General Chat

Ohh err Lord Surfmonkey ye have a maid Sir... curtseys and bobs out of the room....

How are husbands like lawn mowers?
They're hard to get started, they emit noxious odors, and half the time they don't work.

How do men define a "50/50" relationship?
We cook-they eat; we clean-they dirty; we iron-they wrinkle.

How do men exercise on the beach?
By sucking in their stomachs every time they see a bikini.

How do you get a man to stop biting his nails?
Make him wear shoes.

How do you keep your husband from reading your e-mail?
Rename the mail folder "Instruction Manuals."

How does a man show he's planning for the future?
He buys two cases of beer instead of one

What do you instantly know about a well-dressed man?
His wife is good at picking out clothes.

What has eight arms and an IQ of 60?
Four guys watching a football game.

What is the difference between a sofa and a man watching Monday Night Football?
The sofa doesn't keep asking for beer.

What is the difference between men and women?
A woman wants one man to satisfy her every need. A man wants every woman to satisfy his one need

Hi, Eeyore lol

PMSL Carla......knew we could count on you.... :o)xx

mama
I also have a chauffeur to
she also drives the car

Why do little boys whine?
Because they are practicing to be men.

Why do men like smart women?
Opposites attract.

Why is it good that there are female astronauts?
When the crew gets lost in space, at least the woman will ask for directions.

Why is psychoanalysis a lot quicker for men than for women?
When it's time to go back to his childhood, he's already there.

Why is it difficult to find men who are sensitive, caring and good looking?
They all already have boyfriends

A woman was walking along the beach when she stumbled upon a genie's lamp.
She picked it up and rubbed it. Lo-and-behold a genie appeared. The amazed woman asked if she got three wishes.

The Genie said, "Nope. Due to inflation, constant downsizing, low wages in third-world countries and fierce global competition, I can only grant you one wish. So, what'll it be?"

The woman didn't hesitate. She said, "I want peace in the Middle East.

See this map? I want these countries to stop fighting with each other."

The Genie looked at the map and exclaimed, "Gadzooks, lady! These countries have been at war for thousands of years. I'm good, but not THAT good! I don't think it can be done. Make another wish."

The woman thought for a minute. She said, "Well, I've been trying to find the right husband. You know, one that's considerate and fun, likes to cook and helps with the housecleaning, has a great sense of humor and gets along with my family, doesn't watch sports all the time

and is faithful. That's what I wish for. A good mate."

The Genie let out a long sigh and said, "Let me see that map again.

Why do women think they look a million dollars?


they are all green and wrinkly!

Why do men like smart women?
so the man doesn`t have to show them what to do all the time

Why is it good that there are female astronauts?
most women are always spaced out, shame they cant navigate a car and map too

Why is it difficult to find men who are sensitive, caring and good looking?
hey its me surf have we met

lol

ok tweedle tum & tweedle dee pmsl

hey colin its very uncanny you were right

my wife wedding dress just had a look totaly matches the washer.fridge,cooker

just noticed two wedding dresses see typical woman cant make her bloody mind up

There's one thing that women can do, but men cant.

Give birth!!!!! lol

Actually to be fair mine looks smashing in something long and flowing.....











...the Thames springs to mind

Why did God create men?
She forgot to put the legs on snakes.

How is being at a singles bar different from going to the circus?
At the circus the clowns don't talk.

Why do men chase women they have no intention of marrying?
For the same reason dogs chase cars they have no intention of driving.

maybe with all you women on here some one can answer me a ?

why when there is only seven days in a week you women need to buy in eccess so many shooes and handbag?

Man: "So, wanna go back to my place ?"
Woman: "Well, I don't know. Will two people fit under a rock?"

we have clothes to fit what mood were in or the wheather and also different occasions xx

Men are like......

.....placemats
they only show up when there's food on the table.

.....mascara
they usually run at the first sign of emotion.

.....bike helmets
they're good in emergencies but usually just look silly.

.....government bonds
they take so long to mature.

.....copiers
you need them in reproduction but that's about it.

.....lava lamps
fun to look at it but not all that bright.

.....bank accounts
without a lot of money they don't generate a lot of interest.

.....high heels
they're easy to walk on once you get the hang of it.

.....curling irons
they're always hot and always in your hair.

.....mini skirts
if your not careful they'll creep up your legs.

.....handguns
keep one around long enough and your gonna want to shoot it.

so what you are saying is that if a woman doesnt have a bag or shoes shes abit of a dag

boy im in for it now
lol