General Chat

Whatever you decide for tonight and the rest of the holiday, I wish you luck and peace of mind Uzzi. I am sure your Dad is wishing he hadn't asked you to make that promise, if he sees how things are for you.

Lizxx

Hi Uzzi,

I know you feel constrained because of your promise to your father BUT your only obligation is to the living really being yourself!

I am quite sure he was or is aware of your mums failings and would not send a bolt of lightning down or anything.

You sound as though you have been very dutiful so you have done your best :-)

Oh dear Uzzi............it is all going down hill.........but I suppose you anticipated that it may do!

I just find it hard to understand why a mum would want to hurt her daughter with such cruel words......as for the bl**dy washing I would have let her travel home naked first!!!!!!!!!!

Keep your chin up, not long to go now.

Annx

I'm still thinking of you Uzzi.

Heavens. Parents! I'd never have known what good parents were if it wasn't for Rob's mom and dad.

I say again, when are you going to give me her address so that I can go and give her a piece of my mind? :-P

xxJill

Hi Uzzi,

Have been thinking about you and I hope that you are going okay,

You do not have to love her!!!!!!!!

Your dad would surely only have wanted you to try your best,not damage yourself. You have tried your damndest with the silly b**ch.If she wants to drive you away with her selfish and thoughtless behaviour that is her choice.You cannot be responsible for her behaviour however much she tries to make you.

You evidently have somebody who does care greatly for you.Make them a priorty.Truly your dad won't mind,he knows you have tried and you need to look out for your own happiness now. Sod her!!!

Uzzi

I know it is hard and how u are feeling but please think of yourself and your family first

What ever decision you make now or in the future your dad would approve as you have done your very best and that is all you can do

I disowned my so called mother infact i just say the women who gave birth to me as she doesnt deserve any other name

But head all over the place today after finding out she is seriously ill and keeping it to me self just to keep the peace

Stay strong and remember you have a lot of support and friends on here when every you need to let of steam

Best wishes and take care x

Still thinking about you Uzzi. Hope you are back on here soon to say that you are now free of her again.

xxJill

Hi Uzzi,

Hope all is going okay and you are being kind to yourself :-)

Thanks everybody....

well we survived all of us but I am not sure how well in the end.

I didn't go to see her last Wednesday I just couldn't do it so OH went instead. Mother dear phoned on the Thursday and Friday as if nothing was wrong and on the Saturday we picked her up and brought her over here for the afternoon. That went okay as there was another couple about who kept her amused.
Sunday night we were all going for a meal as it was the last night she would see T and would only see me for a shortwhile on the Monday. I wish I could say it started off well only it didn't really and finally hit the bottom when she had a go at T ...long story .. I called for the bill and returned her to the hotel.
Monday I got a phone call apologising but explained it wasn't me she needed to say sorry to, but agreed to go and see her Monday anyway.
I did give Mum the chance to say sorry to T bud sadly she didn't take it. So I left her with a bye ring me when you get home.

She hasn't rung yet but that isn't going to be my loss.

I will get back to this all when I have my thoughts all in the right order over it, at the moment both thoughts and emotions are all over the place.


Uzzi xx

Hugs to you Uzzi...look after yourself :-)

Uzzi....

You got lots of time to do as you dam well please....You've done your duty, now start to live a bit....All of you :-) ...... Your patience is better than mine.

Marilyn x

Thanks Grace and Marilyn,

I do now hope to put my ankle up and rest it a bit although I am now trying to decorate our new place before the end of this month. We thought we had a month longer but they have a let at the begining of July and "sods law" said that removing a false wall and making good wasn't the easy peasy task we had hoped for...still at least it's for us.

Marilyn I am actually surprised at the patience I managed to find and surprised at the lack of it in OH ..mind attacking me with snide comments doesn't usually put him in the best of moods !
If one good thing has come out of all this OH now really does see what I have had to put up with in the past, as normally for the few hours they have been together she has been the hard done by sweetheart. He always did believe me but I think there must have always been a little thought that I was blowing it up slightly. Not any longer he now says that she is an emotional bully amongst a few other things.

Still that's it for awhile although she is talking about coming back in November for the month or for Xmas....what's xmas??? I don't celebrate it OH works and I hibernate ;-)

Oh my goodness she don't give up does she ??????

Xmas !!!!!!!!!!!!!!...... Crikey tell her you don't do Xmas anymore, start writing that letter now Uzzi so you'll know she's received it well in advance ..LOL :-S :-S


Marilyn x

Uzzi you do not need this - when I finally stood up to my mother (to everyone's amazement) I felt much better.

Hi Uzzi, hope you give that ankle time to heal properly now even tho you want to get the decorating done.

Well done for getting through the visit without committing murder or harikari! Your mother obviously doesn't realise or doesn't care how hurtful she is to anyone so try not to think about what happened and let it ride over your head. Just think about the next few months and your home and o.h., and the mutts, never mind worrying about whether your Mother will return in November. I am sure she will give you various tales about the possible visit but again, let the info wash over you and just wait and see if she turns up. Then you can play it by ear and if she starts the shenanigans again, just leave her to own devices.

You have bent over backwards to accommodate her wishes and I feel you have more than done your duty towards her and satisfied your Dad's wishes.

Take care and for heaven's sake, REST!

love
Lizx

Hi Uzzi.

There is a book if you ever get a chance to read it called The Gaslight Effect: How to Spot and Survive the Hidden Manipulation Others Use to Control Your Life [Hardcover] Dr. Robin Stern (Author)

It is really quite an eye opener as to the things other people do to make you feel like they are...

Well at least moving and decorating is something positive for you to concentrate on and look forward too, hope that your ankle is not giving you too much trouble .

:-)

Lots of hugs to you :-)

Well I've done a lot of thoughting or thinking about mother dear since she has gone.
OH for the first time since he has known her called her to me an emotionally bully also for the 1st time in our history he has suggested that I tell her to get lost.
I can't do that and he knows it, see my mum does love me she tells me that all the time. in fact she tells me every time I am about to walk away. Like a fooking chain round me neck she drags me back.
Since she left I had a birthday ...did she phone me ..NO even tho' I requested a call when she got home from hols.
Nothing and yes I have tried to phone her but nada she isn't there just the answer machine.
I know what it wil be ..I was to ill to answer, lol many years ago we said about Mum she would be the boy who cried wolf . I worry that the day I don't react is the day that she needs me.
Why do I do it, why did Dad make me promise? to be honest I din't know. At the end of dads life he hated my mother so to make me promise that he had a reason.
maybe mother daughter crap, in which case he was wong. But I made a promise and Mum benifits from it.

As for her hols well that is another day I'm still reeling from some of the things she said.

Try ..so you must eat more than T
me ...no I just have a fat arse from sitting on it.

That was the comment that turned T against her .....I just laughed

lol written it doesn't sound bad, speech believe me it was 1 hell of a dig about me.

I for now will ignore the calling me a tart, a whore, a council dweller (guess she couldn't find a word)

I will be back when I work it all out ..Thank you for your support both here and pm's

Remember This isn't about me it's your story that counts

Uzzi, so glad you have your o.h. definitely on your side now, in that he can tell you he agrees with you that your Mother is an emotional bully and know you don't need the rubbish she gives you. At some point he might even say to her face to stop mistreating you, she is lucky to have a daughter who will look out for her despite her nasty ways.

You will never know why your Dad made you make that promise but try to keep the boundaries of it loose and only do the bare minimum. As for crying wolf, so be it, not your fault and as I say, if you do the bare minimum but know you are doing your best under the circumstances, you have nothing to beat yourself up about.

Belated birthday greetings, and treat yourself kindly now, get that ankle better and strong, ready for the move. Will you stay put then lol? Kind of glad you aren't in my address book, it would look such a mess with all the crossings out lol (only kidding)

Take care,

Lizxx

The only thing you need to become a mother is a functioning set of female genitalia.