General Chat

no change today , apart from mum breaking down i told dad she had a cold he nodded, he asked us to bring his car again and said he could go home in a very garbled way then went back to sleep, there is a strong possibility chemo is not happening nurse is grabbing doc in morning nurses cant believe no one has spoken to us yet !! , would anyone no why a psychiatrist has done a report i kinda saw it when nurse opened his file xx

Jean, me neither, it comes to us all lol.
Puss I hope they can sort out your dads pain very soon, and chemo is an option. They wouldnt offer it if they didnt think it would do any good, so I am keeping my fingers crossed that it starts on monday. love to you all.
Sylvia

Puss, I often dont know what day it is! The least thing throws me off, like the rubbish being collected on a different day because of bank holiday. Time goes past so differently in hospital it is easy to get the days wrong.

sylvia and everyone you are helping me so much, because of this thread i feel i have somewhere where i can come and ask and talk to you all you are all so brave and caring to give me your time whilst your ill yourselfs and aswell others just give me your time aswell. the doc will be round in the morning, if chemo is going to be a option, it starts next monday providing they can get on top of the pain and he is coherent at the same time we managed a few smiles today but he didnt no what day it was.

as always thankyou for your love care and advice xxxx

Hi Puss, I really do feel for you its so hard to make these decisions. Talk to the specialist and oncologist. I did with my mum, but chemo was out of the question by the time she was diagnosed. They will tell you if that is an option with your Dad. I had chemo for 36 weeks after my surgery, and there are so many different ones which affect people in different ways. They will tell you what to expect. With the pain relief there is so much they can do to help with that to. I send all my love to you and wish i could help ,take great care of yourself and your mum love Sylvia

Chemo can be difficult, and affects a lot of things, like eating, bowel problems and some sickness, though that can be relieved. Be guided by the oncologist, he wont want your step-dad to suffer any more than you do.

hi sylvia, thanku for your kind words i am resting when i can but i feel a miserable so and so my life is on hold and im in a black hole somewhere ive been lucky until now and have never watch someone die, i cant believe how cruel this can be my heart goes out to all of you who are going through this , im off to see him today its not my turn but i need to have a conversation with him even if it is the last proper one , is chemo always very harsh i need to know before we all go in to see the oncoligist to see wether its a good option, even if its to give him longer do we let him go through suffering with no chance of cure or let him go without and use pain reliefe .

im so scared he will die on christmas as my mum lost her first husband boxing day 76 from a brainhaemorage , im going to have to move in with mum she cant cope with this alone xx

Hi Puss, I havent been around for a while and was upset for you all to see your dads cancer has spread. It is terrible seeing your loved ones suffer in this way. It happened to my mum,while I was going through it myself. My family live 2 hours drive away, but each week I could see such a big difference in her when we visited. I am thinking of you and your family, try to take care of yourself. I know its hard xxx

At last dads pain is under controll, youve probably seen my other thread and know the cancer has spread now we have to pray that they can hold the cancer back , they hope to get him mobile now, did anyone of you have problems with visitors mum relies on her children 5 of us she cant drive neither i or 1 sister, one sister is being awkward which dont help xx

Thanks everyone and florence xxxxx
today started bad dad fell between the house and car , when we got to the hospital the nurse (male ) said he couldnt wheel dad into the surgery unit , and went off to his supervisor, an hour later i pulled his wheelchair in myself, then they had him down for just the leg biopsy and not the other, so by the time it was sorted we had sat for 5hrs, himself on a hard chair , he has been lay in bed for weeks due to be too being sore due to a other op. finally he went to theartre and we sore him 3 hrs later dont know when results of biopsy but they are rearanging tubes inside in next few days then if no infection he will start chemo, when we picked him up he seemed different as if he wasnt with us, he wouldnt let mum shave him, he was always a very clean proud man, ive got a awful feeling he took too much morphine in the night ive told the nurse in charge they will keep an eye, love to u all xxxx

puss just to let you know i am thinking about you and step dad and mum and sending positive thoughts. i know it must be really hard trying to keep it all together for their sake, but so far you have been so brave and absolulely brilliant and no one could have asked for more. take care on your long journey.

big hugs to you and the family
florencexxx

jean and mummo thankyou so much jean i know your being kind and thankyou xxx thanks im off to bed now xxxxxxxxxx

Puss, I really believe everyone should learn a bit about this kind of thing when they have no one needing treatment. A course in school or college, so that they can understand better what is being done for their loved ones, and how to deal with the knowledge that things have gone beyond the retrievable. It comes so hard when you dont understand these things. I have been present when so many long term patients have finally died, and at that stage there is relief all round, and guilt as well, because you feel you shouldnt be relieved. Hope your s dad does get the help he needs, but dont let wishing cloud your judgement. I am trying to be kind here, but may not be succeeding, Sorry.

Puss am really hoping things work out for your s/dad,
its awful seeing them lose so much weight , what l found hard was in the last couple of weeks of my mums life we couldn't even cuddle her as she was just like a skeleton and any pressure on her body hurt her.
Will say a prayer for all your family and will light a candle on the candle site. xx

Thanks Annie, well at 4am in the morning we leave to pick dad up to take him for a biopsy on his leg and rearrange his water works then be transfered to another hospital for chemo, im convinced its going to be bad news tomorrow, can t6hey even give us a result tomorrow, its a ulcer that went purple and black he was given weeks of amoxixillen and the colour of his skin turned better but other little bumps have appeared, he constantley has the fan on with hot flushes at night and he is going so small its so scary, im so sorry for anyone who has seen this happen i have never known anyone close with cancer, but we are getting a palative tea invoved now wqhich is a specialist team of docs nurses etc hello and my love to you all on here xxxx please pray for him that its not cancer in his leg too thankyou xxxxxxxi feel if its not he has a chance somehow xxx

Hi Puss,

Hoping all goes well.

Annie
xxxxx

thankyou mummo , im so glad there getting it, i broke down this morning thankfully not in front of my mum its so hard watching someone wasting away, he was a big burley mans man and a builder by trade , i know you all understand i feel better now and able to face next week , the district nurses are brilliant too one of them tells him jokes and has him laughing and there naughty ones lol xxx

hiya jean, thats the thing this time of year everyone on anual leave,, really hope you get the answers you need, we are taking dad in tuesday to brum for 8am he will have a biopsy on his leg his water works sorted then moved for chemo so at least we have a plan now good luck jean and pleased re results for the cancer xxx

Puss when the pallitive care team ( 2 nurses) came in to see my mum everyday they used to do anything we asked of them and if we thought mum really wasn't up to being given a proper wash or what ever they used to listen to what we had to say, not only were they there for my mum they always asked how we were and they were always there with a smile on there faces, we couldn't have done without them in the last 2 weeks of mums life l just hope your S/ Dad and your mum find the care they deserve, x
Jean l really hope you also get the answers that you want, x

Puss, my GP is away til Friday, then I am off myself to try and get some answers about this Heart failure. I want to know what degree I have, what treatment they propose, and how I should be best helping myself to live a reasonable life. At least the cancer hasnt shown its ugly head again! Its hard to make the best of things when you feel so down and unable to cope with daily life.