General Chat

Glad that you are surviving with your sanity not much worse than before.

Err Dermot. SMACK ;-)

Stay strong lovely lady.

xJill

Well done Uzzi for keeping sane! Sorry about the ankle though, you will need a holiday yourself after Mum has flown home.

Keep us updated!

Annx

Oh I wish, wouldn't it be interesting!

Glad you are coping and can handle your Mum fairly well now, with the help of T, who sounds a bit of a saint where she is concerned, some people would have tossed her over a cliff or whatever lol

I am sure you will be welcome back at the hotel when she has gone home, and you can always take some of the unwanted gifts and leave for raffle prizes perhaps or quiz night prizes lol

Take care and hope the ankle improves soon

Lizxx

Uzzi

Very difficult and exhausting for you and bad luck about the ankle but I must admit I was touched about the jewelry - not your choice I know - but the thought was there. Some of the jewelry sounded very nice. Good you have the support of your OH

Vera

When are we to read your mum's version of events - in the interest of balance & fairness?

Liz thanks, as for my mishap it's not good I'm now in a soft splint :-0 it would have been easier to have broken the damn thing. Doesn't help I keep walking on it ..well u have to when you have mutts. Still not long and I can put it up for awhile :-) mind it "£$% hurts in the meanwhile.

Today we went to see her for a short while and she was happy to come "over" the road and just as happy to let us go early as T had to go to work (mind they do have music on tonight) .
We are surviving and obviously this is a very edited version ..lol even T gets an edited version and he yawns after an hour !
I have just a week and a bit left and next week is all sorted for our hours. Just waiting for the heart wrench she will give me. Thankfully I can't see her on the day she leaves and I'm glad as it's Dad's birthday and it a me time. Glad that she misses mine 2 days later because I don't need it.
Will reflect on mother dears visit once she has left ..I don't think I have changed much altho have T there does keep me calm, I don't think Mother dear has changed much either altho' she did seem to be thoughtful after the 1st 2 days. Who knows -Until then smile

So how is it all going you may be wondering?

Not bad considering, I'm actually calmer now than I was a week ago and mother dear is still in 1 piece and breathing.
It didn't start well at all......
Mother dear arrived late Tuesday not that I knew so wed morning I phoned the hotel she wasn't in her room so I left a message to tell her I would be there about 10.30am ..which I was ..and wished I wasn't. Mum was in reception kicking up a storm. (more like a bl**dy hurrican but I didn't know that at the time). I asked her if she wanted to come across the road for coffee or should I let T take the Mini for a walk (Minx was at the hairdressers). No she wanted me with her so off T toddled with dog and instructions to fetch me at 11.45.
Mother dear was with the hotel pr lady (who spoke english) because she had locked herself out of the room safe. Okay I can understand that she didn't read the pretty pictures on the front and just shut the door with her worldly goods inside.. She was slating the hotel saying she didn't like it the bed was hard, the room cold, and the receptionist wouldn't give her my phone number and why didn't T come in.
Eckkers where did I start T couldn't come in we had a dog with us and it was only a short visit as I had another to pick up, The receptionist didn't have my phone number I didn't leave it. Woweeee I would kill for a bed this size I could have a party in it well it's as big as my whole bedroom. After Monica had shown me how to work the safe and left I then got I needed you to unpack for me ....deep breathes ..... I did do but meanwhile she is going 14 to the dozen about other things. One thing she didn't complain about was the fact that she was in a room with a bath rather than shower and couldn't be moved until the following Tuesday!!! She managed the move AND the ruddy safe.

Bless mother dear handed me the pressies she had bought along for me a watch and matching bracelet that I had declined 2 years ago but accepted with grace, a gold coloured necklace which is rather nice, a 2nd necklace with 1 matching earing these were all mixed in a box together so I just said thankyou. A pair of earring red whooooo I like these would have prefered blue but red is okay the earings are fab whilst they last. Another necklace of shells ..what I would call bling ..tasteful if you wear that sort of thing T hated it on sight lol so not me. also a couple of tacky bracelets that thankfully Mother had said before hand if you don't want any of them give them back .... The bracelets went back with I wear bangles Mum when I wear anything ...Oh and a bar of Dove soap which she asked for back this week as she don't like the hotel soap !!!
I unpacked we went for coffee and after explaining that both me and T would be there later that evening BUT we had to have the mutts with us as no dog sitter, we would go across the road for a drink...okay she said ...

Phew survived that just ...

Oh Tuesday we had a mega fight between my 2 mutts and Minx ha ha came off worse as Mini managed to get her round the nose and split her lip.


7.15pm saw us back at the hotel, now Mum had decided earlier that we would go across the road but now she was playing invalid and decided she didn't want to leave the hotel. OK I'll tell T to go home and come back later. Mother dear flipped on me and told me to bloody go home then she was going home the next day....Oh no thought me you ain't doing this to me so I quietly explained that I would tell T to go home he was waiting outside ..not I would go home. So now we are going across the road but 1st Mum has to have dinner ..fine I'll be back in 1hr ..not right I'll be back in half that ...
Of me and T went to the bar.... It wasn't quite across the road and a walk for Mum...as we got there I went get me a grande cerveza lol and a female said mother trouble ....It was the saga rep and her boyfriend so we joined them. 2 sips into a beer S the saga rep got a phone call Mrs B has had a fall ...Sh*t I suppose I should go also after all it was my ruddy mother.
There she was in perfect health very surprised to see me also ..well that took the wind out of her sails she could no longer playing the invalid who I left behind to me, without occuring hospital trips with the rep. So she came across the road with me to meet T.
Turns out she didn't want to go far from the hotel as there was a quiz on at 9pm ..I went and did it with her whilst T walked the mutts for an hr.

At least it told us what to expect.


Thursday was great as I wasn't seeing Mum but T called in for an hr (which ended up being 2) during the afternoon and me and him went out in the evening for a meal with the friends we had over. Friday I spent part of the evening with Mum and Saturday we had a dogsitter and both of us took her out for a meal ....

Saturday and the meal ..well I wanted to throttle her .This had been well arranged, we decided to take her to a chinese as mum just picks (so she says) and we thought this a good idea ..We took pillows so she could sit in our car (bucket seats) but I'll tell ya now she gets in and out of our car better than I can and even T agrees with me ! 2K down the strip she is how far is it .4K how far I offered to go back if she wasn't happy in our car . T thankfully is calmer natured than I and explained. 6K is it much further
NOOOOOO it's there why ..She wanted to be back at the hotel by 9pm for another quiz night.

AAAaaaaaaarrrrgggghhhhhhhhh. We rushed, paid and dropped her off for 9pm
lolol oh to be home early. Not a chance we ran out of petrol (T hadn't wanted to stop earlier with Mum in the car) 1K walk killed my ankle and we got home at 10.45.
Sunday I went to see her during the afternoon but said I needed to leave at 5pm as it was T's last night of hols and I wanted to be home!
We had also by now told her that she wouldn't see me until Wednesday as T was working split shifts. But Wed another quiz night we would go out for a meal and both of us would do the quiz with her ! A closer chinese and earlier start

Oh the ankle ..it's soft splinted now, walk more than half K it's looks gross plus it's colour is well dodgy. but hey ho I still walk faster than Mother dear ....or do I ?


We got thro' wednesday and won the quiz ! much to Mum's enjoyment and others disapproval but by now I am well known in the hotel amongst the saga louts, so I turned up Thursday afternoon for a day of sunbathing round the pool and I am greeted as if I am one of them ...how can mum say that she is on her own if all these people know about me? Mind I have taken over a crib board, Uno, trionimoes and phase 10 for them as there is nothing there.
Friday I wasn't seeing her as T was on a split shift but did it matter ..nooo mother dear made it round a large market ????? is this the same person who can't walk down a ramp without holding onto me ? Still she did buy me a pressie and it is black (and white) and it does fit ! is it me mmmmmm lol not really it's a polyester type material which I tend not to wear and it's a style that I guess mum at my age may have thought trendy ..still I said thankyou nicely for my 2euro shirt ...yes she told me how much !

Hi Uzzi, glad you are holding it together and hope things don't get any worse than they have been already lol Are you recovered from your mishap yet?

Lizx

Day 5 of Mother Dears stay
last day of OH's holiday and the only night we are getting alone

so will tell all later but for now Mother dear is still alive and I am not quite on the top of the screaming ladder ;-)

Jillian

Some of my so called life etc has only just come to light but it has put all the bad experiences in a new light

But thank you for your message sorry it took me so long to reply - I went off the computer early last night

But thanks again

Fingers and toes crossed, that all goes well for yuou Uzzi, sorry about your recent run in with your mum and I hope it did not leave you too distressed.

Annx

Oh dear Uzzi, so you are sort of in limbo till you can check with the hotel! What a very strange person not to let you know how things stand.

But then, had I ended up living in Malta which was almost on the cards, would my mother even have had the courage to come and visit, even to see her precious grandson. She was nervous and anxious about so much she might never have even visited.

Hope all goes ok if she is in your neck of the woods now.

Lizx

Ha ha did she or didn't she arrive ....

I don't know :S I think from looking thro' the net that they should have arrived about 8pm ish but so far I haven't had a phone call to say she didn't call me to tell me arrival time either so I wouldn't have had the faintest idea without the net.
I did do a sneaky and phoned the Isle of Wight but she didn't answer. The hotel yesterday wouldn't divulge any names of incoming guests ..

...... so ....
:D a freedom day today and tomorrow could be good lol

No I will have to phone the hotel tomorrow I s'pose

Sharron I'm in La Manga in Costa Calida but I doubt she would back down being outnumbered she'd just play the poor me tears game.

I don't think it was a matter of competitiveness more of picking the soft target.

A lot of my punishments were because I didn't respect her or didn't love her.Dereliction of duty on my part.

You see,she,because she had attained the position of being a respectable married woman and a mother to boot,was entitled to unconditional love and respect. Now, I,by virtue or otherwise of my very unpleasant and substandard character,needed to work extremely hard to earn any little bit of affection.Because of my extreme idleness I was evidently not willing to put in the effort.

How long have you been trying to work out what is the truth in your life Ice? Just get through one day at a time and on the days when it's all too much, hope to make it until bedtime with as much grace as you can muster and hope to sleep. Then hope that when you wake up tomorrow it will be a better day.

I've come to realise that nothing about my parents lives was real. The lies and secrets are hard to work through because I'm basically an honest person and I hate secrets.

You won't work it out in one go and I've often found that I remember something and suddenly one more thing is a bit clearer.

My sister and I remember a time when the female parent was nice to us but I know now that even that time may not have been all that it seemed. The male parent on the other hand was just a very nasty person who enjoyed inflicting pain. And Sharron, I can so identify with having a competetive parent. Mentally or physically he would do what it took to win. He would grip your hand so hard and inflict more pain whilst giving you his spiteful, I'm going to beat you looks.

I hope that your life is more peaceful now. If this thread has done anything, it has made it clear that none of us are alone in our experiences of parents who have let us down.

You take care.

xxJill

Hi All

Well if anyone wants my so called mother - then you are more than welcome to her

But please dont ever expect her to say how much she likes and loves you because she wont ..

Dont ever expect her to say she is proud of you - because she wont ...

But what she will give you is a life of misery so please feel free to take her for yours.

Because i give up - i am now trying to find out what is true about my life and what is not ..

Oh doesnt an alcoholic bring you so much Joy - NOT

Has the ash stopped her in her tracks, seems to be holding flights up at airports here.
Wondering if Joyce has managed to fly home to Holland, she sent me a message a little while ago saying she was at the airport (Liverpool)

Lizx

Where are you Uzzi? If you are none too far from me I wouldn't mind coming over as backup. I haven't had a proper fight since YMR (yer mother remember) died but I could still do it.After all I did it for several hours of everyday of my life from an age before I could remember.

Can't help wondering how much kudos there is in winning a fight with an eight year old.

Truly,I am sure,if she knew she could be outnumbered,she would back off and then you would have the threat as backup.

If there is no other help available vigilanteism may be the only answer!

Me thinks that she has finally pressed your button. It's how it happens. They push and push and you take and take and one day they push and you don't take it any more.

The insults I took from tog, and the unreasonable blame for everything. The ones he threw at me whilst I was unpaid taxi, running him somewhere are hardest to keep shut away. I expect it is because when I'm in the car I obviously have to concentrate on the road so they take me by surprise and spring into my mind again. I've got a mental cupboard I have created in my brain to deal with an incident because I can't cope with remembering with the female parent and what she did and said to me. I refuse to remember it and imagine a door shutting to keep it away from me. I know I share what's happened on here but this incident is somewhere I won't let myself remember.

I am so sorry that she has hurt you so much. I wonder if she will contact you eventually during her visit because I'm guessing she expects you to see the error of your ways, and go to see her, begging to be forgiven for being such a bad, bad daughter. And it isn't going to happen because you are none of what she has accused you of and she has finally insulted you beyond your tollerance. She won't understand that she is the unreasonable one. My sister says that tog used to go on about me and how I'd treated him so badly so she told him why he was in the wrong. He wouldn't have it. He even told her they had never asked me to do anything of what I'd done for them. He even got through to hubby at work. The short version is that he told Rob to be a man and tell his wife to do as she was told and to do what her father told her. Oh and then he used his favourite way of persuasion and made comments about Rob's parents in an effort to shame Rob into doing as he was told too.

Some parents shouldn't be. Why mine ever had kids beats me. I don't suppose you would do it but just take the telephone off the hook for a couple of weeks and forget she is there. She is probably too thick-skinned but maybe if she can't contact you when it suits that might be the start of her getting the message. Probably not but the reality is if she does see or speak to you, you will get more insults and more hurt. Been there and worn out that tee-shirt. Some of us have to come to terms with the reality of having a parent or parents that can never like or love us.

Stay strong lovely lady. I hope that you enjoy your time with your friends. They obviously see the person you truly are.

xxJill