General Chat

Hi Uzzi,

I know you feel constrained because of your promise to your father BUT your only obligation is to the living really being yourself!

I am quite sure he was or is aware of your mums failings and would not send a bolt of lightning down or anything.

You sound as though you have been very dutiful so you have done your best :-)

Whatever you decide for tonight and the rest of the holiday, I wish you luck and peace of mind Uzzi. I am sure your Dad is wishing he hadn't asked you to make that promise, if he sees how things are for you.

Lizxx

Uzzi

I agree with Marilyn. Put that splint back on, keep it on as long as neccesaary, cancel to-night, have a break (oops) and leave a message at the hotel to say your resting your now bruised ankle.

And whilst your resting write that letter.

Regards

Vera

Jean I wish I could disown her at times, I often want to walk away as I did at 16 but I can't because I gave a promise to my dad before he died and that holds me to her. So she can slate my Dad as she does, but my promise stops me from walking away

Uzzi, well girl you missed an opportunity there! You should have shrunk her clothes so her boobs were on show lol and lots more of her too, see who looked like a tart or better still mutton dressed as lamb!

Do not feel bound by your promise to your father, you have gone above and beyond the call of duty. Heaven knows, I lived my life with guilt for 'upsetting my mother' when I went off to work in a holiday camp for a summer season and gave up a reasonable job to do so. The fact I came back instead of swanning off to Spain in a camper van with some new frends I made at the camp, and that I got a new job straightaway and made no odds. I wasn't supposed to have a life and was destined from an early age, and conditioned to it, to be married and have a family asap.
Well I didn't do things the conventional way, I never married, I got pregnant twice out of wedlock, and my only redeeming thing was that they finally got a grandson who loved them and who they could spoil and work against me rather than with me to bring him up. As a single mother I needed back up not someone telling my lad not to listen, of course he could eat biscuits before dinner and no of course he needn't eat his meals, he could still have dessert and many many other things in similar vein.
I was sad for my son that he only had his Grandad for his first 7 yrs and his Nanny for his first 12 but maybe they would have tried to stifle him as well.
I am still trying to work through my upbringing with my counsellor thanks to my mother and she has been gone since 1995. It never leaves you, that indoctrination.
You live your life the way you want, and if your mother wants to visit and be a part of it, tell her she has to like it or lump it. You have to be in the same place after she scoots off back to her sad lonely existence whch she has obviously created herself by her mannerisms.
Lose the guilt Uzzi, i really wish I had done years ago.

Lizx

okay I have done what mother dear wanted and arranged a hairdresser for saturday, not easy as it's a home visit.
mega brownie points,
Nooooo Mother dear has been told this and phoned me to say she has had her hair done this morning ......trust me I will strangle her lol

I love my mother I love my mother

Have come back to this thread after a couple of days. Uzzi, I feel for you.my mother was just the same, she often credited my sister with doing things for her when she knew it was me all the time. I should never have gone to grammar school, my sister was the on ewho should have gone! She didnt pass the scholarship! I was ugly, no man would want me etc I have ben married for nearly 56 years1 And not to my first boyfriend either. Your Mother sounds just the same. I left home, pity you never went the whole hog aND DISOWNED HER.

Uzzi,

Cancel tonight ...

Fall sick yourself , don't go as I can see there will be fireworks !!

Much better to sit at home and read a book or watch TV at least you have seen her several times whilst she's been on holiday.

Dont feel guilty ...she likes and feeds off of that . :-S

Marilyn x

lol Grace ..I protect my other foot since I put 5 breaks in a 6inch area ..tiss the reason I can joke about the left or wrong ankle ...been told if I iff the right again then me an wheelchairs will be happy companions. Now you know why I laffed when I effed my left ankle ....

Just don't kick anything and hurt your other foot!

Could you write her a letter..that way you get to release it and to express how you feel?

You don't have to give it to her, but it is really helpful to write it out. I found it either makes things a bit clearer and easier to see when you aren't influenced by your emotions, and can help you to express things that you can't or don't want to say for fear of upsetting someone.

Just my two cents but it did help me..and i wrote stuff down even poems I scribbled, I think for good few months. I don't have a diificult mother but I had a difficult significant other who was excellent as projecting how they felt about themselves back on to me and somehow things would become my fault.

Hey I thought Mother dear may be a little upset about our spat ...lol in my dreams ....

Mother dear has owned up to me storming off ..and made me an effing joke .....
So I now have to arrive tonight with them all thinking that I am an alchy (no I don't no where that has come from yet) who can't dress any better than a slut . is a waste off space she even is having to pay for my passport (true) but what can you do when they are your daughters. If I don't lash back at her tonight then I thank my Dad.

I am so effing angry at her

Grace she has told me how lonely she is and explained how all her friends have left ...would sound good of I didn'y know better.

I so do wish that Dad didn't make me promise to be there for her, he said she would be a lonely old cow ..lol well no he didn't say that I did, but it still stands I have to be nice to her .....

So Effff ing angry still when I think about it I do NOT want to see her tonight even tho' I have arranged a hairdresser for her on my parcela on Sat !!!!

Keep sane Uzzi, luckily you don't have to put up with her for much longer.

It's a shame though isn't it when people behave so badly, and you end up grieving for a normal relationship that you are missing out on.

She must be a very lonrly person I would think.

Lots of hugs to you

OK I'm back, all cried out (I hope) Thankyou Liz, Grace Marilyn for your words.
I now have to think that it's only a week longer and in that week I am visiting her 5 times. ONLY 5 times not my god another 5 times lol

Liz the ankle was doing good and yesterday I left the splint off, Mother does so hate my limp being obvious. But mother dear hit the bloody thing with her walking stick. She says an accident I know different but I won't go into that. So I now have a wicked coloured bruise again ..just aswell I like black :-))))))

I will be able to laugh eventually, after all I have had years of practice but I won't ever forget this latest attack and if I'm honest I won't be able to forgive either. If she had stuck to me, my tops are too low, my boobs to big, (as if I had a choice b*gger they are all me) I dress like a tart, I look like a joke .....I was just in t'shirt and 3/4 jeans.. then maybe I would laugh it off but to tell me my Dad worried about me when he could be bothered about me and how he didn't care what I did was so uncalled for.

Ahhh sh*te there is so much more but it's not worth it and I have to hang her washing out to return it to her tonight !

Oh Uzzi, so sorry she has reduced you to tears, I hope you will feel better soon and be able to brush off or laugh off her comments etc.

Just think you will soon have the rest of the summer to please yourself and your man, and the mutts, so hold tight and think ahead to something nice in a few week's time and soon this will all be a distant memory.

Hope the ankle is improving every day

take care

Lizxx


~~~to Marilyn, thanks for your kind words but I have been very remiss of late, and not posted much at all. Am going on hols to Sheringham on Saturday for a week so may have more to tell when I get back.


xx

Hugs to you Uzzi I've been reading but not commenting, but I hope you will be okay.

Remember that only you can change how you feel, so don't let her get to you (easier said than done I know) or upset you. Why should she have the power to change your emotions.
:-)

Awhh Uzzi have a good howl......let it all out, if you want to PM me I'll listen to you.


Take care .........deep breath..

Marilyn xx

this is not a part anything ...I am gonna flip, she is doing my head in :-S :-S :-S
Dermot you are quite right in wondering her side ..I will put it up soon
Mother dear will tell you I am a selfish, inconsiderate child.

I cried tonight thanks to her.
I need time alone sorry

Uzzi.

Well what a story I have to admit loved it from cover to cover ...LOL

Just as good as our Liz's on here....she writes a good book too ;-)

I have a step mother that is a real stirrer, and oh she does love to stir with her biggest ((((((( wooden spoon))))))).

Upsets my Brother & Sisters and is 97 we all spit feathers every time we visit her UGGGGHHHHH...I wish she would go on holiday !!

Never mind Uzzi your just rewards will come eventually keep smiling .

Marilyn x