General Chat

THIS WAS MY FIRST MOTHERS DAY THAT WAS GOOD,AND REASON SONS PARTNER AND BABY,,,,,

Contentious? No!

Just, sadly, real life for some. :-(

Discussion now on www.bbc.co.uk/5live re new laws re child emotional abuse

well done GR for restoring Sharron's OP :-D :-D

Me too Kucinta :-D

By the way, my son bought me a large bar of Lindt dark choc with hazlenuts and I scoffed most of it last night and didn't share :-0 :-D

It is about time the laws were changed, Mental cruelty is far more damaging than physical in my eyes. Though both are wrong , so very , very wrong. Physical cruelty shows outward signs whereas mental cruelty does not so it is a lot harder to notice what is going on.

Glad to see that Sharron's opening post was restored - also meant I got to read it!

That WAS a pleasant discovery. There is not even a message in my e-mails.

Thank you for all you words of support everybody.

Nice to see when I logged on this morning, that common sense has prevailed, and Sharron's OP has been restored.

I have also noted that there are various reports this morning that child neglect laws have been criticised for focusing on the physical effects of abuse and that they could be be changed to make "emotional cruelty" a crime - about time this was taken seriously.

Brilliant.

Restored before 7 on Monday morning.

I didn't see the OP, but can glean what it was about. My mum died 15 months ago. As she was a member of genes (albeit a non-posting one), I was careful about what I wrote.
Yes, I sent her mother's day cards etc, but was careful about which ones I bought.
As the youngest of 4, I just thought it was my 'lot' in life. Whenever I saw her, I was 'reminded' about what an awful baby I was (like I remember, and it was intentional) until, about 9 years ago, when my sister, daughters, very young grand daughter and I went out to Portugal for her birthday. I said I would put the chairs out for the evening. At breakfast, of the evening in question, it was pointed out that I had already had a cup of tea, why did I now want a cup of coffee - the chairs weren't set out yet!! My sister was horrified at the way I'd been spoken to - in all our childhood, she'd not noticed it!

I found out, when we (3 siblings and I) went out to get mum's ashes, that one brother was aware of the apparent unfair treatment the other wasn't fully aware, but, when children, they used this to their advantage, letting me take the blame for things.(they weren't daft!!)
But, I've had the advantage of my siblings being aware, finally confessing they used it to their advantage, and my finally getting confirmation that I'm not a 'waste of space', or STILL an awful baby!

Well, I felt guilty last year, being unable to phone her on mother's day to be cut short as 'their' TV programme had started. (sister never had this problem)
This year I went out for the day to Singleton with one daughter, her lovely husband, my sister and a friend, and called in on my other daughter on the way home, who couldn't join us as one of her children was ill. Didn't have to buy a 'lying' card, or brace myself for a rejection filled phone call.


Yes, it felt good.

Strange thing is, I was the closest of the four of us to our dad (we both trusted animals more than people) who, unfortunately for me was often away at sea. I've told my siblings things about dad's hopes and dreams and things about him that they don't quite believe, as, in his latter years, (he died in 1994 aged only 68), after mum and he had divorced, I visited him a lot, they didn't.

I remember seeing your thread I think but, at the time, I was not able to read it, as I have never been able to look at the childhood thread.

Having found the narcissism article I, too, looked for your thread. Sadly, it had gone.

Last week I was telling my dentist about my mother and he immediately felt the need to interrupt me to tell me that all mothers are not like that. I didn't say, or even imply, that they were. It is treading on truly thin ice to criticize any mother as the assumption is that all mothers are perfect.

So often, any attempt by a child to talk to somebody about what they are suffering is assumed to be a selfish chid not being able to get their own way.

Sharron, even though I had what I considered to be a perfect Mum, I could not have wished for better, I do realise that every child didn't have a Mum like mine.

The first thing I feel when someone tells me that life at home was awful, is sadness, in fact I once started a thread, which is mentioned on your Narcissistic Mothers' thread about Mothers who didn't like their children, the thread, it was a really interesting thread, was reported and was deleted, no idea why, it was such a shame, because it made at least one person confront their Mother, and they were able to move on.

I don't have a knee jerk reaction when it comes to bad Mothers, I've met , what I think are horrendous ones, and I've also met some who were painted bad, but really just needed help to be shown, how to be a Mother. Very complex motherhood to some people..

Perhaps you assume that most people don't understand your situation with your mother, but a lot of people do, but maybe those who don't, find it difficult to imagine, and just don't want to imagine it? Some folk just can't confront some issues.

Mothers day is a funny day for those who have lost a good Mum, perhaps that was why your thread was reported. maybe today was a "bad" day to start this thread?

I don't see you as someone who puts up a thread to offend, and I'm sure a lot of people don't think that either :-)

That is good Wend but I couldn't even get it into perspective until I discovered the narcissism article.

We all come from different directions don't we?

I prefer to forget them Sharron - I moved on years ago and I don't bear any grudges.

Unfortunately there is often a knee-jerk reaction to anything which doesn't show mothers in an angelic light, which does make it more difficult for any child who is being treated cruelly or unfairly by their own mother to ask for help.

Sexual abuse is of interest at the moment and people find it easy to picture a pervy man who would prey upon a young child but the idea of a mother being psychologically abusive to their own child is, I believe, particularly difficult for somebody with a kind, loving mother to imagine.

I would like to apologize to whoever was offended by this thread, I certainly did not intend to offend and also if I have done my childhood to death on here, that wasn't intended either but I did kind of hope I might give others the impetus to confront their own childhood problems.

I read Sharron's opening post and no I certainly didn't report I would of told her so if I did and she did say in the opening post if anyone was offended then she will remove it there was no need to report it.

I have to agree that Sharon has told her story and has been heard. I detest Christmas and new year but like Stray and others I always send my warmest wishes to everyone close to me and accept my title of bahumbug with grace. :-D


edited for spelling mistake :-0

I read Sharron's post and didn't see anything contentious about it at all. It was just a different point of view.....in my opinion......If she had been slagging off others for their point of view it would have been a different story but she was just giving her opinion as to why she wouldn't be celebrating it, in a way that was acceptable as far as T&Cs are concerned......certainly nothing upsetting as far as some of us can deduce.....:-(.......but then calling the RRer names for being upset for what could be a genuine reason is not conducive to a reasonable debate either.

Agree with you lynda, I dont celbrate st davids day either but I always send warm wishes to my friends in wales who do,

W all go thro different expereinces in life but its down to us as individuals to decide how its going to shape us for the future, n in our adult life, not everyone knows eveyones story,

:-D :-D :-D