General Chat

Enters the thread, legs akimbo. Very much as if one has just dismounted from an 'orse!!!!

Oh dear, if I knew then what I know now, I would not have offered to help clean the rafters, polish the gargoyles or dust the vaulted ceiling. Are you sitting comfortable ladies? Then I shall begin.................................deep breathe!

Well, there I was this morning, bright and early, standing outside the church, waiting for the other ladies. Not that I have to wait to be let in, as you know, I have a key. But there is something spooky about that church, that I cannot go in alone. Maybe there is something afoot. Usually about 12 inches! titters.

We made ourselves a refreshing cup of tea, and allocated our jobs for the morning, then the men with the Equipment arrived. Great strapping lads they were. At least that is what we expected. But no. Just two elderly gentlemen, and some ropes, harnesses and pulleys that had seen better days.

I decided that since I was Organiser in chief, that I should go up first, and clean one of the fresco's on the upper wall. It is the Last Supper, and extends over 20 feet, I fully expected to just give it a quick whisk over with a scotchbrite, but was informed that it took meticulous cleaning with proper solvents, and cotton buds. Blow that for a game of soldiers, thought I. So I decided that some of the wooden carvings could do with a flick over with a feather duster.

Good job I was wearing my bloomers, that is all I can say. I was trussed up like a chicken ready for the oven, and then connected to a rope, which was connected to a pulley. One, two, three and up I went into the air. Do you know? When looking up, it is never as high, as when looking down. They fastened the rope, and I swung there. Not wishing to waste any time, I began cleaning, and polishing. These carvings had not seen a duster since they were first placed there. Mouse droppings as well. Ugh, Now I know that hickory, dickory, dock is true. Meeeeses can climb!

Satisfied with my lot, I motioned to be let down. I motioned again, not wishing to look down. When I did. Everyone had gone to tea! So there I was, swinging. The harness cutting into my btm, and my upper leg. One does not use the word...........thighs. And I waited. And I waited.

Half and hour later, I was lowered to the ground. My head swam, and my legs had turned to jelly, and my feet had pins and needles. And I came to earth with a bump. No amount of tea could make me feel better, and so I left in the tuk-tuk.

Do you know? I swear there was a slight smile of both Pat-trish-aaaah's and Cherry's face as I hobbled in. I am very, very sore!!!!

I feel just like John Wayne.

Mortified
Auntie Petunia

Petunia,
Better to have ridden a horse than eaten one :-D..... I wish I had been a fly on the wall in the chapel.. Lordy, what a picture you paint.. Scotchbrite? Ye gads, imagine the stir you could have caused...
I do not like meeses, and I like spiders even less. Yesterday while gardening, I was scratching amongst a rocky garden, collecting fallen leaves barehanded.. Next thing a HUGE spider ran out of the foliage... I have never seen such a large spider in our garden. I, err, dealt to the spider. No doubt it will rain soon :-(.

CC, your dinner sounded interesting, though hold the olives :-S, dreadful things...
A rumble through M&S sounds fun. Do they have sales on now before the Spring fashions emerge?. I have not bought any clothes at all this season... :-(. Oops, bar my posh frock of course.

Our dinner out last night was very nice, we sat outside for quite a while then retired inside to eat. Yesterday was a gloriously beautiful day. May we have many more before the season changes. :-)

Tonight I am cooking a leg of lamb :-). Delicious. I will have to make a trip to the supermarket to purchase a few root vegetables. Of course they are sky high in price at the moment. Such is life. I shall invite fruit and partner over, though fruit doesn't eat lamb so I may need to cook a piece of chicken :-(.

Better get moving, OH is outside washing the old car, I have a bench full of dishes that need dealing too. Then there is the ironing, cleaning the windows and whatever else I can be bothered to do.

Tis true, a womans work is never done.

Toodle pip,
Susan :-)

well Petunia dear, I suppose your recent experiences make you the oldest swinger in town ....... ;-)
*proffers dear Petunia a Mars bar*
I must say dear, that is a lovely little Shepherd & Shepherdess Meissen ornament you have in the passageway of the West Wing. I mean, that WAS a lovely little Meissen ..... dont worry dear I have swept up the pieces and hidden them in a drawer in case Mrs Danbury is around.


M&S often have sales Susan, but anything I'm interested in is rarely in the sale, or if it is in the sales, it is rarely in my size.
As Mrs Berry is having the day orf, I am jolly well beetling over to yours for some yummy roast lamb din-dins. I'll help with the washing up. I have a smashing technique for clearing dirty dishes :-D
Many years ago I was pottering in the garden when I disturbed a huge black spider, up to that point I'd never seen such a big one. Whilst Wagon Wheels have diminished in size down the years, and ceilings are lower than they were when I was two years old, I swear that spiders and wasps have grown larger.

what's that dear? you still feel like you're walking like John Wayne?
the hell ya do !!!!!
:-D :-D :-D :-D :-D :-D

Thank you dear Cherry, I do not drink Milk. So I will not get off my horse to drink it!!!

I am still a little chafed by the leather harness, and I dont think I will every sing contralto again. Beatrice has nothing to worry about. A soprano is more in line I think.

Dear Upsidedown Susan, it is a little time since I bought anything from dear old M & S. They do not have the selection of sophisticated colours anymore. I do not know who they are catering for, but I think it is colour blind 15 year olds. We are in shocking pinks and citrus colours this spring, apparently! Tutty tut.

Thank goodness I have kept up with the insurance, my china seems to have diminished since dear Cherry arrived. I keep seeing tiny fragments of porcelain on the hallway, but not the actual objects.

As it is Chinese New Year, I shall be ordering a banquet from The Lotus Blossom tonight. Alas, I think we will be sitting at the dining room table, rather than the cushions and low table. My predicament will not allow me to sit on my knees, I may not get up again.

Pouring over the menu. Delicately wiping the corners of my mouth.

Auntie Petunia

corrrrr a chinese take away? I don' 'alf fancy some prawn balls with lashings of sweet n sour sauce, or pork balls would do. And a portion of egg fried rice, with lashings of sweet n sour sauce ...... its been years since I had a chinese take away, ever since I had to go on that strict hospital diet. I believe this is the Year of the Snake? Shall we be slithering to the dining table? Should I wear a kimono or a cheongsam?

*clears throat and trills* THREE LITTLE MAIDS FROM SCHOOL ARE WEE-EEE ......... *chokes*

Talking of broken china - I ordered a very expensive (well, expensive to me) Carlton ware three leaf dish, and the idiot seller sent it wrapped in a piece of paper, second class recorded, and the sorting office managed to smash this plate into many pieces. All because the idiot seller was too lazy (and he admitted it himself) to go out and buy some bubble wrap and use an adequate cardboard box. He put the dish in a sheet of paper in an old dog dried food carton. I am devastated and no exaggeration. These dishes are whilst not quite rare, very hard to come by. The seller has agreed to refund the money I paid, following agreement that I return the broken pieces to him so he can make a claim against Royal Mail. I hope the refund offer includes the return postage. Or there will be trouble, and I will make it.

Well I think I shall toddle off to the kitchen and put the kettle on and make a nice pot of tea. What biscuits would you like Petunia? Bath Oliver? or Bourbon creams, or Niece? What's that dear? Nice? yes dear, biscuits are Nice.

I just noticed the amendment, Petunia dear - a Genteel Tale of Everyday Life. Are you trying to match Mrs Dale's Diary?

BTW - I do like your new dress. And the distant pose makes you look much younger, slimmer, and more elegant. But the expression on your face looks as if the dog had just mistaken your leg for a sapling !! :-D

Morning Ladies,

Genteel ?. Not sure that word fits 'moi'..... I too like your new picture Petunia. You sure have a large collection. My Mama has one of a long lost relative, it is actually pre paper photos. It is a plate type picture, mounted in a small box behind a glass plate. Most interesting and very old.... Don't ask me exactly how the gentlemen is related to me.

CC, glad you went for the Chinese and I didn't end up cooking the lamb. We went next door for chicken instead. The lamb will be cooked tonight.

Tis Monday again so that means back to work I go. Why is it Monday comes around so quickly?. Answers on the back of a postcard please. :-).

Ladies, are you expecting a Valentines this 14th?... My Oh and I don't bother. Many years ago, OH sent me some long stemmed roses. Well, they arrived in a long black box with a cellophane window, looked like a b**%y miniature coffin, still makes me shudder. Ungrateful wench that I am. Oops, I knew genteel is not me :-D... Now we do not celebrate the day with gifts, far too commercialised. That said, fruit will deliver flowers for the local florist as an extra earner.. :-).

~~~~~ to Lesley, you are conspicuos ( spelling? ) by your absence dear. I hope all is well with you and yours?.

~~~~~ to Teresa, are you well again now?. I hope our current weather holds for your fruit :-).

Time to get on with my day,

toodle pip
Susan

Susan I have a scanned image of a plate-type photograph, I dont remember the proper name of these things. The scanned quality wasnt very good although the man's face is clear-ish, and I put the image through Photosuite but there wasnt much real improvement. I think its wonderful that some of these plate pictures have survived to the present day.

Valentines Day? what is that please. Are husbands meant to do something nice for their wives??? ;-) Mine wouldnt know what Valentines Day was if it hit him on the head.

I went to another antiques fair this morning, and found a red spill vase which is a fair match for one I already owned, its a little higher than my original one (which was found at a school jumble sale many years ago) but is the same style and colour, so I'm happy with it. I saw a lovely citrine pendant, I have long wanted one, but as the price was £60 I decided to leave the moths in my wallet. A sign on another stall made me chuckle - it read "Haggle spoken here". I only ever achieved Interim level Double Dutch. However, I know quite a few people who speak Advanced Double Dutch.

I hope this coming week doesnt find you working too hard. Do eat sparingly, to make sure you can still get into your MoB outfit on The Day !!!
*ducks* :-D :-D :-D

Good evening dears.

Oh dear Cherry, Mrs Dale Diary. That was that Jessie Matthews who threw her cares over her shoulder, I do believe. She was always worried about Jim. And generally made a nuisance of herself. Always trying to help some poor soul. What a nosey woman she was. Imagine being like that!!!!!!

As usual dear Upsidedown Susan, I shall be spending St Valentine's Day in quiet solitude. I shall be reflecting on times gone by. Imagining what might have been with my own True Love. Of course I shall wear the cameo brooch, and maybe break out a small bottle of fizz to toast him. That was of course before that trollop Juana got her mitts onto him. That was when he was young, fearless and handsome. That was in my salad years, when I was a beautiful young gel, with the world at my feet. That, that, was a long, long time ago.........................Sobs.

Now, of course I feel I must clear up a little thing Cherry. We are, of course, all genteel Cherry dear. We are all well brought up young gels. We know when to tuck a napkin into our collar, to save ourselves from slipping soup. We know when to tuck our lace edge hankerchief into the pocket of our drawers. We also know how to discreetly remove a boogedy from our nostril without drawing attention to ourselves. We know when to be vocal, and when to be silent. We are ladeeeeeeze!!!!

Do let us know how the arrangements are going on dear Susan. Let us get excited together!

I hope you are not working too hard dear Teresa. I bet you have seen a fair few fractures over the past few weeks, have you not? Where is your fruit now dear? Still somewhere warm, lucky gel!!!!

I shall retire early tonight dears, there is to be football on the television tonight. No doubt the noisy neighbour will be yelling his head off!!!! How common!

I have an orchid coming into bloom dears, I cannot remember the colour, so that will be an exciting surprise.

Toodle
Auntie Petunia

indeed that was Jessie Matthews, Petunia dear, and she didnt only throw her cares over her shoulders. Indeed no. She drank as well !! like a fish, so I heard.

Oh yes. Fancy being a nosy old bat always poking her fingers and her nose into other peoples' business. Who does that remind you of? I do remember my dear lady Mama commenting about something that her own Mama had said to her, in particular about those who joined the police force to catch criminals. Of course, Grandmama was born in 1883 and things have changed - but Grandmama said "it takes one to know one".

Shall we spend Valentines Day alone together? Forget Patrick, the rogue that he was. Dont wear your brooch. Let us paint the town red instead. Wear your warmest fake fox furs, persuade Pat rish aaaah to crank up the tuktuk on a cold frosty night, and we shall be two merry old dears down at the Old Bull and Bush. I hear they do quaite edible carveries now, since Mr Jugg took over the establishment. If Beatrice's prominent adams apple isnt too worn out from all that deep singing she does, perhaps she could meet us there.

I was so genteel I didnt have pockets in my drawers, but my drawers were firmly shut every night to keep the dust out, and still are. It cuts down on the dusting, if drawers arent left open. And I have never been obliged to remove boogers in person, I blow my nose most discreetly then dispose of the evidence hygenically. Also, I know how to use my sleeve most discreetly when I have run out of freshly laundered lace handkerchiefs.

Oh what a to do. Another heeBay purchase has arrived in a smashed condition, because the idiot seller put the breakable item into a plain brown envelope and didnt even write Fragile on the envelope, instead of wrapping the item in bubble wrap and putting it into a protective cardboard box. This means a second fight to get my money back, and another trip to the post office to return the damaged item to the sender. I hope he she or it reads my message soon and supplies the return address and agrees to a full refund, but to be on the safe side I have reported this latest "smashing" incident to heeBay customer service. I hope there wont be a third incident, there was something else I had my beady eye on.

What sort of sender uses plain brown envelopes ........... !!

Goooood evening one and all!

Hee-bay is doing you no good at all Cherry dear, might one suggest you give it up as a bad job, and just pootle about at Car Boot Sales? At least you can see what you are getting, and then it is your responsibility to wrap it in cotton wool and cuddle it all the way home.........................or is that just me?

Did you have pancakes last night dears? I went to dear Beatrice's and she got a small primus out onto the table, and set about entertaining us by cooking them there and then. I thought for one glorious moment, we were to have crepes, but no, they were bog standard pancakes. She is very good at tossing I must say. Her wrist is very supple, and she flicked and twisted like a professional.

It was only when she was remixing the batter that she bent over, and set her hair on fire!!!! I fear that a trip to the hairdressers today will be a little on the short side. I think the picture of GI Jane comes to mind. Never mind, a pixie crop is very flattering to some, just look at Judi Dench. Mind you Beatrice is nothing like Judi dear, and yes, I have noticed her adams apple to be honest. I thought it might be something to do with her thyroid. She is a little on the ample side.

We went to church this morning, and duly we were anointed with ashes. I must admit that I forgot that I had the black mark on my forehead, and went shopping.....................I wondered why people were looking at me!! Two young gels saw me and burst out laughing! How coarse!

Yes, I agree Cherry dear, some people cannot mind their own business can they? Always poking their beak in, trying to interefere. How very fortunate that I am not like that, or it would make your life a misery! Tutty tut.

Be aware dears, there may be more of the white stuff tonight. Brrrrrrrr!

Keep warm
Auntie Petunia

"*throws another piece of Ark on the fire .....* brrrrrrr how cold it is getting. I do wish dear Petunia would invest in some decent central heating and double glazed draught-proof windows."

Hello Petunia dear, you missed cleaning off a bit of ash, I had forgotten it was Ash Wednesday until you reminded me. Just a smidgeon of ash on the tip of your nose dear. Oh ... its not ash, its a .......... no I am too ladylike to mention it but do blow and wipe your nose dear

Yes I have been very unlucky with the last two eBay purchases, but all the others were no trouble at all. I am still "watching" and am delighted to see that a duplicate of one of my eBay bargains wot I bought at a bargain price, is being sold by another seller for a small fortune. I wont buy it of course, but its nice to know what my possessions are worth.

I dont fancy attending car boot sales - I dont think I could squash myself into a car boot, and who would want to buy an old bag like me. No dont answer that.

No I didnt have time to make pancakes last night. I had thought Mrs Berry would leave some readymade, but it seems she didnt have time either.

Well as long as Beatrice doesnt frequent the Pudding Basin Barbers, I am sure that any damage to her hair can be rectified. Beatrice doesnt have thyroid problems dear, the other day when she leaned forward to inspect a book on your dining room table, her blouse flicked forward and I couldnt help noticing a very hairy chest. I think Beattie is really a Bertie, but hey, whatever floats her boat.

Ah Dame Judi. She is a lovely lady and brilliant actress. Vin Diesel wanted her to be in one of his movies, but his overtures were turned down. So he dropped what he was doing in America, and jet-planed to the UK to beard Judi in her dressing room and sweettalked her into agreeing to be in his film. I forget the name of the film now, but she played an Elemental, and she really brought a touch of class to the whole shebang. I recently saw her in Marigold Hotel, a lovely movie, with a good cast overall.

I paid someone to clean my fan oven today, I cant get down and do it with ease any more. It cost a fortune. Had the oven cleaner cleaned the top oven as well, it would have cost me twice a fortune. The delights (not) of getting old .....

Morning Ladeez,

Blow me down, tis Friday again :-)... My favourite day of the week.

I had a lovely day on Tuesday, went along with Fruit to a dress fitting :-), then to the hairdresser for a trial and then the makeup artist for a trial - all for fruit, not me.
I loved being able to be a part of it all, and may I say, my fruit looked beautiful <3.
Perhaps I am a bit one eyed, but hey, I am allowed to be.

We have had our morning constitutional, a few days ago we met a sour faced old bat who passed a comment that our pup should be on a lead. Perhaps, but we know our pup and know she wouldn't hurt a fly. The old bat stood rigid still, what did pup do but bark at her :-(.... Oh dear. Met her again today and fruit put pup on her lead to appease said bat. After passing by, we let pup off and she promptly chased after a cat... :-D. Showed us up good and proper. :-|.

~~~~ to Teresa and Lesley. I trust all is well with them both.

Petunia, I didn't have any pancakes, quite possibly because I didn't celebrate Shrove Tuesday??. I do love pancakes, especially flambe'd. Don't suppose they count though. No crepes suzette :-(.

I am running a tad late this a.m, best get on my way.

Have a lovely weekend. We are off to an outdoor concert in Taupo. Pat Benatar, Neil Giraldo, America and Bachman Turner. Lets hope for sunny skies.
I have to put together a picnic....

Toodle pip
Susan

~~~ to dear Susan, its still Thursday here, we had some rain today, not enough to flood (where I am, at any rate) but enough to wash away the last of Monday's snow.

Of course your Fruit looks beautiful, she takes after her lovely Mamma !!

I remember when our Ben chased after a cat once, because we'd let him off the lead as the Walkies was nearly over and he'd been such a good boy. Oh Boy did we have some trouble catching him ..... and he was an "old man" by then, too.

I've heard of Bachman Turner (werent they also Overdrive?) and Pat Benatar. Not sure about America, but I know I havent heard of Neil Giraldo. Enjoy yourself at the outdoor concert, and take a thick rug if you have to sit on the ground, in case its damp and you dont want to get piles, do you ;-)

The irreverent thought occurs to me that dear Petunia's title should be amended to : An Everyday Tale of Genteel Life. You have no idea how Genteel it is here at Motie Towers, a place for everything, everything in its place, and all must be "just so". And of course the etiquette is of the highest. I even have to scrub my hands before I take a shower doncha know, then there is Fingernail Inspection after the shower. Sometimes, its a relief when dear Petunia is out doing her many Good Works. I wonder who she's Good Work'ed up today ..... ;-)

My, my but my ears are aburning, do you think someone is talking about me?

Excuse my tardy typing dears, but I am seeing double, double, at the moment. I have been drowning my sorrows dear.

I thought that Cherry and I would enjoy a quiet evening together, but I cannot tell where she is. I have been sitting here maudling to myself.

Thinking what might have been.

I might have been married, I might have been happy.. I might have been Prime Minister. Who knows? I certainly could not have made a worse job.
If only dear Patrick had not gawn to War. If only I had not have been foolish. If only I had not gawn to Spain. If only Juana had not been a nasty little...............................................sobs.

Wipes away a tear from a glass eye.!!!

Of course you little girl looks lovely dear Upsidedown Susan. All young gels look like a Princess on their wedding day. I shall look forward to the photographs. By the by, do you like my outfit dear? Just take a look at my new avatar. Remember dear, sunshine yellow, with rust coloured accessories, to tone in with your Autumn.

I think you are teasing again dear Cherry. Fingernail inspection if your please! When I inspect you at all, then you may baulk dear. I simply like everything in its place dear. I watched a television programme tonight about obsessive hoarders and people with ocd about cleaning. It fair made my skin crawl. I can almost smell the bleach from here. Shudders.

So, I raise my glass to you all dears. Here is to Love. And all it entails.

Drops to floor in a drunken stupor.

Auntie Petunia
(hic)

Never fear Lesley's here :-D

I've had a little problem with my laptop :-(

But it's alright know :-D

I too am back,

I have been reet poorly lasses, laid up a bed for nearly a week :-( :-( :-(. My goodness I felt rougher than a butchers dog.

I fear the flu virus raised its ugly head, tis doing the rounds about these parts, Lesley dear its not many miles from your abode so take cover till March at least :-(

I'm on the mend a bit now so normal ish service will resume. No white laced hankies for me I'm afraid, man size tissues and a spittoon may have been more appropriate :-


Orff now for a nice cuppa char

Teresa(

*staggers in with laden shopping bags from another little expedition around the bargain stores*

Here I am ! Petunia dear, do please ring for Pat rish aaaah to put the kettle on and make us all a lovely hot pot of tea, and some crumpets too, Warburtons preferably. Euch please do put your glass eye back in, you remind me of the little ditty about "After The Ball Was Over", where the maiden put her false teeth in the glass, hung up her hair on the hook, put her false leg in the cupboard, and removed her glass eye, before going to beddybyes.

Oh how comfortable this chair seems tonight. Ooops Tricki Woo, sorry I didnt see you nestled there among the tasselled cushions. There's a good little doggie.

Now do cheer up Petunia dear, and perhaps we can have a game of chess later on. That should take your mind off things.

What an afternoon it was. Before I went shopping, I visited Lord Ammercy, who is a very good friend of my family doncha know. His sister is Maud, Lady Gunne-Downe. Lord Ammercy is having some trouble with revolting peasants. My advice was to install baths in their cottages.

I started to watch that program about the OC Cleaners, but after about twenty five minutes I decided to seek some Entertainment. I like to keep my cardboard box pristine clean, but even I am not as obsessed as that.

I must say your new outfit is a picture, and suits you immensely dear, but dont you think you should be wearing something with sleeves on a cold winters night such as this? At least the hat doesnt have bobbing corks attached.

Aah here is Pat rish aaaah with the tea trolley, let us stoke up the fire and get the chess board set up. Will you be Mother?

lovely to see you back Lesley, we thought the aliens had taken you to Mars :-D What was wrong with your laptop?

Well we are all still here, in spite of the asteroid roaming around 17 thousand miles from the surface of this planet. The poor Russians, being bombarded by meteor fragments. But from what I gather, no one was killed, so that's a good thing.

How's the baby?