General Chat

I've now been into my email account Susan, and found the mail you kindly sent me with the pictures of the wedding. Thank you so MUCH. Your Offspring looks divine, and her dress is just perfect :-). She bears a remarkable resemblance to the Mother of the Bride who also looked most radiant!

This modern technology (when it works) is wonderful, I'd never have imagined 50 years ago I would see colour wedding photographs taken in New Zealand within a week of the wedding. Amazing. And, thank you for sharing.

Well, you know me and my diet ........ I only eat once a day - I start eating when I wake up and finish eating when I go to bed, and its a special C Food diet - I see food and eat it. I hope the other guests didnt mind that I finished off that scrumptious wedding cake and licked the crumbs off the plate as well, waste not want not :-D ;-)

Thank you for your kind words ladies,

CC, wasn't the cake divine. A chocolate cake with a vanilla raspberry cream filling, delicious, there is not a crumb left..

This will be the first Easter I have not bought my fruit an easter egg... She and Mr Fruit gave OH and I a couple each, I have a bag of Malteser eggs :-) :-)..
I have not yet had a hot cross bun and may not bother buying any, they are a bit over rated me thinks. I would rather have a slice or three of fruit toast :-D.

Are you any warmer yet ladies or is the weather still ghastly? We are into another run of sunshine and warmth. Nice for us townies but the farmers must be screaming into their milk vats by now :-(.

OH, pup and I are going to visit my parents for a night this weekend, then it is work for us, end of the financial year so that means a stocktake. A job I detest :-|.

I hope you all have a safe and happy Easter and enjoy your choccie eggs.

Susan

*pulls a glum face*
Easter eggs Susan? not a chance in hell. I shouldnt even be sneaking the occasional square of a Cadburys choccie slab. :-S

Alas we are no warmer here. I had to wash my slippers today because I saw the postman over the road, having missed him when he called at Chez CC with a package earlier, so I dashed out of the house "just as I was", to chase after him and redeem said package. I didnt dare stop to put shoes and coat on, because these guys move fast. I couldnt very well wear the slippers after that as I have a house rule : "no street shoes on my clean carpets", so they went in the washing machine with the regular laundry. And I went barefoot - until I couldnt stand the cold any longer and got my tootsies into a pair of slipper-boots. And, the heating was on as well.

As you no doubt know, our financial year is about to end as well, meaning another erroneous tax code notification from Inland Revenue, which I will have to correct myself. There have been so many IR mistakes down the years, which I've had to correct, that I feel like telling these people to do their own work properly the first time around.

right. I've got lots of lengths of string, and tin cans that Mrs Berry washed earlier. I am going to go around Motie Towers and set up a Rattling Can system so Petunia cant creep up on me any more :-D

Ooh, CC, maybe you can use the cans on string like a telephone, as we did when children :-).

I am waiting for OH to get home to return some outdoor heaters to friends, then it is dinner and a vino and a relaxing evening. What a busy day at work today, I am fair knacke, err, tired :-D.

Back another day, ~~~~ to all.

I heard about the "telephone cans" Susan, am not sure if they really worked or not. However I wouldnt want Petunia to get the idea she can holler into the cans and we'd hear her from another part of the house down the string, or she'd be barking orders at everyone all over the place. Dont tell her I said so of course, I wouldnt want to hurt her feelings.

If the string and cans are just set up to rattle that will be good, then dear Petunia wont be able to creep up on me :-D After all, one never knows what she might catch me doing ....... ;-)

Did you get the relaxing evening you were hoping for?

Tut, tut, and then again.................tut.

I think you will find that this wonderful house in which you have put down roots, boxes and all manner of wotnots, is mine dear..................and I will blooming well holler as loud as I like!!!!

Thus said................let get back to being friendly again.

I do remember the tincans with string pulled tightly from child to child. Alas I do not think they worked anymore than the springs tied onto ones feet to help us jump along...............or was that just me?

I have been to inspect the Village this morning, as it is to be opened to the public once again. Does look a little sad. This time last year we were counting down to the Olympics. This year, we are counting how many more day we will have cold weather. Tutty tut again.

I managed to stroll around the Shopping Centre, my my, one needs to have good stout walking boots around there. Lots of dippy gels walking one side of the mall to the other, all screaming, and knocking everyone out of their way.

I have managed to purchase a cornflower blue linen shirt to match my eyes. Very fetching......................what do you think?

Pip Pip
Auntie Petunia

oh yes Petunia dear your new cornflower blue shirt really matches your eyes, and as you say it is very fetching. The crumples in the fabric match your skin too, it is truly amazing and most complementary. Have you tried 'Boots No.7 Protect and Preserve', dear?

Dippy young gels in public places usually screech at each other down their mobile phones, even if there is only two feet between them. I bet they dont pay for their own tariffs .......! There will be a lot of dippy young gels all over the place now that we have the two week Easter break upon us. I feel a headache coming on .....

When I drove home from this months U3A meeting there were some lads with their two-wheel toy scooters cluttering up the sidewalk and I had to request that they shift themselves so I could reverse up the driveway.

Yes indeed this is a wonderful house, and you are such a generous hostess, tolerating my midnight feasts and constant hunger pangs all day and catering to my every epicurean requirement, but what with The Wardrobe, The Luggage, and Pat rish aaaah, not to mention Tricki Woo materialising everywhere one least expects him, and the Beast In The Cellar, my nerves are rather fraught at the moment so I am rather "jumpy". Then there was that time you so kindly let me stay in the bedroom with the four poster bed with canopy and the canopy started sliding down during the night, I barely escaped with my life let alone breath. You must let me cook dinner for you tonight, to show my gratitude, would beans on toast and instant Smash do?

I know the footwear to which you refer - they were Spring shoes to help us hop smoothly into summer! :-D :-D

Susan dear your fruit and family looked so lovely and happy it made me giove a big smile on a cold winters day :-D

I have been keeping warm at paid toil, it was a little too warm and I fear it may be the HFs popped up again :-(

FTE is home for a short while in six weeks or so. I do hope the weather improves or she will need the thermals. She is sporting a golden tan and looks very well on the photos. :-D :-D :-D :-D

We are having a bit of culture this weekend so forgive me if I do not look in so often.

St Rosemary has gone by the wayside a bit :-( I shall return to her tribe after Easter.

Keep warm Auntie and Cherry and Lesley, and send a bit of sun over here Susan. It has been reported to be the coldest March since 1962, I thought the bad winter was 1963 but remember very little as i was a Fruit on board so to speak ;-)

Seyalaters

Teresa :-D

hello Teresa, the bad winter to which you refer was spread over 1962/1963, roughly Dec 1962 to March 1963. I remember it only too well. The snow lay thickly on the ground forever, or so it seemed, and I developed chilblains for the first time.

I wish you all a lovely Easter weekend and may the sun smile on you with a little warmth :-) :-) :-)

Good afternoon dear ladies.

I hope that you are a little warmer this Good Friday.

The sun was a little watery this morning, but it deigned to appear for a couple of hours.

We did the walk with the Cross this morning, to the Fields. Naturally I did not carry it, but a few strapping men took turns in carrying it along the streets, and then onto the Hill.

The cornflower blue DOES suit me dear Cherry. I am not so sure I like you references to my complexion dear. As you know, I am blessed with flawless skin, and the references to crumpled linen is a little cruel. Sniffs.

There was an article in the newspaper yesterday dears, about a Cut Price Supermarker [what is one those, I wonder] whereby, one can purchase a skin lotion that is comparable to one costing 10 times that amount, and has the same ingredients. How can that be? I may be wandering past such a supermarket tomorrow dears. I shall keep you informed.

I think you are wise to give St Rosemary a little rest dear. She is a lovely woman but a little eager I think to spread the word. Take a few sentences dear, but not the whole book. Lesley, you must pm me of this town for shopping dear. I am open to suggestion for a new place to shop. I am tired of the West End, and the Westlife Centres. I am will to travel, so please let me know.

I am still smiling at your lovely photos dear Susan. You are right to be proud along with your dear hubby.

I am working up to Corrie tonight dears, to see if that dear little Tyrone will be found Not Guilty. I do hope so, he and Fiona make such a lovely couple. So cuddly. Also Sylvia is knocking back the hash brownies. Tutty tut. Whatever next?

Have a peaceful weekend dears, and not too many choccies.

Toodle
Auntie Petunia

good afternoon Petunia, I hope you had a rewarding afternoon of Good Works, and purchased a pot of tea (from the Coffee House) for the men who carried the Cross, for it must have been thirsty work.

You have quite remarkable skin, dear. No one else has skin like yours, nor is likely to.

I dont follow Corrie nor its denizens, but I do recall the time that Inspect A Barnaby partook of some cookies that were "laced". Are the hash brownies similarly laced? I believe that is the expression that the Hippy Generation sub culture uses.

Alas, my clothing size has increased so much that I suspect I may now be one of the Hippy Generation. I certainly know how to do the Hip Hop in the middle of the night. But I am not laced, nor in stays either. Truth be told, I'm not sure what holds me together ......... :-S ;-)

Yes, cornflower blue is verrrrry fetching on you Petunia, matches your eyes perfectly ( I think), don't think I got that close to you but hey, flattery never hurt ;-).

I am sure those string can telephones didn't work but at least they kept us busy and out of our mamas hair for a bit...

I have eaten too much chocolate and am feeling a bit 'orf'.... I have no sympathy for me - just a queasy tummy...

OH and I have returned from a night away at the beach. The pup had a splendid time frolicking in the waves, running full tilt along the beach and now has put herself to bed, totally pooped :-). She rather fancied a spot on the couch, I think she forgot she wasn't at hers....
My papa had to rescue a seagull off the beach and put it out of the way of two curious dogs. It didn't appear to have wing damage, maybe ill?. Who knows. I hope it survived. Most unusual to get so close to a seagull...
I carried a plastic bag to pick up the 'you know what'..... naughty pup 'went' in the water :-D. Watch where you are stepping if you should happen to visit a shoreline soon :-D... :-S.

OH is watching Rugby :-(. I cannot be bothered with it tonight. Time to hit the hay and catch forty winks.. I shall face the world again tomorrow. Hoping all is well with you and yours :-).

Night night

Good Morning dears. Happy Easter.

Thank you for your flattery dear Upsidedown Susan, it may be misguided as you probably know my eyes are green, but a photograph can be deceptive. I have several of mine whereby my eyes are red!!!

My Papa used to raise canaries, and he too was a sucker for sick birdies. He quite often rescued sickly birds of all kinds from the garden.

Ah yes, the dreaded poop bags. I perambulate around the town with Trickey Woo, and she does her business in the gutter. Do I pick it up? I think not. Why pick it up myself when I have Pat-trish-aaaaah trailing along behind me. She is so much better at it than myself, and has such great big hands, that she can do it with one fell swoop. Whereas myself, I have such dainty little, lilly white digits, they were never meant for muck raking................................................smiles quietly to oneself.

Cherry dear, thank you for your email. The picture did not load properly, but I got the general gist. Thank you dear. What holds you together dear? Good sense and Syrup of Figs. Does it not apply to everyone? Titters.

Now..........................it is the Annual Orphans Easter Egg Hunt today. I scurried from church, such a rousing sermon today. And placed the chocolate eggs around and about the Orphanage. The children will have such a lovely time. I am surprised how many of them there are. Such dear little children, in need of kindness and I am just the person to give it to them. They only have one good deed to do when they collect their eggs. They donate one of their hoard to me. Thereby I am also teaching them, it is good to give, as well as receive. Plus, I get to eat a few Creme eggs at the same time. A good lesson learned all round.

Dont give me those old fashion looks ladies, it has been Lent for a long time, and I am in dire need of chocolate........................

Pip Pip
Auntie Petunia

I believe that Red Eye in photographs can usually be avoided by avoiding the devils drink for a few years before posing for the photographer ..... ;-D

Naturally, I never imbibe.

We are still very cold here Susan, the sun has been shining over this part of Blighty where I am, but there is still no sign of things getting warm.

What a charming outfit you are wearing this morning Petunia dear. I do declare that no one else in the world has an outfit like that.
*thinks*
"thank goodness".

My youngest offspring used to find fledglings and bring them home, until we discouraged her in case the mama birdie was wondering where her little one had gotten to; and its possible the baby bird would have flown off eventually had it been left alone. I once rescued a pigeon from going under the wheels of a lorry, it was a very split second rescue at that. The bird was stunned from a previous impact with a passing vehicle, and I couldnt leave it to be squashed flat. I know pigeons are classed as flying vermin, but its still one of Gods creatures as are we all.

Speaking of Gods Creatures, Petunia dear can you not muzzle one of them who has the knack of ruffling feathers and putting everyone's backs up every time they open their gob? Some people really want to remember that Least Said is Soonest Mended.

Oh I thought Tricki Woo was a boy dog, but you say "she does her business in the gutter" ..... or did you mean Pat rish aaaaah?

I heard that Syrup of Figs kept one going and assumed it was some kind of restorative. I could do with something to keep me going - that is to say, a restorative.

What a kind gesture on your part, to scatter Easter Eggs and goodness all around the orphanage. But, Little Toby Carvery will only bully all the smaller children into handing over their booty so I dont think you will be receiving much. It doesnt help that the orphanage's Principal, Titus McGirdle, is very cheeseparing. Children learn by example .....

The thought occurs to me - if it has been Lent for a very long time, perhaps you should have held on to it instead of lenting it out.

By Jiminy Crickets, its cold. Those children were fair blue with cold by the time they came in from the Grounds, looking for Easter Eggs. Nevertheless they all have had a jolly good time. Lots of exercise, and polishing their eyesight.

Yes, Mr Titus holds a very tight ship, and rules with a rod of iron. Not literally of course..........................he is a big softy under it all.

Who is this one of Gods creatures who ruffles feathers dear? Surely not moi? No I thought not. I do not venture further than this thread, I cannot be embroiled in other threads. This one is more than enough for me.

In fact, I have to scale down my ramblings sometimes. If I was to tell you all the good deeds I have done during the day, it would take four sides of A4. And I would not want to be accused of bragging, that is not my style at all. #preens#

Ishall be having a rest day tomorrow dears. Unless of course, something crops up, which is often the case.

Have a good evening ladies, and keep warm.

Toodle Oodle
Auntie Petunia

oh no, dear Petunia, I was not referring to you at all. The "Gods Creature" who ruffles feathers each time its gob opens is someone else entirely who does not do Good Works like your good self. Perish the thought that I should be casting nasturtiums or pointing fingers at innocent people.

I do not believe for one moment that Titus McGirdle is a big softie underneath. I thought the Big Softie was Mister Whippy.

As promised, here is a shopping list ready for the morning :

One tin of Tartan Paint
One Tin of Black & White striped paint
Starter Kit for Grow Your Own Light Bulbs
Pre-tested Plumb Line
Rose Tinted Glasses
Plastic Coated Sky Hooks
One box of Blue Sparks for the Tenon saw
One box of Orange Sparks for the Electric Drill
One tin of Blue Steam
One tin of Elbow Grease
One biodegradable can of London Fog
Two metres of Pachyderm Trunking
2 lb bag of Nail Holes
Invisible paint
One Eight-Inch Screw
One Dozen Loose Screws
One Chocker Block
Crystal Glass Hammer
Bucket of steam
Long Weight
Long Stand
Left Handed Screw Driver
Bubble for the Spirit Level
One Large Bucket of Patience
Large box of Assorted Holes

One “John Bobbitt” Razor Blade - small size
A matching pair of Fallopian Tubes
One Neck Tourniquet

A large Cod Piece
2 lb Red Herrings, well marinated

One dozen Hens Teeth
1 lb Chicken Lips
2 lbs of Kosher Bacon

Cauliflower Ears
Turnip Heads

Inflatable dartboard
1 dozen Bounces for Tired Ball
Chocolate Teapot
Ashtray for Motor Bikes
Miniature set of Banker’s Scales to balance the household accounts

I think that should keep Pat rish aaaah gainfully occupied for a few hours. :-D :-D ;-) ;-)

Now, who hasnt received their scratch n sniff cards yet? Oh, that many of you. Well so you dont feel left out why not scratch your computer monitor and see what happens ....... ;-) ;-) ;-)

Breaking Glass, I mean, Breaking News !!!!!!!!!

Just received from The Office of Statistics
The First of April has been cancelled, for two reasons.
The day after 31st March will be known as the 32nd March for the next THREE years.
The reasons are twofold :
1. to stop all the April Fool jokes, to give the many victims of spoofs a much-needed respite.
2. to extend the year by ONE day, for THREE Years, in order to cancel out the YEARS in which an extra DAY was added and called LEAP YEAR, which will save young men from being proposed to by maidens (young or old)


M42 Junctions 3 to 7B Speed Cameras go live TODAY !!!!!
A new digital automated tracking system between junctions 3 & 7b on the M42 is scheduled to go live just after midnight !!
There are 276 Digital Cameras which have been set to just 2 MPH tolerance!
You will not see any flash and the fine is £600 plus 30 points (which could add to over £2500 a year to your insurance).
This information comes on good authority, from the R.A.C.U. Jimmy.
Take great care if you're travelling on the M42 !


Big Ben is going Digital for 24 hours from midnight !!!


The entire solar system will realign at midnight and temporarily reduce Earth’s gravity on April 1 for 24 hours. If everyone jumps in the air at precisely the right moment, they will ‘float’. Can you defy gravity?


Japanese long distance runner Kimo Nakajimi is still running the 2012 London Marathon, as he mistranslated 25 miles for 25 months. If anyone spots Nakajimi please contact the news desk photographer.


British scientists have finally invented a weather machine to control the UK’s notoriously unreliable climate. This will ensure the sun shines every day, rain falls only at night and every Christmas will be white.


Beware the night-singing tree mouse, the Musendrophilus

London Underground is in talks with the European Organisation for Nuclear Research (Cern) about the possibility of using the 23km tunnel of the Circle Line to house a new type of particle accelerator similar to the Large Hadron Collider in Geneva.

Particle physicists believe the existing tunnel can be adapted to take a small-scale "atom smasher" alongside the passenger line at a fraction of the cost of building a new tunnel elsewhere in Europe. They are understood to have approached London Underground with a view to announcing a feasibility study later this year.

Specialist engineers commissioned by Cern have already produced a preliminary report, seen by The Independent, which proposes installing supercooled magnets and collision detectors at strategic positions on the Circle Line. The main collision experiment will be sited at the newly refurbished Westminster Station, directly below Portcullis House, the offices of more than 200 MPs.

Although there are still considerable technical problems to overcome, such as a geo-magnetic "kink" in the circuitry at Edgware Road station, Cern is quietly confident that it will be able to convince London Underground of the merits of the scheme, which should result in the first air-conditioned underground line as a spin-off of installing supercooled magnets below ground.

The idea was initially mooted in the mid-1980s as an alternative site to the 27km tunnel below Geneva but the idea was dropped. Now, with improvements in technology and miniaturisation of the equipment, Cern believes it can build a successor to the Large Hadron Collider within the Circle line by 2020.

It would mean that two beams of protons would be travelling in clockwise and counterclockwise directions at 99.999999 per cent of the speed of light, within feet of Circle line passengers stuck in perpetual immobility.

However, health and safety advisers to London Underground are understood to be concerned about the proposal, and have raised the prospect of a mini black hole being created at Westminster when the two proton beams collide to recreate the conditions of the Big Bang.

BMW has created a unique way to personalise its vehicles depending on your political views. BMW’s innovative Political Roundel Attachment Tag (PRAT) is a highly stylised limited edition accessory of the BMW product portfolio and comes available in the colours of all major UK parties.

Uwe Beanhadde, Head of Made-up Technology at BMW’s renowned Forschungs und Innovationszentrum in Munich, said: “We have been working on this innovation for a number of years and see it as a niche we’ve yet to expand into. One of the most popular features sure to strike a cord with the floating voter is that the roundel can also be replaced in a matter of seconds should the opposition suddenly feel more appealing”.

News of the PRAT accessory comes swiftly after boffins at BMW offered other award winning innovations such as Canine Repellant Alloy Protection that stopped dogs relieving themselves on your nice wheels, Magnetic Tow Technology, the ultimate in tailgating tech, and BMW Instant Messaging which let owners really know what they thought of other road users.

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Virgin Media today revealed the secret weapon behind its super-fast broadband - ferrets. The broadband expert has been using specially trained ferrets to investigate, assess and support its cable network for one year. On the eve of this unique anniversary, Virgin Media is announcing the news with an iconic photo shoot using some of its leading ferret workers. These unusual engineers not only assist in searching out the best places to fibre optic cable, but also wear jackets fitted with a special microchip able to analyse any breaks or damage in the underground network. Jack D. Ladd, director of broadband for Virgin Media says: "For hundreds of years, ferrets have helped humans in various jobs. Our decision to use them is due to their strong nesting instinct , their long, lean build and inquisitive nature, and for their ability to get down holes. We initially kept the trial low-key as we wanted to asses how well the ferrets fitted into our operations before revealing this enterprising scheme!"

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A new miracle shirt which eliminates body odour is to be launched on April 1st. The tagline reads: "Had your confidence crushed by odour? Getting into a sweat about smelly T-shirts? Worry no more! With Miracle Shirt you'll be invading personal space like never before." It says its breakthrough G.U.F.F technology is responsible for the fabric's odour eating powers. Visit www.miracleshirt.co.uk to find out more.

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Stars of BBC1's 25-year-old show EastEnders will appear on limited edition 20 and 50 pound notes, the Bank of England has revealed. A print run of 250,000 of the sure-to-be collector's items will enter circulation in May, nationwide.

EastEnders, which celebrated its 25th year throughout 2010, screened a live episode in February to mark 25 years to the day since the first episode aired. Show producers agreed to let viewers pick which characters will appear on the currency in a UK poll and have confirmed that the selection will include characters from 1985 right up to the current cast.

Peggy Mitchell is considered one of the most popular characters, but armed robber Phil Mitchell could be staring back at you when you next draw cash from the hole-in-the-wall.
(Thanks to our reporter Lil Rapfoo for the tip.)

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The AA are going to start doing a Wheel Air Drop by helicopter for all lorry drivers stranded on the M25 with flat tyres and no spare wheels. A spokesperson has announced that it is taking too long for an AA Man to reach a stranded lorry driver by road, so this Air Drop is going to be adopted on April 1st for one day only, to get lorry drivers rolling again asap.

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In line with the current Green policy of this government and its commitment to recycling, and reduction in global warming, it is proposed to introduce a Capital Grass Tax (CGT) in London and the Home Counties, and other major cities across the United Kingdom.

To see how this could best be implemented, preliminary trials are to be conducted in your area within the next month. An Area Lawns Inspector will be calling at your property (please ask for identification to ensure you do not admit bogus callers) to inspect your grass. Your lawn will be measured and assessed accordingly.

It is proposed to implement the new CGT at a starting rate of £5 per square foot. This is to be supplemented by an extra £1 per inch of grass height for those residents who do not cut their grass. The Government plans to draft in Turf Accountants who will visit residents once a month to count the blades of grass and check the ongoing lawn size and grass growth to ensure that no resident pays more than is necessary. However, it is proposed to sell special-issue CGT green grass recycling sacks (£15.00 for 10), and residents who cut their grass regularly will be given a 25p rebate per full green sack of grass cuttings returned to the Grass Cuttings Recycling Centre (GCRC) – location to be advised but it is planned to operate a GCRC in every street.

If you would like to nominate any part of your house or garden as a GCRC please notify your local MP. Your name will be entered into a prize draw - the first prize is the latest state-of-the-art Odour-Free Self-Emptying Garden Composter.

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A Lawnmower Licensing System will be implemented from 1 April next, and all householders with lawnmowers will be required to register ownership. Garden centers and all other retailers selling lawnmowers will be registering details of all lawnmower purchases, with immediate effect.

The license has been set at £120 per annum. From the end of next month, officials from the Lawnmower Licensing Office will be in your area visiting householders to inspect garages and garden sheds to establish who is in possession of a lawnmower. You have until the end of April this year to register your lawnmower with your local authority.

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Low Calorie Mineral Water
Guaranteed to help with weight loss if taking a calorie controlled diet. The product is on special offer, buy one get one three. Don’t delay - if you are worried about your weight get down to your nearest supermarket and stock up with Weight-Rose Low Calorie Mineral Water.