General Chat

{{{HUGS}}} for you Paul and your wife.

I also know a few childless couples who would also make smashing parents, as Im sure you both would have.

remember, even though they were not born, you were their parents, even though it was for a short time. No one can take that away xx

I will admit to doing that myself Huia but not in a supermarket ,It was a home and yes there face is a picture :-)))

I had a child with learning dificulties.....was murder taking him out.....one set of peeps said I was too strict...the other said I pampered him.....no matter what I did....everyone had an opinion on how I should bring him up, and I was never right.....ignored the lot of them and did the best I could.....

Going shopping without him was out of the question....part of his affliction was to say everything that came to mind, which wasn't very nice sometimes.......I would have dearly loved to have walked out and left him to it just so's to calm myself down.....outwardly I was calm.......Inwardly I was cringing at the embarrasment and unable to stop the words he said....

Even calmly speaking to him about the unpleasantness of what he was saying would start him off with words like.....'but it is true', and go further into why he had said what he did, making matters worse.......so sometimes it was best to say nothing........I wish he had siblings who were able to take over in moments of stress.

Susan
x

Tory

Working in a school Ive seen the affects of ADHD & (Possible not diagnosed at present) Autism.

My 18 year old nephew has asbergers.

I agree explaining the world to some of these children is not easy. In the case of the possible autistic not diagnosed child, a six year old who wont give you eye contact, things have to be taught over and over again before it becomes, not as much an understanding but a repetitive part of school life. (such as lining up with the others after lunch or standing in the lunch que) he has to be reminded every day that he has to do what the other children must do, as he doesnt understand why he cant do what he wants.

Hes now slowly remembering to do each task, of course with encouragement, reminding and praise.

We have a lovely ad on TV. A child and his mother in a supermarket, he wants something, she says no, he throws a tantrum, so she then throws something on the floor and throws herself down too and starts kicking and screaming. The look on the childs face is priceless. It certainly shuts him up and she walks out serenely with him. Perhaps frazzled mothers could try it!

Dont ask me what the ad is trying to sell, though.

Huia.

Sorry to hear that Paul,that would have been very heart breaking,

Thanks Muffy and all for your thoughts

not only that when we applied to foster/adopt lacal councils opinion we couldnt becaus of the following:
1. Serving Members of HM forces did not offer stable enough home life.
2. I smoke and am overweight and therefore would not be a good role model!!

What a joke!!
was and am in stable relationship, in gainful employment (never been on benefits since leaving school always had a job)

How awful for you and your wife to go through that 7 times. xx

Paul I am sorry to hear that as was told at 17 I would never either ,but was one of the lucky ones and had 3 .So I understand a little .:-)

I'm sorry to hear that Paul xx

For those who are not aware ADHD is part of the autistic spectrum as for the severity of a condition with something like Autisum just having the condition at all means that the persons understanding and concept of a situation is differant so explaining the world and how to behave is not easy.

Tania,
That wont happen no chance of us having rugrats.
Married 26 years and OH seven miscarriages in first 4 yrs of marriage. RAf Doctors did not have a clue wish she was registered at civi doctor then there might have been some hope.

paul:-(

PS Also quick note for later when you have kids,dont take preschoolers to the shops when they are knackered as they are uniformly hideous LOL

Thats ok Paul, glad we sorted it. xx

One great thing about becoming a mother is it sure brings you down a peg or too LOL.
next time pablo try smiling at the offending mother and offering some assistance ,wether the child has something wrong with it or not.
a simple understanding" its hard when they do this isnt it" is such a relief when you are knackered ,you dont know what to do next and you think the whole world is judging you.
I often talk to babies or distract toddlers and just offer a friendly face when I am shopping because thats what i would like to be done to me in that situation.

sorry shirley didnt read it properly
Whoops
Paul:-(

Pablo please look again I put a smiley face after it so you would know I wasn't having a pop at you, I meant 'you' as in people who don't have experience of children or people who do have well behaved children. Sorry if I hurt you it was not my intention. shirley.xx

It's so easy for us with "normal" healthy children to look at others & wonder why they are letting their offspring run riot.

I used to say that food additives causing a child's bad behaviour until I saw the effects for myself. One ice lolly & the child was off the ceiling!

Autism has to be experienced to before you realise just how difficult it is for the parents to cope.

Ever seen a medicated ADHD child who has forgotten to take their tablets? Believe me you would soon know that something is wrong.

For us lucky parents with our "normal" kids, life's not so easy as it used to be. Smack & we are in the wrong ignore bad behaviour, & we are wrong again!

I think we have two issues here, one where the child's behavior is their fault and the other when the child has a medical condition which affects their behavior.,

As said before, unless the parent speaks up at the time of the tantrum, no one would be any the wiser to why the child is kicking off.
Its also not fair to expect the parent to have to tell anyone why as its no one else's business :o))

I do agree though, that sometimes parents of kids with no underlying condition, let them behave badly (ive seen this after school)

I've seen pre schoolers climb a 10 ft high storage container which has a type of ladder attached ( full of sports equipment) in the playground whilst their parents watch whilst talking. Ive also seen kids kicking the hell out of the same container...again with parents watching.

That's when you get parents with little sense of discipline to pass onto the kids.

I do think, even though a child may have some kind of learning disability, you have to show them what the right thing to do is.
Because one day they will be grown up and have to cope themselves with everyday life.

It depends though on how severe their condition is at the start.

People like me!!!
What do you mean??