General Chat

Oh Uzzi you are one in a million - I wonder if I could cope if it were me - probably not. Lots of sound advice from your friends on here - and one thing we all admire and respect you for what you are doing.

Hope today will be a little easier after all mom will soon, hopefully, settle in her new surroundings.

You take care of yourself, your wonderful OH and your dogs.

Thinking of you all

Love Mary

Oh Uzzi...............this brought tears from me.

Mum was like that at times too...............I would have loved to try looking after her myself, but finances and Dad's dying days meant we had no choice but to send her to respite care.

She settled eventually and stayed in residential and finally nursing care for the last 7 years of her life.

I was alternately kissed, hugged, sworn at, spat at, hit and ignored by her...........but the Mum I loved despite everything was still hidden in there somewhere. The body language, a look or nod of her head told me exactly what she was thinking or saying.

Only in the last 18 months of her life did she find peace of mind and I visited her every day, sometimes more.

Looking back, I don't regret her being cared for by others, they became her family as much as I was, they loved her and when she was in a strop I could walk away and go back when they rang to say she was calm again.

If you find her living with you causes more problems than you can handle, be kind to yourself and her and let her go to another place.

Love and huge respect from me to you and your Mum...............and I will do my best to make a cake out of hope, laughter and peace of mind for your Mum.

<3 <3 <3

Uzzi, I don't think I have chatted to you before but I just wanted to say how much I admire you and send you a bit of cyber support from me.

My dad had dementia and my saint of a brother gave up work to care for him for the last couple of years of his life. I used to have dad to stay from time to time to give my brother a break and I found it incredibly hard so I am full of admiration for what you are doing.

Take all the help that's offered and remember that you and your OH matter too so look after yourself.

Vera

Have you joined ''talking point'' yet? Great place to let off steam and get advice from others who are walking the walk, not just talking the talk.

A lot of what you are getting is already part of your Mum, Uzzi, the dementia just makes it worse to cope with I suppose, and the unnecessary gult that you feel. Maybe to start with your Mum needs those stronger drugs that the home were using, or something in between, while she settles in and learns her place.

Try and hold on to your sense of humour and make good use of the hot tub.
Thinking of you and your o.h, and the mutts. It's all strange for them too and for you to have someone else around 24/7 whose demands are difficult.


Lizxx

Penny......talking point was the best help I ever had.

Brilliant support and advice forum.......it was a lifeline for me many a time.

xx

Oh Uzzi ,what a challenge you have on your hands .I think you are incredibly brave in taking on the very difficult job of having your Mum to come and live with you.
My Mum had Dementia and many hours of discussion with OH and my grown up children we came to the decision that it just would not be the right thing to have her living with us.I felt guilty about that even though I knew it was the right decision .Mum wanted to be near me so I found a lovely Care home about 20 minutes away from where we live.It meant moving her nearly 300 miles away though from her old friends and the place where she had lived for many many years.It was a disaster .To cut a very long story short I had to contact a home back in Plymouth who had looked after Mum's sister until she passed away and mentioned how unhappy Mum was up here.They had a vacancy and said they would take her .I knew the home well and all the girls who worked there .So after just 6 months Mum went back 'home' where she was able to have old friends pop in and visit.She never settled there either :-S
When ever I went to visit here with my Sister she always thought we were taking her back to her house (which is all she ever talked about)."I just want to go home"
We were called all sorts of names and told we were no daughters of her.The Bitc* word became a common one even the F word (which she would never have used before Dementia).She was not an easy lady to look after in the home as she was always running off lol and she could be quite nasty .Her Dementia was such that she was never going to settle anywhere .Even though I hated the thought of her being in
'a home' it was a relief to know that she was well cared for by a lovely bunch of girls.
For us it was the right choice not to have her live with us.I think OH and I would have ended up separating .
It is early days for you now.I really hope Mum settles and becomes less hostile towards you.But she may not and sadly not realising she is behaving like that.
One thing I think is, however much you love and want to look after her,you also have to think of you and your OH.Don't make yourself ill !!!
Dementia is such a Bloo** Awful thing ,and not only affects the person suffering from it !!!!
Lots of deep Breaths,walking the dogs (if you can sneak out) and a glass of something .
:-D.
I think this is a great idea to do this thread.You are going to have so much support from everyone.Chin up <3 <3

Its as hard on mum as it will be for you Uzzi,,,,,,

You have to learn to live with dementia and mum,she cant learn to live fully in your world as her mood and timeline will be on a daily basis,stable,changeable,very changeable and nightmares.some she will understand some she wont and what she doesnt quite grasp will be when she will fire on all guns,,,,,,,

Can she have access to music,song that were from her era and some favourites, are you able to sit with her fo breakfast.as a calm start will often last a little while..

dont argue when she gets stoppy just try and pacify her with distraction such as fold washing,it may get done it may not,it may be right it may not,,,,dont fuss about it,

its all a whole new enviroment for her and could be confused for a while yet,

Not an easy ride lays ahead.





<3

Unfortunately, dealing with your Mum is not going to be like dealing with a child, even though she may behave like one.
A child will eventually mature sufficiently to understand routines & houserules. Your Mum is going the other way.
Can you find someone to "Mumsit " a couple of times a week so that you can have some downtime.
Just imagine if you become unable to cope. Not just to your Mum, but your OH & the dogs.......and you!!!

Well I haven´t been on for 2 days because Mum and her belongings arriving kept me a tad busy.

I am sad to say that this is the end of this thread because Mum died today at 9.30 am.
We couldn´t wake her at 9am by 9.10 we called an ambulance because her breathing was wrong and she died with in minutes of them arriving. Was pronounced dead at 9.30am.

Oh my God, I am so sorry Uzzi, my sympathies to you and family, hang in there and when you are ready come back xxxx

Can I thank everybody who has been here for me and mother over the last year.

It was a learning curve that I got booted off part way thro´ so although I can no longer blog this thread I can add to it and if it helps others it can continue.

I will when the tears dry change the heading again .....for now well I am hurting a tad.

Thank you to my little box people

Oh Uzzi.......I am so very very sorry,....

Such sadness for you and yours

with heartfelt sympathy. :-( <3.

I am so sorry to see that your Mum has passed away.I'm sure it was one heck of a shock for you.Without appearing hard hearted ,I think it is a blessing both for her and you.She was with you at the end.After all that has gone on you must be totally exhausted right now.
Thinking of you <3

aw uzzi sending you my massive love, you no were i am x


edited,,, as i didnt read the last page, so sorry hun <3 <3 <3 <3 <3

I am so very sorry Uzzi, if it is any comfort, I truly believe she will now be reunited with her memories and be at peace.

Take care of yourself now Uzzi , knowing you did all you could for her.

XXXXX

Uzzi, you kept your promise to your much-loved Dad and I know that is what mattered most to you. You can hold your head up high and be SO proud of yourself.

RIP Lady J. - she worked her butt off for you, and you knew it, for many years <3

Take very gentle care of yourself Uzzi and I will speak to you whenever you are ready.

Big ((hugs)) Wend xxx

I haven't been on very much lately, but I did know that your Mum was coming to live with you. I am so very sorry to hear your sad news, and send sincere condolences.

Sheila <3

I am so sorry to hear your sad news. At least you were with her at the end. May she rest in peace.

Take Care x

Uzzi, I'm so sorry to about your Mum. You really did your best for her. You must feel pretty numb at the moment, but please take care of yourself.
Love from Lynda x <3