General Chat

Was she in the territorials then? lol

lol Ann not that I know of unless they taught how to be a terror !

How awful for you to have such a mother. You don't have to love her just because she is your mother. You would not love such a person if you were unrelated. She is coming to Spain on holiday with Saga. She is 10 kms away. Why can't she hop in a taxi to see you. Its sad about your sister but good that you have an OH. Do what you want to do. She does.

Regards

Vera

It's sad when you can't relate to your mother but - it is not your fault!!

My mother has lived with us for the last 2 years and I have gone from being a happy kind caring person to a complete screaming nutcase...I have had counselling and antidepressants etc and I am slowly going mad. My skin and head itches but it is all on the inside....

Check out a website www.daughtersofnarcissisticmothers.com it may not be completely relevant to you but it will reassure you that ITS NOT YOUR FAULT!!

On a good note my mother is going back to her flat and we are moving...light at the end of the tunnel....

I don't often post but I love to read the wisdom and kindness shown on these boards by lovely people - hidden friends even if unseen xx

Claire thankfully I am well aware that it's not my fault at least on that score I am level headed it isn't just me she alienates the way she does, my sister hasn't spoken to her for years....mind that doesn't say much as I haven't spoken to my sister for years either. I suppose I am lucky that mother dear has no wish to come and live with me she couldn't stand living in a van, and everybody wondered why I moved to Spain lol Glad to hear that you are going to get your life and sanity back soon. Yes the hidden friends on these boards are wonderful.

Vera I know I don't have to love her but some how I do and she isn't all bad infact the last time I saw her in 2009 we managed to spent 6 whole hours together with out a cross word (mind we were visiting her on a cruise liner). Anyway if she didn't have me she would have no-one and I do feel sorry for her.
It's a shame really because I shall get all in a tizz between now and then so with-in a few days I shall be at screaming pitch ....thankfully I will be able to walk away. She wouldn't hop in a taxi to me she couldn't stand my dogs to start with but she will expect me there every day and will cry and sulk if I refuse. Then I do feel guilty

Oh well back to the mantra
I do love my mother I do etc etc lol

Mine says it all when I tell you that at the age of 11 I was told a friend of mine was adopted. Had to have this explained to me by mum. Over next few days I must have asked so many questions that she showed me my birth certificate pointing out names of mother and father as she would have assumed I was concerned about my parents.

However, what I was hoping was that I had a real mummy out there somewhere - never dawning on me that if she was, my dad would not be my real dad and I was more than happy with him!

Chris, I find your post incredibly sad. I am so pleased you had such a lovely Dad to help you through life.

I remember shouting at my mother that I must be adopted as she would treat a daughter of her own better, i.e. let me have/do what I wanted rather than what she thought I should do/wear etc She was broken hearted as she loved us all very much, too much really as she tried to control me and mould me to the way she thought I should be. The best thing I ever did was to go off and work at a Holiday camp one summer when I was 20, miles away from Norfolk. I got so much grief over it tho from a couple of my Mum's brothers and sisters because I had upset her! Never mind that I was just trying to live my life. I felt so guilty that I moved back home when I finished the season instead of going off abroad with some others in a van, Big mistake, but I did manage to move out again after a while. It's only now at counselling that I am seeing how much the real me was squashed as a child and young adult, and I wasn't really free till she died when I was 48.

Uzzi, try and stay calm before your Mum arrives, no point making life difficult for yourself before the date of her arrival. I hope you can find a way to compromise when she is nearby, maybe she will take some organised trips from the hotel and you could meet her in between times for a little while.

Lizx

Uzzi...........Joking aside, is it really worth stressing about, will she really kick up a fuss if you are unable to visit every day?

Like MowtownGal I also had a loving relationship with my mum as did my 2 children who were devastated at her sudden death.......I for one feel quite shallow after reading the few posts on here because your situations are such that I could not imagine. However I do understand you "not liking" your mum but at the same time loving her, as I have a sibling relationship just the same.

Chris...........had a lump in my throat.

Annx

Chris your post brought a lump to my throat also at least I didn't quite wish that as a child.

Liz and Ann no doubt in a few days I shall abandon the mantra and decide what will be will be and then panic as she gets here.
Unfortunately Ann yes she will kick up if she doesn't get her own way I'm hoping that during the time she will be here there will be 4 half day trips then OH has 2 days a week off which means I have a buffer from her for part of the time as mother dear adores OH. Bless her really she's nearly 82 now maybe she has mellowed recently

Ann you certainly have no reason to feel shallow because of others situations I did have a great childhood until I was old enough to understand.

Uzzi - my mother had tantrums too if she was crossed in anyway. The last time I actually saw one - was in my home on her annual uninvited visit when she was sat on the settee (cannot recall why) opened her mouth as wide as she could and screamed whilst tears streamed down her face.

I stood in front of her and yelled 'Mum there is no one else here only me to hear you' and believe me or believe me not - like turning a tap off - the tears finished and the screaming (I wished I had done that years before)and she asked sweetly if she could have a cup of tea. I have only ever related that to two people - one a friend and other my OH.


But if it is of any use to anyone in a similar predicament - might be worth trying!!

Perhaps shallow is the wrong word to use.......just that it is a subject I have never really thought about in depth with having no problems in that area with my mum.....plus I was a Daddys girl and still am! so the best of both worlds really.

So OH is popular then........well send him every day instead!! lol

Ann I wish I could send OH every day but luckily (for him) he has work. Mind I think he would get fed up of her antics after awhile !

lol @ Chris Mum knows that screaming wouldn't get anywhere with me but the tears often work mind I have been known to walk away. There was a time when we were in the States and I wanted to go to the end of pier with the rest of the group but mother dear decided she couldn't walk that far (she'd also been there before) and as she had paid for me to be there I had to stay with her. It was possibly my 1 and only trip to the States and I wanted to see everything I could. The row in the middle of the pier (with the rest of the tour people around us) ended up with both of us in tears and me taking off. Our tour guide stayed with Mum, I went on but the sight of the sea lions at the end of pier 39 was ruined. Mum was fine by the time we got back laughing and joking with those who stayed for coffee.

Uzzi - sounds very familar!

Chris this may sound daft but you saying it sounds familar really has lifted my spirits some at least at the end of the 3 weeks I know somebody will understand why I am laughing and crying, itchy skinned and bald lol

and selfishly you make me feel a bit better 'cos I had a great childhood upto about the age of 10/11.

One really mean thought I did have was when my dad died ..he had battled so long with cancers, heart problems and an anuerism all of which he beat only to discover that he had leaukemia and died 6mths later ...He was so loved by everybody, I couldn't help wish it had been my mother with her hypochondria.

I think it is true only the good die young - my dad was 51, darling mother was 97 and still causing mischief to the end.

I had to contact several people and inform them she had passed away - to my horror I found out that she had caused mischief and abused hospitality and arrived uninvited (I had thought this was behaviour was confined to relatives) and found myself apologising.

She died 300 miles away and no I did not fly to attend her funeral - better I did not, had I heard praises for her I would have erupted. Hypocrite I am not. Her sister could not have travelled but as she told me - would not send flowers either.

Oh Chris how very sad for you.
I will attend my mothers funeral when she dies (if I am still around) mainly because I will have to bloody organise it ....I did so hope she would go when cruising. There is also the small matter that if I don't go my sister might ..and mother dear has a promise from me (on dads memory) that I will not allow my sister near her house.

Mind going to her funeral for me isn't a hypocrite because i do say I love her lol
have to say I can't blame you for not going to your mums ..but my mum has no famiy only me she alienated her other child. She does have 2 adopted brothers (she was the adopted one but they are family) but she fell out with them years ago ...hopefully I have now after years of hard work got them talking again.
I won't be thanked but I don't care about that

Uzzi, I had to smile, reading your words ' I did so hope she would go when cruising' I don't think they tip bodies overboard these days, things are more complicated and the cruise liners probably have the necessary bodybags or boxes in the hold, just in case a passenger leaves the ship in a different way to their boarding!

Chris, you know the old saying, A creaking gate goes on the longest!


Lizx

*sh**e Liz that's the only reason I have been encouraging her to cruise all this time ....thought I wouldn't have the worry. mmm now you made me think !!

But I am glad I made you smile by it ...see no matter how I may being complain I do like to put an amusing side to it all ...even if it was unintentional ....

sod are you sure they don't just shove overboard ....??

Well she did not creak Liz - she practised Yoga daily from her fifties into her late eighties!!! Me I am creaking well but cannot bend down or I would fall over!!!!

I think Uzzi they shove them out of the porthole!!!

That is lovely Mo