General Chat

Mum always gave me something old as a gift and generally gave it to some other deserving child later. I happened to tell my friend that I had never had anything new my whole life.talk about second hand Rose !
Yesterday she phoned me from Tescos and because of the background noise I couldnt really make out what she was saying. Anyway she said I'll be back shortly.
She had bought me a little flat screen telly, and I was thrilled, but I said "I dont really deserve it, I haven't been that good this week!" This was that little voice that tells me I'm not worthy!
So now I have something brand new out of the box.for the first time.....at sixty !

Please Sparrow,read the article I first posted about.I really am a 'get on with it' individual.This is not about empirical self-pity,it is about the anger and frustration of trying to live your life around someone elses overwhelming self-obsession and the difficulty of making it's existence known to anybody who has no experience of it themselves.What a pity your mother wasn't able to pass on her admirable advice to mine.

Life is full of up and downs. Best advice my mother gave me "get on with it". Only you can change the down bit. Depression happens to everyone. I have a three legged dog hes not depressed. Third world countries you dont see them suffering from depression they are to busy trying to live they dont have time to be depressed.

Good on you Carole.Doctors don't seem to know this happens.Having been on tranquilizers in the past myself I feel that I was actually being treated for somebody elses illness.I wasn't ill,I was desperately unhappy.
The condition certainly needs to be made more widely known.It may even inspire the medical profession to try a few new perspectives,now wouldn't that be an innovation.

Hi Sharron and everyone else. Wednesday I went to see my phychologist armed with a print out of the article mentioned on page one. Highlighted all the points I related to. She said yes thats definatly what we are dealing with. I have had depression on and off for years, never knew why. Now I can see why!
Today I took the same paper to show my doctor at a
3 monthly check up. He was very interested. It was also useful to show my husband. He started to read it it and said it's your mum. Mum is 75 now looks after my 79 yr old Dad who is paralised after a stroke, and has no speech. I don't think I could ever talk to them about this. I'm nearly 50 and feel like a child when I'm near them. Looking back on my life I can see things from a new perspective. Why I acted the way I did. Why my mum never liked my friends. And why my sister and I were so close.
Thanks Sharron for bringing this into the open xx

I don't think it is predominently women.We have all been out with him haven't we?Maybe it is that women,especially mothers,can inflict a particularly memorable and destructive kind of damage.

I should have been a psychologist or surgeon or some such, with my curiosity about people.
Huia.

Romany Star, last night (morning your time) I typed up a question asking if men were ever like that, or was it just women with their weird hormones, but my computer was playing up and kicked me off line, so I was interested to see your reply. But it does seem to be predominantly a female thing.
I am deeply curious about what makes people tick. Why is it mostly women?
Huia.

It does seem to run in families doesn't it?It covers at least two generations in my family and I have watched it occur in a family local to me.All the time aching with frustration because I could not do anything to ease the misery of the poor children concerned.
I called mine mother and now I will only refer to her as my mother and if anybody should call her my mum I will correct them.I never had a mum.Mothers day is very special to me,it reminds me that I don't have one .
As for the step-father being a scarecrow.Has somebody been watching League of Gentlemen?It's little dreams like that that get you through!

I have finally read the article and highlighted the bits that refer to my relationship with my mother. I started typing a response for this thread and before I knew it I had written 1500 words and was getting the flashbacks again. I've kept that for another day!

I have been profoundly affected by the type of behaviour in the article throughout my adult life, but like others, hope I have learned the lessons.

More interestingly, in one of my lines, this stuff goes back to my knowledge about 100 years. Is it a learned behaviour? Thank God I have finally manmaged to unlearn it, hopefully before I damaged too many other lives.

Thank you for bringing this painful subject into the open again.

S

I have a narcissistic stepfather alive and kicking, if anyones looking for a scarecrow to scare the brds away.........

yes definatley its also good to know that other people understand, its not easy to make people understand if they don't know as they often think that you are making thinks up or making it sound worse than it is or was but you will know this already,
I am a much happy person now that i understand. I still see her (mother ) never call her mum as she never was one but know she can't get to me unless i let her just wish my sister could do the same but she is not as strong willed as me and still tries to please her,

How i wish i could make her see like we do!

All the best to you Sharron X
Julie

Isn't it cathartic when you do find out Julie?There is a whole new piece of my mind available now.The bit that was forever going over thingsto find a reason.I had given up looking for any logic many years ago.

I have a narcissistic mother didn't realize this until a year ago,she made my life a misery as a child and as grown up,
This is pretty serious stuff,
Anyone who has suffered and is still suffering in this way should read this book.

Children of the self-absorbed by Nina w Brown

Boy was this book an eye opener but it helped me understand and helped me to deal with her (mother) i can get on with my life now , without been controlled by her because that is what these parents do and make you feel pretty crap along the way.
I only have one regret i wish i had read this book 20 years ago.

nudging for my friend to read

n

n

I have one older sibling and a younger sibling by 17 years.

All my younger life I was told it was my fault she could not have anymore children, my shoulders were too big and caused her untold damage. She misscarried a couple of times. Had a bad pregnancy with the youngest, also my fault. That was my life, always my fault.

She once told me in a sneering way, "you take after your father, you are just like him". I said I would take that a her very first compliment and I did.

I could go on and on, but wont, most of you have already said it all.

I am just like my father, gentle, caring and a lovely person. I am proud to call him father. And yes he did try to help when he saw what was going on. Although, he was not there all the time though.

n

My hideous cousin reserved her venom for one of her boys.I think it was projection.She was the oldest grandchild and her mother could not sustain a male pregnancy,I think she once miscarried triplet boys.Then she had twins,one of whom was a boy .I suppose the fact that there was a girl made her hang on to them.So,with this son on the scene.big sister's nose is well out of joint.Her first child was a boy who,I believe,had to wear black underpants so the sun didn't blind people.Then the hideous woman gave birth to twins,boy and girl and by God,did they suffer,especially the boy.There are others I can think of too.I think it is just that mostly women have posted.