General Chat

going to get away from its Tenticles just then

it was an octopus trying to make love with a set of bagpipes. Eldrick decided that he'd had enough to drink so he left the pub and hitched a lift on a pink elephant that just happened to stroll by.

He was beginning to get the feeling that he had crossed into an alternative universe. How was he

when me brains are pickled with the black stuff and me onions are dragging me down,whatever is going to become of me he thought, just then as if by a miracle ,he saw the most amazing sight in the distance-----

it must be one of my senior moments,I get them some times when \i'm

he thought - what's going on FGS - leprechauns? in Scotland?

He glared at them and pointing his shellelagh menacingly, growled 'Keep away from my onions or you'll feel the end of this round your little chops.' They took a step backwards and . . . . .

leprechauns who were eyeing his onions with envy -----

cow pats and thought "ee by ekky thump. This is not Scottish heather, nah lad its irish heather." He had fallen into a portel and found himself in the greenest land this side of Watford, yes he was on a bar stool with a pint of the Irish nectre and a small gang of

flat on his face - he just couldn't run - being neepless had upset his equilibrium, so how could he make it to the emerald isle - not possible he thought so he carried on North to bonnie Scotland - nannie would knit him some new neeps hopefully and all would be calm once more - with this in mind he forged ahead and reached the first loch - he could smell the heather now and

and he hadn't done that in a long time so pretty soon he was

foray. Suddenly it came to him in a quick flash. 'Begorra, I've got it', he exclaimed with excitement. 'I shall head off to the land of the Leprechauns - The Emerald Isle!!' Me old sparring partner, Seamus, will put me up to be sure, to be sure! He dribbled at the thought of the pints of black liquid gold they would share together. 'It'll be just like old times, it will, it will'!!

He hummed to himself, as he set about searching for a fallen tree branch to fashion a shellelagh (a stout knotty stick with a large knob on the end) to protect himself during the long journey and, with that, set off westwards.

'Maybe I'll find that beautiful colleen I met when I was last there, he mused happily as he strode along, swinging his shellelagh - 'now what was her name? Ah yes, I remember - it was Allanah!' All his aches and pains now gone, he started to run . . . . .

move over a counter meal of Black pudding and chips, with a side serving of tripe and onions

At least the food in these northern climes could warm the cockles of your heart.

having satisfied his hunger he

he stopped at the first pub he came to and had pint of John Smiths that warmed the cockles of his heart and planned his next

and his tatties were in turmoil.

He was beginning to think that his quest would never end. For how much longer would he have to carry this burden?

Feeling very sorry for himself he

went upon his way,very snail like,he was so weary,his onions were becoming quite heavy again and causing him some considerable agony-----

The smell brought back memories of time spent in the American wilderness. For a fleeting moment he thought of returning there but decided not to as he didn't want to be neepless in Seattle

So pausing only to consume a possum or two, cooked by Dame Edna, he once again

ran in the direction of the wonderful aroma ,oh possoms ,slowly cooking on the bbq,-------

a full set of neeps. How many young maidens had swooned at his feet, only to awaken as women.

These reminiscences caused a stirring in his sporran. Opening it he found that the squirrel from the oak tree had taken up residence.

With his newly aquired pet (which he could always bbq later, if the need arose) he again turned north and

a carefree young man with

slept the night away and dreamt of the days when he was