General Chat

HMmmmmm!

Bland....Tasteless...?

I have a few tasteless jokes I could pull out....


now they WOULD get RR'd

Bob

Of course it will...and should be...it's bordering on funny

Oh dear! I may have broken my own T&C's

I will have to report myself :-(

Now here's a thought; if I report this particular thread, will it be deleted?

:-D :-D :-D

Maybe I should report them both for being too funny.

:-D :-D :-D :-D :-D :-D

Sorry Bob and Allan, none of those posts were bland, they were hilarious,.

In fact, I could have found them offensive, if I'd been unable to understand them!!
...perhaps I should report them.....just in case........

:-D :-D :-D :-D :-D :-D :-D :-D :-D

Good ones, Bob :-D :-D :-D

The chemistry one reminded me of another, much shorter joke involving an Engineering Student doing a particular question in his final exams.

The question was "How would you construct a water reservoir on a river and in particular how would you start to engineer the river and its bed?"

Having spent a large amount of time trying to resolve the issue in his mind he became so frustrated that he wrote

Damn the river, and blast the bed!!

He would have received full marks, but one was deducted for poor spelling :-D :-D

Another one from your neck o the woods, Allan....


A shaggy dog story, with a moral!

CAKE OR BED

A HUSBAND IS AT HOME WATCHING A FOOTBALL GAME WHEN HIS WIFE INTERRUPTS,

"HONEY, COULD YOU FIX THE LIGHT IN THE HALLWAY?
IT'S BEEN FLICKERING FOR WEEKS NOW!"

HE LOOKS AT HER AND SAYS ANGRILY, "FIX THE LIGHTS NOW? DOES IT LOOK LIKE I HAVE ENERGEX WRITTEN ON MY FOREHEAD?
I DON'T THINK SO!"

"FINE!" SHE SAYS.THEN THE WIFE ASKS, "WELL THEN, COULD YOU FIX THE FRIDGE DOOR? IT WON'T CLOSE RIGHT."

TO WHICH HE REPLIED, "FIX THE FRIDGE DOOR? DOES IT LOOK LIKE I HAVE WESTINGHOUSE WRITTEN ON MY FOREHEAD? I DON'T THINK SO!"

"FINE!" SHE SAYS. "THEN YOU COULD AT LEAST FIX THE STEPS TO THE FRONT DOOR? THEY ARE ABOUT TO BREAK!"

"I'M NOT A CARPENTER AND I DON'T WANT TO FIX STEPS." HE SAYS, DOES IT LOOK LIKE I HAVE BUNNINGS WRITTEN ON MY FOREHEAD? I DON'T THINK SO! I'VE HAD ENOUGH OF YOU. I'M GOING TO THE PUB!!"

SO HE GOES TO THE PUB AND DRINKS FOR A COUPLE OF HOURS......................... ........

THEN HE STARTS TO FEEL GUILTY ABOUT HOW HE TREATED HIS WIFE, AND DECIDES TO GO HOME.

AS HE WALKS INTO THE HOUSE HE NOTICES THAT THE STEPS ARE ALREADY FIXED.

AS HE ENTERS THE HOUSE, HE SEES THE HALL LIGHT IS WORKING, AND AS HE GOES TO GET A BEER, HE NOTICES THAT THE FRIDGE DOOR IS FIXED.

"HONEY," HE ASKS, "HOW'D ALL THIS GET FIXED?

SHE SAID, "WELL, WHEN YOU LEFT I SAT OUTSIDE AND CRIED. JUST THEN A NICE YOUNG MAN ASKED ME WHAT WAS WRONG, AND I TOLD HIM."

"HE OFFERED TO DO ALL THE REPAIRS, AND ALL I HAD TO DO WAS EITHER GO TO BED WITH HIM OR BAKE HIM A CAKE."

HE SAID,"SO WHAT KIND OF CAKE DID YOU BAKE?

SHE REPLIED, "WELL HELLOOOOO!!DO YOU SEE SARA LEE WRITTEN
ON MY FOREHEAD? I DON'T THINK SO!!"

well I think that is a bit blandish enough Allan..so trying to redress the balance
an offering I received in an email today...

HELL EXPLAINED BY A CHEMISTRY STUDENT.
The following is an actual question given on a University of Washington chemistry midterm.

The answer by one student was so 'profound' that the professor shared it with colleagues, via the Internet, which is, of course, why we now have the pleasure of enjoying it as well :


Bonus Question: Is Hell exothermic (gives off heat) or endothermic (absorbs heat)?

Most of the students wrote proofs of their beliefs using Boyle's Law (gas cools when it expands and heats when it is compressed) or some variant.


One student, however, wrote the following:

"First, we need to know how the mass of Hell is changing in time. So we need to know the rate at which souls are moving into Hell and the rate at which they are leaving. I think that we can safely assume that once a soul gets to Hell, it will not leave. Therefore, no souls are leaving. As for how many souls are entering Hell, let's look at the different religions that exist in the world today.


Most of these religions state that if you are not a member of their religion, you will go to Hell. Since there is more than one of these religions and since people do not belong to more than one religion, we can project that all souls go to Hell. With birth and death rates as they are, we can expect the number of souls in Hell to increase exponentially. Now, we look at the rate of change of the volume in Hell because Boyle's Law states that in order for the temperature and pressure in Hell to stay the same, the volume of Hell has to expand proportionately as souls are added.
This gives two possibilities:


1. If Hell is expanding at a slower rate than the rate at which souls enter Hell, then the temperature and pressure in Hell will increase until all Hell breaks loose.


2. If Hell is expanding at a rate faster than the increase of souls in Hell, then the temperature and pressure will drop until Hell freezes over.


So which is it?


If we accept the postulate given to me by Teresa during my Freshman year that, 'It will be a cold day in Hell before I sleep with you,' and take into account the fact that I slept with her last night, then number two must be true, and thus I am sure that Hell is exothermic and has already frozen over. The corollary of this theory is that since Hell has frozen over, it follows that it is not accepting any more souls and is therefore, extinct......leaving only Heaven, thereby proving the existence of a divine being which explains why, last night, Teresa kept shouting 'Oh my God.’ "


THIS STUDENT RECEIVED AN A+.

:-D :-D

Strange isn't it? What is bland to one person may not be to another

Just like another active thread over what is offensive and what is humour ;-)

I've always opted for 'gallows' type humour due to the many situations I have been in. These I hasten to add are nowhere near as horrific as those encountered by the emergency services personnel, nor members of the armed forces.

However, I still object to someone else deciding what I can or cannot read. You can tart it up with any expression you like but it is still censorship :-|

So, if you don't find this thread bland, then just turn a bland eye to it :-D :-D :-D

Don't know it's your thread, but sounds about right :-P :-P :-D

p.s. pass the whisky

I drank a glass of water today :-(

Admittedly, it was diluted with whisky :-D :-D

My favourite colour is ecru

My favourite sauce is water and flour, mixed to perfection

Bland enough? :-P :-P

Very well put Allan ......... but sorry not bland enough for the bland thread :-D

Wums and Trolls come out to play

The RR button is just a touch away.

Think of the fun to be had

Reporting posts that you think are bad

I find it really nice, you see,

That you are only thinking of me

And what I can read, and what I can write,

Protecting me every weekend night.

But, please, please, go away

And let me have some guilty fun today!

:-D :-D

I've been using a drill all afternoon...

It was so boring :-\ :-D :-D :-D

Noted...... :-D

I'll keep it as a threat for the future ;-) :-D :-D

LOL Allan no please anything but that :-D :-D

It will warm up later than you want.

I know that the weather will improve, Caroline, but when? As our State Government has just introduced an 11% price hike on power charges it would be nice to know when it will become warmer.

The price hike isn't on the usage but on the fixed costs associated with power, so even if we reduce the heating we still won't make any cuts to the costs :-| :-|

As for my Beet red pee....how can I prove that it is a fact? I suppose that I could always take a selfie and post it to keepsafe :-D :-D