General Chat

personality disorders effect both sexes Libby.
They are quite distinct and once you know what you are looking at they stand out if you ever meet a person with one

A very interesting article. I have saved it to read later. Thank you xx

Hi Libby, Yes it does apply to Fathers as well. xxxx

I have read this, and have recognised this poisonous trait in my friend's Mother....all the classic symptoms....ticked all the boxes.....and has left a 50 y.o. woman feeling like the world's worst daughter, whereas her brothers and sisters are 'good' children, and yes, this mother has a golden child too.....and guess what, the golden child has the same traits....

My friend has been beating herself up for years for not wishing contact with her mother, and now has more contact with her, but is being treated just like the article says......my friend can never do anything right.....etc. etc..... My friend is one of the nicest caring people ever, is a careworker and rescues dogs, a brilliant Mum and wife......so some good has come out of it.....

I consider myself to have been very lucky to not have been abused in this way......it is so incidious, and undetectable, that any child or adult complaining of it would be made to look like.......as they say......an ungrateful and spiteful child.....

....best place for these people, is well away from the adult child and their family........horrendous.....

Holy moly. At work at the moment so have only skimmed through it, but it looks as if it might provide an explanation as to why my mother decided 20 years ago not to have anything more to do with me and yet that is my fault!

Thanks to the original poster.

S

i have only quickly scanned through this, but as i read it i feel ill, not all relates but a large chunk of it relates to my ex and the way he behaves, towards my children and in the past towards me, probably still does given half the chance.

if you knew how many times my ex has given birthday presents and xmas gifts and claimed them back to give esle where you would be shocked. thats the tip if the iceburg.

i dont care what they call it, it may give an explanation as to why people are like this but it dont make me have any sympathy at all. my mums mum was exactly the same.

but thanks to who posted this, i will get my oldest daughter to read it as well. still, when the ex starts, i keep the kids away, its the only way to deal with it.

andie

This all rings so very true for me,
The public face is one of " what a lovely lady " " how can her daughters be such vile nasty women " the private face, well, i cant begin to tell you,
some of you know a little of my story, but that is just the tip of the iceberg,
I class myself as the lucky one, i have grown into a loving caring sensitive woman, who lavishes love on her children, and close friends, but sadly, i have one sister who has had several breakdowns, and a huge fear of life, and is a total wreck, and my other sister ran away to america, when she was 20, to, in her words " escape "

My Mother is still alive, but after dad died 4 years ago i have had very little contact with, and believe you me, am much better for, but she still manages to get to me and mine sometimes, with her nastiness

xxLynnxx

Very interesting, especially the part of other people not believing you, which always made me feel guilty and I must have deserved the remarks.

It was the silent treatment, that hurt the most. If I asked why she was'nt talking to me, the answer always was ' You should know' !!!

Thank goodness I left home after I married and moved 6000 miles to another country.

I learnt to feel sorry for her on how much she was missing out not having any contact with her grandchildren. I would visit occasionally and just ignore her snide remarks and silences, and chat away when her mood changed. Poor dear as she got older she realised she could no longer get to me. Thankfully my brother and myself never fell out over her.

Sharron, I pray you can move on with no guilt, your special. When you do this, it is a freeing experience.
All the best,
Georgina

That information has brought many memories flooding back. which are not good. It has answered alot about my mothers & siblings behaviour towards me.
I walked out of the family home 30 years ago & never looked back. I always remember saying to myself `I would never treat my kids the way she treat me` I have kept that promise. I have 4 children & 4 grandchildren who are very dear to me.
I also have no contact with my siblings & mam died 26 years ago, so I feel I had been spared any more anquish.

Linda x

Thank you Georgina.I'm well on the move but I am just very glad to see it all listed and extremely grateful to the person who was able to do this.My mother has been dead for twelve glorious years and I managed to think the guilt aspect through when I was quite young so I was lucky there.Prolonged hypnotherapy dispelled much of the anger and now I have the article I can see it clearly from the outside and have something tangible to show others rather than have to piece something together myself,which always came out like whingeing!
I would like to say that I am pretty well unloaded now and strong and that if anybody who is still living it wants to unload they are welcome to e-mail me.I certainly will believe them and I have been there.

This is enlighteneing, Sharron,

It has helped me see what is wrong with my husbands relationship with his mother. His brother who was killed was the golden boy and my OHs eldest son, who fell out with us and moved in wih her is the new golden boy.


So many of the points fit, it makes scary reading and I know it has affected my OH badly,


Thanks,

Caz xxx

Hi Sharron,

I agree with you about the person who wrote article, I have printed it off, want to show it to a couple of friends who suffered similar childhoods.

Thanks for sharing the address.

All the best,
Georgina

So many people seem to know somebody who has suffered in this way and I would not be surprised if we did not all think we were the only one.I am just so pleased I have found this and that I am able to share it with so many.
Sharron

Try reading "They F**k You Up" by Oliver James.
A friend gave me a copy & you just read it going 'yep,they did that & that & that......'I hope my parenting has been fairer & kinder.

Just nudging for others to read.

I've passed this on too.it appears to be the lonliest kind of child abuse,who would believe it of such outwardly likeable parents?Shame we never realised it was happening to other people until now.
When I remind my Mum of the things she said and did, she still finds them highly amusing ?

Yes Lindsey,I expect you are imagining them aren't you?

Of course I just made it all up to discredit. them, because I was such a bad girl..?

'You and your imagination' was thephrase that covered just about everything my mother ever did or said to me that was ridiculous or wicked in the extreme.Like I had nothing better to do than think up rubbish to accuse her of!

Well I shall just have to send myself to bed with no tea...again!

I did used to wonder if saying it was imagined was a way of dealing with the enormity of her guilt at saying or doing it,Apparently the mind of a narcissist is similar to that of a six year old.I think now that it was more a case of hoping that if you wish hard enough that it hasn't happened then it really hasn't.Like,if you wish hard enough that everything wrong in your life is the fault of one child,then,of course,it is.Fine,I didn't much mind taking the blame,it was the punishment that was so hard.Not just at home but at school as well for not conforming to the norm ,and then again at home for being in trouble at school.