General Chat

Ah Teresa dear, there you are. Many years ago, I was witness to two apes from the future, who came back to Planet Earth of the late 1970s, and left their very vocal infant ape in the care of a circus owner called Ricardo Montalban. This was after the astronaut Charlton Heston was killed in the future, while trying to escape from a gorilla with a machine gun. That infant ape grew into a large ape called Caesar who was later revered as a sort of God by the future denizens of the planet of the apes.

I am therefore most confused to now be involved with a lot of monkeying around in a laboratory and a baby ape called Caesar who starts to speak because his deceased mama was injected with an intelligence enhancing drug. Caesar could not have been created in a lab, if he grew up in a zoo. I suspect that someone is aping his elders and betters.

Aaaaaah Dallas - I was in seventh heaven at the return of the series, sad as I am to hear that the lovely Robert James Ewing has a stomach problem. Will the scriptwriters write him out, with the third Mrs Ewing waking up in a years time from a very long dream. Or, will a miraculous new cure be found, with JR waking up in the asylum.

I should be Gypsy Rose Lee. I said years ago, when JR tried to shoot himself, and Dallas ended on that Cliff Hanger (not Cliff Barnes) that there was scope for a sequel based on the lives of little John Ross and ugly baby Christopher after they was all grown up. Someone must have listened to me :-D !!

Mind you, I also predicted a sequel to Deep Space Nine, featuring the son of the space station Commander Sisko. The son's name was Jake. I said the sequel could be called The Sisko Kid.

I dont suppose you will be able to spare me a generous slice of your lovely mascarpone sponge. I used to love mascarpone, but even half fat is now too much fat for me :-S

CC

As I said to dear Petunia when she phoned earlier, I am quaite calm thank you. Just a little worried about rat poo and toothbrushes .....

I have been told that double glazing installers use the home owners toothbrush to clean the home owner's toilet, if said installers decide they dont like the homeowner. I was told this by someone I know who once worked in the admin office of a double glazing installation firm, so I dont think its an urban myth. Or an urban myth-ter either.

I thought that the dear little box that sits at the end of the bed, wot I keep my linens in, was called after the Ottoman Empire. But Petunia would not be swayed on this. For some reason, Topkapi brings Peter Ustinov to mind.

I cannot say that Pat rish aaaah's attitude towards me has changed any, in spite of dear Petunia's remonstrance. Still, Petunia will be coming home very soon, and the normal order of things will be restored. At least - when she gets her land legs back.

At least Ruby and Smarmie went out for the day, so Mrs Berry and I had a lovely time dancing around the kitchen table to the voice of Neil Diamond, while we worked. SWEEEEET CAROLIIIIINE .......

*eyes the cyber hatch very warily ..... remembering the last time something fell through and rendered me unconscious*

CC

Hallo Susan, it's been 27degrees here in Essex today :-D :-D :-D. The factor 50 is set to be out all weekend as well :-)

My Sister is having a BBQ tomorrow, her OH is buying a small dinosaur to roast by the sound of it :-D

We are taking the afters, a large raspberry and mascarpone filled sponge made by FTE. It's sounds as callorific as your cheesecake.

I'm glad your fruits pup is back on track :-D. Bingo was a great craze with FTE and her fellow fruits when they were at sixth form college. There were nights, Tuesdays I think, when it was cheaper to buy the cards or something. They used to have a great time :-D

Off to bed now, unpaid toil calls tomorrow before we go out to eat our own body weight in grub :-D :-D :-) :-D

Teresa

Good morning ladies,

Tis Saturday here already and we are in for a lashing it seems... :-(. I took myself orf to the Library for a few books. I shall cosy up and ignore the elements. My dryer will be working overtime though..

We have friends coming over for dinner tonight, Last night I made a Blueberry cheesecake, why it is positively a heart attack on a plate :-D. 500g cream cheese, 450g sour cream, eggs, sugar... Delicious... Weighs a ton too :-D...

I shall pass on the cyber cake thank you Teresa, I don't want to be too greedy ;-).

Our puppy, ooops, Fruits puppy, is back to her old self again. She has decided she likes to chew my socks, while they are on my feet :-S.. It seems she saves that particular game for my socks...

Petunia, I am not surprised you didn't enjoy the Bingo, that is for old ladies :-D... Your trip sounds very educational dear :-(. No letting loose and frolicking in the pool for you, or are you keeping those details from us all?.

I won't be frolicking in anybodys pool this summer unless I can get into shape... Don't suppose my slice of cheesecake will help my situation, but who cares . Me probably :-(.

The garden is full of bird song this morning, I wonder how a bird keeps dry in its nest? One of lifes little mysteries. Some time ago, I planted a Tui tree, it is in full flower but I have yet to see a Tui anywhere near it...

It is time I wasn't here, I have a list of chores that need my attention, more is the pity :-(.

Have a lovely weekend, hope the sun shines down on you... It won't be shining anywhere near us for a few days :-P.

Toodle pip
Susan

Humph, that dove has already passed over my car today Cherry in the car park of those who toil :-|. On a brighter note because that has already happened I don't have to forward the email to the nation of France and beyond :-D

Lesley Sir Tom likes a familiar posse around him. The mighty Quo and Paloma Faith were on the same bill as Sir Tom when he was performing the evening we saw him. They were very good.
:-D :-D

I do apologise yet again Auntie, it's this I pad thing, I'm reading things upside down :-S

Susaaaan where are yooooou?

Orff now for a nice cup of tea is in order. I will have to get it my self. OH is channel hopping. First Dallas, then Planet of the Apes and now the devils football.


Teresa

CALM DOWN CHERRY DEAR, THAT IS AN ORDER!!!!!!!!!

Goodness me dear, I too have received some of the same messages on the Bloooooberry, and have dismissed them as piffle. With a capital P.

Now my trip. We located to Istanbul, and stayed for a couple days. We learned that it was once the Ottoman Empire. Fancy calling a country after one of those dear little boxes that one keeps the sheets in, at the end of the bed!

We firstly went to the Ayasofya. It was the largest church in the Christian World for over 200 years. The Mosaics on the walls are a wonder. And fully preserved. It is noted not its rectagular floors and a large Central Dome. We spent a full afternoon there, so much to see.

The very next morning we visited the Topkapi Palace [was that not a film with Shirley McClain]. It is vast, twice the size of the Vatican. It was also the Government House and Mint at one time.

Beatrice is a realy culture vulture, and kept asking more and more questions. While very educational, we were all dying for a cup of tea.

Her eyes lit up at the Spoonseller Diamond on display. It seems her family are very big in diamonds. So perhaps she was lining up work for her in-laws.

The markets are soo full of wonderful things. I was never one for haggling, but Octavia is a whizz. She knocked down everyone of the people selling us trinklets, I wish I had the nerve, but I find it all a bit vulgar.

Make way Cherry dear, I will be sending a few of our bits and bobs down the cyber hatch.

I have yet to receive my cake Teresa dear, please make another batch and send them straight away. While I do like to try exotic food, I do like a bit of sponge.

Looking forward to the picture Lesley dear. How babbies do change from week to week. Love them.

Dear Susan, I will be heading towards your time zone soon. So I too will be ahead of myself, looking backwards.

Now, a final message for Pat-trish-aaaaaah dear.

DO AS YOU ARE BLOOMING TOLD, AND DONT ANSWER DEAR CHERRY BACK.

I thank you
Auntie Petunia

A timely warning for us all .................... !!! :-D :-D



As we progress well into 2012, I want to thank you for your educational e-mails
over the past year. I am totally screwed up now and have little chance of recovery.

I can no longer open a bathroom door without using a paper towel,
nor let the waitress put lemon slices in my ice water without worrying
about the bacteria on the lemon peel.

I can't sit down on a hotel bedspread because I can only imagine
what has happened on it since it was last washed.

I have trouble shaking hands with someone who has been driving
because the number one pastime while driving alone is picking one's nose.

Eating a little snack sends me on a guilt trip because I can only
imagine how many gallons of trans fats I have consumed over the years.

I can't touch any woman's handbag for fear she has placed it on
the floor of a public toilet.

I must send my special thanks for the email about rat poo
in the glue on envelopes because I now have to use a wet sponge with
every envelope that needs sealing.

ALSO, now I have to scrub the top of every can I open for the same reason.

I can't have a drink in a bar because I fear I'll wake up in a bathtub
full of ice with my kidneys gone.

I can't eat at KFC because their chickens are actually horrible mutant
freaks with no eyes, feet or feathers.

I can't use cancer-causing deodorants even though I smell like a
water buffalo on a hot day.

Thanks to you I have learned that my prayers only get answered
if I forward an e-mail to seven of my friends and make a wish within five minutes.

Because of your concern , I no longer drink Coca Cola because
it can remove toilet stains.

I no longer buy fuel without taking someone along to watch the car,
so a serial killer doesn't crawl in my back seat when I'm filling up.

I no longer use Cling Wrap in the microwave because it causes
seven different types of cancer.

And thanks for letting me know I can't boil a cup of water
in the microwave anymore because it will blow up in my face, disfiguring
me for life.

I no longer go to the cinema because I could be pricked with a
needle infected with AIDS when I sit down.

I no longer go to shopping centers because someone will drug
me with a perfume sample and rob me..

And I no longer answer the phone because someone will ask
me to dial a number for which I will get a huge phone bill with calls to
Jamaica , Uganda , Singapore and Uzbekistan ..

Thanks to you I can't use any one's toilet but mine because a
big black snake could be lurking under the seat and cause me instant
death when it bites my butt.

And thanks to your great advice I can't ever pick up a
dime coin dropped in the car park because it was probably placed
there by a sex molester waiting to grab me as I bend over.

I can't do any gardening because I'm afraid I'll get bitten by the
Violin Spider and my hand will fall off.

If you don't send this e-mail to at least 144,000 people in
the next 70 minutes, a large dove with diarrhea will land
on your head at 5:00 p.m. tomorrow afternoon, and the
fleas from 120 camels will infest your back, causing you
to grow a hairy hump. I know this will occur because it
actually happened to a friend of my next door neighbor’s
ex mother-in-law's second husband's cousin's best friend's
beautician!

Oh, and by the way...

A German scientist from Argentina , after a lengthy study,
has discovered that people with insufficient brain activity
read their e-mails with their hand on the mouse

Don't bother taking it off now, it's too late.

P. S. I now keep my toothbrush in the living room, because
I was told by e-mail that water splashes over 6 ft. out of the toilet..

NOW YOU HAVE YOURSELF A VERY GOOD DAY…

Hello Lesley, it wasnt that long ago that Sir Tom was cosying up to Cerys Matthews. This business with Jessie J is just a passing phase - it sells the records after all.

Hmmmm I've heard of Average White Band, Mick Hucknall, and the Quo of course ... dear old Three Chord Francis ..... and I wish I hadnt heard of Jessie J; but I am not familiar with the other performers.

CC

Aha, another bloooooberrie call from dear Petunia. My word she has flown into a high old panic, over the possibility of Ruby and Marmaduke moving into a bijou little residence within a 100 mile radius of Highbury & Islington. Perhaps I should help them find a well ventilated house (draughty windows), with snug rooms (not enough room to swing the cat), with a rear garden just ripe for redevelopment (an overgrown jungle) .... a property which is the DIY enthusiasts delight (needs a heck of a lot of work doing to it).

Fear not. All I have to do is infer that I will be delighted to visit them frequently once they are settled into their new home, and they will be delighted to relocate to the Outer Hebrides, if not the North Pole. That Ruby is daft enough to believe she will need a Scottish passport, and I intend to let her think I dont have one. In reality, I have two Scottish passports, but that's our little secret. Anyway, a visit to St Jumbo's has been arranged for 11 am tomorrow.

As for sending Pat rish aaaah out to remove all For Sale signs - I suggested this, to be firmly squealed at : "I do not have to take orders from you - you aint my bloomin' grandmother". :-S

CC

hello Teresa ..... my Mama was also on the wrong side of 40 when she took a fancy to Tom Jones, back in the day when he had his original nose and dark hair.

Suffolk is a tad too far for MFH to drive but I shall bear Claire in mind, if we have a mini break in that county.

Oh dear .... another six miles on my waist measurement, but the cakes were lovely! thank you :-D

CC

Not me Teresa, that floozy Ruby!

Tutty tut, and then tut again......................

Read it s-l-o-w-l-y......................



AP

Good Evening Ladies

Thanks for the muffins Teresa and FTE :-) Mmm delicious :-D our middle fruit saw Tom Jones at V Festival this year she said she only watched him because there wasn't anyone else on stage :-\ but she also said he did put on a good show :-D

Cherry l can't say I've ever yearned to see Sir Tom :-\ he is only one of the line up, also on stage Status Quo, Emeli Sande, Jessie J, Paloma Faith, Rebecca Furgason, Average White Band, Mick Hucknall and two groups I have never heard of The Band Perry and Katzenjammer. :-D I am looking forward to going but I do wish it wasn't going to be quite so hot :-(
Tom and Jessie seem inseparable at the moment ;-)

Auntie Petunia I will put up a new picture of baby E after the weekend, I doubt you will notice how much she has grown though as she just seems to be getting longer :-S bless her she has developed a strawberry mark under her right eye just were a gal doesn't want any sort of mark :-( maybe it will go as quick as it came :-S

Susan is your puppy still getting into mischief :-D

Hallo Auntie :-D

Could you direct me to your quip dear? I was a great fan of the Joan Collins fan club an Fany the wonder dog :-D

There is a lemon muffin on its way down the cyber hatch to you to have with coffee. They really are rather good and very light :-D

Teresa

FTE has just iced the muffins she made earlier. Banana and walnut, double choc and fudge topping.


Here they come down the cyber hatch :-D

Gasps!!!!!!

Cherry dear, you cannot let that woman anywhere near North London. She will bring the tone down, and the house prices will plummet. Apart from that I cannot stand to think that oily husband will be greasing his way around the avenues, no man, child or dog will be safe!!!!!

Now.....................here is the plan!

We must make sure that any signboard outside houses for let, or sale are removed. Send Pat-trish-aaaaaah out in the tuk-tuk to remove them all. I know there will always be a little man ready to replace them at 6am in the morning, to bang away with his nails. But needs must.

Then, keep harping on about what a rough old neighbourhood we live in..............pretend there is a Mission for Unmentionables to be opened within the next few months.

Better still, suggest a visit to St Jumbos. Get Father Thadius to take them around, and make sure they get to see the poor soul who does the elephant impressions.

If that does not put the fear of whatsit into them, bang them over the head with a shovel. I am sure the gardener can furnish you with a short handled one.

I am pretty sure that no property in Cheltenham, can possibly match the price of houses in our little enclave. At least I hope not. Tell them an up and coming area is the Outer Hebrides, and it is worth a trip. Then bribe the ferryman not to bring them back.

I dont know Cherry................................YOU THINK OF SOMETHING!!!!!!

Yes Teresa dear, I did get the pun of dear Cherry's. I chose to rise above it. As indeed the mariners did! You made no mention of my little quip dear, it is a direct copy of the Joan Collins Fan Club.

Sorry dear Upsidedown Susan, but we have been basking in sunshine here, and indeed home in England. Poor Cherry has had a touch of the vapours, and gets Pat-trish-aaaaah to fan her on an hourly basis.

Lesley, a new picture of your dear little one please. I wish to see how she has grown.

I shall report on Turkey as and when the matter in hand has been dealt with.

Very, very concerned
Auntie Petunia

Ageing Mama, Tutty tut, I'm on the wrong side of 40 dontcha know :-D :-D :-D

My emoticons are here on the I pad but not the main computer :-S :-S :-S

I will use them all

:-) :-D :-( :-0 :-| :-P :-\ ;-) <3 :-S :-D

Have fun with the antiques :-D there is a huge antique centre in Claire in Suffolk. It's a place where you can spend many hours, there is also a genteel walk in the country park and a lovely little village with nice shops. It's not far from our neck of the woods. It has a lot of history as well. It's worth a google :-D

Off now to carry on watching King James and his fear of witches on channel 5

Teresa

*smiles impishly at Teresa*
yes, I know what I said dear. I just wondered if anyone else was smart enough to make the connection. After all, it isnt as if I had said anything about submarines !! :-D

Lucky you seeing Sir Thomas twice. He sure knows how to belt out a lovely song and I wouldnt have minded seeing him once, just to hear him singing Daughter Of Darkness, live on stage, just for me ..... OK a gal can dream. I now own a complete boxed set of Tom Jones CDs although he didnt really make me go weak at the knees but I always thought he had ........ has ....... a nice voice. I also think he looks very distinguished now, with his arctic blonde hairpiece.

I suspect my dear lady Mother might have thrown some unmentionables at him however, as she appeared to go weak at the knees when he appeared on Top Of The Pops, and she bought a few of his LPs. These days however Mama insists she just liked listening to a few of his ballads.

I wonder if your FTE in the pursuance of her onboard duties, will ever come across Sir Thomas. You had better forewarn her who she must annoy for autographs for her Aging Mama :-D

I hope it wont be tooooo warm at the weekend. We are taking orf again to Battlesbridge, as one's first husband thinks he has located the three storey antiques centre we remember from a few years ago. All being well, that will mean another dinner at a Carvery somewhere in Essex ..... yippeee ! But I must remember to set the VCR so I dont miss Doctor Who.

CC

Oh I do appologise Auntie, it was Cherry dear who shocked me not you. She mentioned sailors in one of her musings.

Chereeeeeeeey, its 10 postings up or is that down :0)

Lesley, We have seen Sir Tom twice, once in the presence of an HRH so no knickers were thrown :0) Mind you HRH was with Camilla and she seemed to enjoy the proceedings very much. She was all happy and smiling and HRH was looking a bit grumpy. It was the day after WillIam and Kate had got engaged so prehaps he was thinking of all the dosh he was going to have to fork out !

The first time we saw Sir Tom was at a posh do we had been invited to through OHs work. Sir T was a bright orange colour and was darker of hair in those days. We were right near the stage so had a good gander at him. He looked quite good for his age despite the TOWIE tan. I like Sir Tom, he is a great singer and entertainer.

I would urge you to throw maybe a clean terry towling nappy of baby Es to aid Sir Tom. It will be of more use than unmentionables for he does glow rather when performing. Have a wonderful time, it is supposed to warm and sunny at the weekend.

Auntie why have Ruby and Marnie popped up again? Have I missed somthing? Poor Cherry really does not need futher distractions at Motie Towers and Mrs Berry has more than enough to do !

Susan FTE alights the high seas in October. She will be away for six months, I wonder if Auntie will see her. I shall tell FTE to look out for little old ladies with small hats and stays :)

orff now to get the washing in, its unpaid toil today

Teresa

hello Lesley. As the old saying goes ..... " only in America ....." lol

thank you for looking that up.

cc

*gets busy with Petunia's landline, phoning her bloooberrie*

hello hello? Petunia? hello dear, yes we had a bad connection previously so I am phoning you this time .......

*thinks* : I've had enough time to dream up my excuses*

Yes, Ruby and Smarmie arrived the other night, and went to hang their capes in That Wardrobe in the attic, they were quite insistent on using the additional space as they had lots of luggage which the cab driver carried up to their room then demanded compensation for suddenly acquiring a strained back. You wont complain about my purchases from The River company, when you see how much luggage they have brought with them.

Unknown to me, the old rusty key in the door slipped and locked the both of them in. I knew nothing about this, and when they did not appear in the drawing room I assumed they had retired to their bedroom to sleep off their journey. I must admit though, I did wonder what the banging was but didnt like to investigate, being respectful of other peoples privacy..

Life continued as normal, with Mrs Berry and myself running the house and I assumed the banging around was caused by a poltergeist. As you know there are many strange things that happen in this house, even when I am not staying here.

Well, the next thing I knew was when Pat rish aaaah decided to stick her nose ..... errrrrrrr ........ Pat rish aaaaah went to investigate the banging upstairs and found the attic door locked, and Ruby and Smarmie locked in the attic.

I must say, that lady cousin of yours is very willing and eager to point fingers at innocent persons - namely, me, and, she has even tried to accuse me of doing away with you ... as if I would bite the hand that feeds me.

I think you will be delighted to hear she is looking at a property to buy, right around the corner from Motie Towers. Just think - she will be popping in every day if she is successful in buying that house.

CC

phew ....... tho I say it myself, that is a convincing little tale !