General Chat

Hi Alison

This is the link that Sharron put up, it still works for me.

http://forum.psychlinks.ca/narcissistic-personality-disorder/17832-characteristics-of-narcissistic-mothers.html

Hi Gail
I hope you are well :- )

Hi Island, unfortunately not doing so well today. I know narcissists are dangerous people, but found out today just how very dangerous they are, when denied or not in full and total control. They are deadley.

Gail

Thanks for the link Island. I wanted to read it not because I thought my mother was like that but someone else. Actually in reading it my maternal grandmother could be a little bit like that with me not to the extent written about though. I mor wanted to read if because some of the things other mentioned sounded like someone I was friends with some years ago. She behaved in a lot of those ways toward me. It was uncanny reading some of the article and realising that it fitted this woman to a T. I ended the friendship (it was mostly a written/phone call friendship with a couple of visits thrown in). After the 2nd and last visit to my home I kept writing only to find she wasn’t replying so I stopped. 6 months later a card arrived saying we needed to talk so I wrote a nice letter explaining why I had finally stopped writing only to get one back telling me she had been ‘suicidally depressed’ for 6 months and it was my fault. I was devastated but soon came around and wrote another nice letter telling her how I had changed and refusing to take responsibility for her problems. She rang me then to tell me that I had misunderstood her but then subtly inferred again that her problems were my fault. She ended the phone call by saying that she expected to hear from me again soon. 8 months after that and two unanswered text messages later the message finally sunk in that I was no longer interested. It was both hard and easy to get her out of my life and wish only good things to all those who have to deal with people like her, their mothers or whoever.

Alison

If you Google

everything she does is deniable

which is the first line of the article,it will take you straight to it.

Just thought I would bring this up while I am here in case somebody needs it.

Good idea Sharron, newbys may not have seen it.

Sharron, I thought somebody said you were not on the boards now.

They did Ann.As I have explained on the depression thread,I have a hyperactive ninety year old,mega tooth troubles and generally haven't got around to it.
I am,however,alive and well and living quietly on the south coast of England.

How things change!

Just rought this up as promised a couple of days ago in case it is of any interest or help to Pauline.

It can apply equally to fathers.

Further to an earlier thread at the beginning of this debate,my brother has had quite serious health problems for the last 3 years since my mother died & is now having counselling as the medics are fairly sure that the physical symptoms have been caused by the awful childhood we had.
My younger daughter hasn´t had any contact with me for 3 years because of something my mother said to her before she died (have no idea what it was)
& I still have never been allowed to see my 2 1/2 year old granddaughter, not even a photo or any acknowledgement of birthday & Christmas presents I send her.
It´s hard making people understand.

Exactly.It is like a death by a thousand cuts.All little things but so many of them.
How the hell do you explain them all enugh to make others understand what happened.?

Exactly.It is like a death by a thousand cuts.All little things but so many of them.
How the hell do you explain them all enugh to make others understand what happened.?

Resurrected in honour of Carole who is fighting her corner.

Hey!!!

Yes death by a thousand cuts explains it! It becomes the norn and you don't know any different. My work mates and friends on here have tought me so much. Thanks to you all.

My Mum trerats me and my sister like her personal slaves. But not me anymore.I realise what she does. And when she said get better soon I miss you. I know she misses me taking her to the hospital to visit Dad.
I felt like saying get a taxi then! But no I didn't. Sister runs herself into the ground. Mum says Linda looks so tired. But wouldn't think I'll wait for the gardener to cut the grass, no she let Linda do it for the second time in a week. She wouldn't think Linda is busy helping with her grandkids while their mum is at work. No their mum shouldn't go to work! Then Linda would have more time to do jobs for our mum.
Oh here I go again!!
Sharron thanks for the opportunity for a good old moan xx

Carole, my sister is like that, just keeps hinting that she needs something done. Could well afford say, a taxi, or even get the bus, but expects one of her family to take her wherever she wants to go. Misses her son if she doesnt see him for a week, but forgets to thank the daughter that does all her work for her. will make a cupp of tea for herself and never offer one to her daughter. Could go on for hours as she so irritates me, have told her to her face that she is bone idle and needs to get off her backside, and its like water off a ducks back!

Carole,you are trying out your new place in life aren't you.

Since having the hypnotherapy and working at it myself and,of course, having found that wonderful article,I can start to look back on how it was with my mother without getting angry.

I have been shedding all the unecessary guilt,which should never have been mine anyway,and have now begun to write my childhood down.

Jean as well as my Mum my aunt also expects family to do everything for her. But my aunt never talked down to me or tried to control me so it's easier to love her! When she was ill last year I found her a nice care home for when she left hospital, emptied her house and helped her settle into her new home. I didn't mind as she didn't complain (much). But with Mum It's a never ending battle. It's all about her. Not what's helpful to us too. Dads nursing home has to be near to her, (ok) but lets find one that looks and feels homely even if its a bit farther away.

Now I'm feeling better after my bout of flu, the big question is, when do I let on to her that I am better, and have to start visiting again!!

Sharron I can't remember much of my childhood, I think I blocked it out.

Just dont tell her! Visit occasionally, but not often and dont offer to do anything, You can barely manage for yourself! Must admit I told my sister that I wouldnt wait on her, and have stuck to it.

Oh yes,the talking down to.I have just one memory of being cuddled and she was talking down to me then.

Don't tell her you are better.Don't give her reasons.If you are not going to visit just say you are not coming.She may think she is important enough to need a reason but you are important enough not to have to give one.

In case it is of use to anybody.