General Chat

Like most people with their own front door, on Halloween Night I was up and down the hallway each time the bell rang, so I got plenty of exercise.

I’d bought two Value bags of apples from the local greengrocers for the dear little Trick ‘n’ Treaters, and a bag of walnuts for myself.

The first child came alone, I was surprised to see such a little mite out alone in the dark so I checked there were adults nearby. The child demanded a Treat with menaces so I handed over an apple and a few pennies. Then two small children came. I handed over two apples and a few pennies. Then three children came to the door. Then four …. Ok you get the picture, the word had gotten round I was an easy touch. Soon I had no apples or pennies left.

Then shortly before bedtime, the bell rang again. I opened the door to find a huge hulking shape wearing a miserable monster face, carrying a bulging bag clearly full of goodies. All I had left was a few walnuts. I duly handed these over saying “All my apples are gone, so it’s nuts to you”.

It was a case of mistaken identity. My husband now insists he WAS smiling, and he couldn’t help it if he’d left his doorkeys at his mother’s house, and the bulging bag contained the weeks groceries from SainsCo.

CC

How to discourage the neighbourhood brats from ringing your bell:

Shut the dog in the lobby with the letterbox propped open

have a bucket of cold water suspended from the guttering with a pulley rope

hang a skeleton outside your front door with a sign saying "guess what happened to the last kid who knocked here

rig the door bell to the electricity supply

stand by the door with a crazy wig on, as the brats ring your bell open the door and scream Aaaaargghhhhhh!

wear a white sheet stained with ketchup (for blood) and yank the door open as the bell is rung and bellow “what the hell do you want”.

On the twelfth night of Halloween
My true love gave to me...
Twelve pumpkins grinning,
Eleven witches brewing,
Ten spiders spinning,
Nine monsters howling,
Eight vampires biting,
Seven doors a-creaking,
Six ghosts a-haunting,
Five TRICK-OR-TREATS,
Four hooting owls,
Three black cats,
Two flying bats,
And a vulture in a dead tree!

Did you know I was like that Sally person on tv dears? I must have second sight, at least one and a half!!

Good evening dears, I am speaking from the harbour at Southampton, I am more used to Portsmouth, and the Spinnaker building, but Southampton seems very nice in the evening hue.

I can see a gaggle of young gels and gents, sitting merrily eating pizza. Could that be they? dear Teresa?

They are all laughing and having a jolly good time dear, I can see they are all well brought up young people, so letting of a little steam after their hard endeavours, who can blame them? I think you should not fret dear.

Ah the guitar, I think I told you my tale of woe did I not? Once you have heard Smoke on Water for the millionth time, you tire of it a little. Especially of the head banging that goes along with it!

I shall be staying in Southampton tonight dears, I have an inspection tomorrow. I am having luncheon with a Captain of a certain battleship that is in dock.

Lord alone knows how I shall contain Pat-trish-aaaaah with all those jolly jack tars, but a muzzle springs to mind!

Aye Aye shipmates
Auntie Petunia

CC, if it were Christmas you might be mistaken for the grinch ;-). Apples, what a good idea. I am surprised so many children accepted an apple. Good for them.

I had to eat two small pinky bars last night as we had no late callers... A 'small' chocolate bar really is not much use to me :-D

What a hoot getting pizzza's delivered to a ship :-D... Teresa, do FTE and her fellow crewpersons get fed the same tucker as the passengers?. Or a scaled down version? If it is Monday it must be ******, type of thing?

Petunia dear, don't embarrass FTE in front of her new friends :-D.
Porridge is supposed to be very good for ones cholesterol.... I have been told I have high cholesterol and should go on medication. No way Jose'... Oats will help the cause..

Tis Friday again already, my how the weeks are flying by. We are in for a bit of rain over the weekend it would seem...

Have a pleasant weekend ladies,
Susan

ah well, you see, Susan, that was another of my little jokes. No way would I open the door on a dark night ... not even to MFH !! :-) The reality was that the children round here seem to accept that The Grinch lives at our house, and no one came to the door at all.

It's still Thursday night here .... and a very cold damp one. I am really feeling the chill at the moment cos the central heating has switched off (its timer controlled). I think we will have to extend the timer setting ..... and watch the bills go up. Sigh.

It's a wild and wicked rumour started by the porage manufacturers that porage helps reduce cholesterol. At any rate - it didnt work for me. I've been taking cyder vinegar in water or fruit juice, to bring my chol levels down. There was a lady on here who said it works for her - she went from over 7point to under 5point in six months. I currently take the cyder vinegar in organic apple juice. I read a newspaper article recently which said that cyder vinegar is also good for other "ailments". And for those ladies who inconveniently feel The Urge - a tea spoon of bicarb in a glass of water each morning helps control that problem.

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Petunia dear will you please come back home. You will get a bad reputation, hanging around docks while handing out boxes of pizza. You might as well say "Hello Sailor" and hoist your mainsails.

I prefer Smoke On The Water as performed by Rolf Harris. And his version of Stairway To Heaven is brilliant. In fact, anything Rolf does is OK with me :-)

CC

Good Evening Ladies

Last evening passed again without incident :-D in 22 years of dwelling in our abode we have never had a knock at the door by children or adults doing trick or treat :-D and being a wicked mama I have never taken our fruits out doing this ritual :-(

Teresa now a gal can never have to many clothes or shoes :-D

CC. Welcome home, welcome
Come on in, and close the door
You've been gone, too long
Welcome, you're home once more
Sing along everyone :-D

Can I ask Susan what is a pinky bar? :-S

Now I appreciate you enjoy your charity work Auntie Petunia but a pizza delivery operative :-0 please tell me this isn't true :-(

Good morning dears,

Now there seems to be some misunderstand here dears, I was not delivering the pizzas. Oh dear no, far too low below my dignity. I was merely observing the general merriment when said pizzas arrived. Tutty tut.

We are up bright and early, as we are to inspect the Battleship and have luncheon with the Captain. I must say I have dressed in his honour.

I have a navy blue ensemble with my bonnet set at a jaunty angle. I shall give the lads the once over and then onto luncheon, and discuss how we can raise funds for the children of the sailors, to give them a jolly Christmas Party. Now that is what I do best!

Can someone please tell me what is going through Pat-trish-aaaah's mind?

She keeps talking about a lady singer called Cher.......................visiting a battle ship in a video for a popular beat synchopated song................singing amongst the sailors.................and sitting astride a gun?

Please dont tell me...................................

Dreading it will be a long, long day..............

Auntie Petunia

Dear Lesley, I thank you for the rhyme
and hope composing it didnt take too much time.
You have so many new duties of late
Which is course is a Grandmama's fate.
Lots of hugs are sent to Baby E
From all us Motettes, especially me :-)

I never let my children go out bothering the neighbours for trick or treat either, and now I'm getting old I really resent the interruption to my evenings. Its not like its a traditional British custom. What makes it worse, is when the teens start and if they don't get anything they throw eggs and flour at the door and windows - this happened to my mother. If fact they got such a bombardment, and my sisters car was damaged as well, and they had to call the police out.

*

Petunia dear you had better dose Pat rish aaaah up with some bromide. I have seen that video of Cher with the sailors and the big gun ..... she was wearing nothing but legs and black stockings, as she gyrated around the decks of the ship !! The sailors looked mightily pleased with the whole affair. I wouldnt be surprised to learn that Pat rish aaaah buys herself a long black curly wig and a pair of tights, before the end of the day. I blame the Windsor Chapter, myself, she has never been the same since that experience.

CC

cooeee one and all.

Auntie FTE and FTY are both children of a sailor :0) can they have a christmas gift from you fund. It will save their Mama a lot of money. FTY is requesting
another devils x box game and FTE needs some clothes sent to Antigua (this is a true) !!!!! Dont even ask????????

Orff now to prepare for paid toil tomorrow

~~~~~~~~~~~~ to Lesley and Cherry and Susan


Teresa

Dear gels, you find me sitting in a darkened room.

Mortified Mortimer that is me!

Well the morning started off really well, the tuk-tuk was driven along the quayside, and Pat-trish-aaaah and I were piped aboard the Battleship. My but it was big, and grey!!!!!

The Captain was a lovely fellow, he was wearing his best uniform, as we were VIP's for the day. I did notice that Pat-trish-aaaaah was carrying a carpet bag, but she is such a sickly creature, I presumed she was carrying all her medications. You name it, she either applies it, sniffs it, inhales it, smears it, inserts it, or combs it through.........................no square inch of skin is not taken care of!!!!

The luncheon was wonderful gels, a little 1970's I might say, Prawn Cocktail, Steak and Chips, with Taramasu to follow. The gentleman drank white wine, but as you know I am teetotal, I brought along my elderflower cordial.

We were just discussing the finer points of how we could raise funds for the children when a huge cheer went up! We peered through the porthole onto the deck.

The ships company were all assembled, in the middle of the deck was a woman prancing around. Who is that hussy I said to myself. Three guesses? Of course you are right in one!!!

The sight of Pat-trish-aaaaah in fishnet tights is an image that will live with me for a long, long time. As you know she is a lumpy creature at the best of times, and pale, deathly pale. Those cellulite legs in those tights cannot be described. Have you every seen curds and whey being strained through a cloth, then you will have some idea of what it looked like. Great lumps of white flesh squeezing through the fishnet.

Did I not tell you she bought some attire from Ann Winters a few months ago? Yes the bodice and thong came into play. She laced herself so tightly, she was spilling over everywhere. And the wig!!!!! You are right Cherry, I think she has been on a popular shopping channel. Long, black and curly, it was a sight to behold.

And then the music started.........................along the deck she pranced, shaking her wig, and girating at all the sailors. Winking her eyes, and blowing kisses. Please I thought to myself, just make it end.

But no................onto the gun turret she clambered. I thought the full moon had appeared..............and incidently, when did she have those eyes tattooed onto her buttocks?

Sitting astride the gun, she was singing at the top of her voice and throwing her arms around with gay abandon!

And then it happened..................she slipped off the gun, and onto the deck. Luckily she has enough padding in herself, as to make her bounce. And bounce she did, straight over the side.

Lifeboats were lowered, and eventually she was rescued. The Captain suggested she was taken below, but I insisted she was taken to hospital for observation..............anything to get her off the ship.

And so here I am, sitting in a side ward, with Pat-trish-aaaaah snoring away. I think I shall leave soon, and book myself into the Oliday Hinn again. I am in need of an evening of relaxation with a good book.

Good night Gels
Auntie Petunia

~~~~~ back to Teresa, at least your Offspring are asking for something, so you know they haven't forgotten you ! ;-)

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Well Petunia dear, I did warn you to get some bromide and put a few drops in Pat rish aaah's tea, didnt I. Now, you know that gel is easily led - and why were you not keeping an eye on Pat rish aaaah during luncheon? Did you not notice she had slipped away. I trust she changed into her "outfit" in the discreet environ of a first class cabin and not behind the big funnel.

As it happens, that bag she always carries makes me think of Vera Giles, the thin pasty sniffly lady who is related to Grandma Giles with whom I was once acquainted. I do miss Grandma. And the twins .....

But I digress - tell me, pray, when that gel bounced into the ocean, did the ocean get out? I trust no one mistook her for a whale? You really must consider forgiving Juana and taking her back into the fold. She might just help Pat rish aaaah to keep out of mischief.

I am sending you a virtual flask of coffee, as we speak, laced with a little Restorative to keep your spirits up. And I will arrange for Lesley to travel to Portsmouth and bring you back home in the tuktuk. Pat rish aaaah can always catch the train when she is recovered.

CC

Hello One and All

All went well today and E doesn't have to return to London until 11th December :-D

We had time to shop in Oxford Street before the appointment, eldest and youngest fruit shopped till they could drop :-D I just dropped :-D all I wanted to buy was an English made traditional Teddy Bear I think I was asking to much :-( Selfridges only had 4 decent bears all made by the famous Germany company :-( House of Fraser Teddy Bears what are they, zilch :-S John Lewis had John Lewis or John Lewis bears :-0 unfortunately we didn't have time for Hamleys :-(

Has anyone got any ideas where a English made bear can be bought? ...... .................. Teresa please don't tell me Colchester as I think I will cry:-|

good morning all, its a bright one here. Someone pass me my sunglasses and a big floppy hat please!! and a fur coat ..... :-D

Hello Lesley that is good news regarding the baby isnt it, and how reassuring the hospital will monitor her.

Teddy Bears. I wont ask "what are they?" Have you tried searching in Amazon or Play for the English-made ones, or generally Googling? Whatever you do - dont buy one from Danbury Mint or Bradford Exchange, they sell bears but both these companies have been "advertised" on Watchdog BBC1.

Were the ones in Selfridges made by Stieff?

When I was knee high to a kipper, there was a huge teddy bear in the family which I think had belonged to my mother when she was a child. I remember this bear well. Around 1960/61 Mama decided to dispose of said bear as it was falling to pieces but it was too big for the dustbin and could not be burnt on the coal fire in the morning room, for the same reason ... it was bigger than the grate. The council were building a block of flats on a piece of ground behind our street, so one dark night my oh-so-correct and respectable Mama took the bear for a walk down the garden path and threw it over the party wall into the building site.

Hoping you all have a good weekend :-)

CC

actually, sun glasses and a fur coat isnt as daft as it seems. While I was away, languishing and lost, trying to find Georgianna and the wisteria, I noticed several children walking along the prom in the bitter cold wind, dressed for Antarctica, munching merrily on ice cream cones !

CC

Good morning dear Ladies,

CHERRY STOP, STOP. Please dont send dear Lesley to Portsmouth, I am in Southampton!!!!!

Lesley dear, I am delighted your little one is doing well. Give her a big smacker from her Auntie Petunia.

Ah the West End, my local shopping centre. Tis no wonder there are no English Bears. Most of our toys seems to be imported. I would have said John Lewis, but as you have had no luck there, there is no other suggestion I have.

House of Fraser? Debenhams? These two have sister shops in big towns, they are not solely in the West End. Maybe try those?

The hospital phoned this morning, and said that apart from swallowing a gallon of seawater, Pat-trish-aaaaah is well. So I can pick her up today.

I think I will get back to the Captain before I pick her up from the Hospital, to continue our fundraising business. She can wait.

Cherry dear, I am still undecided about Juana. She did me wrong and I find it hard to forgive such underhanded carrying ons. We will see.

Off to breakfast now ladies, then a perambulation down to the quayside.

All the nice gels love a sailor.......................................

Auntie Petunia

I stand corrected ... no, I sit corrected, Petunia dear. I have redrawn the map for Lesley and she will be on her way to Southampton soon, in her new running shoes and wearing her best shell suit.

Breakfast, ah yes, a sailor's hearty breakfast. Eggs, bacon, tomatoes, fried bread, baked beans ....... tie your hat on firmly, it might be a windy day :-D

CC

Shell suit and new running shoes on check, map with NEW direction to Southampton check, I'm orf Auntie Petunia and I should be with you by Friday...................................... at the earliest :-D

It seems there is a shop in Bacton near Stowmarket that sells Merrythoughs bears :-) some even have a growler :-) I can order online but I think I would like see the bear rather than go for the easy option so failing all else I'm orf to Suffolk after I return from Southampton. :-)

Yes CC it was Steiff bears that were in Selfridges :-(..................I must say you are looking very distinguished in your sun glasses and fur coat ;-)

oh Lesley we have missed one another yet again ....... I only returned from Suffolk just last week. Darn.

Yep, sun glasses, fur coat - and dont forget the big floppy hat holding my rapidly depleting strands of hair in place :-D

Alas I find myself in the situation where I have to do some online ordering now, but am very careful about my purchases, and Amazon is very good, and for the most part I haven't been disappointed. But do agree, there is nothing like examining the goods in person, before one pays for them!

Coming along the B-roads now. Pat-trish-aaaaah is motoring nicely. She is fine. She is made of sterling stuff.

Now who is this I can see in the distance. A beautiful lady in a tracksuit.

Hop in Lesley, we can give you a lift home.

Wrap yourself in the tartan rug and keep warm.

Home James, and dont spare the horses.

Auntie Petunia