General Chat

Which would be the way to get me to look at them first!

Perhaps my mother was right after all.

Oh must have been after I looked at it. I did say ignore the letters!!

Yes, one of the replies.

Sharron, not sure what you mean, do you mean in the paper?

Interesting that somebody just had to say how they had had it worse. Of course, but your worse doesn't necessarily make mine better!

While not about narcissistic mothers there is a very interesting article in the D M paper that you might like to read.

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/article-2166642/Private-trauma-star-shocking-ad-campaign.html

However I suggest you ignore the vindictive letters in reply to the article by people with no compassion or anything better to do.

Jill, for a start, you don't have to ask me if it alright. I am not in charge,I just indicated where to find the article that had such a profound effect on me that I wanted to share it with others who might also benefit.

Second, and I hope everybody else would agree with me,if it is helping you to come to terms with your abuse then it is helping and you really must put everything you need to on this thread.

Chris you have got it in one. You learn not to speak to other people about yourself and your family so there are never conversations questioning how things are with you.

It wasn't until I met my now hubby and then his parents who made no secret of what lovely things they thought of me and how much they loved me, and that their love was unconditional, that I realised what I had never had. But it all started to sink in and the memories came flooding back when I had our daughter. It wasn't only their attitude towards her but I realised how differently I treated he compared to how I had been. If one experience brought it home to me more than any other one it was the day she had annoyed me. I don't even remember why now but I was annoyed and I thought that she ought to be grateful to be allowed to live. I was shocked at what I'd thought. I hadn't even realised I'd spent my life trying to make up for not dying as I was supposed to when I was a baby. And if I haven't already shared that one somewhere. The parents couldn't afford a third child but I had been born an unwanted girl. If I had died, they could have had another child which may have been a boy.

I've always wondered why my parents had children. Maybe they had this totally unrealistic expectation but whatever, we were both a very big disappointment to them. I went one way and became the black sheep for trying to be a better person with drastically different values. The sibling made her own choices.

Sharron, if any of this helps, I'll keep going. But at any time, please say Enough Jill. You can shut up now. :-D

Jill, I hope that by sharing with others who have experienced similar that you are learning that the shame is not yours.

Over the years I was told how I had wasted so many oportunities but now realize that I could not have taken them anyway. I had so many other things to do that others didn't. I had a child to bring up for a start. My mother's only child,me.

I was not dirty and scruffy because I was a lazy little git. I was seven, I had not been told how to wash myself properly and I was not old enough to do my own washing.

Trouble is Ann that those of us caught in these traps - knew no better - it was the norm.

Just read that report. Scary on so many fronts.

Sharron. Mention abuse and everyone assumes only either sexual or physical or both. Emotional abuse is invisible therefore it is never considered.

I often wondered if things would have been different if I'd just been whacked on the outside instead of on the inside. Would the pain of it all have been as fleeting as the actual pain? Of course it wouldn't and I recognise that now. The pain of emotional and physical abuse is different but each is equally distructive. Most people blessed with a 'normal' childhood can understand the effects of physical abuse because that is physical pain and everyone has been in pain at some time or another.

But how can I, as someone who looks and acts as normally as possible, explain that I am struck with fear at being with new people and that I am panicing inside and just want to run and hide. I have no scars to show you that say 'this person was told that she was so dreadful that no one could ever bear to see or speak to her'. In the end, unless it was necessary I chose not to speak. Every word I spoke was analysed for inflection, correct usage, show of emotion (forbidden) and in the end there was no point in speaking at all. And there are years and years more of being destroyed inside. But, I say again, it is all inside.

Psychiatrists of psychologists will use all the crap kids went through to explain criminal behaviour at the time or in later years so they seem to get it then. But hey," you've got through it, you have two lovely children so you've got over it".

Just because I haven't turned into a criminal myself, doesn't mean I'm not screaming inside.

I'm kind of happy to share this stuff because if others can benefit I'm glad. But the important thing for everyone to know is, that although it can take years to move forward, it is possible.

xJ

I feel so sorry for all of you who had a sad, unpleasant and even frightening childhood and teenage years (and beyond). I give thanks that I had a happy childhood, strict but loving parents. Until I read this thread I had no idea how many families were not like mine. <3

((((((hugs))))))to all of you and well done on sharing and helping each other.

Something that may be of interest in an Aussie newspaper.

http://www.dailytelegraph.com.au/news/mother-loses-all-rights-to-sickly-children-after-showing-signs-of-munchausen-syndrome-by-proxy/story-e6freuy9-1226409611274

Many counsellors don't know what they are dealing with, it is such a secret form of abuse,

I just hope I am doing a bit of good by trying to make it as publicly known as possible. The more people who know it exists, the less oportunity to keep it secret.

Many counsellors don't know what they are dealing with, it is such a secret form of abuse,

I just hope I am doing a bit of good by trying to make it as publicly known as possible. The more people who know it exists, the less oportunity to keep it secret.

Many counsellors don't know what they are dealing with, it is such a secret form of abuse,

I just hope I am doing a bit of good by trying to make it as publicly known as possible. The more people who know it exists, the less oportunity to keep it secret.

Many counsellors don't know what they are dealing with, it is such a secret form of abuse,

I just hope I am doing a bit of good by trying to make it as publicly known as possible. The more people who know it exists, the less oportunity to keep it secret.

Many counsellors don't know what they are dealing with, it is such a secret form of abuse,

I just hope I am doing a bit of good by trying to make it as publicly known as possible. The more people who know it exists, the less oportunity to keep it secret.

Many counsellors don't know what they are dealing with, it is such a secret form of abuse,

I just hope I am doing a bit of good by trying to make it as publicly known as possible. The more people who know it exists, the less oportunity to keep it secret.

Many counsellors don't know what they are dealing with, it is such a secret form of abuse,

I just hope I am doing a bit of good by trying to make it as publicly known as possible. The more people who know it exists, the less oportunity to keep it secret.