General Chat

please dont mention Alfonso's friend, Petunia dear. Didnt you see how he tried to get me in the corner. Like "Baby", nobody puts me in the corner. His suggestions were most unwelcome.

Aha I have just heard that Call The Midwife will be on BBC TV on Christmas Day. I have all four books, an excellent read. I shall be looking forward to that show.

Have you paid your TV licence Petunia? I would hate for your TV to be confiscated, just as I am settling down to watch the Queens Speech and Doctor Who ..........

Claridges awaits .......

CC

Needs must when the devil......................something!!!! Please do not think badly of me ladies, but when I am in dire straights, I have to do, what I have to do.

My poor little tootsies and throbbing, and the skin is peeling. They are itching like billyo and I cannot scratch them.

I thought I did a stirling job by ordering in food for dinner. Do you know somewhere they serves meat and two veg on a Sunday night? If so...................do tell.

I think I entertained the two little Italian men very well. With my kimono on, and the chinese grub on offer, my throat was lubricated enough for me to give them a song. I sang Three Little Girls from the Mikado. Or as Pat-trish-aaaah calls it, The Mick-a-doooooo from the Oily Cart! Tutty tut.

Then Alfonzo responded with When Santa Got Stuck down the Chimney. His friend sang, Papa Piccolino. Pat-trish-aaaah sang Santa Baby, and Cherry dear gave her rendition of One Fine Day from Madame Butterfly.

So you see, food, education, entertainment and genial company, who could ask for more?

I see the snow will not be coming our way, and in some respects I am glad. The snow people last time around were positively pornographic. Someone placed snow balls around and about, and we were treated to Adam and Eve. The John Lewis advert it was not!!!!!!

I am orft to look for Christmas presents again tomorrow. Now what do you give the lady who has everything? And while I am at it, I will get Pat-trish-aaaaah an epilator. The stubble has to go.

Busily writing lists
Auntie Petunia

my standards are not slipping, Teresa. You cannot blame me for the fact that dear Petunia ordered a takeaway on a Sunday night. She had no choice. You know the dear lady does not do her own cooking, and unfortunately Mrs Berry had partaken of too much cooking sherry and was in no fit state to do any cooking.

If I had known what was on offer at your abode, I would have been up the A12 like a shot.

The takeaway went down very well in the end. Alas, we ended up with two cheeky little Italian reds - because Alfonzo from the Trattoria turned up wearing a Santa Suit (for Pat rish aaaah's benefit of course), and dear Petunia sacrified a bottle of red wine from her wine cellar that we are not supposed to know about !!! :-D :-D :-D :-D :-D :-D

CC

Ladies Ladies, it would appear standards are slipping and that really will not do. Do you remember all the Lady like ways you taught me, all the hard work in silencing the Docker and teaching me which spoon goes with what. Tutty tut tut tut. :-|

Now you are having a Friday night meal on a Sunday. You should have joined us for good pork sausages, mash Yorkshire puds and two kinds of veg. Following on was strawberry tart, whipped and aerosol cream, Scozz's little Xmas puds and much wine and Irish cream tipple. Not quaite a Sunday roast but I was cooking but good enough for I do not have hired help :-(

I will return once you have got the taste of MSG out of your mouths

Teresa

*shocked*
Petunia dear, please tell your grand daughter that when I suggested we have a cheeky little Italian red, to go with the Chinese take away, I did not mean Alfonzo from the local Trattoria. I meant a bottle of vino.

That gel gets excited all too easily ........... a month with Santa Claus in the North Pole will do her a world of good and calm her down.

*burp* *hic*
pardon me, for sounding rude,
it was not me, it was my food.
:-D :-D :-D :-D :-D :-D :-D :-D :-D

CC

Ah Cherry dear, did you find my Yoga book? Where was it dear? I know I put it somewhere safe, so safe I could not find it.

Yes please do get out the crockery and cutlery. The second best set should suffice.

I think we can let Pat-trish-aaaaah eat with us tonight, although I dread to think how she will manage with her neck in that brace.

come on now dear, get to the door and open up for the nice delivery man. No dear, stop batting your eyes at him, you will not get an extra prawn cracker for doing that. No neither will you get a fortune cookie. I can tell you your fortune right here, right now. No dear dont cry, you will make the crackers go soft. Come in dear, the draught from that door is raw.

Right, are we sitting comfortably. Then we will begin.

AP

Chinese food on a Sunday Petunia dear? As you know, I always love sinking my false teeth into a pair of prawn balls but ... on a Sunday? Whatever happened to the traditional Sunday roast? Lamb or chicken would have suited me, served with roast potatoes, green beans and carrots, and lashings of gravy. Not forgetting the Yorkshire pud.

That kimono doesnt hide your bandaged feet dear.

And it is far too cold to go down the garden path to the outhouse to collect more logs for the fire. The books I threw on the fire were some old telephone directories. You should have more faith in me, my dear Petunia. I have a great deal of respect for your beautiful hard-cover book collection. Apart from the book that has lots of pictures of people in strange positions. I dont understand that, at all.

Yes indeed, Pat rish aaaaah's neck. My back. Your feet. And Mrs Berry said she had a headache, before throwing the empty bottle of cooking sherry in the glass recycling box.

Ah that sounds like the doorbell. If you could send Pat rish aaaaah to answer the door, I shall put the porcelain plates and sweet n sour sauce on the table.

Oh dear ....... the sweet n sour sauce is literally on the table, I spilled it.

CC

Clonks onto thread with two bandaged feet and two crutches akimbo.

Dear oh dear, how do I manage to get myself into these scrapes. Thank goodness I have a long dress to cover the bandages when I set about to sing for Albert Hall. Tutty tut!!!!!!

Thank you dear Teresa for the tea and sympathy.

Do you know, when I arrived home there was no fire at all. It had gawn out, the Parlour was freezing. I think Cherry dear did not want to go down to the outhouse to collect a few logs and threw a few of the books from the Library onto the fire. Thank goodness it was not the First Editions, otherwise we would have to had words.

We really are the walking wounded here. I have bandaged feet, Pat-trish-aaaaah has a collar on her neck for the whiplash, and Cherry dear has her poorly back. We do not have a fully working body between the three of us.

I hope that Mrs Berry does not succumb to any ailments for we would starve!!!!

We have just phoned the Lotus Blossom and had ordered a Chinese Takeaway. I just got the Set Meal for 6, so obviously those with a healthy appetite could get stuck in.

I fear they have mentioned the S-Word for Wednesday. I have set the shovels by the front door, and a supply of salt, so hopefully we will not be S-in.

Ah yes, Mr Ian does give me a little flutter dear. He is indeed a bit of rough, but a nice bit of rough I am sure you will agree.

Waiting for the grub to arrive and changing into my kimono!

Auntie Petunia

No, I dont remember Teresa. you probably did tell me but it must have been a while back. Thinking about it, he was a rather delicious "bit of rough" in his younger days :-D Yes I know it was just the characters he played. More recently he played a malicious monk-cum-politician with aspirations, the character was called Waleran but for the moment the name of the TV show escapes me except it was scripted from a Ken Follett book. About the building of a cathedral, and set in the days of the conflict between the Empress Matilda, named rightful queen by her father King Henry 1st, and her cousin Stephen who stole her throne. Eventually Stephen agreed that Matilda's son could inherit the throne, over the head of Prince Eustace the son of Stephen. Matilda's son became Henry 2nd and he married Eleanor of Aquitaine, who was as strong a woman as her mother in law.

The book might have been Pillars Of The Earth. There was a novel of that title, but whether its the story of the building of the cathedral is another matter. I've read so many novels, after a few years things start to blur together.:-S :-S :-S :-S

CC

Cherry dear I think I told you of the time Mr Mcshane filmed in the little town where I live. 'twas many years ago when FTE was but a small fruit in her pushchair. Love joy it was :-D

Quizzing dears, wizzing, not quizzing :-S :-S :-S :-S


Teresa

Never fear Auntie, I am quizzing up the A12 as we speak to tend to the sick and ailing. I will also bring a tiny hearing aid and a syringe as I fear you are either full of wax or worse. A good dose of Lemmy or ACDC will clear your lugoles as well. It's all very well listening to Alma Cogan but the decibels do not clear ear wax!


Tutting down the A12

Teresa :-S

a quick garbled message from dear Petunia, then the Bloooberrie was switched off. I think she said something about Pat rish aaaaah dressing up as Madame Whiplash, but my hearing aid batteries need replacing.

I hope when she gets back home, she will think twice about hogging the coal fire so that no one else can feel the warmth. And the fire has gone out because Pat rish aaaah isnt here to stoke it and add more coals. Motie Towers is now so cold I have had to put a vest on, and a thick cardigan, and a shawl, and a fur coat, and a Russian hat. All I need now is a Samovar, and a team of huskies. Forget the huskies - I can harness Tricki Woo.

CC

Sitting here in A and E with badly toasted tootsies. The triage nurse has told me that I was to be put to the head of the queue for the doctor to look at me, when apparently a motorbike has gawn into the back of the tuk-tuk and Pat-trish-aaaaah has whiplash!

So the silly creature is sitting on the bed next to me!

The doctor is coming around now, and quite a dishy doctor he is too. The last time I saw Dr Kilmore, but this is not he. He is walking my way, and I espy his little badge............oooooh Dr D'eath Amour. I am not sure what to make of that to be honest.

Ooooh crikey the nurse is telling me to turn off the Blooooooberry, so I must go.

Ooooooh, he has cold hands..........................warm heart I hope!

Toodle
AP

Petunia ...........Petunia ... PETUNIA !!! wake up dear, your toes are smoking !!

Pat rish aaaah quickly bring a bucket of water !!

Breezes onto thread. Quickety spit.

It was Phyllis Logan who played Lady Jane indeed. She is married to Kevin Wotisface who is one of the pirates in the Pirates of Carribean with with the divine Johnny Depp. They are one of the showbiz couples who keep a low profile.

Likewise dear Carson who is married to Imelda Staunton of Vera Drake fame. Imelda went to a convent school, which incidentally a young female relative of mine did, and whose History text book was she issued with. The same Imelda, with her name written in a childish hand. Small world.

I am very well thank you Cherry, everyone is entitled to a mistake. Nevertheless my solo of Happy Birthday will be deee-booom. As is my want.

We went to a perambule around Camden Town in the tuk-tuk this morning. What a riot of sound and colour there was. Carol singers, a steel band, and of course the usual array of colourful people. All without coats in this biting wind. Little cotton dresses and great big boots. Maybe they were all suffering from cold feet.

I used to so love David Essex. He was a little wild in his younger days. He had an edge of danger about him. Ditto Ian McShane.

I must admit I saw a racy fillum the other evening called Sexy Beast. I could not condone the swearing in it. But it had Ian and his pal Raymondo in it.

I must admit I was a little surprised how young they were in it. How old was it? I cannot tell, but they were both without a grey hair in their heads.

The fire has been banked sufficiently so that I will not have to touch it for a few hours.

Yawns................................I may even drop off in front of it.

Moves fireguard so that I do not have a Miss Haversham moment.

Oooooh this is lovely dears, so cosy in here..............................Zzzzzzzzzzzzz


AP

or was it Phyllis Bentley who used to play Lady Jane.

a chilly good morning to everyone. at least there is no snow and ice outside, but its only a matter of time before the Beast From The East hits us.

*peers around Petunia's bedroom door*. Are you all right dear? shall I bring you a tray of tea with some of Mrs Berry's best biscuits?

Oh yes Petunia dear I remember both Alma Cogan and Ruby Murray very well. I have an Alma Cogan CD of all her hits; and have a CD track on a compilation album of Ruby Murray singing "Softly Softly". Ruby was much admired by my late Papa.

I've met Joan Regan a couple of times, because she stops to talk to her fans after her shows. I dont know if she is performing at the moment, but she was still performing up to about three years ago when she appeared at local theatres. Lovely lady, and she wears some beautiful gowns. I say gowns, because they are too resplendent to be called dresses. She isnt forced to make her clothes out of binbags, because the state pension doesnt allow enough funding for a Clothing Allowance .... *has a grump* ;-)

I believe the key in question is the one that is stuck in everybody's backs (makes a change from knives) when people are feeling a little wound up.

Oh - so it wasnt "singing at" the Royal Albert Hall, but "singing for" Albert Hall. He lives in Lower Docks Street, at the wrong end of town, so I expect the SingSong will be held at the Lower Docks public house? No doubt Old Mother Brown will be there, lifting her knees under the table. Dear me. Ah well, pride does come before a fall. We shall say no more about it dear, so there is no need to hide yourself in your room. I must comment that the embarrassed flush on your cheeks rather suits you, as you have been looking a little peaky lately. You should perhaps eat more cabbage to put some colour in your cheeks ... whats that dear? You dont want green cheeks? Very well dear.

Speaking of Alma Cogan leads me to Frankie Vaughan, because they were very good friends, he was like a sort of show biz surrogate father to Alma, and she often went to the Vaughan household for dinner. I missed meeting Frankie Vaughan. The record shop that used to be in Stoke Newington Church Street announced on posters that Frankie would be there, signing autographs for anyone who turned up to buy his latest single. Oooh, thinks Oi, I shall go. Unfortunately, I got the time wrong, and turned up about five minutes after he'd gorn.

Which leads me to Neil Diamond, who I believe is a very distant cousin of Frankie Vaughan. There was a row between two members of the family way back in the day, and one person flounced off to the USA and Neil Diamond is a descendant of that person. I remember reading about that in a newspaper, but can I find anything about it on the Web now? No I cannot. It seems to have disappeared into the mists of Ether, just like the newspaper account I once read about a Viking ship that reached Harlow in Essex.

Speaking of Essex, David Essex's father allegedly lived in an apartment in Waltham Abbey, where there is an Abbey with outbuildings which once formed a monastery, until Henry 8th activated his Dissolution of the Monasteries. King Harold (he of the arrow in the eye) is reputed to be buried in the grounds of the Abbey.

David Essex is apparently of Romany descent; and so is (allegedly) Ian McShane, he of the Lovejoy series, where the actress who played Lady wossit .. Phyllis? .... is currently employed as the Housekeeper in Downton Abbey.

Now, isnt it highly amusing how one thing can lead to another .... we end up with Downton Abbey when it wasnt even the topic of conversation to start with.

But, hopefully it has taken your mind of your embarrassment Petunia dear.

CC

Good evening Ladies.

Cherry dear you forgot Alma Cogan and Ruby Murray. She of Softly, Solftly Turn the Key.................turn what key? Where?

Ah dear Jean Metcalfe. She had a lovely voice, and her hubby Cliff Michelmore. I did espy him once, going down Sandown High Street, in his open-topped sports car.

Back to business................I have been missing as I am distraught. I have also been mortified.

I have been bragging to you all about singing at the Albert Hall have I not? Remind me not to listen to anyone that is slightly hard of hearing. Georgianna step forward!

We are singing for Albert Hall. A local resident who is 100 years old in a couple of weeks time. Never have I been so embarrassed in all my born days. Never!

So, if you will excuse me dears, I think I shall lock myself in my room, until this flame goes from my cheeks.

Albert Hall indeed! Tut, tut and then tut a bit more!

I hope everyone is well and warm. I am a little flushed around the gills!!!!!

Pip Pip
Auntie Petunia

Laughs at CC :-)