General Chat

The dog and every other child on the planet was always above me in the pecking order.

OH went home to take a card and receive instruction.

This morning I was talking to a neighbour, a contemporary of my mother,who has lived four doors away from us since I was eleven. She had absolutely no idea of what was going on in our house all that time and I am not sure if she even believed me.

Had I not been a victim myself I wonder if I could believe it was happening anywhere.

Thats the trouble Sharron. It IS hard to believe that you havent seen what is happening.

How many of us thought we were the only one? It is easy not to see beyond the public persona which of course in these cases is created by the one in control to benefit themselves as we well know.

And how would you begin to describe what was happening? I have, since my mother died, tried to explain the situation to people.before I found that wonderful article of course. On more than on occasion I have had people suggest that perhaps she wasn't feeling very well.Surely,if you are feeling unwell you consult a doctor rather than abuse a little girl.

The implication seems to be that I am bearing an enormous grudge about one small incident.

n

Hello Tania.Thanks for nudging.

Right question ladies.
I've just seen a post on another forum by a woman regarding her difficult relationship with her mother, my first reaction was she's one of us but how do I tell her that? I can't just ignore what I've read but at the same time I don't want to scare her off.

Point her at the article Sarah.I don't think it should scare her but it will give her an idea of what she is dealing with and that she is not as alone as she thinks she is.

Is that on genes or have you found another place where we are congregating?

I 'found' her on a craft forum I belong to, they have a section for difficult topics and I was looking for a thread I had been following when I spotted what she had posted. Reading it was like reading some of our stories on here and some of the advice, well lets say I wanted to shake a few people! Think I'll drop her a pm on there with the link to the article and take it from there.

My counsellor loooked for this thread that I had told her about but forgot what site it was on, however she googled narcissistic mothers and found the topic interesting and helpful.

She agrees with me that my mother wasn't really narcissistic but did lay a lot of guilt on to me, to please her all the time and such.
It might help someone else she counsels tho so I am glad I got her to look.

Lizx

I have been reunited with a cousin who lived with my parents for a while before I was born along with her twin brother.

She has just revealed to me that my mother was cruel to her during that time,including making her eat mustard for raiding the currants in the larder. Her twin brother was never punished.

This was an extremely cathartic revelation for which I am very grateful and,at the moment, a bit shaky.

Can I join the shaky club?
someone pointed me to the headline.> paedo teacher dies in crash.
my jaw dropped, as I had worked as a carer at his home for 3 years and only suspected things were not quite right.
When I told my boss, who was old school, she didn't believe me. And because I was conditioned to not being believed it went no further.
I've been plagued with memories this week and realise all the lies and secrets that went on.of course it all makes sense now, but has been a real awakening, so I'm just a bit fragile right now.

Lindsey, here's a hug or several for you, this news must have shaken you to the core, to know your suspicions were right all along and not to have been believed has brought everything back to you.
Treat yourself gently and maybe try to get some counselling or talk with your doctor, ask for a double appointment so you get a bit longer with him/her and see what they advise. You need to be able to address this and talk things out, so that you can put it behind you or deal with it some other way. It may be that there are victims who need information and now that this person has died, they can't get closure perhaps. You might be able to help them by letting them know you tried to get something done and were ignored.

Sharron, you must be having mixed feelings now too. How awful for your cousin to have been treated so badly while her brother was ok, she must have been glad to leave that house.

Lizxx

She was lucky in having a loving mother to run to.Apparently she ran off to my mother's brother to help her and,of course,he sent her back.Her parents were abroad at the time.

Things are certainly falling in to place.

I do hope people are learning to listen now.

Yes liz thankyou,most things I can think through, but this one has me beat. and you're right it has brought back a flood of horrors.

My daughter's a councillor, I'm sure she has a pal whose ear I can bend.it's not something I can bottle up. all hugs gratefully recieved !

Pleased to see this thread still running it is incredibly cathartic just to talk things out. isnt it
And remember its not just personality disordered parents
These folk exist in all walks of life,as bosses spouses friends and of course on the www,... even occassionally on this website
One thing though once you know what you are looking at you spot them so much faster.
I always thank my narcissistic ex for my personaliy disorder radar

Just wanted to give this a nudge up.

Gail

Is there a new link to the article that Sharron mentioned? I'd like to read it but the old link no longer works.

Alison just google Narcissist and you will get heaps on this subject. There is so much information on the net now on this subject.

http://www.melanietoniaevans.com.au/articles/narcissist-behaviours.htm

This is only one link that has a list of behaviours and very interesting.

Gail