General Chat

"All quiet on the Western (Eastern Southern and Northern) Front"

I think the excuse is that your fingers are blue with the cold and down here the weather has been so good that the computers have been at rest. I bet you don't believe a word of it. I have met for the first time relatives with whom I have now played golf and today have just had our final lunch with family together. I said that I hoped that they could find their winter woollies when they got back to the UK. They said they were packing some of those nice light merino singlets which they will use on their return home. It has been great to meet even though we may never meet again. I said to them that email is a great medium to communicate through but it is only a substitute for a good face to face chat.
Hope all are well and things are going well for you Huia in particular.

Bob
PS Jean You sound as though you have been using skis and ski poles to do your visiting and of course we are much better off than many whom are cared for or visited. I suppose even they are in luxury compared with those thousands in Haiti.

Huia, we are now told there may be more snow on the way, just as we tthought we had seen the last of it. It has made it so difficult to visit the housebound, especially as I have to use two sticks to get about with at the moment, but I am better off than they are, at least I can get out!

Hi there. How are all our carers? Keeping warm up there in UK, and cool down here in NZ and Aust. I hope?

Huia.

Thank you for your good wishes Bob.

Yes, most if not all of GB was covered in snow, although a thaw has set in for most parts. It's still close to freezing in the warmer areas. The anticipated 20cm in the SE over the weekend didn't materlise, but now the SW and S Wales are expecting a Gulf Stream warmed wet front which will collide with the cold air and produce snow.

Hopefully, your relatives will have left their heating on very low, so won't have any burst pipes!

To all in the Northern Hemisphere

I do not know whether it is all like the sattelite photo we saw of the UK covered in snow from John o' Groats to Lands End. Three daughters are in our South Island at the moment and have fires on but in the North Island the summer has been pretty good so far. When those in Scotland are only two degrees warmer than the South Pole and if I heard correctly the South of England was expecting another 20cm of snow to add to the pile some relatives here think they could not have picked a better year to travel. except to say I hope that their pipes have not frozen and then burst and they arrive home to find a shambles of water spraying for weeks all over the place inside. It does not bear thinking about. It makes one almost feel sorry for the insurance company, but not quite! We hope you have plenty of warm woollen undies, socks, pyjamas, blankets etc., etc., etc., for I presume it takes along time for such an amount of snow to thaw in a such cold winter.

Even as carers we have time to think about you and care for your own plight at the moment.

Bob
PS I forgot to add hot water bottles.

Hi Bob. You will see I have now changed my name. I couldnt change it to Tui as that was my oldest sisters name.

We have an acre of land which was cut off from a farm. We planted some natives in one area and lots of others have come up in that area. There are also lots come up all over the place, plenty of tree ferns and Mahoe, red Matipo, Karamu, not to mention lots of Kanuka and some Manuka, and of course the Koromiko. Plenty of others as well. We even in the early days had a native orchid and on another later occasion an orchid which I had never previously seen - Gastrodia. We phoned a friend in Papakura who has a hobby of photographing native orchids in 3D and although it was almost dinner time he shot out here to photograph it as he had spent many hours searching for one in the Hunua Hills. That night it rained and the flower turned to pulp and we havent seen any since.

Any natives I plant up the back will probably be some I will carefully transplant from another part of our section. There are so many young ones coming up it wont matter if some of them dont take, although I will be as careful as I can. We have done a lot of tree planting in the ARC parks so in 100 years time we can walk in those forests and say 'We planted some of these trees.'

If I won 'the big one' in Lotto last night I would turn our place into a trust of some sort and when I have to move it could be used for groups of trampers/mountainbikers/native bush lovers or whoever. But chance would be a fine thing.

Huia.

Hi Huia out of tree and changing name (You're not changing it to Tui?)

Although three months seems a very long time to have to wait particularly for eyes it seems as there is some improvement. At the same time the DHB's seem to have uncrossed their respective wires which were causing them to not know what their left and right hands were doing. When handling workers' compensation claims many years ago we used to ensure that workers with small pieces of metal in their eyes were sent directly to the specialist so that there were no hitches or delays which could have caused the "loss of an eye" for which there was a significant lump sum payment for permanent injury. Hope that is not scaring you but we also did not want the other eye to lose sight either because of a sympathetic reaction. But that was over forty years ago and you know what insurance companies are like with their money. If you don't well they don't mind paying a little to save a lot and could anyone argue with that?

It must be hard for someone like Phil who has loved tramping to be told that he should not walk unaided just in case he falls. I suppose tramping and walking to Phil was like breathing itself and this is where the fraught question of "independence" come into play again. He wants to be as independent as he can, risks and all and the carers want him to be safe and not have an accident which would have more dire consequences.

I was pleased that you were going to get some students to help with the section. I love the idea of a planting of natives. Because I have become more appreciative of the Manuka and Kanuka in its natural NZ environment particularly around the gullies adjoining streams I used them as part of my planting on the western boundary to our cottage section at the farm. I added Kahikatea, Puriri, Rimu, Totara, Kauri and Cabbage Tree to provide shelter from the westerlies for our cottage and vegie garden. It is five years since we left so they will be up to about twenty to thirty feet high by now. There is nothing like NZ bush to provide shelter in the winter, a cool spot in the summer and of course a good environment for birds.

Bob

Hi everybody.

Bob, I am not sure how I missed your reply before. Yes, I must come down from the tree, ours is now flowering. It first flowered last year, only a few flowers, a few more this year.

Having gone to Greenlane eye clinic (in the Auckland DHB area whereas I live in the Counties/Manukau DHB area) on 23 and 30 Dec I received a letter from the ADHB about a week ago saying that my docs request for me to go to Greenlane had been declined and it had been forwarded to the Manukau Super Clinic. (How do I undo the 2 visits I made to Greenlane?) I have just received a letter from Manukau saying that the Specialist has given my referral a priority of 3 and the approx wait time for an appointment is 3 months. If I had had to wait that long to be seen I would have dug my eyes out as they felt as if they were turning to mush. I was very depressed over my eyes and lethargic. Since I have stopped taking the combigan eyedrops which the Specialist at Greenlane thought might be the problem my eyes have improved and the depression and lethargy have gone, although reading that letter got the tears flowing again at the thought of what might have happened.

Yesterday when I visited Phil mentioned 'Titch' (his sister) and he also mentioned our daughter by name, but the last time he saw her he didnt even recognise her let alone know her name. His eyes didnt have that blank look that they usually have. I was quite pleased although I know it is probably something that just comes occasionally. I had a phone call at 10.30 this morning to say he had fallen again but not injured himself. They are trying to stop him from walking unaided. He apparently said 'I dont have to listen to you' but they told him that he did, if he didnt want to keep falling. I am undecided whether to visit him tomorrow or wait till later in the week. On Monday I want to go for a nice long drive somewhere, do something for myself since it will be my birthday, and on Tues I might have 3 uni students coming to help me sort out my wilderness. When I thought the allergy was caused by gardening I let things run wild, plenty of long grass and other weeds, and other things to tidy up. I will plant a lot of native shrubs up the back where the long grass is jeering at me each time I go out the back door.

Huia who must now change her name.

Huia (in the Tree)

What you describe, I identify with, particulalrly holding the glass of water for the pills. I find that even seeing the pills is difficult as BH's fingers will go around the saucer to find them. Funnily she will always want to count them before she puts them in her mouth. The Carer this morning was visualising the question form she had asked for many years as a needs assessor. Questions like the birth date and had suggested that BH would have a nought total. I said that I thought she would give the correct answer for the birthdate which was confirmed later as having been given correctly. None of us would want to be faced with behaviour problems causing unnecessary stress and for those up a tree falling from there could be disastrous so you had better come down now that Christmas is over.

As far as the golf is concerned, the good news was that we won our match, the bad news was that I played badly having 91 if I recall correctly. So that number which if a needs assessor asked me I would probably get wrong so that probably says a lot. Anyway I have now had a quick swim in the pool which is my second in two weeks, will hang the washing in the room adjoining the gas hot water cylinder to dry over night and will watch the tennis before cooking the fish which with the vegetables is only a ten minute job anyway (the way I do it). Even there, instructions are needed to use the fork to poke into the fish and veges. That's where I apply independence. I have finished my dinner and BH takes about another twenty minutes to half an hour to eat hers. In my mind I say that I do not mind showing how but seem to have more than a reluctance, more an aversion, to feed BH. This would be one major indicator as would uncontrolled defecating (as opposed to the odd accident) for the decision for secure care.

Yes, Bob I understand what you are saying. I had to help him to get a hold of the tumbler as he seemed to have no idea how to take it from me when I offered it. The carers were praising him for doing it himself. I suspect that sometimes he has these spells where he can do things and others where the brain is just not functioning. I had originally envisaged caring for him here much longer, but I was not getting enough sleep and was thoroughly jet lagged. There was no respite care for me as I was told I had to get somebody here to stay with him while I went away for a few days - easier said than done. As he was starting to do dangerous things it was far better for both of us for him to go into care, otherwise I would have had a mental breakdown if he hadnt burnt the house down first, with us in it. And if I had had a breakdown he would have had to go into care anyway. How I wish that horrid Mr Alzheimer had never been born!

Re instructions on pulling down pants etc, some of the other residents have stood in the middle of the lounge and pulled theirs down and the carer has had to gently suggest that he pull them up and has then led him to the toilet. The sights you see! I have found it quite interesting observing the behaviour of the other residents and the responses of the carers when Phil has been asleep. I feel the care in his hospital has been very good. Our sons m-i-l is in a place in Rotorua and it doesnt sound so good. She is free to wander from lounge to bedroom, goes to the toilet in her wardrobe or drawers. All the residents had scabies at one stage, and son and his wife caught them too.

BTW, did you lose at golf?

I hope you dont use ordinary toilet soap. It is bad for the skin, dries it out and removes a lot of the skin's natural protection. I havent used it for years unless I have a really dirty spot that is hard to remove eg oil or turps on the skin. Phil was told by the doc several years ago to stop using soap, as he was complaining about his skin being itchy. I think the doc prescribed pinetarsol but Phil didnt feel clean without using soap so I bought something called Simple soap which is not the ordinary sort, more expensive, but better.

Huia.

In theory it is great if the person cared for can do for themselves. In the war against this debilitating condition it is better that it is fought by both on the same side. So rather than creating a battle for independence which is to a great extent already lost, I think it is better for each task to be broken down into the skills that each can contribute. So if BH is having a generally unwanted shower I get her to soap herself down thereby distracting her while I shampoo her hair. After toiletting which is subject to full instructions including taking down your trousers, knickers, sit on the toilet, no the toilet is over here, etc., etc., etc., then it is time for washing hands instructions to be given, turning on the water, picking up the soap, no not the piece of plastic but the soap, no the soap that I am pointing to, wash your hands under the water, put the soap back on the plastic, rinse your hands, turn the water off, dry your hands on the towel.
Trained or not, I have every sympathy for carers in homes dealing with not just one whom we may have known well for almost their whole lives, but many under their responsibility whom they have not had the benefit of that past experience. In the case of children you know that independence is needed for their future well being. Our loved ones are past that and in many cases it would be regarded as a luxury that neither could afford. There are two parties in most situations and the survival and well being of the carer is more important for both than the independence (so-called) of the cared. Call me a pragmatist if you like but it is how I try to call it in my situation. Through my eyes, experience and perception, the care at home would be preferable by far than what BH or I would expect in a secure home. Then depending on circumstances you may have to pay about $800 per week for this lesser service as well.

This is not to say that others may adopt a different approach and full marks to them for having that patience and skill set for that. I do not happen to fall into that category so try to approach it from how an administration trained person would handle a new skill being brought into play. As with a blind person, a written set of instructions is useless. It then behoves the carer to repeat the instructions every time the particular action is needed to be carried out to ensure continuity of the health of the cared as well as safety from floods, fire and trauma which could result from too much independence.
Rather than "C'est La vie!" perhaps "C'est Nos Vies".

Bob
PS Maybe a little bit grumpy after golf????
PPS Perhaps an ilustration may help. We had received a late card from an old school friend. After I had read it to BH I passed the card for her to look at it. She opened it up and then verbally constructed her own suitable message, while not the words on the card, nevertheless were her brain's attempt to create some order from the confusion she saw on the card in front of her. I would not demean her to try to get her to read the words as written.

Huia, as so often in cases of people being cared for, it seems the norm to do things for them when what they need is encouagement to help themselves. It doesnt always work but it should be tried

Huia, I am delighted that you had such a nice time with Phil on what was his 80th birthday. Sounds as tho he could do more for himself sometimes if encouraged in the right way, I suppose the place he is in is like everywhere else and not always enough staff to spend time with people, encouraging so easier to do things for them or leave them to it whether they are in the mood to eat or not.

Hope you get your sewing machine sorted out or replaced.

I am pleased your eyes are better and indeed hope this is a better year for you, my love.

Hugs
Lizxx

I spent 3 hours with Phil today. Usually it is not much over 1 hour. He was awake most of the time. He even fed himself when the carer put his plate down to attend to somebody else. I dont know if they had decided he couldnt feed himself but when they saw him they commented on him feeding himself. He cleaned up 2 full plates by himself, and then a plastic tumbler of drink. I thought he seemed a bit more like his old self, though not 100% like it, otherwise I would have brought him home!

I see the sewing shop is open again tomorrow, so I will go in in the morning to look at machines. I can go months without doing any sewing, but as soon as the machine packs up I am itching to get at the sewing again.

I am delighted with the improvement in my eyes. This is going to be a much better year than last year.

Huia.

Hi

I am a carer too but I work in the community for a private agency. Currently on long term sick due to foot surgery. Have been enjoying december month, no getting up in the middle of the night and coming home in the middle of the night, attempting to make deadlines thru xmas rushes, getting warmed up in my service users houses and then dashing back to a frozen car etc!

Now at home, I can understand how folk are always cold when they are just sitting around and doors need to be closed. Classic case atm, the cat has opened the door and walked in and miaowed at me for food but I have one foot in a hot tub soaking foot!

Happy new year
alison x

Hi all, especially my dear friend Huia and my newer friend Norma,
sorry I haven't been back on here for a while, have been thinking about you all.

I hope Phil has a good day when you visit him on his birthday today, so you can see a little of the real Phil in there somewhere. I expect the shop will be open soon so you can get your birthday treat for yourself, the new sewing machine and have fun using it.
It's coincidental that you and your son share a birthday as Maximary and her daughter share a birthday too, and my son's is two weeks and a day earlier than mine. Have written on my new calender already with those dates.

Bob, you do make me laugh, I bet your household is fun sometimes.

Take care all of you and here's hoping the New Year brings joys to you all.

love
Lizxx

Hello Huia

When you said about your relative going to sleep at the airport reminded me of an episode in Kath and Kim - I think Kath and Kel were on their honeymoon - had no money and spent the whole time at Melbourne Airport. They shopped, slept and showered etc there. Plus they ate in the gold club lounge for free - it was one of their better episodes.

You could cover them in wipe down vinyl or something like that Huia... Where my dad was all the chairs were of that wipe down vinyl - it may not be the flashest but certainly was practical. Does he have a tripilow... I left my father's one there along with most of his clothes as thought they could
be put to better use there.

Norma

I hope you all had a pleasant NYE. Not too hung over?

I still dont have a new sewing machine as the shop doesnt open for another week:((( There is too much stuff sitting on the old treadle machine for me to be bothered to use it. I had bought some squishee cushions to give Phil for his birthday but when I got home and took them out of their bags the label said 'do not wash'. Since they are sure to get dirty I am going to have to make some loose covers for them when I get a machine. In the meantime I have printed A4 size a photo of our wedding and another of Halnaker windmill and put them into frames. Not sure if they can be hung on the wall of his bedroom so I will take a clearfile folder to put them in instead, along with some other photos.

Huia.

Norma, back in about 1970 I had been busy sewing all day (machine in the dining room) and went through to the kitchen to get dinner. After a few mins I heard my machine churning away and thought one of the children must be playing with it so rushed through to see and lo and behold nobody there but the machine was busy stitching on nothing. I hurriedly unplugged it. Apparently there can be a carbon build-up in the foot control, making it work by itself. Or I think that is what I was told. Last year our Gen. group had a garage sale and there was a Singer machine for $20. We plugged it in, and yes it worked so I bought it just in case mine gave up the ghost. When I got home I decided to try it but after a couple of stitches smoke started to pour out of it so I unplugged it and it was tossed out.

Bob, it is great meeting 'new' relatives isnt it. My dads second cousin (but she is the same age as my sister) came to NZ last Feb. She is quite a character. I met her at the airport and brought her here for a sleep as she was going to hire a car to drive down to Wellington and I didnt want her driving while jet lagged. Next day I took her to Manukau to get a hire car and she took off. About 4 weeks later she was back with a couple of days before her plane left so son took me and Phil to pick her up (she was going to spend her last night sleeping at the airport as she was out of money) and went to visit my sister, then brought her back here. Her plane was due to leave on the Sunday afternoon so I took her and Phil to his tramping 'girlfriends' place, then took her to Waikumete to see her gt aunts grave (my gt grandmother). We then went to the airport and after she had checked in her luggage I stood and sang 'Now is the hour' in English and Maori, as she had wanted us to sing it to her the previous day but we forgot. She had tears trickling down her cheeks. She loved her visit to NZ and has sent me a copy of her diary. She tried to email it as an attachment but it was full of computer gobbledegook and she sent it on a CD but I couldnt open it so she printed off all 98 pages (in 3 lots) and posted them.

I wont be staying up late tonight. I dont normally 'do' NY eve. But in the morning I will be saying hooray for a new and hopefully better year. Unfortunately our golden wedding last March was a non-event, just our son was able to come. My bridesmaid was winging over to Myanmar early that morning and my daughter was unable to come and since Phil had no idea what day it was I decided it wasnt worth having a 'party'. I did get Peter to take some photos of the two of us so that I had a current photo to give the police if Phil went missing, not that he knew that was why his photo was being taken.

Phil turns 80 next Monday so I will go to see him, but he probably wont understand what it is about. His speech seems clearer when he is not tired. On Monday I could hear him and understand what he was saying when I first arrived but it became fainter and more slurred until he fell asleep. My birthday (and sons) is a week later, but I wont be 80.

Huia.

Well we had a great morning at golf with recently met UK cousin and wife (we have a great grandfather in common). After lunch at the clubhouse with our son and eldest daughter and BH, we took them for a drive down the North Shore beaches down to Devonport. to illustrate why Kiwis are so blessed with beaches and possibly why they are so relaxed and then back to their motel. We are looking forward to having a meal together with the wider family before they return to the UK . It is great to find new genealogical info for the family tree but nothing surpasses the warm face-to-face contact with real live people.

Norma
When you spoke of Mississipi chocolate mud pie it brought to mind the lovely little film "The Waitress" whose main character had a pie for every occasion. All our mixers and even the bread maker which BH suggested after receiving it as a birthday present that I should learn to use it myself have long since gone to family. I always put the breadmaker on the same level as the ability of researchers to put a man on the moon, they are a fantastic invention. I still recall the joy of taking out a nice fresh loaf, baked over night.

I must be a stick in the mud, for New Year. new decades and millenia do not do much for me. However our Golden Wedding celebration two years ago that was something else as is each of our birthdays a time to celebrate with family. Before Christmas we had a "cousins" party (the nephews and nieces had being talking about such an event for a long time). It was to get together for that reason, meet new arrivals from SA and while others may not have realised, to recognise that significant changes were happening to their aunt, my BH and who knows whether this may have been the last of such family events with her present. C'est La Vie!

Happy New Year later this evening for those in this hemisphere

Bob