General Chat

Sueby,
Have pm'd you sweetheart, I am saddened to hear your news and I send you my deepest sympathy.
God Bless
Tricia xx

Hi guys, havnt added on this thread for a few months...my dad who suffered with vascular dementia for just over a year, passed away on 1st May. I never knew how much it would hurt losing him, he spent the last 5 weeks in hospital because he refused to eat and went down to 5 stone, he would be on a drip for a few days then he would be offered food but unless he was fed, which wasnt very often as the nurses are so busy, the only time he would eat would be when we visited, and then it would only be a taster. We were arranging for him to go in a home where they would have spent time feeding him, but he never made it as we were waiting on paperwork etc...have cleared his clothes today and it still feels so raw :( .

My OH had his stay with his sister. They went for a walk on the beach each day, I presume (she usually does). She says he almost got run over twice when crossing her busy road. On the morning I was to go to get him she rang to say he had disappeared. He had been standing in the back doorway in his dressing gown. She went to her room to get dressed and when she came out he wasnt there. She phoned the police who said somebody had reported seeing him down on the beach. They went and got him.
When I told our son this he wondered if OH should be going into care soon. I was in tears at the thought, felt I would be betraying him, but I think it was the change of routine getting him confused. I dont think he is quite bad enough yet.
I had a relative from England staying here a couple of times and she was a real tonic for me, we had a good laugh so any time I start to feel stressed I will have to think of her.
One of the Alzheimers societies in NZ has a transmitter necklace which son thinks OH should wear in case he gets lost in the bush. Our bush is what you would call forest and it can be a real jungle in places. If he got lost he probably would die in there unless somebody found him. It would probably take experts, or a dog, so if we can get the transmitter it would help.
Huia.

Hi, Helen.
Tonight I will be at a choir practice in Auckland and will be latish home. I hope to have a nice long sleep afterwards, no cuppa offered to me at 2.30 am or thereabouts, sleep in as late as I need. On Fri night we (tomorrow) we have a dress rehearsal, so will be even later home probably. More long sleep. On Sat afternoon taking a taxi bus to the Auckland Domain for the concert, once again a late night home, I might arrive home in a pumpkin. Another long sleep afterwards.

When my mum was in a rest home my sister went to visit her and mum was told 'here comes your daughter'. She replied 'I dont have any daughters'. She only had 4 girls. That is why I dont get too upset if my OH doesnt recognise me at first.

Huia.

Enjoy your rest Huia.Are you going to do anything in particular or recharge your battery??
I remember once when I went to visit my mum and I was sleeping in the spare room.I woke up to find her standing by the bed in the dark.I asked if she was OK and she replied in a very surprised voice " Oh it's you what are you doing here".I said I'd come to see her and she said that's nice and toddled back to her bed !

Yesterday when my husband was outside I went outside. I was about 20 ft away and he asked 'where is Tub' - his nickname for me :((( - then added 'my wife, Huia.' By that time I was closer to him and he said 'Oh, its you.'
A few weeks earlier he had said something in the night and I turned on the light and he said Oh its you there. I wonder who he thought was in bed with him. Gina Lollobrigida perhaps?
He often asks how many other people are in the house. He brings me a cuppa at 2.30 am sometimes. He has trouble reading or comprehending the time. I am looking forward to a break of 4 or 5 days when I take him up to his sisters tomorrow. And boy, do I need it.
Huia.

I read they kept it secret for so long.It is a b****r of a disease,as I have said before been down that road.My Mum had dementia so at least my children know what it will be like if I should have it!!

n

John Suchet (newsreader and writer). Heard on news earlier that his wife is suffering with this awful disease so many of us are affected by.
Have just read today's D.Tel. and half page interview with him about his beloved Bonnie and how he is now 'coping'. Headline says 'it as if she has died - the pain of going from lover to carer'.
He has decided to go public after three years.
J*

Yesterday my OH went for a long hike with his 2 'girlfriends', something he does every Sunday. In the evening he sat snoozing on the settee for a couple of hours. At 10.30 I called out 'why dont you go to bed'.
He went to the kitchen and made a cuppa. I told him I didnt want one but he brought me one as he 'didnt know' I didnt want one. Short term memory is extremely short at times. He was then going to get his breakfast. I told him it wasnt time for breakfast. He was convinced it was 10.30 in the morning, even though it was dark outside. He didnt seem to want to go to bed, even though I told him that I could not go to bed before him (I like to check up on things).
Thank goodness he is gong to stay with his sister on Thursday for several days while I enjoy practices (Thurs & Fri evenings) and my last big concert in the Auckland Domain on Sat evening with a nice long sleep in (I hope) on Sunday. Sis-in-law has worked in a rest home so hopefully she will cope with him.
Huia.

Hi Margaret,
That's the way to do it!!!!Glad you seem to have the knicker problem sorted lol.
I always feel strongly that many of the elderly get a raw deal when they suffer from Dementia,and it is wrong.Even though I no longer have my parents I still care deeply for those who have their relative in this situation.I know how stressful it is .
As the saying goes Been there,done that and got the T Shirt.!!!!!
Helen x

Hi Helen,I got fed up with going down the diplomatic route concerning mums underwear so each time i visit now i pack any that are not hers into a bag and take it to the office,each time i do this i tell them that these are not my mothers knickers and perhaps some other poor soul would like theirs back!!! It seems to be working as its mainly mums stuff in the drawer now.Sometimes actions speak louder than words, or so it seems. I expect its a time of mixed emotions for you next week,its so nice that people such as you are still willing to support others.It has been a comfort to know that we are not alone and able to discuss problems when they occur.Best wishes Margaret

Did you get the problem with the underwear sorted Margaret?Glad your mum is settled in her new room now and you are happier about it.
I hope she enjoys her birthday party on tuesday.96 !!

I think I have given the impression that my Mum is in care now.She was ,but passed away 4 years ago on Feb 14th.

Helen x

Hi to everybody,just thought i would keep this going with a little bit of good news,mum has now been moved to a room downstairs at the home,her new room is now just off of the lounge and its so much nicer for her.We all had to keep on insisting that she was moved for her own safety as we were worried about her being upstairs.As she is unable to walk more than a few steps our concern was as to how they would get her out if there should be a fire etc.also she seemed to go through a patch of being confined to her room with tummy upsets and it was very lonely for her being left up there on her own,it seemed to us out of sight out of mind! but i must say they have put themselves out so things look better all round.Mum seems to be fairly happy,she's in her own little world but bursts into song quite often and gets the others singing along and clapping,which can only be good for all.Some of the younger carers are getting to know one or two new songs from way back and they find themselves singing them while seeing to the residents(Swanny river's a favourite!!)Its mums birthday on Tuesday she will be 96 and they are having a little party for her so that will be nice.Just thought i would share a bit of good news with you all.Best wishes to all and your loved ones Margaret

HI Margaret
My brother is in a Dementia Ward.
Luckily we have not had any problems with his clothing. He always gets his own back. Because it is so clinical and White in there, we asked if we could make it a bit brighter for him by buying him a Jazzy Bedspread and Pillow case. They did allow us to do that. They even wash that for him and return it. He just has to have the Hospital one on while it is being washed.
Maybe we should get him another one then it always look homely.

Not sure what you can do but go to the the Adminstration at the home and ask for the person in charge. Just tell him or her that you are not happy with the situation. After all I am sure you are paying for a service which you are not getting.

Hope your Mum is comfortable


Hi Helen.
Hows your Mum going lately? hope she is also comfortable and settled.
UPDATE ON STEVE HELEN
Steve was not with us when we went on Monday. He just ignored us when we said his name. He knew who we were of course but goes off into a little world of his own when he wants to.
He won't let anyone shave him but he allowed me to trim his beard with my scissors as he looked like Father Christmas lol. I am taking my Trimmer with me next time I go probably tomorrow. See if he will at least let me get it down to a stubble. I don't trust myself with a razor. He seems to trust me to do it so hopefully he will be in a good mood. Not that he is ever in a bad mood it's just some days he just doesn't want to be bothered with anything. Lack of concentration I think

I bought him a Magna Doodle yesterday its one of those things you draw on then shake and it dissapears. Just though it would be better than his white board as he rubs the writing off with his finger and always gets a Black finger lol. He never uses a tissue. As you know he can't speak so they have to converse as best they can by him writing things down. He doesn't seem to want to be bothered though most of the time and it is really hard to find out what he wants. Getting harder each time we go but we are there for him and he knows we care.

Have a great day Ladies
Catch you soon
Best wishes and Hugs for you Mums

Regards
Jackie

Morning Margaret,
I do think this happens quite a lot,and it shouldn't,as like you say clothing is named.I spent ages putting mums name on everything when she went into care.I understand how things can get a mixed up sometimes and put in the wrong drawer or cupboard.I would keep saying to the staff that you are not happy with the fact your mum is always wearing someone elses pants etc.I wouldn't wish to wear others underwear and just because someone is old and in a home they should not either.
Only you can say something as your mum probably can't.It isn't making a fuss.
Helen x

Hi everyone,as mum has only been in a care home since October so everything is still all quite new to me,i have a problem with the fact that mum never seems to have her own underwear on,i have complained to the staff (who i must say are very good usually) but it seems to be an ongoing problem.Even they agree that it shouldnt be happening, i dont want to seem as if i am always complaining but i dont think this is right.has anyone else had this problem? all of her clothes are marked with her name etc. but she seems to be wearing anybodies but her own.It would be interesting to know what happens in other homes.Is it that they are just not bothered ? or perhaps there is someone out there that can give me some advice on what can be done to remedy the situation.Margaret

I'm glad this thread is still going ,I thought it had vanished.Glad your mum has picked up Margaret.
Helen x

Hi everybody, our Christmas had mixed emotions this year,we went to the home to see mum in the morning & opened her presents with her then we all had dinner out.It was the first time that we had ever done this & to be honest it was the best thing that we could have done.We had other things going on around us & missing mum was not an issue for a few hours.We knew that she was being looked after.I had decided that dad needed to be amongst other people,if we had stayed at home i knew there would only be one topic of conversation & we all needed a break.Mum has just had another stay in hospital after having a urinary tract infection and chest infection,i was called to the home at 1am as she was acting completely out of character,hallucinating and trying to claw out at anyone that got near her,there were four paramedics trying to pacify her with no success.Eventually they managed to get her into the ambulance & off to hospital.These infections can come on so quickly & its quite frightening to witness the effects.I'm glad to say that mum seems back to her old self once again.Best wishes Margaret

Thanks Jackie, for the nudge and your caring. Helpful and interesting.

LW