General Chat

Good debate this isnt it Glad I decided to put it on the board.

And no I am not having a go at children who have learning difficulties or thier parents.

Thanks Tory I will take a look.

Daff...you're on the right thread lol

I believe that the more being learned about autistic spectrum disorder, the more other difficulties are being added to the spectrum.... so the increases are not always specifically autism/aspergers, but other communication difficulties that are now being identified as related... so they are put onto the spectrum. I have to say that professionally I am a bit out of touch... left the field about 5 years ago.... so I may be wrong!

Eileen you have an absolute point... and new research has come out identifying this as an issue! (forward facing buggies hinder communication development in the infant, they need to be able to see their mother or main carer for reassurance and socialisation while they are out...)

The *Terrible Two's* happen at a time when the child's desire to explore and become more independent is hampered by a lack of awareness of danger, a lack of communication skills to say what they want... and not yet grown out of the *me me me* stage so they want it now now now, lol

Love

Daff

er am I still on subject, lol... forgot which thread I was on there for a mo.. will delete if I am in the wrong place! xxxx

juliecat good luck with that and you may like to look on gen for the autisum thread

well said jax

My son was statemented when he was about 3. I was told he had severe speech problems and moderate learning difficulties. Recently I learned he may have some form of ASD.......we have an appointment with CAMS on 24th June. I spent years thinking that he didn't understand us....we were told his learning difficulties were based on a lack of understanding.....when it may be a case that I didn't understand him.

Eileen I had a a proper pram which faced me for all my children and talked them whilst we were walking the 2 miles from our house into town and on walks and my youngest has special needs and I was and still am an attentive mother.

Yes I agree that not all children that are having tantrums are special needs children but it is a factor in today's society so instead of people jumping to the conclusions that the child just needs discipline when they see a child having a tantrum in shops they should save their judgements until they find out the reasons behind the childs actions.

thanks sue point taken you asumption could be right
eileen i will have to check but i believe they were saying 1 in 200 but the actual numbers are thought to be much higher than this as in more then 1 to the200 children are now thought to be autistic

Good point Eileen,

I hate the new Prams Pushchairs for that very reason. I wouldn't say that was neglect though ( not that you were either )....just thoughtlessness or perhaps nothing else is available.

Susan
x

I think most children as I prefer to call them,,,will throw a wobble at some point,be it out or in- house,,,,,,,,,,as none of us know what is going on with the parents life at that time or even the childs, when it happens in a shop......,,,,,its unfair to assume everytime its down to bad parenting or a bad unruley child ,,

We have a tamtrum and battle when grandchildren have to go home,,,,<:}}}

I am not asking this in a nasty or sarcastic way peeps. but does anyone know the ratio of autistic/adh/any other behavioural difficulty, children to 'normal' children?
I can't believe that every child you see misbehaving is poorly. Call me old fashioned, but I strongly believe that a lot of the communication difficulties between young mums and their children starts with the use of buggies that face away from mum. A baby/toddler has no idea where its parent is, or who is pushing it. There is no interaction of smiling and pointing things out, and waving etc. The child is just imobilized - it drops something precious to it, mum does not notice - it cries. The sun is in its eyes and it is hot and uncomfortable, it cries, the wind and rain are cold and it has no gloves often no hat, often no socks, it cries - WHAT ELSE CAN IT DO? it can't talk at that stage, it has car fumes blasted in its face all the time.
I say BRING BACK THE PROPER HIGH PRAM - well sheltered from rain or sun, facing mum. - and you could load a lot of shopping onto the tray underneath.
I know a lot of people have to use cars to shop, and buses are a nightmare with small child, shopping and pushchair, even if there is a bus. But if you look around you can get mother-facing pushchairs, and higher ones out of the lead poisoning fumes. And please young mums, you don't have to talk on your mobiles and text all the time as you walk along.
I still have the Mothercare pram that was first bought for my eldest son, now 40, it did my second son, now 39, my second family now 29,26, and 25, and my grandsons now 11,9, and 6......very good value.
Eileen
birth name
and mother of five.

It is quite uncomfortable for the parent or grandparent or whoever is in charge of a child that throws a tantrum (I am not talking about autistic children now, just an ordinary tantrum.) I have to admit to being quite surprised (putting it mildly) when, after 4 reasonably well behaved children when out my fifth Grandchild was in the habit of throwing a tantrum, wherever we were, if she did not get her own way. And peter, if a child is throwing a tantrum, a real full blown throw themselves on the floor tantrum, a slap does not solve it. They are usually so scared by their own reaction that they are inconsolable. So first they must be calmed down and then maybe explained to that it doesn't work. The worse thing parents can do is give in to whatever the tantrum was about. What makes the situation worse is other people looking accusingly at child and parent, doesn't help at all.

Ann
Glos

Sue I do understand what your saying but think you should have spoken to the mother first and not the child as you have said small child it was a bit risky in this day and age .The mother should have been paying more attention but don't see what smoking has got to do with it ,you also seem to assume an assult when although the child was wrong to do it as a mother I would challage someone who said they would kick my child until I got the facts .You say the mother backed down but you didn't say weather she apolgised.

I have to make a brief comment, Tory has already mentioned autism, two of my grandchildren are autistic, one very severely. A meltdown in a shop is not an unusual occurence, or in the bank while waiting in a queue. Having been through 7 years of various treatments, I know that sometimes Mum is advised (by the 'experts') to ignore the behaviour, and there are times that this is effective. It is VERY hard to ignore. Older sibs can be a huge help, but ultimately Mum gets the brunt of it. To walk away is not the answer. Those of us affected by autism now view such behaviours differently from those with no experience in the area, because we immediately think there may be a problem.
All I'd ask is that, if such a situation occurs, show some compassion for the mother, whether it is autism or plain bad behaviour, Mum needs support to cope with it. It is totally embarrassing to deal with outbursts in a public place, the scorn of others is hard to endure, especially when one is already coping with the child. A little compassion, and tolerance, goes a long way.

"Parents should leave their children at home....."
Many would love to do this but not all have the support around them to allow it.

My parents live miles away, my brother and sister both work full time, and I have no partner.
Who should I leave the kids with? Can't leave them home alone so they have to tag along.

That said, my children are beyond tantrum age now but in their prime they probably annoyed "decent folk" a few times.

xx

Oops - seems when i was messing about with my screen name something went wrong!!

Clair.

xx

Here here Susan it is so easy to be smug when you havent walked in someone elses shoes.
small children throw tantrums thats a reality for all parents and grandparents.
Some of us also have the difficulty of disabled children who through processing issues and other problems also throw tantrums.
Noone needs to judge anybody.
As I said before just smile be kind and offer a helping hand,you may just make someones day.
Alternatively you can go home and grump and make a difference to no body

Sorry Pablo,

I am aware by one of your other postings that you do not have children, which is a shame and I feel for you, knowing the circumstances you describe.

However, unless you are a parent I don't see how you can have such strong opinions as to how they should be brought up.

Strong feelings on what annoys you is one thing, and I understand these....can't be nice doing your shopping and wanting peace while you do it.

When I had my first.....she was beautifully behaved and my head was rather 'swollen' as I thought I knew it all, especially when the second child was beautifully behaved too.

Anyone else's child, to me, was a brat and it was 'the paren'ts fault' as far as I was concerned.....then I had one who was hyperactive and without going into details ( could write a book lol ) No matter how 'good' a parent I was, it didn't change the fact that he was exhausting and had to be watched every second of the day just so that he did not get into any trouble or cause a nuisance to others, which didn't always work ( at three years old he could climb a six foot locked gate and we were forever running after him before he got lost ).....

He was a lovely happy child but always getting into some sort of mischief or 'annoying' someone. This, I know for certain, was not due to my lack of parenting skills.....He also trusted people too much which was worrying and led to all sorts of problems, in and out of school.

Anyway....to cut a long story short.......My head went down to a size worthy of an ordinary.....more understanding of others, parent.

The moral being .......unless you have one you cannot possibly understand how much a decent parent goes through when judged by others.

The 'its the parents fault' always annoys me......we are not all to blame for the children of today's behaviour.....Yes I agree some parents are to blame.....but please don't tarr us all with the same brush, and like I say....please give a thought to those of us who try so hard to bring our children up correctly......all is not what it seems sometimes.


PS.....He is now a lovely polite gentleman and the struggle was worth it :-)))

Susan
:-)

Paul, people of any age never throw a wobbly in public without a reason... I would much prefer to see a young kid throw a wobbly out of tiredness, frustration, whatever, than to witness a group of drunken louts throwing their definition of a wobbly, due to overdrinking or whatever... which could have much worse effects on onlookers or peacekeepers.

And these louts may well (often have) been subjected to discipline or over discipline of varying degrees throughout their lives... with what effect??

Love

Daff xxx

......especially not with my grandchildren Peter, I would have my children and their OH's on my case.......I did the odd slap on the leg with mine though.....

...lol Daff.....

here, here, discipline in the right place at the right time and in the right amount