General Chat

Yes, one of the replies.

Oh must have been after I looked at it. I did say ignore the letters!!

Which would be the way to get me to look at them first!

Perhaps my mother was right after all.

Mmm! :-D

On a more realistic note. Replies in the vain of 'you don't know how lucky you are' are one of the reasons that narcissism is such a secret form of abuse.

I was always told how lucky I was to have my own room.Maybe I was but I still would have liked a bit of company for some of the many hours I spent in it.

The fact that my life looked acceptable to the outside world did not make my misery any less.

The reason I said ignore the letters is that the people that write answers to things in the newspapers are like the trolls on here. They do it to attract attention to how clever they are Our local paper is the worst. People are so rude it is hard to believe.

But they are expressing opinions that we have all encountered.

Many of us stopped trying to tell people how unhappy we were,if we ever tried, because we were shouted down by the very type of person who would write one of those letters.

Luxury. my dad used to kill me every day!

Didn't read the replies.

But there is always someone who can claim worse in relation to anything. Some are genuine (a friend of mine who endured so much springs to mind), and some just want to feel in some way more hard done by or more deserving of attention.

I mean didn't we have a thread a few weeks ago talking about people who, if for example, you claim to have broken a finger nail, they've actually broken their finger. Or if you twisted your ankle but managed to still get the shopping done, they broke their leg in three places and still managed to run the London Marathon before having it set. In our house we refer to it as a p'ing contest.

Maybe the person making the comments has never been able to disclose what happened to them. Maybe they resent that the journo had the opportunity to do so. Or sadly, maybe what he or she went through really was far worse. I don't recall the lass talking about physical or sexual abuse so perhaps the person who replied went through just that but has no appreciation of how destructive emotional abuse can be too. So whoever that is, we should include her or him in our thoughts for all those going through it :-(

I was told very regularly how lucky I was to have a Mummy - so much so that when I discovered what adoption was - I hoped my real Mummy was out there!!

As I have said before,I could never articulate the problem before finding that wonderful article.

The person who was in care,who wrote one of the nasty replies, has a readily available labelled package to use even if they had the most supportive and loving foster parents for their entire childhood. Care equals suffering just like mother equals loving.

Hi Sharron,

I hear you. I couldn't read any of the replies you have so you have my respect for being able to do so. I just knew I would be too upset. Isn't it like the sun coming out from behind dark clouds to have someone tell your story for you and all the release that gives?

All the secrets that we had to keep. I didn't really understand it all then. Just that to talk about family was forbidden.

I can't abide lies and secrets even now. They breed all sorts of possibilities and how can we expect our children to know the safe and dangerous ones? When daughter was growing up I always told her that there are good secrets (eg Christmas presents) and bad secrets and if she was ever asked to keep a secret and it felt wrong, that was a bad secret and did not have to be kept and she should tell me or her dad.

Chris, how are you doing?

For years now I have held out a hope that someone will ring from a show like Jeremy Kyle to tell me that I was adopted and I actually have a real family out there who want me.

And now to make you laugh :-D

I keep asking hubby if he will pay for a DNA test for me to prove I got mixed up at birth because my attitudes and values are so different, I just can't belong to the parents. In reply, he tells me no point as I was born at home so no chance of being swapped. I just tell him he is being tight with his money :-D

Jill your DNA request made me laugh! I too, to this day, cannot stand lies, hypocracy and being blamed for something I have not done.

Now I wonder where I learned that from???????????////

As to me Jill - bit better - getting there - there is always someone worse than yourself.

Yes there is Chris. And so long as we hang on to that thought.... Glad you are getting there.

I know someone who doesn't think like that and they drive me up the wall. Talk about woe-is-me :- and yet they have so much.

I reckon that we are all entitled to wallow at the bottom for a while but then we have to pick ourselves up, get on with it and make the best of what we have. Some of us make it, some of us never find the strength to try and some choose to stay there because it's easier or they like the pity.

Take care.xxJ

nudge

Here goes for the second time - had just finished last time when PC froze - was SHE watching?????

Nine years ago next month my mother passed away and she still has the ability to embarrass me! Last evening I was talking to cousin (our mothers were full cousins) as I am researching a relative of hers for her and she mentioned that some years ago she had popped around to see her mum and an old friend of the family who had just arrived for a two week stay when a Taxi drew up and my mother complete with 2 suitcases and her dog arrived unannounced to greet her cousin with the words 'surprise, I have come for two weeks'!

Cousin replied that she did not know where she would put her as Annie was staying.
Beds were moved around to accommodate but my dearest mother uttered these words to Annie ' well I have more right to be here than you, you are only a friend whereas I am family'!

Apparently she and Annie had a wonderful time sparring for the two weeks whiklst the hostess was left shattered.

I cannot believe she said that - well I can but OMG

I will never forget my mother´s reaction when my paternal grandfather died, very suddenly & unexpectedly.
I was 11 & was so angry with her because there wasn´t a word of sympathy to my Dad. Just "why does it have to happen to my family"
I so much wanted to say that it wasn´t "her" family & that considering she always made it clear she had married beneath her I was surprised at her reaction to say the least.
If she had cared so much about family ties, why all her life did she deny all knowledge of her 8 half sisters from her father´s first marriage??

After the female parent had her stroke, the male parent wondered more why it had happened to him.

Just got back with hubby and kids from a lovely holiday in Dorset. First year since we've been able to have a break away, that I've not come back to family s**t. How lovely not to dread getting back home.

Chris.

Waving hi to you and sending friendly vibes in your direction.

xxJ

Hi Jill, waving hard and blowing a happy kiss :-) Glad you enjoyed holiday and sooooooooonice not to dread going home,.

I love Mother's Day. It has absolutely nothing to do with me!

Mother's Day just doesn't do it for me at all. It's a memory thing. This year I managed to get through it without hubby or the kids realising it. I hated it when the kids were at school and had to do the make-a-gift thing.

And it also came home to me how mixed up some families are. One of daughter's classmates had her mom, stepdad, dad and step-mom. She always had to make more than one of everything. And then there was a lovely mom of twin boys. She was widowed when the boys were about two. I never asked her how she got the boys through Father's Day.

I totally dislike the commerciality over all these days.

J