General Chat

Sing up at the back I cannot hear you!!!

You really wouldn't want to hear me sing Auntie Petunia .................................. I'm tone deaf :-(

CC I thought you were far away for the weekend, staying in a tardis I do believe. ;-)

I do so much admire and like this new portrait of you, Petunia dear, pray tell who painted it?

Was it Munch? or Picasso? or Banksy?

or Les Graffiti Artistes who hang around the garages with cans of spray paint??

Right, we are nearly ready for the opening of the new private maternity hospital in the South Wing. All the equipment has been delivered, with the exception of the stethoscopes. They are being warmed up, I am told.

Mayhem, Disorder, Chaos .....

my work here is done !!!

:-D :-D :-D :-D :-D :-D

Ta-ta my chooks !

In best Marie Lloyd voice.............................

Come on........................sing up.......................all together now!

Oh Mr Porter

Lately I just spent a week with my old Aunt Brown,
Came up to see wond'rous sights of famous London Town.
Just a week I had of it, all round the place we'd roam
Wasn't I sorry on the day I had to go back home?
Worried about with packing, I arrived late at the station,
Dropped my hatbox in the mud, the things all fell about,
Got my ticket, said 'good - bye' "Right away." the guard did cry,
But I found the train was wrong and shouted out:

Oh! Mister Porter, what shall I do?
I want to go to Birmingham
And they're taking me on to Crewe,
Send me back to London as quickly as you can,
Oh! Mister Porter, what a silly girl I am!

The porter would not stop the train, But I laughed and said "You must
Keep your hair on, Mary Ann, and mind that you don't bust'."
Some old gentleman inside declared that it was hard,
Said "Look out of the window, Miss, and try and call the guard."
Didn't I, too, with all my might I nearly balanced over,
But my old friend grasp'd my leg, and pulled me back again,
Nearly fainting with the fright, I sank into his arms a sight,
Went into hysterics but I cried in vain:

Oh! Mister Porter, what shall I do?
I want to go to Birmingham
And they're taking me on to Crewe,
Send me back to London as quickly as you can,
Oh! Mister Porter, what a silly girl I am!

On his clean old shirt-front then I laid my trembling head,
"Do take it easy, rest awhile" the dear old chappie said.
If you make a fuss of me and on me do not frown,
You shall have my mansion, dear, away in London Town.
Wouldn't you think me silly if I said I could not like him?
Really he seemed a nice old boy, so I replied this way;
I will be your own for life, Your imay doodle um little wife,
If you'll never tease me any more I say.

Oh! Mister Porter, what shall I do?
I want to go to Birmingham
And they're taking me on to Crewe,
Send me back to London as quickly as you can,
Oh! Mister Porter, what a silly girl I am!

Sing up at the back, I cannot hear you!

Yes dear I did notice the window boxes, and have to confess I didnt recognise the plants growing in them, I thought it was weeds. Still - a rose would be weed if it grew in the wrong place.

"she" also sits amongst the cabbages and leeks ....... my word that song raised a furore when it was first released, the censors had a field day.

Oh, she sits among the cabbages and peas
With a pretty little peapot 'tween her knees
She's a whiz at shelling peas
So she sits and shells with ease
Till the pretty little peapot's full of peas.

Oh, she sits among the cabbages and peas
And she talks to all the little bugs and bees.
They climb up her legs and arms
And all round her other charms.
They see lots of things nobody ever sees.

Oh, she sits among the cabbages and peas
With her little dress away above her knees.
All the boys that pass her way
Stand and stare and wish that they
Were that pretty little peapot 'tween her knees.

Oh, she sits among the cabbages and peas
And the little birds are singing in the trees
Waiting till she falls asleep,
Then fly down and take a peek
At her pretty little peapot full of peas.

Oh, among the cabbages and peas she sits,
And her pretty little dress so tightly fits
When she stoops to take a pea
That's the time that you can see
That she's got a pair of very lovely hips.

Oh, she sits among the cabbages and peas,
But one day she felt so very ill at ease.
She was sitting on a hole.
In that hole there was a mole.
It's no wonder that she felt so ill at ease.

Good afternoon dears. How kind of you to offer to make me a card dear. You have six months to finish it.

I don't know where you can buy binge to be honest. Is it in bottles or cans? I imagine it is pleasant on the palate, because so many people seem to do it.

Have you seen the window boxes dear? The ones at the front of the house are starting to bloom. What is the first plant to come out I hear you ask....................Petunias of course!!!!!!

Ah, I shall now sing that Old Tyme Music Hall favourite.................She Sits Amongst The Cabbages and Peas........................

I keep hearing about binge drinkers. Where can I buy bottles of binge, and what does it taste like?

Now, in preparation for your next birthday Petunia dear, I shall make you a birthday card, the same way I make my headgear and clothing. However as I dont have your address to send it to, I shall pop it through your letterbox.

Preens!!!!

aha !! if you google for Images / Leicester fountain in front of town hall, some modern pictures appear which suggest the fountain is still there and still working.

there was so much traffic whizzing in every direction, Petunia dear, I was too busy watching out for the Little Green Man to notice much else so I cannot say if the fountains are still around. I didnt really get a "sense" of my surroundings. All I can tell you is that the R-III exhibition is next to the Guildhall and right opposite the Cathedral, a short walk along from the BBC building.

Yes hopefully at a later date the exhibition will be expanded. I'm hoping that now they have confirmed DNA evidence, from Anne of Yorks descendants, that they will take DNA from the little bodies found in the White Tower, to see if there is a match. At the moment the ID of those young bones is up in the air but it would be nice to know for sure if they are the long-lost Princes in the Tower.

*eyes the dinner table*

dear me, is that all the roast potatoes we are having? Not a very large serving is it, not that I am one to complain. And that is a very small dish of cabbage, and not much mash, and hardly any mushrooms or green beans or carrots or cauli.

Are we back to war time rationing dear? I hardly think that a few dishes of vegetables are going to see me through the night until breakfast. Oh dear another midnight feast is on the cards .....

..... especially the way I drop food everywhere when playing patience :-D

Ah there you are Cherry, thank goodness you have brought in that tea-towel, you can help with the washing up!

I too have been to Leicester, but many years ago. When I first returned to England after my holiday in Spain, I had to go and stay with an Aunt in Northamptonshire.

There was no shops worth talking about there, so I used to go shopping in Leicester. There was a square in front of the Town Hall I remember, with fountains, I wonder if it is still there?

I too would have expected to see mannequins garbed out in royal robes. There has been such a lot of news about King Dick, that I expected there to be a grand exhibition. Still maybe they will add other things in the future.

So.........................as you have not eaten sufficiently, pull up a chair and we will dine.

Pass the roast potatoes dear.

Auntie Petunia

*grabs David, and scarpers for the weekend, for a trip in the Tardis*

what was that you said Petunia dear? someone taking liberties. Dear me. Who could that be. Give me the name and I will deal with them.

Now, the maternity beds have been ordered, also curtains and frames to go around each bed, and bedside cabinets, and birthing baths. The delivery men (no pun intended) will be here tomorrow to deliver the beds etc, and from Sunday the expectant mothers will be here to deliver their babies. Bertha is really looking forward to this venture.

Just imagine ..... all those little babies who are likely to be christened Petunia after your good self, growing up to adults always remembering your birthday and Christmas and Easter - all those cards and gifts you will receive. And one day when you are really old and decrepit and alone, one of these children will offer you a room in their home and take care of you.

Well - it worked for Jane Wyman, she who wore The Blue Veil.

Did you know that a scene from The Blue Veil was (many years later) used in Falcon Crest? :-)

well ladies, you may curtsey to me. And dont clap just throw fivers. Today I have been to visit King Richard III, in Leicester, ergo I have been touched by royalty.

Who was that who whispered I have scrofula ....... !!!

The exhibition was a matter of "mixed emotions" however - interesting because I already knew the most of the details from watching the TV documentaries on the subject. Yet, disappointing because there was only a model of the Kings head, instead of the full length mannequin, fully garbed, I had expected to see. I was told this is because the exhibition was put together in a hurry.

You would have loved where we went next - to the Leicester Guildhall, a Tudor building, and it was just wonderful in there, so rich in the atmosphere of history. The cells are with the Guildhall and there are models of prisoners in each cell, who all looked "right charmers" and the sort of people I wouldnt care to meet in Hookey Street in the dead of night.

Then we went into Leicester Cathedral which is right by the Guildhall, and I signed a Remembrance book for Lee Rigby, and bought a Richard III mug and tea towel. I wonder what Jesus would have said about such trading on religious premises.

The weather held fair, and we went for a meal at a Toby somewhere in Leicester, the food was OK and the service was good, but ..... the dining chairs were thickly covered with dust. We complained, on the grounds of hygiene, and the excuse given was "refurbishment". I said that refurbishment shouldnt stop the cleaners from wiping over the chairs properly.

#Delicately wipes the drool from the corner of my mouth#

Sorry Lesley, you are making the fatal mistake of going against my wishes..............Dear David is MINE, and that is the end to the matter! Tutty tut!

I am not so sure about this Bertha Day, dear Cherry, and certainly I will NOT be giving my home open to a load of fat women, about to drop their sprogs!

I shall give Bertha to Monday, and if she has not found a suitable place to lay her head, out she goes!

#walks of muttering about 'taking liberties'#

Age before beauty Ladies ....................................... he's all mine!!!!!

in my dreams ;-) ;-) ;-)

I can assure you Petunia dear that Bertha Day is a midwife on call, waiting for a room to become available in the nurses home. She has the most impressive Sister's belt around her waist, and a fobwatch attached to her ample bosom. And the equipment you saw in her bag is a sphygom .... a sphygigothingummy .... a spiv ... a blood pressure testing kit.

I have had the most brilliant idea, I want to ensure that you will never be alone when I am gone.

You have four wings here, and so many empty rooms (excluding That Wardrobe). The South Wing can be turned into a private maternity hospital with birthing baths in every room, which will ensure that mamas-to-be can have their offspring in a quiet environment.

The fees to be charged will supplement the meagre amount of interest you receive from all your investments. Bertha Day will organise it all, and provide you with Statements of Accounts every month You will be a Godmother to goodness knows how many infants, all of whom will grow up grateful to you for providing them with the best start in life, and who will remember you every birthday and christmas.

And Bertha is very grateful for this fine opportunity to practice her profession in congenial surroundings.

I dont know who it was who had the lead role in Crimewatch on this occasion, but it wasnt Bertha Day. Or her twin brother.

Oh I doooo feel pleased with myself !! :-D :-D

Right!!!!! Lets get this out of the way, and over and done with! Dear David is not Lesley's nor is he Cherry's. He is MINE. Thank you!!!

Oh Cherry dear, do you have to keep bringing home waifs and strays. I KNOW this woman looks like a nurse, and indeed wears a uniform, but that bag she was carrying sounded more like a plumbers mate's kitbag, than a bag containing medical equipment.

I am a little concerned the way you are referring to Pat-trish-aaaah as being in a delicate condition dear. I am sure that she has 'changed' if you know what I mean; I am not so sure that she CAN become in the family way. I do believe the whiskers on her chin would put off suitable suitors....................

Ah, now what is on the television? That Crimewatch programme looks interesting from the trailer....................................what? That safebreaker looks more like a woman than a man. No! Surely not! Could it be?

Cheeeeeeeerrrrrrrryyyyyyyy!!!!!!!!!!

*glares at Lesley* ................. he's already mine !!!! :-D :-D :-D :-D :-D :-D :-D lol

well good morning ladies, here I am, and I have found a new house guest. Please meet Bertha Day, the midwife. She is in dire need of accommodation near the nurses home, which is fully occupied by nurses so there isnt a free room for dear Bertha. We bumped into each other - well it is very easy to bump into me because I do take up quite a lot of space with my hip measurements - and when I'd helped Bertha to her feet and gathered her shopping bags I bought her a coffee and we got chatting which is how I know her life story.

Bertha Day might not be an aristocrat, but she is a worthy lady and a useful member of society. You never know Petunia, but you might need a midwife very soon. No dear not for yourself personally but ....... *eyes swivel to Pat rish aaaah* ..... one should always be prepared for the unexpected. Especially after Romany boys with dark flashing eyes have been parking their caravans in the back garden.

Now, which room do you think Bertha would like? The blue room in the South Wing? all right dear I will show her the way there and when I come back we can all have a nice pot of tea. To save Mrs Berry the bother I will prepare a tea tray myself and use one of the little tray doilies I have been crocheted in the dead of night when I cannot sleep.

Walk this way Bertha .......... yes if I walked any other way I wouldnt need the talcum powder. Pat rish aaaah will bring all your bags, when she stops stuffing her face - anyone would think she was eating for two ..... :-D :-D ;-) ;-)

Good Evening Ladies.

I hope you all enjoyed the sunny bank holiday weekend :-)

Foot prints in the dust and Teresa doing the ironing tut tut ......................... one just cannot get the reliable staff these day's :-( hence my recent absence ....... .......................... my housekeeper, cook, gardener and chief bottle washer all abandoned me, leaving me to all the nasty menial task ...................... lest I forget the nanny also deserted me leaving moi holding the baby :-| .................. ... at my time of life I should be taking a leaf out of Lazy Susan's book ;-) ;-) ;-)

Ladies do you like the new man in my ..........................................................
dreams :-D :-D :-D

No, no of course you must go out dear. Bring a bloom to your cheeks.

Just let me know when you are off out tomorrow and I will give you a ball of twine, and a bag to breadcrumbs so that you know how to find your way home!

Good night ladies, and all of the silent majority.

Auntie Petunia