allan tried to plead that he had had really good intentions, when they'd set off, but fate had overtaken them and OH had perhaps not been happy at how things turned out.
Allan decided now was not the time to list any of OH's own short comings because he didn't think Beefy Brian would listen.

OH seemed to be enjoying having the upper hand and followed demurely when 'Brian' suggested they go to get something to eat. He led her away to the staff private quarters. Meanwhile Allan was left wondering on his own next move.

Should he leave OH to be treated like royalty or insist she come with him on his pork pie mission?

"Now come on my dear woman you know you want a nice pork pie and a pint so let's get going sweetie"......as it turns out might not have been the wisest thing for Allan to say right then......so he did of course......and.....