General Chat

CC I'm sorry if I gave the impression that E is in hospital that was never my intention, we were at the very special hospital for 4 outpatient appointments that E has every 3/4 months.

What present did my MOG get me in the end .........................errrrrrrrrrrrmmmmmmmm nothing ............................ he did take the day work and we went clothes shopping, alas I couldn't find anything I liked :-( in the evening we had a delicious meal at Blackwell's restaurant which is in a small town/large village not that far from where we live :-D

I'm sorry to hear about your OH second cousin, I hope your hospital appointment goes well. x

*trips over saucer of milk*
oh darn what silly so ..... silly soul left that there.

Well let us see if this environmentally friendly home-made weedkiller solution works on the weeds on the garden path, I am so fed up with slippin' on the lichen. I hope Mrs Berry wont mind washing up the saucepan.

*
hello Lesley, a belated happy anniversary and what gift did your MOG get you in the end? I hope E is progressing nicely and gets out of hospital soon.

*
hello Susan I hope life is starting to settle down on an even keel again, but do allow yourself enough time to adjust, some people find it takes up to two years.

*
A second cousin of OH passed over last week. We know that branch of the family quite well. We're still waiting to hear about the funeral arrangements. I ought to go with OH, but with the FM I'm up one day and down the next, or I can wake in the morning feeling not too bad then get Fibro-fatigue midafternoon, so I have to be somewhere I can lie down at any given time. Plus people are bound to be smoking and I cant risk my respiratories, I have a GP appt for an Ortho Referral for my right hip next week; and on 2nd May have a hospital appt which is a follow up about the left hip. Its ridiculous that the hospital, who know about my right hip, cant just follow on and just do the bloomin op instead of wasting everyone's time with more referrals and waiting games. Ah well hospital administrators work in mysterious ways ...... :-S

Lovely to see you Susan, I hope you will be feeling better soon. x

Hello Ladies,

Life has resumed to normal this morning.... I am not very pleased to have caught someones bugs, I am coughing and have all the usual symptoms.. A dear friend procured some drugs for me, I just went to take one with my brekkie, lo, do not take with calcium :-(. Lunch time maybe. I am back off to work today, not sure if I will last the whole day.

Back another time

Susan

Hello Ladies.

What glorious weather we have had :-D shame I've been either on a train, on the London underground or in a very special hospital for very special children, alas I think someone forgot to tell the boiler man at the very special hospital that the temperature outside was over 20 degrees and there really was no need for him to keep stoking his fire to keep the central heating working :-( baby E and others were stripped off apart from nappies, I too felt like stripping off but my fruits begged me not to ...................I can't imagine why :-S

Our weekend was full of celebrations 3 birthdays :-) and a wedding anniversary :-( ................ my MOG asked me what I would like as a present ............... ......all I could think of was a get out of gaol card ;-)

CC have you tried dress the mess.

#sniffs the air#

My my, there is a nasty niff eminating from the scullery. It smells like dead dog to be honest, but the bubbling sound is more like something simmering on the stove. I shall just peep around the door. I know Pat-trish-aaaah is to make a poultice for her sore parts, but crikey, this smells absolutely awful.

No....................Cherry is lobbing greenery into a pot of evil looking gloop, she is chopping up plants of some description, and stirring and cackling to herself. What is she saying?

Something about a Will to be doctored? Do we have a cat in the neighbourhood called Will? Long and drawn out illness? Foaming at the mouth? Dear oh dear, I do feel sorry for that pussy, it must be in agony. I shall be going out with a saucer of warm milk tonight.

Here, kitty, kitty...............................

AP

thank you for saying I may join the Golden Anniversary party Petunia dear. Now, where can I find gold binbags and toilet roll holders ..... I do wish Delboy was still working in Hookey Street, he would have known .......

There is a mystery to solve here ....... as a dutiful citizen I duly took some recycling to the local recycling dumpsters en route to the U3A meeting. I noticed that someone had dumped a load of old bones beneath one of the dumpsters. Now, these were not the residue of takeaway dinners. These bones were stripped clean as if they had been cleavered by a butcher, or a cannibal. Someone from the council turned up and asked me if I recognised the bones. Wot, do I look like I work in an abbatoir????? I only go hunting in the supermarket where all the meat is sold in cardboard trays and covered with clingfilm. I hope the bones were lamb pork or beef, because if not we shall have to get Miss Marple in to search for Hannibal Lecter.

The U3A meeting was most interesting. All about the poisons found in our gardens ...... foxglove, rhubarb, exotic trees, even the humble lily of the valley. ;-)

Have you updated your will Petunia dear? Do let me fetch you a cup of tea :-D :-D

Good morning ladies,

I am sorry for ignoring your information on your fruit dear Teresa, she is a very lucky gel to be able to travel the world, and get paid for it. Next time she is in the region of India, I wonder if she could pick me up some spices. I remember them from my childhood, and one cannot purchase the same here. Thank you dear. I am pleased that said fruit is enjoying her job so much, so many have the same old grind everyday, and that is sad.

I am on a mission this morning to find something Golden for the anniversary party next Saturday. I shall venture along to Portobello Road, and maybe meet Mr Bruce F. who owns a stall down there, and maybe we will pick up a magic book, and meet up with Miss Price, and go on a adventure on a brass bed with broomsticks! NO?

Very well, I shall peruse the shops in Regents Street, for something small [my purse only allows for small] and then have it gift wrapped so that I do not have to fork out for paper and fripperies.

Of course you may come Cherry dear, heaven knows you have been doss............, erm, staying with us long enough to be 'one of the family'. Your dress sense is a common source of conversation. You are so, erm, ingenious with your use of the binbag. You could give old Blue Peter a run for his money.

Pat-trish-aaaah eventually rose from her pit yesterday afternoon, and limped around like Chester, until she forgot herself, and began to walk like the Usual Suspects. Liars need good memories I am afraid. However, she needs to get someone to change her dressings, and as I have a very weak stomach, it will have to be someone else. Any volunteers?

Why are you all running away dears?

Running after you
Auntie Petunia

but
but
but

oh I give up !

ooh a golden wedding anniversary? how wonderful. Am I invited? am i? am i? am i? I shall have to create a new outfit for the occasion. Where can I buy golden binbags?

I have a singing fish, which I tucked away in the wardrobe when the novelty wore off.

what to buy for a golden anniversary. Well of course dear they will be expecting something appropriate for the occasion, so any gift would have to be of a golden nature. What about a golden fleece? there is a nice young man called Jason who works dahn the market and he had a consignment of golden fleeces only this morning, there may be some left.

why are you looking at me like that Petunia? do I have a smut on my nose?

Good evening ladies, I hope you are all well.

I am very fatigued dears, having spent most of the night in the Horsepiddle. The scan showed most of Pat-trish-aaaah's insides dear Teresa, and I must say I never knew that cobwebs showed up on a scan. But there they were......................tutty tut.

Now Cherry dear, I do not want us to fall out over this #grits teeth# but let me get this perfectly plain. I took Diddie, Anna and Whatsherface to the Debs Ball. We were at the Ilton and it was very lovely and plush, and the dancing was to Ray McKlay and his Danceband. The food was very morish and the champers was by some very posh French company whose name I cannot pronounce. Even though I am fluent in Francais.

We did not venture down to the less salubruous end of the West End, where Fanlight Fanny the Frousy Nightclub Queen has her haunt. Neither did we meet Heidi, Peter or Grandfather. Now please stop planting nasturiums and let that be an end to it!! I am getting very vexed now, and will not entertain these slurs any longer! #stamps foot#

Getting back to more pleasant things, Georgianna is celebrating her wedding anniversary next Saturday, and me being the busy person that I am, have yet to buy a present. Now what do you buy for a Golden Anniversary, and especially for a couple for whom money is no object?

Do you think they will be entertained by Billy the singing fish?

Fretting
Auntie Petunia

*expostulates* ..... I was most certainly not in Soho after dark Petunia dear, what sort of person do you take me for? no, dont answer that !!!! I was checking the buildings in Park Lane because something about that man and the Plough didnt sound right. You werent swinging the night away at a hotel ....... you were ahem elsewhere. Were you not introduced to Heidi? Those debutantes could well be three of her gels.

Would you please spare a moment to answer me one leetle question dear? Why is there always so much month left at the end of the money?

I was so sorry to hear that poor Pat rish aaah ended up as an ER case, whilst there did you meet any dishy young interns? At least the gel is back home again where she belongs and hopefully tomorrow she will be up out of bed and able to resume her normal duties. I dont really care for jobs like scrubbing out the back passage ;-)


So pleased Teresa to hear that a good time was had by all. You should contact Mr Suggs and tell him, there is "contact info" for many celebs on the WWW and he might have a Facebook or Twitter a/c.

I suppose coming back to dear old Blighty will seem frightfully tame to your FTE after all the sights in foreign climes she has experienced.


I've had such a busy day that my poor head is positively pounding now and I am unable to take painkillers due to side effects ....... but I have achieved much in the way of garden work and house work so I can rest easy tonight. ciao for now!

Goodness me, poor Patrish aaaaaaaaaaaaaa.

Now i do hope that the scan showed the place of damage where the tail was :-S :-S :-S :-S :-S :-S

Dear Mr Suggs, I was just leaving school when he and the clan first came to the attention of the great British public :-D How we loved them me and all the yoof on our estate :-D Evan Mamma and Pa liked them. My cousin had an 18th Birthday at that time and all night long it was the music of Suggs and other old and new Ska music. Happy days :-D

FTE is now orff the tour of the world and orff on a small jaunt to Europe across the sea and then orff to a slightly longer jaunt to the places of culture where the men are men and ice cream is yummy :-D and then she is home for a spell at home before sailing orff again.

Teresa

Good evening dears, I am not at home at present, but I shall explain all later..................

Teresa dear, we were worried about you.........you are working and playing too hard. Yes the Mr Suggs is known to me, he lives down the road and around the corner. I am not a fan, but I know of a young pair, a boy and a gel, who used to dance around to his tunes many years ago. They played the CDCDCD at full blast. I am pleased you enjoyed yourself dear, all work................well you know the rest.

Now Cherry, what are you doing walking around Soho after dark? I have no idea where you have been dear, I went to a very swanky hotel on Park Lane. You seem to have visited an American persons house, of, well dubious nature. Did you see anyone there that we should know about?

Back to the present, I am sitting in A and E of the local hospital with Pat-trish-aaah waiting for a scan.

As you know, she was inside the paper mache dragon for the children to re-enact St George and the Dragon.

However, as there was no sight for her, expect for the nostrils, she managed to go head over heels and ended up in a crumpled heap, with the tail embedded in her.............well you dont want to know.

The ambulance arrived, the poor paramedics found it hilarious, and dropped her twice getting her into the vehicle. We wizzed down to the local hospital and he was left on a trolley on her tummy, until the triage nurse came to assess her.

There was a succession of nurses, doctors and all manner of staff who came to view the spectacle of a lumpy woman, with a dragons tail....................well imagine as best you can.

The tail has been removed, but we need to make sure there is no damage to tissue, so we are waiting for the staff to stop gossipping long enough to get her in there.

Talking on the Bloooooooberry of course dears, and have just been told to turn it off.

Pi.........................................

Goodness me Ladies,

I cannot leave you for a minute without a strange things occuring.

In the last six days between paid toil I have been visiting a recital with a few songs and a musical concert. Hows that for a bit of culture ;-)

That naice gentleman walker Suggs (without his good gentleman friends) entertain3d us with his one man show. We took FTY along to see the great man. The evning was vwry good and if dear Suggs should no longer be a nutty boy then he should do stand up. He was so funny :-D

We also hithered last night to see another naice bunch of young ish Gents, Simple Minds. Mr Kerr and co were as ever beillllllliant. However a mosh pit of sweaty 40 somthing blokes singing the anthems of Jim was a little too much especially as I was right in the middle of it all :-D

Orff now but back later

Yours with a sore throat and ringing ears

Teresa :-D

yes well Petunia dear, my little sampler is cancelled out by your merry mayhem after the ball was over ......... :-D ;-) :-D ;-)

and here I am in Park Lane, curious about the venue of the weekend. There are some buildings in Park Lane which allegedly house "secret goings on" and I am suspicious about some of the details of that party.

Ah here is the house, my word it does look swanky. Heavy velvet drapes (I wont say curtains) at all the windows, and a commissionaire dressed in a tight velvet suit with froggings, but such a rough common face that man has. Oh there is a brass plate affixed to the wall, I wonder what it says. There is a name. Heidi Fl..... oh it cannot possibly be *that* Heidi !! By all accounts she is a right madam .......

Oh Petunia, what have you gone and done now ....... !!!

#Blusters, and coughs and splutters#

Oh Cherry, how could you dear. I was perfectly sober when I came home on Saturday night, I could not possibly have been tiddly when I was only drinking elderflower cordial. Mind you..................that last one did have a bit of a tang to it. Thank goodness I got home in one piece. I remember getting into a taxi with the gels, and being sat on the back seat, the window must have been open as I remember a cold breeze as we sped towards Marble Arch. Do you know, I thought it was the Arc de Triomphe? Silly me.

Then it all became a bit fuzzy, and then I remember waking up in my own bed.

So it was Constable Constable that saw me to the door, thank goodness it was not Sargeant Sargeant. He is a really miserable officer, so sense of humour at all.

Yes, dear, I have made new friends and they will be coming around for a hand of bridge. I have two card tables, so if you want to join in, either Bridge or Canasta, we will be more than pleased to have you play with us. However, I have to tell you that Mr Bun the Baker does not feature in either game.

On another tact, the preparations for St Georges Day are well under way. The local children are making crowns from cardboard for the day, their Mamas have been busy baking cakes and making jellies, and I have enlisted the help of the local secondary school to make a paper mache dragon. So it will be a jolly affair.

Now all we need is a really strapping individual to wear the dragon and take part in the tableau. Now who do I know who is like brick build outside convenience?

erm....................................Pat-trish-aaaaaaah!!!!!!!

Toodle Pip
Auntie Petunia

Petunia ssshhhhhh please - the whole area all the way up to Glasgow knows you had a good time last night. PC Constable brought you home, and Pat rish aaaah assisted you to bed although PC Constable actually carried you up the stairs. I think someone slipped something into your elderflower cordial when you werent looking, you look a little peaky dear although you are clearly still in high spirits, or is that the gin or the whisky or Madame Arcati?

I hear that Gordon is not so gay tonight, his feet are recovering from doing the Military Two Step with you.

At least the elderly gentleman only wanted to show you his plough and not his etchings.

I have finally figured out a way to get your garden dug over for free. That diamond heist was never solved, so I am going to tell the police that the diamonds are hidden in your vegetable plot. They will really turn the soil over, ready for the next potato season. It will never occur to them to check the strange pebbles on the wall .......

Who is coming to play Bridge dear? I've never been invited to join you for a game. Then again there are only four positions, north, south ,east and west, and On Top. Or will you be running more than one table dear? I hope no one gets mysteriously killed dear, will you be inviting Monsieur Poirot?

I could have danced all night, I could have danced all night, and still have begged for more.....................................

Oh ladies what a lovely time I had.................I may have been a chaperone to the three gels, but I managed to have to time for my life.

I must say the private tuition I had many years ago, from the original Arthur Murray was money well spent.

I took part in the Gay Gordons, The Military Two Step, the Viennese Waltz, and the Tango. None of the Argentian rubbish, just the original.

I made a few old men very happy, we may be a bit slower than we used to be, but nevertheless I can still hold my own. And I can still hold onto a piece of male shoulder for dear life. Just imagine a young gel entering a nunnery and she has one last night of freedom, and that is me...............................

I even went outside onto the balcony with one elderly gent. He was very anxious to show me the Plough. Ah the constellation I thought to myself, but no................it was an actual plough that he had brought up from the country to assist an old friend turn over his allotment. Who would have thought.

I have also managed to recruit a few males to join us ladies for a rubber of Bridge now and again. How nice it is to be treated like a lady again. I must say it has been a great many years since I was the object of rapt attention, but I could feel the blush rising from my bosom and into my cheek.

Dear Mama used to sing that song Cherry dear, but she sang about Johnnie taking out his glass eye..................I had almost forgotton what a wheeze that song it.

I am sorry I have had to insist on quiet in the house up until now, but that elderflower cordial was particular strong last night. Quite how I got to bed is a puzzle, but I am still in my stays and drawers, so someone must have put me to bed.

Ooooh, I say, I can smell roast beef cooking, I could eat a horse, I am so famished, I may even go and ask Pat-trish-aaaah to carve a piece from the joint so that I can have a meat sandwich. Common I know, but I am starved..................

Sniffing the air like the Bisto kid
Auntie Petunia

after the ball is over
see her take out her glass eye
stand her false leg in the corner
lock up the bottle of dye .....

put her false teeth in the glass
and hang up her hair on the wall
and all that is left goes to bye-byes
after the ball ..... !!

Me thinks the lady doth protest too much, I know what I saw, without my pince-nez and it aint whistling dixie! However, I shall rise above it..............................

The preparations for this evening have begun in earnest. And I must admit Ernest was none too pleased about being turfed out of the bathroom.

I have been bathed, buffed and pampered to within an inch of my life by dear Pat-trish-aaaaaah. Someone mentioned waxing, but the only type I have is the red stick that I use on the back of envelopes. The seal I use has been in the family for years, and includes the family crest. However the seal has been returned to Regents Park and the crest stitched back onto the cockatoo. I digress.

I must say that new cream from the company named after a bird that lives in a cote, is jolly good. It smells divine and leaves no greasy feel on the skin. I must say I have a little shimmer on my arms, that will look very alluring in candlelight.

The dress has been hanging in the daylight all day, so the moths have taken flight, and my hair has been dressed with pomade, and a few feathers have been delicately poked into my chignon.

My stays have been tightened, and my new shoes have been scuffed on the soles so that I do not fall flat on my face, so I think apart from stepping into my ballgown................I am ready to go.

I have been listening to The King and I, to get my into the dancing mood.

Soooo.......................one two three....................one two three..........................

Swaying in time with the music
Auntie Petunia