General Chat

good afternoon, my word isnt it quiet here today, has anyone seen Lady Gunne-Downe?

She left? but she didnt say goodbye.

She was really whooo???? Minnie the Mauler? That is terrible. Are you inferrerrating that I am gullible? No I am kind hearted, and I felt quite sorry for the lady because she seemed to be dispossessed - so many aristocrats are having to sell their homes due to the constraints of inheritance tax and lack of servants who will work for a pittance. She was in need of a roof over her head, and with the four wings of Motie Towers there are plenty of roofs to go over heads here. She certainly seemed well connected. Not many people can claim to be related to the Belfrey Battes.

Pat rish aaaah tried pestering me, showing me how to click castanets. I soon cured that ........... I cut the string that holds each castanet together.

Well I shall just have to go out again and look for another lost soul in need of a friend. I dont mind speaking to strange people. A stranger is a friend we havent met yet. And there is always room for one more strange person at Motie Towers. :-S

I've been down the River again and purchased two books on Greek and Roman mythology because I didnt have any mythology in one's home library and this is an oversight I have been meaning to rectify for some time.

I remember when a small child of my acquaintance dreamed up a money making wheeze, she started lending her books to her classmates for 10 pence a time. When I found out - because a little boy turned up to borrow a book - I gave him his money back and told him to visit the library where he could borrow books for free, and I sent the money-making child to her room, penniless.

Speaking of curtains - Dunelm Mills called today to say the fabric I chose is out of stock, but hopefully in next week. This means instead of a two week delivery time, it will be three weeks ... grrrrrrrrrr .

#slams door with a resounding thud. Spies from peephole as the white van starts up.............drives to the end of the driveway, and turns right.................#

Whew! Well that was a parlavar and no mistake, hopefully we can get back to normal.

Well dears, what can I say? Are you sitting comfortably? Then I shall begin..............

Last night, just after dear Cherry informed me of the position viz a viz the curtains, I received a phonecall. A very fine sounding gentleman, with rounded vowels introduced himself as Dr Frank Instyne. He began by passing the time of day, or night, whichever the case may be, he then began probing me about the visitors I had had recently.

I always respect the caring profession dears, and saw no reason not to answer. He asked if I had any female visitors within the last week or so. I mentioned Beatrice, and called her down. She took the phone off me, and answered a few questions herself. She then pass the phone back to me.

Gently the good Doctor prised out of me that we had aristocracy staying with us. I swear I heard a stifled laugh at the end of the phone. However, he then proceeded to give a description of Lady Gunne-Down!!!!! The clothing may have been different, but the small scar above her eyebrow was a dead giveaway...............

He then told me not to be alarmed, which sent me into a blind panic, and told me that we had Minnie the Mauler in our attic! She had quite calmly walked out of her Rest Home, raided a charity shop of its finery, and latched onto the nearest guillible, erm, sorry dear, sympathetic person that she could find.

AND SHE IS IN MY ATTIC!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Just before midnight, two fine upstanding men, and a dear little lady with a kindly face arrived on the doorstep. They came into the Parlour. We waited until we could no longer head footsteps above our heads.

Dear Lady Gunne-Down had a surplus of food last night, along with a bottle of Madeira, and was definitely sleepy when she retired.

I shall not concern you with the details dear, but I suspect Minnie was pleased to see her 'friends' and left with them without a whisper...................apparently Pat-trish-aaaaaah had been pestering her, showing her how to clack casternets. One can have too much of a good thing, doncha know!

So peace has been regained dears, and we can rest safely in our beds.

Slipping the bolt securely across the front door...............

Auntie Petunia

No I dont think that Lady Gunne-Downe is hiding out with Pat rish aaaah in her flatlet

Its worse than that

I think that Lady Gunne-Downe is nesting up in the attic rooms, hence your missing curtains, the cutlery that is AWOL from my kitchen, and the disappearing cushions .... oh you didnt notice those. Hence the trail in the dust on the staircase leading to the attic rooms.

It's not dust? In that case, Lady Gunne-Downe has been liberally availing herself of the talcum powder generously provided in all the ensuites in the Towers. Still, ladies, why should we worry, for we have a member of the aristocracy residing in the Towers. Nothing like raising the standards !!

The time to worry is when the primus stove disappears up into the attic rooms as well, but for the time being the dear Lady GD turns up for breakfast, elevenses, brunch, lunch, afternoon tea and high tea, and dinner, without fail, each day. What worries me is ..... if she gains weight, will she fall through the rotting (dry rot and woodworm) floorboards?

Tish, tut and balderdash!!

An involvement indeed!!!!! Twas not me singing at all. Twas Beatrice, who came home with me. She had a sniff of the barmaid's apron, and was weaving all over the place. Did you not notice that she has a contralto voice, and me, as you well know, I am a soprano. No, not the mobsters dears, the lady what does sing with a high voice!

Yes, Teresa, I saw the indoor clouds. One question dears. Why?

Susan, a thousand apologies if I have offended. With your outdoor lifestyle, as opposed to us city dwellers, you could never be lazy. Perish the thought.

Now...............................I may be mistaken, but we seem to have a pair of curtains missing from the Drawing Room. Mention no names dears, just follow the direction of my eyes.............................

I am not best pleased with the nasturtiums that there is dust around Motie Towers, I cannot abide dust, it smacks of slackness of someones part. Follow my eyes again. I wondered if it might be talcum powder...............some people like to dust themselves with the stuff, and if sufficient is used, One can leave a trail.

So where exactly is Lady Gunne-Down dear? Not hiding out with Pat-trish-aaaaah in her flatlet I hope. I also hope she is not putting ideas into her head. Goodness knows she needs little encouragement to do something silly......................oh dear!

Hello to the new watcher. #waves furiously#

Pip Pip
Auntie Petunia

Lady Bung Ho, do I know her and can she stop it raining here :-(


Just watching The One Show. There is a bloke making clouds indoors. I think we have enough out here. Grrrrrrr.

I will return later Gals and crew

Teresa
:-)

Had to drop all yesterday and go search for new drapes. I'd laundered our machine-washable trusty warm red dralon drapes, one pair hangs at the landing window, one pair hangs at the front door.

These curtains are - were - in excess of 20 years old, because we had them at our old home and brought them with us in 1992; and until yesterday they always washed well. Alas, no longer. They didnt wash well and were only fit for the council tip. So we dashed orf to Dunelm Mills who do a curtain made2measure service. I looked at some ready mades but although they had a lovely pair of curtains just right for the landing window they didnt have a matching pair suitable for the front door.

So, made2measure it was. It cost too much money, even after the sale discount was applied, but I am still living in the 1960s where pricing is concerned, and I dare say their prices are competitive. I chose a lovely warm "wine red" fabric, as I wanted to keep to the existing colour scheme. The curtains will be made up fully lined with matching tiebacks and should be ready in two weeks.

I suppose I did well to keep the old drapes going for over 20 years ...... nothing lasts for ever does it.

Well a womans work is never done, so I had better go and do some :-(

actually Susan I own a Lazy Susan but would never have mentioned it for fear of offending you. I know for a fact that you are far from lazy. I expect your next visit to the UK will occur when I am no longer a member of this site but you have my email address. I hope your new link is a Definite. The thrill of the chase ..... I do miss it, but there is no one left to chase, no new leads, no loose ends to tie up ..... what is a gal to do.

Ah spiders webs ..... they are very pretty when covered in frost rime, as well as raindrops, also morning dew. Did you know, a cobweb is a spiders web that has been abandoned. I heard of someone who named their home COBWEBS - her acronym for "Currently Owned By Woolwich Equitable Building Society.

Lady Gunne-Downe is proving to be a most elusive house guest, she is something of a Scarlet Pimper-Nell, always missing during the day, but she turns up for meals without fail. You will have noticed that dear Petunia has stopped complaining about my eating habits, and healthy appetite. Lady GD has an even healthier appetite than do I. You should have seen her lick out the custard jug last night ..... waste not, want not.

And dear Petunia is spending more and more time at the Old Sailors And Soldiers Home (OSASH) she founded in Lavinia's memory. I am starting to think she has an "involvement" there of a romantic nature. Last night she came home singing "If you were the only boy in the world, and I was the only girl".

I would say "good morning ladies, and all our readers", but I see its actually nearly 1 pm BST, so I will say good afternoon. I havent had lunch yet which is why I am still operating on AM instead of PM.

We woke to rain this morning, but I wont complain as its good for the garden - and saves me having to trek around with the hosepipe.

oooohhhh, why can't a lazy Susan be called a lazy 'Teresa' or 'Lesley'?????.

Who named the darned thing in the first place ?. Answers on the back of a postcard please.

How do you do Lady Gunne-Downe, forgive me if I don't stand on ceremony with you.... We don't do that down here :-). Tall poppies and all that jazz..
Err, why is there dust on the staircase, are the gels not keeping up with their chores?. Maybe Lady whotsits, when you find her, could repay your hospitality a little?. Shove a mop in her hand and set her too. 'Lazy Lady G-D' ?, no, too fussy..

Ladies, yesterday we awoke to a heavy mist, as it lightened I took the pup for a walk through the park. The moon was still high and the sun on the up. I wish I had my camera to hand. I saw such pretty sights, a pine tree with its needles sporting droplets of mist, glistening in the rising sun. I saw a myriad of spider webs adorning the fences, just like an array of lace doilies. So pretty (when the spiders were nowhere near me). At one point on my walk, I reached out my arms, the sun at my right finger tips to the east and the moon at my left finger tips to the west. For a split second, there was perfect peace... and then I came home to face the day :-P.

I am a little bit excited, I think I have found another link in my missing family. A living link even. :-) :-). I am waiting to hear from a person I contacted for confirmation... I can barely contain my excitement. My papa may have another link in his chain. I feel a visit to the UK may be on the agenda. Must just pop off and rob a bank :-D

Toodle ,

~~~~~~~ to the troops and peeps

page 4 Petunia dear? I think one should be grateful one is not on Page 3 ... !

I caught a few minutes of the Chelsea Flower show while channel surfing the other day, and thought I recognised you in the background, Petunia, your hat was something of a give-away, a la Mrs Shilling the lady with the most extravagant head wear.

well, a very good day to you all, and enjoy your bank holiday weekend :-)

#splutters# Page 4, page 4! What are we doing on page 4?

Good evening ladies, how are we all? Enjoying the sun?

#splutters again# Footsteps in the dust? What dust? I must say I did not notice that Lady Gunne-Downe was missing because I had a very important mission!

I have spent the weekend at the Chelsea Flower Show dears. As you probably will have guessed, they named a garden after me. Preens. They are calling it Petunia's Garden, and of course the main flowers in the hanging baskets are......................petunias. Well that would never be a question of Mastermind!

I spent the night in the Chelsea Hospital, if it was good enough for others, it will be good enought for me. I must say the dear Pensioners were a tonic. They chatted merrily away at breakfast, and I got to hear their life stories.

I do so admire our boys and gels in the Armed Forces. These old boys all have a tale of derring do to tell. They still have a twinkle in their eye, and a spring in their step. It made me feel very humble.

I hope you are having a lovely time with your loved one ladies.

Pip Pip
Auntie Petunia

oh my dears, I just have to share this with you.

I have today received a letter from Tesco, sending me a GIFT with NO STRINGS ATTACHED !!! They sent a voucher worth £6.50 in clubcard points. I repeat - no strings attached. How wonderful.:-) :-) Surely the fact that I can only spend this voucher in their store, and no where else, is an attached string ????? :-D :-D :-D

Well didnt last night go with a swing. Lady Gunne-Downe admired the attic rooms very much. I steered her away from That Wardrobe of course. What an amazing table companion she turned out to be. I am a little concerned however that she did not spend the night in the Lilac Room, because there was no sign of her this morning when breakfast was served. But I noticed more footsteps in the dust on the staircase leading to the attic rooms .............

ssshhhhssshhhh please Petunia dear

*waves arms frantically*

Lady Gunne-Downe is from Suffolk, so nothing to do with the Norfolk Gunne-Downes who liaised with a certain family from Sandringham. She certainly isnt related to Pucha Gunne-Downe. If she looks familiar its because she resembles that woman whose husband lost his ........ no, I cannot repeat gossip and anyway the tabloids will say anything to sell the papers. But rest assured, Lady Gunne-Downe's ancestry is highly respectable. Her papa, who was the Duke of Earl, kept a steeple chaser, and it wasnt his fault the horse raced up a church steeple. The verger recovered and that is all that matters. Her mama was one of The Belfrey Batts. But Lady Gunne-Down has fallen on hard times now, and I bumped into her beneath the railway arches where the brazier keeping her warm was burning low, and I knew you would all make her welcome here at Motie Towers with the warm log fires keeping the chill off the rooms, and even warmer hospitality. I think even the Lilac Room, chilly though it can be, will be warmer than it was underneath the arches.

Dont worry about the way she stares at you, she stares that way at everyone. And I shall start the Guided Tour of the Towers as soon as we have had our tea. Dont worry Petunia dear, we shall return in time for dinner. Lady Gunne-Downe's diet is so strict, she hasnt eaten for three days, so she will bring a hearty appetite to your dinner table.

Good evening ladies,

Ah delighted to meet you Lady Gunne-Downe, are you one of the Hampshire Gunne-Downes, or the Norfolk Gunne-Downes? I seem to remember some scandal with the Norfolk tribe, was it not one of your family that became a bit too familiar with a certain family at Sandringham?

One does not like to gossip but if you are freeloading with a cream tea, a guided tour and a bed for the night, I think I can ask whatever I please!

Why are you standing behind Tryphena with your finger on your lips, and making a waving motion with the other hand, Cherry dear? Are you trying to tell me something dear?

Ah here comes little Holly, what a treasure she is...............pretty as a picture and as bright as a button. Amazing how dexterous these young gels can be, she can carry two cups of tea at the same time, and the Lazy Susan in her teeth!

Would you like a scone dear Trypehound? Oh, sorry Tryphena dear, a slip of the tongue, like your Uncle Pucha. Was he of Scandanavian extraction dear? Or did he just have a miserable time as school? There cant be very many children with the name Pucha Gunne-Down can there?

No, no, Cherry you carry on with your entertaining, and I shall see you later. Much later. I will put your friend in the Lilac Room, it is north-facing, so there will be no sun in there at all. Oh dear, the portable heater still has no plug on it, and we are no good with electrics. I am sure we can find a stone hot water bottle if needed, or a copper warming pan.........................if not, then I will place Trickey Woo in there for an hour or so.

#walks off down the corridor#

I dont know, but I seem to know that face from somewhere, I know Cherry is always alert when I seem to get stung by confidence tricksters, but I am sure I have seen that face on Crimewatch........................

Off to consult the Hi-Player
Auntie Petunia

Well here I am ......... I must say Petunia dear that I do like your new ensemble. The hat is ..... something else. Wow !!

I didnt see any hail this morning but it has poured with rain all day, and the silly cat stayed out in the rain rather than come in because I have the decorator in.

I seem to have missed something. When did Holly Berry join our merry little throng at Motie Towers? Its nice to know that you have found another skivv errrrrrr willing little helper and no doubt Mrs Berry will be glad that Holly has found something constructive to do with her free time. In my day, gels that age spent their free time in the classroom writing little notes to pass along to their friends at adjoining desks.

As you can see, I have not come alone. I have brought my dear friend Lady Gunne-Downe with me this afternoon. Her first names are Tryphena Tryphosa but she likes to be known as Lady Gunne-Down. After dinner, I shall be giving her a guided tour of all the wings that comprise Motie Towers. The West Wing, North Wing, South Wing, East Wing, and the Parrots Wing. This includes the Attic rooms but excludes That Wardrobe.

Lady Gunne-Downe, might I introduce you to Miss Petunia Mortimer, property owner and our esteemed hostess. Also, dear Susan the Antipodean, Lesley, Teresa, and our band of invisible readers. Pat rish aaaah might be down later on, and this little urchin is Holly Berry the daughter of the Cook. Yes that bundle of scruffy fur is a dog, and shall I ring for a tea tray and throw another log on the fire ?

Ladies.............................a very good evening to you all.

Did you have hailstones this morning? We did, the size of half-crowns. Good job I was indoors, it would have had my eye out!!!!!

I can hear Pat-trish-aaaah upstairs, so I know she is still locked, erm, lazing in her room. I am at a loss with that gel, she is so, erm, so contrary at times.

No Susan, the caravan I saw was very brightly coloured and festive, it made me wish that I had one at the end of the garden, just so I could go and sit in it.

Winter setting in? I feel our winter has not yet gone. We are due to have a very damp Bank Holiday, typical!!!!

Do you really want to take Pat-trish-aaaah off my hands dear Teresa? She is fully housetrained, and willing. But of course you know that, from when she stayed with you before. Although I must say I was none to pleased last time she returned from yours. She was shorn, slathered in make-up and wearing very unsuitable clothes. If you can promise to rein her in this time, I could maybe send her................

Cherry!!!!!!!! I am very hurt that you would think I would ask you to wait on me hand and foot!!!! Have I ever asked you for anything but your company dear? Come, come, if I want waiting on, I only have to ring my little bell on the table in the Parlour, and Mrs Berry's oldest, Holly, comes running. Such a naice young gel, I think I shall give her some pocket money for helping our her Mama. Do you think that £10 a week for a 10 hour week is suitable? She is only setting the table, and bring the food upstairs from the kitchen.............

Nooooo, dear of course I did not pedal to Newport Pagnall, I have said before that we are now motorised, and I turned on the juice. Of course I turned it back off again when we were coming home!!!!

Night night gels...........

Auntie Petunia

oh heavens to betsey

Pat rish aaaaah of all people doing a runner with the Romany caravans when they moved on. Hitch em up, roll em out. The first thought that occurred to me when I heard this news was : now who on earth is going to wait on dear Petunia hand and foot, and dont look at me.

So I am much relieved to hear that the gel is back in her quarters, along with the Mortimer family heirlooms which will be Pat rish aaaah's inheritance one day in any event.

Petunia dear do you mean to tell us that you pedalled the tuktuk YOURSELF ??? all the way to Newport Pagnell ?? Well, I never did. And dont forget where you hide the key to the cabinet - would you like me to take care of it for you?

~~~~~~~~ to Teresa and Susan, and dont work too hard ladies. Unlike Petunia, you do not have a Pat rish aaaaah in your lives to make your existence easier.

*
No Pat rish aaaaah please dont speak to me like that, whether or not your Grandmamma is here. It wasnt me who tipped her the nod about you sneaking off on the middle of the night. I rather suspect she heard your hobnail boots clattering down the staircase disturbing Tricki Woo.

What??

You are bored?

I have a cure for boredom. If you havent any work to do, I can find you some .........

My goodness Ladies, this all sounds a little like a Mills and Boon publication, Send Patrishaaaaa down to me. I have much to keep her occupied for a couple of weeks. She can start on the never ending pile of washing and ironing while I go to paid toil for some sanity. She can also encourage FTY with his GCSE revision and periodic table. There is much housework also to be done.

I have solved the world problem of the shortage of toilet roll. FTE is using it at an alarming pace. OH used to blame me but in the past 7 months useage has been less. I fear I will need Mr Fixer soon to unblock the blessed bog if things do not settle down :-S :-S :-S :-S :-S :-S

I am sorry of all the mishaps at your horspiddle Cherry dear. I feel it is a problem which troubles us all. Our GP surgery tried a new system but has gorn back to the old one. I know not how things could be improved except for 24 hr opening time like our great and good supermarkets. Now I wonder if Dave n Nick would think that a good idea ;-)

FTE went on some loverly trips on her travels. She has made lots of new friends and is enjoying ship life. She is orff again in a couple of weeks or so for another six months. I will fill you in at some stage but have a pile of ironing again to do and several chores.

Toodle pip for now


~~~~~~~~ to Auntie, Cherry Susan Lesley and all our guests

Teresa :-D

I say, what a lovely photygraph Petunia. Very fetching indeed.

I suggest you give that great galump - Patrishhhaaaa, a great big wack around the ears :-S. Don't listen to those do gooders who say we musn't smack our children... Sometimes brute force is called for :-D. What ever happened to a nice quiet life in ones 'golden years'???
By the by, I presume your treasures returned home also?. :-0.

Well, we are nearly at the end of May, soon June will be knocking and that means Winter is nearly here.. Ba humbug :-P. The leaves are still falling - I am over the gorgeous colours of Autumn. My Oh is going to attack some rather large trees in the garden, we lose too much Winter sun. I shall have to supervise - I only want a leeetle bit trimmed off the offending trees :-(.

I am too entertain friends to dinner on Saturday evening. I have found a lovely recipe for slow cooked beef - Italian style. So, out will come my red and white checked table cloth, and voila ( or the Italian equivalent), we shall be in a little trattoria ( in my dreams). A Lemoncello mousse for afters :-). Interestingly, the gravy off the slow cooked beef, is served over pasta as an entree, then the meat is served with vegetables... *** hoping my efforts will resemble the pictures in the recipe book *** :-D.

By the by Petunia, does a Romany caravan have the plastic on the seating like what I saw on MBFGW? :-D..... Yuk indeed... Believe it or not, I did see such a caravan here last week, silly owner had three horses abreast. Our roads are not wide enough to entertain a slow moving vehicle with three horses... The caravan was adorned with a huge flag bearing the Star of David.

~~~~~ to CC, Teresa, Lesley and peeps. How are tricks? ;-)

Time to throw the bangers in the oven, I am starving.

Toodle pip

Good evening ladies, pardon my absence but I have been trailing the Romany caravans.

As you know I am not a physical person, and had to used the motor on the tuk-tuk to chase the procession.

I first became suspicious when the noise of Pat-trish-aaaaah's clod-hopping feet did not resound on the Parlour ceiling. It was uncannily quiet.

Not being one to stand on ceremony I toddled up to her flat and found it locked. Never daunted, I used the duplicate key and let myself in.

What a mess it was. There were clothes all over the floor and the bed, shoes thrown hither and thither, and a piggy bank with a knife sticking out of its slot.

Pinned very firmly on the inside of the door was a note [how did she know I would go up there?]

Dear Grandmama,

As much as I love living with you, I feel my life has stagnated somewhat of late. It is for the reason that I am going to join the caravan, and travel with them. I have taken my savings, and a few nick-nacks from the cabinet in the Parlour, and intend to use them to fund myself over the next few days. I hope you understand.

Please do not try to find me, it is time for me to make a life of my own.

With much love
Patricia.


Well, what could I do? Apart from running downstairs and making an inventory of the contents of the cabinet in the parlour! The missing items included a Georgian silver creamer, a Victorian tea set, also in silver. A George Cross awarded to Papa for his time in India. A VC awared to Grandpapa for his time in the Boer War. Plus various bits and pieces of gold jewellery I had given to Pat-trish-aaaaah for posterity from the Heirloom Box. Ooooooh, I am most vexed.

I caught up with them at Newport Pagnell, and stopped the procession. To their credit they did not know she had stowed away in the back of one of their wagons, and duly handed her over.

I hope the journey back to Motie Towers cooled her ardour and gave her something to think about. Apart from the reason why the motor was not working on the tuk-tuk. She was moaning about her legs aching as he gallumped upstairs to her room and I heard the thud as she fell onto the bed! Tutty tut.

Why can I not have a simple easy life like other folks? There is always something amiss.

I shall change my avatar again tonight ladies, tell me what you think.

Putting everything back into the cabinet, and locking it securely
Auntie Petunia