General Chat

*expostulates* ..... I was most certainly not in Soho after dark Petunia dear, what sort of person do you take me for? no, dont answer that !!!! I was checking the buildings in Park Lane because something about that man and the Plough didnt sound right. You werent swinging the night away at a hotel ....... you were ahem elsewhere. Were you not introduced to Heidi? Those debutantes could well be three of her gels.

Would you please spare a moment to answer me one leetle question dear? Why is there always so much month left at the end of the money?

I was so sorry to hear that poor Pat rish aaah ended up as an ER case, whilst there did you meet any dishy young interns? At least the gel is back home again where she belongs and hopefully tomorrow she will be up out of bed and able to resume her normal duties. I dont really care for jobs like scrubbing out the back passage ;-)


So pleased Teresa to hear that a good time was had by all. You should contact Mr Suggs and tell him, there is "contact info" for many celebs on the WWW and he might have a Facebook or Twitter a/c.

I suppose coming back to dear old Blighty will seem frightfully tame to your FTE after all the sights in foreign climes she has experienced.


I've had such a busy day that my poor head is positively pounding now and I am unable to take painkillers due to side effects ....... but I have achieved much in the way of garden work and house work so I can rest easy tonight. ciao for now!

Good evening ladies, I hope you are all well.

I am very fatigued dears, having spent most of the night in the Horsepiddle. The scan showed most of Pat-trish-aaaah's insides dear Teresa, and I must say I never knew that cobwebs showed up on a scan. But there they were......................tutty tut.

Now Cherry dear, I do not want us to fall out over this #grits teeth# but let me get this perfectly plain. I took Diddie, Anna and Whatsherface to the Debs Ball. We were at the Ilton and it was very lovely and plush, and the dancing was to Ray McKlay and his Danceband. The food was very morish and the champers was by some very posh French company whose name I cannot pronounce. Even though I am fluent in Francais.

We did not venture down to the less salubruous end of the West End, where Fanlight Fanny the Frousy Nightclub Queen has her haunt. Neither did we meet Heidi, Peter or Grandfather. Now please stop planting nasturiums and let that be an end to it!! I am getting very vexed now, and will not entertain these slurs any longer! #stamps foot#

Getting back to more pleasant things, Georgianna is celebrating her wedding anniversary next Saturday, and me being the busy person that I am, have yet to buy a present. Now what do you buy for a Golden Anniversary, and especially for a couple for whom money is no object?

Do you think they will be entertained by Billy the singing fish?

Fretting
Auntie Petunia

but
but
but

oh I give up !

ooh a golden wedding anniversary? how wonderful. Am I invited? am i? am i? am i? I shall have to create a new outfit for the occasion. Where can I buy golden binbags?

I have a singing fish, which I tucked away in the wardrobe when the novelty wore off.

what to buy for a golden anniversary. Well of course dear they will be expecting something appropriate for the occasion, so any gift would have to be of a golden nature. What about a golden fleece? there is a nice young man called Jason who works dahn the market and he had a consignment of golden fleeces only this morning, there may be some left.

why are you looking at me like that Petunia? do I have a smut on my nose?

Good morning ladies,

I am sorry for ignoring your information on your fruit dear Teresa, she is a very lucky gel to be able to travel the world, and get paid for it. Next time she is in the region of India, I wonder if she could pick me up some spices. I remember them from my childhood, and one cannot purchase the same here. Thank you dear. I am pleased that said fruit is enjoying her job so much, so many have the same old grind everyday, and that is sad.

I am on a mission this morning to find something Golden for the anniversary party next Saturday. I shall venture along to Portobello Road, and maybe meet Mr Bruce F. who owns a stall down there, and maybe we will pick up a magic book, and meet up with Miss Price, and go on a adventure on a brass bed with broomsticks! NO?

Very well, I shall peruse the shops in Regents Street, for something small [my purse only allows for small] and then have it gift wrapped so that I do not have to fork out for paper and fripperies.

Of course you may come Cherry dear, heaven knows you have been doss............, erm, staying with us long enough to be 'one of the family'. Your dress sense is a common source of conversation. You are so, erm, ingenious with your use of the binbag. You could give old Blue Peter a run for his money.

Pat-trish-aaaah eventually rose from her pit yesterday afternoon, and limped around like Chester, until she forgot herself, and began to walk like the Usual Suspects. Liars need good memories I am afraid. However, she needs to get someone to change her dressings, and as I have a very weak stomach, it will have to be someone else. Any volunteers?

Why are you all running away dears?

Running after you
Auntie Petunia

thank you for saying I may join the Golden Anniversary party Petunia dear. Now, where can I find gold binbags and toilet roll holders ..... I do wish Delboy was still working in Hookey Street, he would have known .......

There is a mystery to solve here ....... as a dutiful citizen I duly took some recycling to the local recycling dumpsters en route to the U3A meeting. I noticed that someone had dumped a load of old bones beneath one of the dumpsters. Now, these were not the residue of takeaway dinners. These bones were stripped clean as if they had been cleavered by a butcher, or a cannibal. Someone from the council turned up and asked me if I recognised the bones. Wot, do I look like I work in an abbatoir????? I only go hunting in the supermarket where all the meat is sold in cardboard trays and covered with clingfilm. I hope the bones were lamb pork or beef, because if not we shall have to get Miss Marple in to search for Hannibal Lecter.

The U3A meeting was most interesting. All about the poisons found in our gardens ...... foxglove, rhubarb, exotic trees, even the humble lily of the valley. ;-)

Have you updated your will Petunia dear? Do let me fetch you a cup of tea :-D :-D

#sniffs the air#

My my, there is a nasty niff eminating from the scullery. It smells like dead dog to be honest, but the bubbling sound is more like something simmering on the stove. I shall just peep around the door. I know Pat-trish-aaaah is to make a poultice for her sore parts, but crikey, this smells absolutely awful.

No....................Cherry is lobbing greenery into a pot of evil looking gloop, she is chopping up plants of some description, and stirring and cackling to herself. What is she saying?

Something about a Will to be doctored? Do we have a cat in the neighbourhood called Will? Long and drawn out illness? Foaming at the mouth? Dear oh dear, I do feel sorry for that pussy, it must be in agony. I shall be going out with a saucer of warm milk tonight.

Here, kitty, kitty...............................

AP

Hello Ladies.

What glorious weather we have had :-D shame I've been either on a train, on the London underground or in a very special hospital for very special children, alas I think someone forgot to tell the boiler man at the very special hospital that the temperature outside was over 20 degrees and there really was no need for him to keep stoking his fire to keep the central heating working :-( baby E and others were stripped off apart from nappies, I too felt like stripping off but my fruits begged me not to ...................I can't imagine why :-S

Our weekend was full of celebrations 3 birthdays :-) and a wedding anniversary :-( ................ my MOG asked me what I would like as a present ............... ......all I could think of was a get out of gaol card ;-)

CC have you tried dress the mess.

Hello Ladies,

Life has resumed to normal this morning.... I am not very pleased to have caught someones bugs, I am coughing and have all the usual symptoms.. A dear friend procured some drugs for me, I just went to take one with my brekkie, lo, do not take with calcium :-(. Lunch time maybe. I am back off to work today, not sure if I will last the whole day.

Back another time

Susan

Lovely to see you Susan, I hope you will be feeling better soon. x

*trips over saucer of milk*
oh darn what silly so ..... silly soul left that there.

Well let us see if this environmentally friendly home-made weedkiller solution works on the weeds on the garden path, I am so fed up with slippin' on the lichen. I hope Mrs Berry wont mind washing up the saucepan.

*
hello Lesley, a belated happy anniversary and what gift did your MOG get you in the end? I hope E is progressing nicely and gets out of hospital soon.

*
hello Susan I hope life is starting to settle down on an even keel again, but do allow yourself enough time to adjust, some people find it takes up to two years.

*
A second cousin of OH passed over last week. We know that branch of the family quite well. We're still waiting to hear about the funeral arrangements. I ought to go with OH, but with the FM I'm up one day and down the next, or I can wake in the morning feeling not too bad then get Fibro-fatigue midafternoon, so I have to be somewhere I can lie down at any given time. Plus people are bound to be smoking and I cant risk my respiratories, I have a GP appt for an Ortho Referral for my right hip next week; and on 2nd May have a hospital appt which is a follow up about the left hip. Its ridiculous that the hospital, who know about my right hip, cant just follow on and just do the bloomin op instead of wasting everyone's time with more referrals and waiting games. Ah well hospital administrators work in mysterious ways ...... :-S

CC I'm sorry if I gave the impression that E is in hospital that was never my intention, we were at the very special hospital for 4 outpatient appointments that E has every 3/4 months.

What present did my MOG get me in the end .........................errrrrrrrrrrrmmmmmmmm nothing ............................ he did take the day work and we went clothes shopping, alas I couldn't find anything I liked :-( in the evening we had a delicious meal at Blackwell's restaurant which is in a small town/large village not that far from where we live :-D

I'm sorry to hear about your OH second cousin, I hope your hospital appointment goes well. x

hello Lesley no apologies needed, I was posting in the wee small hours as you prob'ly gathered, and misinterpreted. At least you got a nice meal for your anniversary :-D, I hope he serenaded your excellent wifely qualities with a bottle of champers!! Bollingers at the very least, and shaken not stirred :-D :-D :-D

hasnt the weather been lovely again today, although first thing there was some rain but it soon cleared up. I went out to the garden centre for some retail therapy :-D MFH is now looking decidedly pale.

Happy Anniversay dear Lesley and Mr Lesley. I hope you had a lovely, lovely time.

I do hope that little E is well. The hospital is very good, I attended there myself as a very young get. When God was a lad......................

I have taken to making my own cups of tea now, I have a sneaky feeling that someone is trying to do me in. I remember a case a long time ago, about poison being put into a tea-urn, and the office being sick.......................hmmmmmm!

Now....................what do you think of my Golden Anniversay present. I took a picture on the Blooooodberry before they packed it. Now, can you see the spout, and the handle, and of course it will be perfect for you know...............it can be used on any occasion................or not....................it can just be displayed...................you can see the thingamebob on the top where it oooojamaflips. There now...................what do you think?

Holding my breath with excitement
Auntie Petunia

The not so little E is just fine thank you for asking .................. can you believe how time flies :-0 she now has 2 teeth, crawls and talks, dad dad, mum mum, egg and she puts her head on your shoulder and says aah ..................... that's my favourite, Wednesday she is spending the afternoon and evening with us as her mama is going to see Beyonce, her papa will pick her up when he has finished work, he doesn't do multitasking so he will have to bath and eat first too.

Auntie Petunia please be very careful who you allow to brew your tea ........and remember keep your freinds close and your enemies closer ................ not that I think you have any enemies.

Bon soir mon amies....... or something like that,

I am home alone, well not quite. The pup is here with me. OH and FRuit and her OH have gorn out for the evening to a comedy evening. I wasn't feeling up to par earlier in the day so made the call not to go out. I am pup sitting instead.

MY male fruit has rung this evening to say he has sustained an injury playing the oval ball game and is now the proud, or not so proud, owner of a plaster cast upon his right leg... :-D. What else is going to come along and throw shi.e upon our lives :-(.

There is a Lindt bunny in my cupboard just waiting to be eaten - or not. Tough, I am in the mood to eat chocolate :-)... Just have to refrain from sharing with the pup.. A big no no for canines. All the more for me ;-).

I shall brew my own tea , perfectly safe.. Cant have choccy without a nice cup of char.

~~~~~ to all

going to blob in front of the tv...

Toodle pip

*looks around in bewilderment*

what is going on, do you have some sort of conspiracy theory going against me? All I did was cook up some weedkiller for the garden path that dear Petunia often leads me up. I am not trying to poison anyone with a noxious brew, and if Mrs Berry didnt wash up the pan wot I used properly it isnt my fault.

But do just take a look at that garden path - the old red bricks are now a brilliant shade of gleaming white which reflect beautifully in the morning sunlight ....... has anyone seen my sunglasses?

Susan I am sorry to hear your lad has broken his leg and hope it heals well. No doubt he will be collecting autographs and rude phrases on the plaster. And I hope you are recovering from your sniffles. Some Chocolate Therapy is most appropriate, and you are quite correct that dogs should not be given human chocolate, it could make them very ill indeed.

Well I have got out the silver tea pot and made a roobus brew - anyone for a cuppa and some bourbon bikkies ? :-D

Now, now Cherry dear, come and sit down and take the weight off your paranoid tendencies, no-one is accusing you of anything dear, deep breathes, thats it, just breathe in through your nose and our through your mouth, nice and calm..................now that is better isnt it?

Crikey, I shall have to be more careful in future, I had no idea that Cherry had such a thin skin, must be all that cream she rubs into herself when she emerges from the bathroom in a cloud of steam.................must check the gas bill when it comes in.

Yes dear the brick path looks positively yellow in the sunlight, maybe dear Dorothy will be skipping along it with the Scarecrow, Tin Man and the Lion. Just as long as Toto does not do his doggy do's on the path I dont care who toddles down it.

Dear Upsidedown Susan, I do hope things settle down soon. Your lad is playing a mans game, so you must expect a little accident now and again. I know of a young man who was always in the A & E department of the local horsepiddle, being stitched, stuck and manipulated!!!! Now did you bite the bunnies head or tail off first? Take good care of yourself dear, how is the weather down there?

Lesley, how little ones grow, just like Topsie, once they are on their feet, that is it. They are on the path of independence. We try to teach our children to stand on their own two feet, and then when they do, we dont like it!

That is all my pearls of wisdom for now dears. I do not want to overload you with good advice...............

Now, what did you think of the present?

Tapping my foot impatiently
Auntie Petunia

*splutters in a haze of light headedness*
Petunia dear I feel decidedly dizzy with all this heavy breathing and I most certainly am not paranoid, its just that everyone is out to get me ;-)

As yes our young ones. We spend nearly three years teaching our children to speak properly. Then we spent the next 13 years telling them to shut up.

Having received the Annual Bank Statements, I have done my calculations for the last tax year which ended in March and to my horror realise that I owe Inland Revenue some money. I would protest on the grounds that I am an impoverished pensioner living on the state pension, but they dont care about that. I had some interest paid which took me slightly over the personal tax allowance threshold for last year. Fortunately, with the increase in this tax years personal allowance, those thieving b**rs at the IRS wont be able to touch me for a brass farthing let alone one red cent or a dodgy groat.

Am orf now to write a cheque, then I shall make us all a lovely cup of tea
*eyes Petunia slyly*
and dont listen to Susan's inferrerrerring that I mixed ground glass in with the sugar granules. Ground glass is not a poison.

I do know how to commit the perfect murder, but if I told you then I'd have to kill you
:-D :-D :-D :-D ;-) ;-) ;-) ;-) :-D :-D :-D :-D

what about the present Petunia dear?

isnt the present the "here and now" as opposed to the past or the future?

the past has passed, and the future is yet to come. ;-) ;-) ;-)

Please yourself dear, I shall not bother you further with you appraisal of the gift to Mr and Mrs Georgianna, I shall not even put your name on the gift card if you feel so indifferent to it. I thought it would be a nice gesture to put all our names on it, but if you cannot be asked to even look at a photograph, then so be it dear.....................

#give it a minute for the guilt to set in, and sniffs delicately, and leaves the room#

Thats it, give her a little time to stew, and then maybe she will condescend to look at the lovely ooojamaflip that I have bought for the Happy Couple.

Well we have been waiting for the rain to arrive all day. It was due at 3pm exactly according to the weather forecast, but has only deigned to show up in the last half hour. I could have gawn out and done my good deeds for the day had I known it was going to be fine.

Just think, all those cherubic little Brownies who could have done with the benefit of my experience in building a camp fire, and making a hay box cooker..............

I shall retire to my room dears, I have an appointment with a Dead Sea Mud Pack.

Auntie Petunia