General Chat

Brill

You asked for it!

All, except Mr MacUp, craned forwards to see the contents of the opened box.

There, exposed to view, were two pamphlets, one titled “Workers Union Membership” and the other “Traders, Retailers and On Line Licences”

Both bore the same armorial markings and the same inscription.
The Coat of Arms was two lions rampant and one lion dormant and the inscription read ‘Illegitimum Carborundum Est’

“What does it mean!” exclaimed Dr Watson.

“Elementary, my dear sir,” said Holmes. “We have two documents ostensibly at odds with each other, one being a membership list of an illicit Union and the other, no doubt, a list of members of a more capitalist leaning; however, the coat of arms and the inscription mean that both are merely two sides of the one coin”

“No,” said the good doctor, “I meant the inscription”

Miss O’Hara, feeling that Holmes had had too much of the limelight, hurriedly said “It’s a corruption of a Dog Latin phrase, Dr. The original is Illegtitimum Non Carborundum Est which roughly translates as ‘don’t let the b*st*rds grind you down.’ Therefore with the word ‘non’ missing, this actually becomes an exhortation to grind the b*st*rds down.”

“Clever! Very clever,” interjected the Inspector, who was also feeling a bit left out. “But what are these lists for?”

“Oh that’s an easy one, Inspector” said Holmes, “Let me explain. But for convenience I’ll just use the initials of the organisations and refer to them as WUMs and TROLLs”

They all held their respective breaths, which made Dr Watson feel guilty about having eaten baked beans for lunch.

When the atmosphere cleared and they were able to resume normal air intake, Holmes continued with his explanation.

“The inscription gives the game away. These two organisations are there for the sole purpose of wearing people down, but they do it in different ways.
The WUMs, for example, respond so that they are reactive whereas the TROLLs initiate, and are therefore proactive”

The group, who had no idea what Holmes was on about, tried to look intelligent but only gave any interested onlooker the impression that the total of their collective IQ’s was still somewhat below that of a gnat.

Holmes sighed. “Alright let me try to explain further. Person A may write a letter and post it to ‘The Times’ newspaper saying that he heard the first cuckoo of Spring whilst walking on the Common. Person B, a WUM, immediately posts a letter saying that person A could not have heard the first cuckoo as cuckoos did not inhabit the Common. Also, how did person A know that he was the first? Others may have heard a cuckoo but had better things to do than post about it.

This brings a response from person C who criticises Person B and defends person A. Person B then responds to person C along the lines ‘you must be as daft as he is and besides can’t person A defend themselves?’ this will elicit even more responses in support of A and C, the first half dozen or so of which receive a less than flattering response from B who then ceases to post. However it may take another thirty more postings before people realise that B is no longer on the scene.

A TROLL on the other hand, writes the first letter containing something contentious such as ‘all cuckoos should be exterminated’, and then posts it. This is then responded to by A to Z saying that the originator is obviously prejudiced against birds in general, and cuckoos in particular. The TROLL sends a few more posts saying that he is entitled to his opinion and then, like the WUM, ceases posting.”

“That’s horrible!” said Watson “That sort of thing could destroy the economy of Switzerland!”

Five pairs of eyes were turned on him

“Well,” he continued, “If all the cuckoos were exterminated, the Swiss wouldn’t be able to make their clocks. The people who hunt for cuckoos of just the right size would be out of work, as would the people who teach the cuckoos how to tell the time”

Good news, Allan, get a grip lad! You're missed on here!

~~~~ to Persey and Wendy. I'm still here and slowly cobblimg the gripping (or should it be griping?) story together, but things such as 'work' get in the way.

I have now finished my stint at Waroona where for the last few days I have been inspecting some of the properties affected by the recent bushfire. Some amazing stories to be told about that and some heartache as well.

Normal Service on this thread will be resumed as soon as possible

Regards

Allan

He pops in from time to time on ethics thread and a few others Wend.... he is pretending to be working now and then as well....
I just thought it time he woke up his ideas a bit and get back with sorting out this fabrication.

Persie

I just got all excited - I thought the famous voice of reason was back - where is he?

Look here Allan,

This has turned into a coldcase and Lily and co are too busy with old moider cases in the US of A to handle this.

Persie

Oh can't wait to see what's inside, ( I wonder ) could it be a track of Needle's and pin's, or some cloth in tatter's because of all the disappearing THREAD'S,
ignore me just my silly humour lol.

Will read the next installment to find out the true content of the box.

Diane

This time Holmes and his companions got into the cab before telling the driver to take them to the Bank of England.
“Ah,” responded the diver, “The thimble of financial democracy”

“Don’t you mean symbol?” queried Holmes

“If you say so, sir, but with all this talk of threads and needles I thought that thimble was more appropriate”

Once again Holmes was left wondering whether the driver was extracting the urine!

They arrived at the Bank and were immediately taken to see the Governor. Holmes made the introductions.

“Now, Mr MacUp, we need to see that safety deposit box,” said Inspector Lastrade, showing the Governor the Search Warrant

MacUp suggested that they start searching and he, MacUp, would advise them as to whether they were getting warmer or cooler.

This time it was the good Dr Watson’s patience that snapped.

Holmes remonstrated with him and told him to clean up the mess.

“Anyway, why did you bring that patient with you?” demanded Holmes

“Cryogenics!” was Watson’s cryptic response.

Again Holmes looked at his colleague with disbelief “Isn’t that freezing people until such time as a cure for their illness can be found?”

“Very good, Holmes, you are quite correct!”

“And this gentleman was suffering from?”

“A very bad headache!”

“And you froze him for that? Wouldn’t a couple of Aspirin been more effective?”

“Hmm!” mused Watson, beginning to wonder if his experimentation may have gone a little awry

“In any event, Holmes, he was a decent all round chap”

“Don’t tell me,” groaned Holmes, “It was a case of freeze a jolly good fellow?”

Wisely, Dr Watson did not reply.

(Sorry about that, the author lost the thread for a moment!!)

Meanwhile, Inspector Lasrade had been searching the vaults and had located the safety deposit box.
Returning to the Governor’s office he placed it on the desk, and asked for the key.

The Governor replied that the only key was with the person who deposited the box.

At this point Miss O’Hara stepped up to the desk and took a key from her purse.

“I found this among my late father’s possessions and it did not fit any lock on his premises. Is it possible that this is the key to the box?”

“Well, there’s one way to find out!” said Holmes “May I?”

Miss O’Hara gave Holmes the key, which he tried to fit in the lock

“*&^%,” said Holmes, “It doesn’t fit!”

Miss O’Hara looked a little contrite. “My apologies, Mr Holmes, I gave you my front door key by mistake” and giving Holmes a meaningful look said “But you may keep it if you like, I have another!”

The eyeball rolling relay team got down to some serious racing.

Meanwhile, Miss O’Hara produced a second key from her purse

This one unlocked the box!


(to be continued)

Allan

I'm so enjoying this, read it just before I retire to bed, can't wait until the next installment.

Diane

Het, Dizzi, of course I have a fan club.

I use it for bashing unruly fans :0))

Allan

Yipppeeee! He's back!!!!! x

HEY ALLAN
THINK YOU HAVE A FAN CLUB

Where do I go for the book signing?

Allan

IF THATS YOUR CUT
50/50...DEAL

LOL DIZZI,

PERCENTAGES ALL WRONG

50/50

:0))

Allan

MMMMMMMMMMM
WONDER IF ALLAN'S LOOKING FOR AN AGENT

BOOK ,TV,FILM AND TOYS
CASH REGISTER TINGS £ IN EYES,
10% I THINK FOR ALLEN
90% ME......................I THINK THATS FAIR
DONT YOU!!!!!!

Thanks, Carole

Allan

Wonderful Allan, waiting with baited breath for your next installment....

A pleasantly surprised, Carole xx

Watson was saved from any further wrath from Holmes, by the bell; or, in this case, by the door knocker.

“Please answer that, Mrs Hudson!” commanded Holmes.

Mrs Watson waited until the next knock, and knocked back.

“Wha??”gurgled Holmes.

“I’m answering the door, sir”

Doing his best to retain his grip on reality, Holmes suggested that she open the door to see who was there.

This was duly done and Mrs Hudson returned.

“It’s a gentleman, sir” she reported

“Well, who is it and what does he want?”

“I don’t know, sir,” responded Mrs Hudson with a sniff. “You only told me to see who was at the door, not get any details!”

Fortunately, the matter resolved itself when Inspector Lastrade entered he room.

“Forgive me, Holmes, but I let myself in. Your staff appear to have a few difficulties with their domestic duties!”

“Nothing that an early, gruesome, death wouldn’t cure!” muttered Holmes, sotto voce.

“I have the warrant, Holmes and you did stress that the matter was urgent” said Lastrade slowly inching his way to the window.

“Are you aware that there is an Ugli cab outside your door?”

“Does the driver have a brown paper bag over his head?” enquired Holmes

“Why, yes, he does”

“He’s harmless” said Holmes, “unless he cooks a meal for you”

Lastrade cocked an eye at Holmes, who cocked one back. They both stood there cock-eyed.

Watson broke the spell; he also broke the Brandy Decanter.

“Drunk again, Watson?”

“I hadn’t noticed, Holmes,” he responded, “You’re hiding it remarkably well”

Watson was saved from becoming the late Watson by the remarkable speed of Lastrade, who tackled Holmes to the floor; and also to Mrs Hudson who had the presence of mind to remove the poker from Holmes’s hand.

“I think,” said Lastrade, “That we have wasted too much time already!”

“My apologies, Lastrade, my companions can be very trying at times and on this occasion they are succeeding” muttered Holmes, “But the game is afoot. We must make all haste to the Bank of England!”

Holmes, Lastrade, Watson and Miss O’Hara, did not so much pour down the steps of the Baker Street lodgings, as slowly dribbled.

Holmes made his way to the cab.

“To the Bank of England, and as quick as you can” said Holmes to the driver.

Holmes and his companions stood on the pavement and watched the cab recede into the distance.

“%^*&$” said Holmes.

A second cab drew up at the side of the road. Holmes was startled to see that the driver was wearing a brown paper bag on his head

“But, but, but!” spluttered Holmes, “You have just taken off for the Bank of England”

“Lor’, bless you, no sir, that was my wife”

“But the paper bag?” queried Holmes

“Ah sir, I gave my wife the same tip that you gave me. On the first day I couldn’t see much improvement, on the second I could see a little change, and once the swelling in my right eye goes down I should be able to see quite clearly. She always was a little feisty, my missus,” chuckled the cab driver


Allan