General Chat

Eldrick threw himself at the burning paper, and missed. He was saved from crashing onto the hard flagstones by the fact that the midden hadn't yet been mucked out.

As he arose from the mire looking like the creature from the Black Lagoon, Nanny recoiled.

Whilst in poetry lums may reek, Eldrick's neeps were doing a fair impression of the same. In fact it wasn't just his neeps : his whole person was rank.

In any event, Eldrick's efforts had been not only in vain but also an act of total stupidity as Nanny had only been going to roll one of her own cigarettes and in her befuddled state forgot to put any actual tobacco in the paper.

Through scorched and cracked lips she whispered to Eldrick "You daft bu**er! Iwas going to......."

A bit of grubby paper as she handed it to him .the silly woman set fire to it so now

it would save on the cost of a funeral.

Eldrick approached Nanny and decided that the direct approach would be best. So taking his courage, as well as his neeps, in both hands, he coughed to get her attention.

As she turned her rheumy to his he asked, "Nanny, just who is my father?"

Nanny didn't reply but merely sighed deeply and started fumbling in her blouse. Having found what she wanted she removed it (the object, not the blouse!) and showed Eldrick the

become one of the candidates - don't think so thought Eldrick and anyway, he can't stand sweetcorn - so back to the drawing board - and then he thought - Nanny is sure to know who my real father is, she was there when I was born, so off he went to find her - she was lying in the hay smoking her pipe - a bit dangerous he thought, but nevertheless

His mum knew the jolly green giant haha the plot thickens .& so does

green - he began to think of all the people who were around when he was growing up - could it have been Squire Trelawney, or was he gay? On the other hand there was Big Bertha's father - please not him - that would make her my sister - bad thought - and then he remembered

Ummmmmmmm would it have been Shrek oh no his blood was

Giant haystacks him that was decended from

more purple than red or blue - a kind of mixture - so there was noble blood in there - so who was his father then? Could it be

everyone elses with one exception the colour was

composure & just was so happy his blood was the same as

and what he found out was a real shock ,after he regained his

to the local Bloodsucker/ Vampire to see if he could tell by taste if he was of the royal blood line or just a "Fitz"

All the old ladies are locked in the lavatory,opps I digress
Eldrick really wanted to know if he did have blue blood so he went to

Went to meet"The Grim Neep Gatherer"Who came with his Neep cutting Scythe swinging away at his lower extremities smiling and singing Oh dear what can the matter be?

be the True Eldrick again and off he

cumbersome so it had to be lanced - very painful - however, Eldrick realised that now he was back in the safety of his ancestral pile he could

grew to an enormous size and became quit

widgets have played a large part all through my life - I am rarely without one - I well recall the time when one of my widgets

I have years of experience at pulling widget..... started when I was a little tacker, my nanny showed me how