General Chat

He looked again , his onions & neeps were thawing out and there
was a

Are you sure this is the right rd what is that you have on the front of your trousers its moving !Oh no

He crouched down so he wouldnt be noticed , gathering his frozen onoins & neeps in his hands he said

from the juggernaut driver - what a great big a***e you have lady" whereupon she screamed and dashed back on the bus with her knickers in her hand - and big knickers they were at that - Eldrick revved the engine and off they went - the countryside sped by, half the old ladies were sick and the smell of many things was becoming quite unbearable so Eldrick drew into a service station and disappeared into the ablutions department - when he came out the bus was empty - the old dears were trying to club together for the price of a cup of tea - £3.00 a cup at the services and that was a special offer

He hitched a ride in a cattle truck going North - the smell was much the same as on the bus but seemed more country-like in comparison - the driver was a Scot and soon they were chatting away as if they'd known each other for years - they were approaching Carlisle when the lorry driver said something which startled Eldrick - he said

Did an emegency stop .alright my lovely`s be quick go behind the bushes .just then a big juggernaut went past & there was a big cry

And throwing the driver through the open door he hijacked the coach.

Only too late did he realise that the coach was full of little old ladies. He'd inadvertently hijacked the Much Fumbling In the Meadows Womens Institute who were on their annual day trip.

Rapidly deciding that the ladies would not know the difference between Cardiff Cathedral, and Edinburgh Cathedral he slammed the door and set of at a fair rate of knots.

Looking at the lady to one side of him he jokingly remarked, "Some speed, eh ma?"

She glared at him and answered " I can't speak for the others, but I just have!"

Eldrick looked at her in alarm and

a coach tour going to Cardiff Cathedral. He slipped onto the coach when the driver was occupied talking on his phone.

and while he was chewing the fat and gazing out of the steamed up window into the adjacent car park he noticed

Derby in the early hours of the morning,[well he had been walking all night]he called in at the all night greasy spoon and

looking slightly the worse for wear, his tatties were quite tattered and his neeps were all but destroyed - oh woe is me he thought but the pull of the heather and the haggis was strong and onward he strode, even though in mortal pain - the Irn Bru had lifted his spirits somewhat and the thought of some haggis and tatties served up by Nannie spurred him on - he had no idea where he was but knew he was going North - it was getting colder and his kilt barely covered his embarrassment - however, on he forged until he reached

Strive with all his might to get there and although his onions were now

comes to mind but no he will not be driven from his rightful place in Bonnie Scotland he will

Wild beasties, and anything else that

Sex mad Ogress,I,d be better off in Borneo with the wild men and the

have the freedom I seek away from that

Getting we were Betrothed,Woe is me,I thinks thats her dad,Even Bigger than Giant Haystacks, methinks I may have to emigrate to lands far away where I can at least

Big Bertha , oh lor he thought I'm for

Its a Hap Hap Happy Day,to my home I,m on my way,However,Bearing down at a rate of knots in pursuit was

"Irn Bru gets you through"

"If it was good enough for my grandad, it's good enough for me"

So he swiped a bottle from the display.

Little did he know, he was being watched on CTV!

Sirens whooped! Bells rang!

A huge security guard ran in and grabbed

Eldrick coudnt contain himself ,, he picked himself up after falling over his oinions an said