General Chat

her many fatherless children - all eighteen of them!!! - he followed the trail of fag smoke and lo and behold there she was - she was pleased and surprised to see him - he usually gave her some of his roadkill, the odd squirrel or hedgehog - time to repay him for his kindness - what ho Eldrick me old son she said - how about

cooking all the roadkill that she feeds to

Looking for a Saviour in the shape of the Barmaid from the local hostelry,Big Berthas Sister Fagash Lil who also smokes a pipe whilst

poor old eldick not having much luck is he,so he slunk off into the woods
and

Who was using the vicar as a prop for tossing the Caber in the local games.

Oh dear, as he looked at the list of names his stomach lurched, the chicken livers & quails eggs he had eaten earlier tried to make a reappearance.

There on the noticeboard was a photo of the vicar & partner... it was Cyanide Samantha & Big Bertha!!!

But where would be find Cyanide Sam?

Last time he saw him was at a school reunion, about twenty years ago.................he thought, and thought......... and remembered Cyanide Sam was quiet that night, and told a "secret" - he always wanted to be a woman! So .......where to look for Cyanide Samantha?

The Women's Institute Treasurer!!!!

Eldrick rushed off to the village church again.........

would be big enough and strong enough, both in the physical and mental sense, to tackle Big Bertha.

A metaphorical light bulb burst inot illumination above his head...

Cyanide Sam, the one man he knew could take on the job

a spot of voodoo - perhaps a wax doll and pins - but he'd need an enormous amount of wax - he began thinking about employing a hit-man - someone who, for a couple of quid would maybe not polish her off completely but disable her inasmuch as she would no longer be able to follow him - now he had to think who

even Blackadder would approve. But first he had to stop BB form following him. It was almost as though they were connected by a psychic thread.

Where he was, there also was Big Bertha; this had to stop! he tried to clear his mind. He had thought of brain washing but was unsure if it would shrink.

Ah well there was always

endeavour to come up with some cunning plan - a plan so cunning that

stop chafing at the bit he would

find any Vaseline - Bertha's thighs on the other hand simply frightened him - nutcrackers came to mind - he just hd to get shot of BB before something really dreadful happend to him, now if only he could manage to

The mere thought of Thor reminded him about his thighs, and that he still hadn't been able to

idea of him being the god Thor come to earth to save her

Eldrick's world of calm scientific certainty was beginning to crumble. This shouldn't be happening as there was no rational explanation for Big Bertha's

poor old Eldick his heart sunk down to his boots even his faithful
stallion has forsaken him what cunning plan can he come up with

Dobbin did not come to his call as he had spotted a fine young filly tied up to the Church railings

Lime Street,where she nicked all his clothes and pawned them to pay for

eh :-S :-S :-S