General Chat

Good evening dear Friends,

What a day it has been, and it just beginning in Stratford.

Dear George, Francine and dear little Valentine arrived for breakfast, and after a hearty breakfast, we left in George's van. With my costume packed securely in the boot.

As I am practically landed gentry, we have of course, our little ticket that allows us to travel in the Olympic Lane, and we sailed through. I played the 'old lady' card, and managed to get the others in, as I am indisposed, and needed helpers.

Oh my, what a day, I have met EVERYBODY today. Sir Cliff, Call me Dave, Big Bear Boris, Sir Seb, Sir Steve, dear Daley and lots and lots more.........but as I am a modest soul, I will not go on any more.

So dear Lesley, I do hope you are enjoying your stay with us.............as you may not know who everyone is, may I introduce you to the family.

George is the son of my dear friend Georgianna. Francine is his wife, who was a maid in the Loire Valley, where we holidayed last year. Valentine is their son, a dear, dear little thing.

Pat-trish-aaaah is my grand-daughter and housekeeper, named in memory of her Grandfather. Who was my own true love, who I believed was killed in the War. But miraculously turned up earlier in the year, only to have an untimely demise!

Dear Cherry, Upsidedown Susan and Teresa and I are old friends, from the old thread. Dear Allan has returned to the fold, and we are very pleased to have him back! You too are very welcome dear Lesley, We are genteel ladies who do not mind have their legs very gently pulled. If you fit this category, then you are most welcome to stay with us, drink tea from fine bone china, and fan yourself with an ostrich feather fan. I shall be sending you a lace edged hankerchief down the cyber hatch. It must be carried at all time, and regularly doused with lavender water. Keep us informed of your dear daughter's progress.

But back to the question in hand. You will see me in the Opening Ceremony. I will be on a 'wire' with a flowered bonnet, a frock coat, and an opened umbrella. I have the initials MP! And finally the most obvious clue, Julie Andrews played my character in the fillum. Got it? Good!

Oh, I can hear dear Gary calling me, to get changed with the others.

Pip Pip
Auntie Petunia

*smiles sweetly at dear Allan, and curtseys*

Allan , I am the Citoyenne Catastrophe, well named, for misfortune follows me everywhere. I am currently engrossed in Les Miserables, when not singing with the Opera Populaire, where I often encounter the Phantom of the Opera.

As you may know, Les Mis is set not too many years after the French Revolution, and alas the revolution made no difference to the impoverished unemployed starving population of France. A surprisingly better read than I had ever expected it to be.

I trust that you will soon recover from your lacerations. Next time instead of tweaking the Cats Whiskers, or trying to look like the Cats Pyjamas, study the Cats Eyes instead.

CC

Dear Auntie Petunia.

Wow what an amazing sense of humour you and your friends have. :-D :-D

Teresa Thank you I have passed on your advice to my daughter, she's actually a nurse but I think she leaves her professional head at work. :-( I too have a fruit born August and two born in April just one day apart (different years) so their parties were shared, big savings. :-D

Well done to the Crusaders. :-D

I am bathed, relaxed, feet up just watching the Olympic countdown, can't wait to see the opening ceremony, auntie Petunia I will be watching for you to fly in, how will I recognise you, will you be wearing your bed jacket. :-S :-D

Dear Susan-nz, of course the china did not offend me, perish the thought. I am not a snob, doncha know. Its just that ....... I appreciate the finer things of life at times. Ooops there goes another Dresden china cup!!!

As my kitchen cupboard contains many cheap supermarket mugs, I shall hold on to those carefully, as they may be the "antiques of tomorrow". Did you know that some of the older phone cards now fetch a fortune at collectors fayres? Because of course, they are no longer in production.

One has become rather fond of a product called Becks Beer. Needless to say, dear Petunia does not stock this item; but on a hot summers night there is nothing quaite so refreshing to wash down a Finest Beefburger in a bun. I am concerned there may soon be a world shortage of Becks Beer, because a container lorry had an unfortunate accident on an autobahn and the contents were strewn across the motorway. The consignment was ..... Becks Beer.

No no do not be ashamed you have never seen the Phantom. I never paid any attention either, until I saw Nicole Scherzinger perform the title song last November on the Royal Variety show. You can watch clips from Phantom, and also Love Never Dies, on You Tube. Just search for Michael Crawford+Phantom, or Ramin Karimloo+Phantom. Or simply - search You Tube for Phantom of the Opera but you will probably get too many hits that way.

CC

Dear Allan,

Perhaps you should have had the cats pyjamas :-)...

I do hope your lacerated hand and arm heal quickly and without scarring :-S.
Is not your Tom now Tomasina???, sans nuts?

Hello Petunia, how delighted I am to hear you shall be adorned with the miniscule :-S treasure...... why it is of the finest plastic :-D.
I trust your jaunt to the village was without incident? :-(. Did you keep dear little Valentine out of the reach of those beastly sun rays? They are quite fierce in this part of the world...

CC, I am sorry if the china offended you , Dresden is quite posh, doncha know, railway china is an antique of tomorrow - more fool those to come..
Do you know, I am ashamed to say I have never watched Phantom, though a very good friend of mine did see Michael (as in Frank Spencer) in the role in the US of A, many moon s ago. Ah Crawford, his name escaped me momentarily...

Well tis Friday evening and my OH is watching the semi final of a rugby game in which 'our team' is currently leading the Crusaders (hip hooray). My nerves are unable to take the tension. I am such a wuss. I am sitting in the kitchen with an ear cocked to the tv :-D.

The sun will still shine tomorrow - I hope. !!

We won,we won :-).

Nighty nighty all,

Susan

Dear Auntie Petunia,

Following your, as always, sage advice, I did give the Cat's Whisker a bit of a tweak and now I have a severely lacerated hand and arm.

Old Tom has never really forgiven me for the trip to the Vets many years ago when certain parts of his anatomy were surgicaly removed.

I'm sure that once my eyes have stopped watering I should be able to see the projected images clearly.

I do have quite a literal turn of mind and perhaps that was my undoing

Yours sincerely, although in acute pain

Allan Mortimer

Good Morning dear Friends,

Allan, your grov, erm, explanation is accepted. No offence taken at all. Many 'old families' were over in India at the same time. I must say that being behind the walls of the Embassy, we did not see a lot of the regiments over there, unless there was a Dignitary visiting, when the young fellows came over, and 'put on a show'. That Reggie certainly got around.............perhaps he had a bike. #Looks into middle distance#

Well the Olympics are finally here. As you know I will be taking a full and important part in the Opening Ceremony. Do look out for me.

I know that dear Upsidedown Susan and Allan are at the other end of the Earth, but do try and tune in dears. Just give that Cats Whisker a bit of a tweak, and I am sure the pictures will pop onto the screens.

I shall be wearing my little charm that dear Upsidedown Susan gave me when I met her. I wear it on a silk thread, I really appreciated the gesture and will treasure it always.

On the home front, I can hear Pat-trish-aaaah in the scullery, busily making breakfast. How lovely it will be to have a Full English. As much as I appreciate you stay in a Paree Ospital, the thought of another croissant with jam fills me with horror. Did you know you can make jam from passion fruit? No.................neither did I!

George, Francine and dear little Valentine will be arriving soon to breakfast and then we will go orft to the Village. Tra la, such fun.

St Albans dears, what a lovely little town. We too visited the Roman remains. I got the feeling I had lived their before, in a previous life. Never a slave of course, I am far too refined for that................maybe the owner of a grand villa there.

The door bell is ringing, and another cup has crashed to the floor.

Oh dear.

Pip Pip
Auntie Petunia

look out for me tonight, flying in..................

Dear Auntie Petunia,

Following your response to my earlier post, could I have mistaken yourself for my long lost Great Aunt Petunia? I must say that the noble surname of Mortimer was perhaps too obvious a clue and I should have been more thorough in my research. The age at which you left India rules you out of my family genes and apologise if I inadvertently besmirched your character.

I am desperate to trace my Great Aunt as I believe that she may know the whereabouts of the Mortimer family fortune. This may sound very mercenary (well I do come from a long line of Mercers, but that could be another thread :-D) but I can assure your readers that I am also concerened about my Aunt's health as I don't want her to live longer than me.

My aunt was in India, where her father was the Colonel of the 2nd Battalion of the Foot-in-Mouth Regiment. She often quipped that she was only the Colonel's daughter but she knew what Reggy meant.

To your readers Cooper and Susan-nz, thank you for your comments. I don't mind spiders in the dunny but I draw the line at snakes! In fact the line I draw is the starting line for a hundred yard dash in the opposite direction. No mean feat with your trousers round your ankles.

Cooper, alas, I am not at all sure that Aunt Petunia will now be visiting the Antipodes particularly if I have to pay the fare, although she could always work her passage out here as a stoker on one of the cruise ships which now visit these shores. I'm sure that I could meet her at Fremantle provided that she forwarded money for the petrol.

May I also take this opportunity to say hello to CC who appears to have more aliases than a cat has lives.

I am so pleased that Lesley has now got her drawers sorted out. I do find that information on the etiquette of how to keep drawers tidy is never wasted

Kind Regards

Allan Mortimer

Hi Teresa, as and when you send the scan I will take a look for you - be a pleasure. I cant guarantee translation, but I will have a go :-)

You are lucky you saw just a rabbit skittering around. When I visited a certain park, where I used to live as a child, I was treated to the sight of a squirrel digging a hole and he wasnt about to hide his nuts.

I dont think I will read the novel about that Mr Grey. Anyway I am not finished reading Les Mis. And I have a pile of books waiting to be read.

I have discovered the cure to take me away from watching Phantom the stage show on DVD.

It is .................... Phantom the 2004 movie with Miranda Richardson, on DVD.

They used the ALW script and music from the stage show, but some of the songs were "enhanced" with new words. Also, I defo recognised some of the score from Love Never Dies the stage musical sequel to Phantom. But, the movie version gives a totally different ending to that of Love Never Dies, when the singer gets shot and dies young. In the movie, she lives until 1917. However, taking the movie as an entity "in its own right", it is a really nice little film. :-D :-D

CC

Dear Susan thank you for the set of railway china. How ....... common. Still, its the thought that counts. BTW it wasnt my Dresden cup that shattered upon being dropped. It was dear Petunia's. On the Plus side, its one less cup to wash up.

My barnet is quite fair, thank you. (Barnet Fair????) I've finally finished combing out all the tangles.

Well if you do not recommend the North Pole, perhaps we should all visit AN ISLAND and have a little FANTASY.

I think I will find my own hay box to try and stay cool.

We visited St Albans park today, went to the Roman Museum, and gawped at what is left of the Verulamium Wall and a real live floor mosaic. One's first husband borrowed a wheelchair and pushed me around. I could get used to such service !! I treated myself to a mousemat depicting all the known Roman emperors, and a tiny statuette of the Verulamium Venus. Verulamium was the name of St Albans when it was a Roman settlement.

CC

Auntie the tape that held you together and hurt when removed is a little like wax dear, no not sealing wax, hair removing wax. Some Ladies and Gents have bother with unwanted hair and use hot wax to remove it :-D

I will have a go at the scanning CC dear after the weekend. We are away but Mama in Law will be here keeping the House and the Fruits in order :-D CC I will send the cert via scan to you. I did visit the said great great Grandparents plots today to see if I could find any more information. All I found was a scittery rabbit running around :-S

Ah Susan, how is it with Fruits and in Friuts staying with you. I do hope they keep everywhere neat and tidy whist they are in residence.

Lesley, do keep your daughters hands and feet cool and this will help the rest of her to keep a little cooler. I do feel for her. My dear fruits (children) were born in June and mid August. The bonus of having an August child comes into effect when they start school. Everyone is away in the School summer holidays and parties are almost impossible to arrange. It saves a fortune :-D :-D :-D ;-)

Thank you Ladies for the advice about the workmen. I feel I will just put on the Smiths to drown out the noise in future :-D

I was dragged orff the other evening to see a film which was the worst I have ever sat through. FTE thought so too. It was an American film called Magic Mike,, google it Ladies, not you Auntie the shock may be too much.
It was worse than ploughing my way though the drivel which was Mr Grey. In fact I culd not be bothered to read the last book so I set FTE to read it and she filled me in on the very short story line. It was pennance for her dragging me to see Magic Mike :-D

Night Night for now

Teresa

Dear Auntie Petunia.

Thank you again for your advice, I will learn albeit maybe a bit slowly. :-D

Susan-nz 28th July :-) definitely no offence taken. :-D :-D

How lovely to see you back where you belong Petunia,

Thankyou for the logs, yes, dry is best.... Our fire burns 24/7 for a few months, heats the water too.. A blessing when, for ones daughter, time stood still when she hopped into the shower :-| :-|

Now I am sure you will be tickety boo in no time. If you are to venture out to that unmentionable event ( for fear of incurring CC's wrath), please do take care, keep up your fluid intake, I don't suppose your aged body can take too many shocks at once. :-D. have a lovely time, I shall look out for you on the television screen.

CC, I am sending you a set of railway china , to save your Dresden dear...
Bit rough you being slung onto the roof rack isn't it? How's your barnet?
I didn't know one could receive scams via text, what an invasion of privacy.
Hope you are still on the improve? I should give the North Pole a miss if I were you, very same same, all that 'white' :-D.

Teresa, did you fling the workman a 'mothers unamused look'? I hope he didn't eat his warm lunch, he may have tummy trouble today. :-S.

Hello Lesley, so pleased your spoon dilemma is over ;-). Oooh, when is your daughters baby due, how exciting for you. Are you sure a stint in the hay wasn't the cause of, errr, a baby??? No offence intended at all.

Alan, I can't imagine Petunia ever venturing into an 'outhouse' let alone one
with a family of redbacks :-D. So pleased we don't have them over here, or snakes, ** shudders **

Now it is time for me to get on with my day, my fruit and partner are moving house today, they are staying here for two nights until the painter has finished at theirs.... next door :-D, my grandog will be nice and close.

Have a pleasant evening folks,
Susan

Good evening dears.

This will be my last missive for the night dears, I felt that I should keep you in the loop dears. What with all the kerfuffle going on.

I feel I must try and catch up on my beauty sleep after the nightmare of the Bonepart Hospital. Who snorted?

The Opening Ceremony is tomorrow, and of course I shall have a prime part.

Now this is a little clue who I shall be.....................

A woman of great knowledge................and Practically Perfect in every way. Go on...............your know who it is. Look out for me.

Dear Cherry has returned, and she and Pat-trish-aaaah are holding the fort admirably. George, Francine and dear little Valentine have left, and all is quiet.

Except for the noise of breaking fine china. Tutty tut.

Now dear Lesley, I am pleased that my advice has been accepted with such good grace. It was only a pointer dear, you must do what is right for you. As for your dear daughter, well..................I am afraid we do not mention 'delicate conditions' on this thread dear. We only mouth the words, not actually say them. But I dare say she would be suitable sitting on the hay, although not if she has hay fever.

Please do call me Auntie Petunia by the way, sooooo much friendlier.

Sweet dreams dears
tomorrow is another day.

Auntie Petunia

Dear MotownGirl

I must thank you from the bottom of my cutlery draw :-D for your answer it seems I am wrong as being right handed my draw runs from the right knives, forks, dessert/soup spoons teaspoons at the bottom have the handle on the left. :-( I think I can live with being wrong in this instance. :-D
As for not inviting my sister to stay again I didn't invite her last time.

One more question if you don't mind, do you think if I tell my very heavily pregnant daughter to sit in hay that will keep her cool. :-D

The friendly newcomer ;-)

Naturally Teresa dear you would not wish to hear such language on such a day. The workman should have planned ahead and bought some of those freezer blocks to put in a thermal bag to keep his lunchbox cool.

Would another pair of eyes help you to read that occupation? Are you able to scan and send?

My word, if I hear another word about the wretched games, I will find a new use for some of that aerated sticky tape that dear Petunia is pulling off herself. No wonder I thought she looked like a corpse. She was trussed up like an Egyptian Mummy.

Oh dear me. Dresden china tea cups shatter into shards when one drops them.

CC

Hahar !! One has just received a scam text message, telling me I am entitled to claim lots of money on account of mis-sold loans. I dont know how they worked this out - because I dont have any mis sold loans. I've just reported them to V-Spam.

At least they are not demanding money. As it would cost me the price of a txt to tell them to stop contacting me, and its all computer-generated contact anyway, they can go whistle Dixie.

*sipping tea from a Dresden bone china cup*
Well there I woz, dead on time at the terminus where the Eurostar train was expected to come chugging in at any moment ..... George was fretting because the traffic wardens are eyeing him and he didnt want to be fined for parking in the wrong place. I told him to put Midwife On Call cards all over the vehicle, but would he listen to me.

So strange, there wasnt any steam which I would expect to see at a railway station. Mind you it must be 50 years since I took a train. Her Majesty's judge told me I must never take another train, as the passengers didnt like it, nor did the driver and guard.

I stood patiently and held up a huge white placard with Miss Petunia Mortimer written on it, in black felt tip pen, wondering Where on earth was the dear lady.

Then, I saw a trolley coming towards me, being pushed like a porter who looked like he would rather be anywhere else but there. On the trolley was what appeared to be a wrinkled old lady, wrapped in a shroud. And I thought to myself : Really, couldnt they even spare a coffin? And then I realised : OH !! it was not a corpse in a shroud, it was our dear Petunia coming home. George pushed the trolley to the car, and unloaded dear Petunia into the back seat. Francine wrapped Petunia in rugs. I climbed on to the roof rack and held on for dear life as George navigated the car through the hectic streets of London's peak traffic flow. At one point, I had to cry out "GEORGE ! dont do that!"

Oh how cute little Valentine was ..... until he needed his diapers changed. The aircon in the car was not working.

Oddly enough, there was a stream of people riding pedal bikes along the motorway. I wondered if they were some Tour De France competitors who'd lost their way.

And so back to Motie Towers where I am kept running back and forth as if I was poor Pat rish aaaaah. Running .... hobbling, more like. This will not do my new hip any good, I am supposed to break it in gently.

Dear Petunia presented me with the hospital bill as if she expected me to pay it in person. Pah! I have forwarded it, second class post, to the Health Minister.

What IS that smell, does Valentine need another clean nappy? Francine !! someone open the Windows, pleeeeeze !!

CC

Hello dear Susan-nz
Thank you so much for your concern and our governments inability to pay its bills. This may be due to the fact that they are too busy stealing our hard earned dinarii to notice the Red Demands piling up. However since dear Petunia has (I presume) always paid her National Insurance Contributions, the government should pick up the tab, and not us her dear friends.
As for me returning to The Towers to oversee dear Petunia's recovery - this is in the lap of the Gods. Pat rish aaaah is there. I am sure Georgianna and Octavia will be visiting. There will be no need for Moi.
Oh the weather - talk about one extreme to the other. Its now far too hot for safety, and I am considering emigrating to the North Pole.
Dare I say it - I am in a Games Free zone, and we do not discuss this subject ....... ;-)

CC

Hellllooooooooo dear Teresa,

Our lovely Angle of Murphy. How are you? A trifle warm I imagine. #flutters fan in your direction#

How does a workman keep his lunchbox cool? Now that is a worry. I know a haybox cooks to perfection, but it can also can cool too. Tell your workman, who obviously has the Docker lurking locally, to collect an old tea box, just trip along to the Docks dear. Pack it in hay from the local stables, pop his box into it, and hey presto it will be cool as can be for at least 12 hours. Words fail me after that.

I hope that I have laid dear Lesley's fears to rest dear, regarding the cutlery and her family. #flapping furiously#

You are quite right Teresa dear, I SHOULD be at the Olympics for the Opening Ceremony tomorrow, and yes, we have a lane to ourselves. Preens. But as you know dear, there are many arrows to my bow, and I was timekeeping at the Tour de France, when my little mishap took place.

However, I have gotton Pat-trish-aaah to lay out my attire for tomorrow, and by golly gingo I will make it to the Opening Ceremony. Stitches or no............

Tell me, in your official capacity, why does that white airated tape hurt so when it is pulled off?

Still flapping furiously
Auntie Petunia

Hallo Allan, I too have family down under, if Auntie does happen to visit you and it gets all too much you can send her to them :-D I am a little concerened for her reputation, there have been whispers but poor Lavania passed on and took all the secrets with her.

Coooeee Susan, trust you are well :-D I have been at paid toil so did not see the distress call. Its been a trifle warm here. I was unpacking the car of shopping today when a work man, who was peering into his van, working at the house opposite, happened to remark, and the words he used were thus, me ******* dinner is @@@@ hot and his lunch had melted. The other workman obseved that he should have put a ******** ice pack in to keep it cool like he did :-0

One does not wish to here such language on a sunny afternoon. :-(

Now back to Auntie who I fear may be caught up on an olympic lane somewhere. Oh I forgot, Dave n Nick and Borris have sent her a pass. I expect dear CC has it all in hand. Any way, why was Aunt P in France when she was part of Sir Sebs team GB here? She was in the wrong place! Tutty Tut.

Well Auntie, I have a question. How does a workman keep his lunch cool in a hot van on the second hottest day of the year?

Hallo Lesley, Aunt P will answer your question at some stage. The poor old dear often ponders on our questions for a while before we get any answers :-D

~~~~~ to Dame Shelly


Yours trying to read what a great grandparents occupation is on a wedding cert in 1882. (yes I am at last looking at the family history again :-D )

Teresa