General Chat

Is there any body else caring for a stroke victim out there?

We buried Dad's brother last week and their younger cousin was at the funeral with his wife.His stroke was about as severe as my dad's and it left him with his right side still working,he is right handed,Dad lost that.He has,however,had a couple of fits.

Younger cousin has evrything done for him by his wife who is in her seventies and has to push him everywhere in his manual wheelchair.He says he can't have an electric wheelchair like my dad because he only has one hand.

He has had a peg{tube to feed him straight into his stomach)for a long time and his wife makes a big deal about telling me how he has to have all his drinks thickened.Dad came home with a peg but we didn't like anything to do with it so he started eating food just making sure it was well chewed and his swallow became stronger with chewing so he no longer needed his drinks thickened.

While cousin sat in the corner with his thickened drink bemoaning his fate while his wife tucked his blanket around his knees,my dad had a pint and went home to go out blackberrying again.

Now,I think the cousin is milking it and using it to control hiswife. wife.Everything

I have mentioned to them that my dad has done,washing,shopping on the bus etc.they have an immediate reason he is unable to do it,without even trying.

Truly,I am baffled by their behaviour.What a miserable existence they must be leading.

What say you?

Hi Sharron

My brother (81) had what was classed as a medium stroke about a year ago. I am amazed how well he has done and although he has long walks on his own he thinks that his driving and golfing days are over. For about a month now he has been going to a stroke recovery programme for specialised exercises and also outings in a group One for example was to a bowling alley. Which seems to suggest that the stimulus and socialisation of such activity is part of recovery. Physio and later gym activity was started while he was still in hospital. I think with any severe disability there is emotional trauma for the patient and family which would vary on the make up of the people concerned. Some were fit athletes in their late thirties and a stroke especially at that age would tend to shake one up a bit. You can imagine the emotional effects on the future life of a partner of a similar age so I would think that positive carer support was essential to the patient's recovery prospects. He gets more tired now sleeps longer and no longer feels like handling the usual monthly activity of payment of accounts and the like but I am getting to feel the same way myself so that is possibly old age setting in.

Bob

What is the difficulty in having an electric wheel chair? Adaptions are available. Sounds more like an excuse for not doing anything to me. I have a sister who has milked her condition for years, but doesnt get away with it with me, done too much nursing to fall for that one!

Sharron, perhaps the wife is half the problem, thinking that her husband cant do things and so doing them for him. Maybe she enjoys playing nurse. Not that I know your cousin and your wife so I cant really know. Do you know any of their friends that you could encourage to talk to them and make them see that it is possible to do more. Anyway, you make sure you get on with your life without worrying too much about theirs.

Huia.

Bob, my 'perfectly pitched high C' would have been a bass one last week. I wasnt squawking so much in the bass/tenor range. I used to sing tenor in our choir because of the shortage of tenors, but unfortunately I ruined my voice in the upper tenor range (above middle C) and a singing teacher told me to stop it - or else. I now sing soprano which is where my natural voice is (when I dont have a cold). Unfortunately my high C is often more of a squeak than a note. I can squeak even higher but they are not really quality notes. I sing with the second sopranos when sops divide, but only because few of the sops want to sing the lower line. They find it easier to follow the tune.

Dont tell me that as soon as I get a DVD burner (didnt have a CD burner) it is out of date.

Typewriter ribbons? What are they? What are typewriters?

Huia.

Huia

Being so young you would have heard of IBM who made computers. They also made the modern equivalent of the typewriter. When I started work in 1948 (I hear the violins playing and that will bring tears to all eyes including my own. Is it really that long ago?), Imperial, Underwood and Olivetti were the main brands of typewriters. I turned the handle (or on the modern one pressed the button) of a Gestetner duplicator the forerunner of the copying machine to print off scores, hundreds or thousands of copies of things like the annual programmes of the C.W.I.
I do not know whether those organisations still exist or went out at the same time as the typewriter.
One of my favourite films was of one such English group in "Calendar Girls". I never did remember the recipe for "Ploom Jarm".

Bob
PS And it is not for the reason that you may jump to, but I have always appreciated the acting abilities of Helen Mirren and Julie Walters . Loved her in Mama Mia, isn't she so talented and who cared if Pierce Brosnan did not have a voice up to so many peoples expectations for he was not supposed to have a good voice anyway just had to sing from his heart which is more than some who have been in the business for years anyway.
PPS I will keep my "tongue in cheek", with an emphasis on the cheek, for a few days.

Bob, there is still a CWI in our local village, although I dont belong. I dont think they have stripped off for a calendar, although some women at Ararimu did a couple of years ago!

My lawns were mowed this afternoon. I helped by taking the wheelbarrow full of clippings to dump on the long grass in my garden, each time the man emptied the catcher into the barrow. Hot work. It took us an hour and cost me $20. Worth every penny of it. It would have taken me 2 hours or more over several days to do it myself. So that is an extra hour or so I can spend playing on here!


Huia.

Hi Huia
So glad you have found somebody to cut the grass for you. As you say money well spent. Especially as you're now into spring your side of the world. Luckily our grass is slowing down, though we've had little rain to make it grow anyway. Even the tortoise is hiding more and eating very little.
Well off to do some swearing(iron***) as I am away at the weekend.
I hope you are soon well enough to go and see Phil and that he is Ok too.

Linda :o)

Linda, I hope to visit Phil tomorrow as my cough has not troubled me today, thanks to the liccorice I have been gobbling over the weekend. Son brought it up from Rotorua as he knows I love it.

There was a small tornado at Ramarama this morning, about 20 km from here. My friend says the sky went very black and she saw and heard it just across the paddock from her. Some properties suffered some damage but hers was ok.

Huia.

Hi Huia – from your posts, it seems that you are far more relaxed now, despite your recent cold!! I’m so glad.

When you visit Phil, please, please don’t get upset if he fails to recognise you. Unfortunately, it is one symptom of this awful condition. My poor mum used to assume that any elderly gentleman with receding white hair and glasses was my father!

Although I don’t know much about electric wheelchairs, I too was under the impression that they could be operated by either hand. Perhaps Sharron’s relative is concerned about the cost? Or the space they take up moving around the house? He does sound like one of these people who follow medical advice to the letter – not a bad thing per se, but when it comes to your own physical capabilities, there is nothing to stop you trying.

If you have eaten that much licorice maybe it is better not to cough.

I am sure Phil will have no idea of how long it is since you last visited him.

Have strange memories of going to visit Ellen when she was finally put into care.The people who walked round and round the block seemed to be a completely seperate gang who did not mix with the ones who sat in the chairs.It was like two communities.

The walkers,who evidently had energy to burn,never seemed to get outside,which I thought was a shame.

DET, when Phil was still at home he would sometimes ask me if I knew when his wife was coming home. I would say 'I am your wife'. He would look long and hard at me and then a very pleased smile would light up his face as he said 'ahhh, I am so glad you are back'. Not that I had been anywhere.

When mum was in a resthome in her late 80s a nurse said to her 'here comes your daughter'. She said 'daughter? I dont have any daughters.' She only had 4 girls! So I do know how forgetful things can go.

Huia.

Sharron, I might have referred to gobbling down the liccorice, but I have been monitoring the amount taken to avoid what you are hinting at!

Yes, Phil has heaps of energy to burn. He was always on the go at home, wanting to go on long walks, or busy digging in the garden. That is why he keeps trying to break out of the ward. It is so restricting and their garden is so small. He even tried a couple of times to climb over the fence the last time I was there.

Better go if I am going to visit him today and stay in town for choir practice tonight (unless the weather gets really bad or I am too tired or start coughing or croaking again).

Huia.

I visited Phil again today. It was very depressing, I spent most of the time in tears. When I arrived he was sitting on a settee with his hand swinging and hitting the wall and his eyes looked completely blank. I am told he is now incontinent and needs to be fed, and needs somebody to help him stand up and walk (and then his knees are still bent). It is the worst I have ever seen him. I wish I had never persuaded him to go in there, but then I would be a cot case now if I had had him at home much longer. I just hope he does not last too much longer. I hate visiting him but feel I should. But it wont be more than once a week.

Huia.

Oh Huia, my heart goes out to you, l can understand you saying you wished you kept him at home but as you said you couldn't have gone on much longer, you done your very best for Phil and l'm sure he would understand you couldn't have carried on. I used to feel so sad when l read you previous post about you getting no sleep and the worry you were going through so deep down you've no you've done the right thing for Phil and yourself, chin up Huia sending you a gentle hug, take care of yourself, x

Sending you a gentle hug Huia. I don't have any other words but just wanted you to konw I am thinking of you both
Claire xxxxx

Huia, just to be on the safe side, ask to have his drug regime explained to you in case they have changed anything. They may be giving too much of one of them a sedated patient is SO much easier to handle that this can be their way of dealing with problems.

Sendind gentle hugs as well.....and endorsing Jean (Monmouth)s suggestion as well re the drup regime.