General Chat

the biggest bookworm he had ever seen. It was wearing tartan plusfours, a velvet smoking jacket and smoking a pipe (the jacket was smoking because of the pipe).

"Good Evening Eldrick, I've been expecting you"

Eldrick decided there and then to cut back on his use of the wakky bakky. That last lot must have been more potent than the others.

The bookworm slithered over to Eldrick, no mean feat when you are wearing plus fours and have no anatomy designed for wearing such clothes and, offering him his pipe, asked "Want a drag?"

At that precise moment all Eldrick wanted was a nice laundry where he could give some urgent attention to his underwear.

"No! Thank you," Eldrick replied, "But I would like a....."

a certain book , the bookworm eyed him up & down & thought I have a right one here wonder how much

money I can extract out of him. The bookworm was well aware that the books with all the information our hero needed could be bought for £3.99 each from the supermarket. What the bokworm did not know (for he could not slither far in the plus fours) was that all the books had been bought from all the local supermarkets. They had been a bit of a run on neeps and tatties as well for some strange reason ;-)

So the bookworm turned and said

Dress in Josephs Coat of many Colours so it will disguise the shades of grey whilst visiting the tanning shop,little did he know that the Tanning was performed by Whiplash Lil who donned herself out in Leather and thigh length boots and a Mask to hide the fact she was Big Berthas Great (Really Great ) Aunt, who had heard about this Northern Lothario who had lost his neeps and onions and just had to see him returned to her family fold so that they could consumate there meeting over a meal of

:-S :-S :-S haggis

With out the neeps and onions,but never fear,the meal was taken with great aplomb,(Poking out the shot from the haggis) it took ages to shoot as it was a bit aged and rather fruity ( Which Whiplash was partial to) so they really got down to it,or it down them,then came the celebrity toast (Burnt bread dunked in Drambui) this went on for some time untill it was time to

Hit the hay, poor old Eldrick wasn't in the mood for any hanky panky after eating all that haggis so he

broke wind loudly several times and then fell into a deep sleep. He awoke at dawn to the unearthly sound of

Whiplash Lil snoring he crept away as silently as he could but was stopped in his tracks by







Wend you really made me larf

the sound of

The bells coming from the church on the out skirts of the moors,
so he knew he was near the

end of his journey , suddenly there was a gust of wind ( No Not Eldrick !!)
He nearly lost his onions so he hung

on tightly thinking that he might get into pasties now there was no tax to pay on a flaky pastry

Oh Pasties how i like the sound of them,me mouth waters at the thought so I'll just go

and dab butter on my pastry whilst I fetch the neeps

Oh what a feast he could have amongst the heather then he saw it the village of Brigadoon and he thought

now my belly is full, I shall take a nap

He glanced around to see if anyone was watching then he loosend
his onions & settled down in the grass, suddenly

There was a rustling noice .just turning his head slightly he saw a great big bear so he thought but lo & behold it was a courting couple .lying on a brown rug . it brought tears to his eyes but its only me onions under