General Chat

Dear All

Hello

A sheriff and a deputy is required to patrol the boards to maintain civility and discipline. There was more law and order in the Wild West.

Essential qualities:

1. Must have own stetson, set of spurs and star badge.

2. No WMD's please, this is a nuclear free zone.

3. Rolling pin, broomstick and large handbag needed
(Does not have to be own). Pea-shooter and bow and arrow optional.

4. Must be able to control unruly folk.

Personal qualities:

1. Must be completely sober at all times and be familar with etiquette (whoever she is!)

2. Have patience.

3. Ability to sit unaided on the fence in disputes
(need to provide own cushion).

Terms and conditions:

1. Salary is not negotiable. There isn't one. No benefits or perks.

2. Dodgy references from family and friends will not be accepted!

3. Health checks not necessary. Applications especially welcome from those who are teeth, hair and vertically challenged.
(Dentures with case and syrups will be provided)

Applicants must apply by or on Saturday, as post needs to be filled quickly.

The judges decision is final, although can be changed if judge is offered several tickets for the FA cup final!

Take care
Best wishes
xx

Application please.

GG.xx

Do you supply Body Armour?

With some of the Threads tonight, that might be essential!!

Allan

Dear Granny Grumps

Hello

What qualifications have you got?
Any letters of the alphabet will do.

Experience.....can you use a rolling pin?

Best wishes
xx

I'll do it.

I'm a crack shot with a rifle.

I speak my mind - and am also fairly good at sitting on my hands!

I am Bene Geserit (forgotten how you spell it but read Dune years ago!)

Jill

you need a AK47 HUN

not a sheriff

I'd like to apply please.

I'd request full use of the delete button to be able to do the job adequately though

MWAH HA HA

Dear Allan

Hello

Forgot that!

Will be in breach of elf and safety!

The post does require protective clothing. A suit of armour will be provided after petitioning of GR.

Best wishes
x

Hides hand granades behind back.

Dear All

Hello

Almost forgot, the post is 24 hours a day.

Accomodation will be provided. A sparsely furnished large broom cupboard.

Successful candidate must be in own bed each night to deal with problems and not somebody else's bed......ahem!

Best wishes
xx

RR RR RR RRight...sorry about the stutter!

Allan

My OH can fly a plane now - not on his own you understand. He may be able to borrow a guided missile if that helps:-))

Sue xx

Sue and there was me thinking that you are AR :0))

Allan

Dear All

Hello

Dear HouseWorkFairy......... shocked!!

Total commitment to the job is required....no hanky pancky!

Best wishes
xx

I'll report this thread for cartoonism

Snow White

Dear Snow White

Hello

You can talk.......carrying on with seven vertically challenged people!!

Tut, tut!

Best wishes
xx

Well they don't complain....they are all Happy!

Snow White

I trust that this advert complies with the Disability Discrimination Act, Race Relations Act, Equal Opportunities Legislation, Being Nice To Each Other, Political Correctness Act and "All Other Boll***s We Can Think Of"?
If not, I'm taking you to an Employment Tribunal!!!!

Hello Julia....hopefully sanity will prevail on this Thread, albeit in a light hearted fashion :0))

And I have no wish to appear before the Employment Tribunal.....I'm trying to avoid work!

Allan

Dear All

Hello

Don't even think about employment tribunals!

Years ago, I was a panel member on them.

Yes folks, indeed I was and what a load of old cobblers I listened to!

Best wishes