General Chat

The last birthday present my mother gave me, now sits on my kitchen window sill as a reminder..It was crudely wrapped and given to me with the words, "if you don't want this throw it away, I won it for 10p in a raffle".She was by no means poor and we always gave her nice presents even when we couldn't really afford them. Her almost last words to us were in hospital when we had visited after an appalling 100 mile journey in extreme winter weather conditions, she said " I wish you would go, you are of no use to me" says it all really, my brother also had the same treatment.Some more motherly moments, on my wedding day "if things don't work out, don't think your coming back here because the moment I see you coming up the front path, I will be leaving out of the back door" and 3 years later after the birth of her first grandchild, she stayed back to whisper in my ear "Peter hasn't paid me your insurance money" our son was less than a day old!
I'm glad I'm not alone,I always thought she was a one off, as all my friends had lovely mums
Anne

My usual birthday gift is 2x£1 coins taped inside a cheap card sent with a 2nd class stamp, that arrives late !
This year I was TOLD to wait in for a parcel that would arrive Tuesday, Wednesday or Thursday, which turned out to be a small shopping bag that was free with something she got from Damart!
Oh whooppeee!

My mother once went to a jumble sale, (I was buying my own clothes by then so she wasn't going to dress me) and bought me a car radio for when I had a car.

My Christmas and birthday presents were always a bit of money which didn't involve any time or thought.

As a child I always wondered why I had to wear jumble sale clothes but was told we couldn't afford anything else. Probably I would have been very happy if she,as a friend did when she had small girls and no money, made a bit of effort to alter them to suit a little girls tastes, but I was in old peoples shabby looking stuff that was ten years out of date.
I couldn't understand why it was so important that she had a cigarette in her mouth at all times when I had seen how expensive they were on the grocery bill.
Apparently the cigarettes were necessary because of the effect I had on her nerves.

nudge as someone is looking for this thread

Thanks very much Amanda. Much appreciated.

Your welcome :) I hope it helps your friend .

Mine has just been in hospital, my cousin and I were sworn to stay away, no visiting no phone calls as the nurses would be far too busy running around after her.

She assured them that friends and neighbours would be at her beck and call post op.

Well that let us off , no 2 hour drive only to be sent back.

She had written to the surgeon who "did her knee" a few years ago by-passing the GP with a pathetic plea that she wanted her life back. Her hip was so painful she could barely shuffle to the biscuit barrel.
Having jumped the queue she was in hospital in under 6 weeks.and home in 5 days.

Within minutes of her return I recieved a hysterical call, ....DER

The Bed was too high, the mattress was too soft. The food arrived cold and the nurses were cold and unfeeling, she embarrassed herself and they took hours to see to her, then rolled her enormous carcass onto the emergency buzzer. Oh the humiliation.

AND I was never to let her go into hospital again.....but wild horses couldnt have stopped her.! Nothing I could have said would have worked !

At the end of the call she was shreiking , it was all my fault.and slammed the phone down !

All my fault indeed !

Oh Lindsey,please,not the enormous carcass jibe.So many of us have one because sweets and food were easier than affection.My enormous carcass was always another cause for more abuse from both of them,not good enough but then neither was I in any other way.

I wonder if the nurses were living your dream and letting her sit in it for a while because they were sick of me,me ,me.

My mother was forever in hospital and being the model patient.Unfortunately they always sent her home where it was constant head-ache,ear-ache, nose-ache,a*se-ache.These,of course ,were all down to me.

How lucky your mother has all these lovely neighbours and friends to rally round. I would say,yes,do go and see her but don't go yet. Let her wait, enjoy yourself a little.

Remind me to take her some poison ivy!

Make her bl**dy well wait for it!

In case anybody wants it.

There is a Womans Hour programme on at the moment about mental illness.I have sent an e-mail about narcissism to them.

There is an article in the Daily Mirror today about childhood obesity and whether it is abuse.Well I think mine was due to abuse so I have posted a comment in the Miriam Stoppard column online.

Okay we have narcissistic Mothers pretty well covered.

What about the narcissistic children they also leave behind??

I have a narcissistic brother who tries to make my life and that of my others siblings lives, hell. When you try to stand up to narcissists, you are always the one in the wrong.

Gail

So,is it learned or is it genetic?

From what I've read it seems to "run in the family"
-it's learned.

Is there any information on narcissism? Is it a behavioural pattern or a mental illness?
Sue x

I would prefer to think it is genetic rather than learned. If is was learned, I did not learn this behaviour. I find it heart breaking. I could not willingly or unwillingly hurt anybody, least of all family.

Even when standing up to a narcissist I feel bad, but then that is how we are supposed to feel.

Loads-google it.

Now I know what it is I can see it in families,mine and a family near me.

It seems to be far more common than we think so why have we never heard of it before? Seems like the secret abuse we must not allude to.