General Chat

Reasons to own a cat.

1. Cats rule. Dogs drool.
2. Cats rub your leg when they want affection, not when they're horny.

3. Cats use a litter box. Dogs use your leg.

4. In 1996, over 10,000 UK deaths were attributed to a dog owner's choking on saliva during morning wake-up licks.

5. Cats always land on their feet. Dogs won't even let you throw them.

6. Cats let you kick them when you're stressed out.

7. Cats will wait until you've read your morning paper before tearing it to shreds.

8. Cats look cute sleeping on the TV. Dogs crash right in front of the screen.

9. No one has ever had to "Beware of the Cat."

10. Cats bury their crap. Dogs dig up others'.

11. Cats have better things to do than stick their nose in your crotch.

12. Cats lay on the car in the heat. Dogs in heat lay the car.

13. Why do you think they call it "Dog Breath?"

14. Garfield. Odie. Enough said

there was no reason to granny we didn't do anything wrong...just got chatty!!!


Ian...you still here babe?

Not my failing eyesight then

i hope Ron never pulled it because of us!!

Hi Sally, did you finish the gardening?
I have a plant like the one you have,
called;
Weeduswontdieoffus

OMG Rons thread has gone!!!! another one

One day a little girl asks her Mom,

"Mom, may I take the dog for a walk around the block?"

Mom says, "No, because the dog is in heat."

"What's that mean?" asked the child.

"Go ask your Father. I think he's in the garage."

The little girl goes to the garage and says,

"Dad, can I take Susie for a walk around the block?"

"I asked Mom but she said the dog was in heat and that I should ask you."

Dad said, "Bring Susie over here."

He took a rag, soaked it with gasoline, and scrubbed the dog's butt with it.

"OK, you can go now but keep Susie on the leash."

"And only go one time around the block."

Little girl left and returned a few minutes later with no dog on the leash.

Dad said, "Where's Susie?"

Little girl said, "Susie ran out of gas about halfway down the block."

"There's another dog pushing her home."

Granny,pmsl good one.btw wheres Rons thread?

Gail, i have two cats been there done it and got the t shirt................now use profender much easier. lol

pmsl granny x

think I like the sound of number 7!!!!! lol

Bert took his Saint Bernard to the vet.
"Doctor," he said sadly, "I'm afraid I'm going to have to ask you to cut off my dog's tail."

The vet stepped back, "Bert, why should I do such a terrible thing?"

"Because my mother-in-law's arriving tomorrow, and I don't want anything to make her think she's welcome."

The Seven Most Important Men in a Woman's Life

1. The Doctor - who tells her to "take off all her clothes."

2. The Dentist - who tells her to "open wide."

3. The Milkman - who asks her "do you want it in the front or the back?"

4. The Hairdresser - who asks her "do you want it teased or blown?"

5. The Interior Designer - who assures her "once it's inside, you'll LOVE it!"

6. The Banker - who insists to her "if you take it out too soon, you'll lose interest!"

7. The Primal Hunter - who always goes deep into the bush, always shoots twice, always eats what he shoots, but keeps telling her "Keep quiet and lie still!"

Thanks Granny,i like my pills in bowl of cream.

Granny!

I do not know if you have cats, or your cat post was from someone else,but having had 4 cats, I have been there, done that, and have the scars to prove it, lol.!!

Gail

any more jokes???...I love a good joke x

come in Lassie and make yerself at hame. lol

Terrible!


Hahahah

How funny is that, eh!


Ian

How to give your cat a worm tablet.

1. Grasp cat firmly in your arms. Cradle its head on your elbow, just as if you were giving baby a bottle. Coo confidently, "That's a nice kitty." Drop pill into its mouth.

2. Retrieve cat from top of lamp and pill from under sofa.

3. Follow same procedure as in 1, but hold cat's front paws down with left hand and back paws down with elbow of right arm. Poke pill into its mouth with right forefinger.

4. Retrieve cat from under bed. Get new pill from bottle. (Resist impulse to get new cat.)

5. Again proceed as in 1, except when you have cat firmly cradled in bottle-feeding position, sit down on edge of chair, fold your torso over cat, bring your right hand over your left elbow, open cat's mouth by lifting the upper jaw and pop the pill in - quickly. Since your head is down by your knees, you won't be able to see what you're doing. That's just as well.

6. Leave cat hanging on drapes. Leave pill in your hair.

7. If you're a woman, have a good cry. If you're a man, have a good cry.

8. Now pull yourself together. Who's the boss here anyway? Retrieve cat and pill. Assuming position 1, say sternly, "Who's the boss here, anyway?" Open cat's mouth, take pill and...Oooops!

9. This isn't working, is it? Collapse and think. Aha! Those flashing claws are causing the chaos.

10. Crawl to linen closet. Drag back large beach towel. Spread towel on floor.

11. Retrieve cat from kitchen counter and pill from potted plant.

12. Spread cat on towel near one end with its head over long edge.

13. Flatten cat's front and back legs over its stomach. (Resist impulse to flatten cat.)

14. Roll cat in towel. Work fast; time and tabbies wait for no man -or woman.

15. Resume position 1. Rotate your left hand to cat's head. Press its mouth at the jaw hinges like opening the petals of a snapdragon.

16. Drop pill into cat's mouth and poke gently. Voila! It's done.

17. Vacuum up loose fur (cat's). Apply bandages to wounds (yours).

18. Take two aspirin and lie down.

Hi Cat come in mate and have some idle chit chat lol xx