General Chat

Imagine, an obese figure huddled over a laptop, face illuminated by the glow of the screen.. eyes glistening and lips hissing like a Cobra ready to strike, surrounded by mountains of discarded takeaway wrappers and pizza dishes, half-empty semi-crushed cans of C.......er fizzy over sugared drinks, wearing astronauts' underwear , painstakingly awaiting a miscreants unguarded posting........suddenly crying with glee ""AHA Gotcha""..........and joyfully pressing on the Report button...........

and resting in a post orgasmic aura of satisfaction......

the RR'r strikes........as fast as a snake in the grass(er not the smoking variety)

By command of the Almighty Overlord and his true followers I hereby return the Sword of Retribution into the safe hands of Big Blister to be used only in cases of severe conflict with none believers of our society of secrets. ;-) ;-) ;-) ;-) ;-) :-D :-D

GP

Society Sistren whole-heartedly agree, and are awaiting the next installment Big Blister ;-)

:-D :-D :-D :-D

The following week the Blisters met once again to continue their voyage across the Sea of Mayhem to the Land of Moral Conformity.

The usual proceedings having been observed, the Big Blister was updated on the various reports

"Post removed"

"Thread Gone"

"The jury's still out"

He reached the Little Blister, who reported that the post had been re-instated.

The Big Blister clutched his chest, and his face, usually a sallowy grey colour took on the appearance of an over ripe plum

"Whaa...." croaked the Big Blister, when he was finally able to breathe, "How can this be so?"

The Little Blister just shrugged, a movement which under any other circumstances, would have incurred the full wrath of the Big Blister.

"What is the poster's name?"

"Someone calling herself woodentop"

"Just the name, laddie, I'm not interested in sex"

The Blistren maintained a respectful, but interested silence.

"Blister Keeper of the Records, do we know of this poster? Have we before had a problem?"

The Keeper of the Records, who had just finished sharing a rather racy limerick with the Keeper of the Accounts, didn't so much pour through the record as dribble. "No Big Blister, it would appear not so"

Mutilation of the English language is a very infectious condition.

The Big Blister once more turned his attention to the Little Blister.

"Report it again! This post mightily offends me"

"But Big Blister, it appears to be from a doting Granny to one of her...."

"Enough!" shouted the Big Blister, "All that matters is that I am offended. Do I not sit in the Big Chair? Am not I for the ensuing year the arbiter of all that is profane, offensive or even mildly mucky? Report it"

As on the previous occasion, the Little Blister did as instructed, although this time mentally promising himself that this would be his last appearance at the hall, and as soon as he got back home the pinny was going straight back into his Mum's kitchen

Sanity has prevailed at last and all the blisters attending stand to attention to honour Big Blister by placing their left hand on their forehead and proclaiming he is the chosen one to lead us forward to into a world where RRr's are not allowed to menace or question our leader in any way ;-) ;-) ;-) ;-) ;-) :-D :-D :-D

GP

The Blisters shall burst forth on an unsuspecting world, spewing venom (and lymph) everywhere.

The tale is rapidly drawing to a conclusion

A bit like the Army recruit undergoing parachute training.

He asked the instructor what would happen if the 'chute failed to open who replied that that was jumping to a conclusion ;-) :-D

Is the Big Blister sitting in Mr Stephen's chair.. he is the only one allowed a big chair?

The cost of a new mat was ten pounds and to re varnish the floor 250 pounds... they had to strip the whole floor back and have a re do...

a re do is a bit like when a post is reported disappears and then comes back.. that is called a re do. It is not one you have done your self that is a do do.

do dos are not allowed because they will get reported again.

So the moral is do what you do do well.

:-D :-D :-D @ Perse!!!!

So do, do, do

What you've done, done, done

Before.

Which I did do, and it wasn't reported :-S

I'm going to report myself on the grounds of inconsistency ;-) :-D :-D

I was about to complete the story when a marriage certificate I had sent off for arrived, and I've trying to make sense of it ever since :-|

The following morning in another part of town, two women were sharing a coffee

Not literally sharing one cup with two straws, but sharing a coffee drinking experience.

"Ee, Madge, you're looking a bit flustered,"

"Oh, I am," replied Madge, "I found out last week that my Bert's a Blister!"

Madge's friend, Reeny, gave this some thought. "Not one of them secret society thingies?"

"Aye!" replied Madge. "Not only a blister, but a big blister. I were looking through his laptop case when I found some certificates."

"Which society?" asked Reeny

"'Ow, the bl**dy hell would I know? It's secret"

"But," she continued, "it explains where he goes most Wednesday nights, with 'is coat collar turned up and that furtive look"

Reeny chuckled, "And you thought 'e were sharing his dongle with 'er at number forty"

Madge gave her friend a quizzical look.

"No, I thought it were that floozy at number thirty five, but thanks for the tip!"

Both friends lapsed into amiable silence.

Eventually, Madge said "Whether it's women or some funny club, I don't care, just as long as I can 'ave me Wednesday nights to meself. These days e's all 'ands and 'alitosis."

"Just like my Norm" responded Reeny.

"Identical' said Madge, without thinking

It was Reeny's turn to give her friend a quizzical look.

There are some paths down which it is dangerous to wander (or even wonder) so, by unspoken mutual agreement, they diverted back to more safer roads

"Perhaps he just likes dressing up?" answered Reeny.

"Well, all he had to do was ask," responded Madge, "I've got plenty of old clothes 'e can 'ave"

Both women giggled.

"No, it's not really that," said Madge, "But as you know I do a bit of family history, and belong to a place called Genes Reunited, as does our Sharron. We often talk to each other on the site, usually on a Wednesday, when 'is Nibs' is either sharing a dongle, or a secret 'and shake"

Reeny nodded.

"Well, last Wednesday," continued Madge, "I 'ad a message from Sharron, saying that Shaun, 'er youngest, who's just started Kindy, was asked to describe an animal. 'E wanted to describe an elephant but didn't know what to say.

"So I sent a message saying, describe it as an old, fat, wrinkled, grey thing. I may have also mentioned the size of its trunk

"Well, I'll be blowed if the post wasn't reported!"

"What!" shrieked Reeny, full of righteous indignation on behalf of her friend.

"I know, I know, sad ain't it?. Stranger still, post were re-instated. But blow me down if last Wednesday night it wasn't reported again"

"No!" exclaimed Reeny

"Yeh," said Madge, so today I decided to go to the zoo and photograph the elephant and send an email to our Sharron with the description that I'd given on GR.

Well the strangest thing was, you know 'ow 'ot it was yesterday?"

Her friend nodded.

"When I got home, I saw this old, fat, wrinkled, grey thing in the garden

"At first, I thought that an elephant had escaped, and beaten me 'ome!

"Then I realised it was only my Bert, the big blister."

"'Ow could you tell?" queried Madge's friend.

Madge winked, and said, "the size of the trunk, Reeny, the size of the trunk! No comparison!"

And both women dissolved into paroxysms of hysterical laughter.


QED.

:-D :-D :-D :-D

WELL DONE ALLAN!!!!

A VERY ENTERTAINING STORY- THANKS! :-) :-) :-)

woops!

Well, four years on. Let's see if it survives :-D

Tempting them little itchy fingers again......

It's OK, I've saved it :-D

But speaking od Secret Societies, I'm livid!

I agreed to do a job for one of the local lodges and arranged to do a rehearsal this evening. I arrived early and the place was in darkness. So I waited until the normal time of opening..still no one, so I came home.

Not only had I wasted a couple of hours, I suspect that they may have gone to another Lodge who meet this evening. I also have my suspicions that said lodge may be doing the very job that I have been asked to do :-|

There will be ructions at the formal meeting next week!

Will you roll up the wrong trouser leg in protest??

I shall not roll up anything, even myself at the venue :-|

Oh that's right it's backwards aprons time isn't it

Possibly, and we are all supposed to be fine upstanding citizens :-|

All I can say at the moment is don't let near an axe!!

:-S :-S