General Chat

Twinkly you must be a forum lightweight if you can't thread hop without getting out of puff. Or am I just a post wh*re?
Don't answer that!
:D

bit rude.......will delete if asked.

Three old men were sitting on a park bench comparing notes on the problems of growing old. The first said he couldn't remember the last time he had a good bowel movement. The second one said his problem was more with his bladder and prostate. The third old man laughed and said he must be the lucky one.

"Every morning at seven I pee, and then at eight I have a good dump," he told them. " I just wish I could wake up before nine."

Where you sitting though?

will have to sit down for a sec....all this thread hopping is wearing me out!!! lol

phew! thanks Mama lol

Hello again Mama :)

lol

I have irish ancestors but not offended its quite tame really

if you are Irish I apologise...this is not meant to offend x

2 Irishmen find a mirror in the road
the 1st one looks in it and says
"I know that face but can't put a name to it"
the second one looks in and says"you
idiot it's me"

LMAO Granny

I feel useless as all my jokes I had on my email I got rid

hello Cat fancy seeing you here lmfao xxx

Like it,Gran

pmsl granny x

One Wish.

A man walking along a California beach was deep in prayer. All of a sudden, he said out loud, “Lord grant me one wish.”
Suddenly the sky clouded above his head and in a booming voice the Lord
said, because you have TRIED to be faithful to me in all ways, I will grant
you one wish.”
The man said, “Build a bridge to Hawaii, so I can drive over anytime I want to.”
The Lord said, “Your request is very materialistic. Think of the logistics of that kind of undertaking. The supports required to reach the bottom of the Pacific! The concrete and steel it would take! I can do it, but it is hard for me to justify your desire for worldly things. Take a little more time and think of another wish, a wish you think would honor and glorify me.”
The man thought about it for a long time. Finally he said, “Lord, I wish that I could understand women. I want to know how they feel inside, what they are thinking when the give me the silent treatment, why they cry, what they mean when the say ‘nothing’, and how I can make a woman truly happy”
After a few minutes God said, “You want two lanes or four on that bridge?”

Like it Ian
pmsl

A nude woman stands in front of the mirror and says to her husband
"I look fat and ugly...pay me a compliment"
hubby says "your eyesight is spot on!

A couple are driving home in wintertime and run a skunk over
She gets out and finds the skunk still alive. She says to hubby"its still breathing
but freezing cold" he says "get it in the car and put it between your legs to warm up"
she says "but its all wet and it stinks"
hubby replies "well hold its nose then"

sorry if this offends x

Ian,you are on form

pmsl Ian...keep em coming mate x

A burglar has just made it into the house he's intending ransacking, and he's looking around for stuff to steal. All of a sudden, a little voice pipes up, "I can see you, and so can Jesus!"

Startled, the burglar looks around the room. No one there at all, so he goes back to his business.

"I can see you, and so can Jesus!"

The burglar jumps again, and takes a longer look around the room. Over in the corner by the window, almost obscured by curtains, is a cage in which sits a parrot, who pipes up again, "I can see you, and so can Jesus!"

"So what," says the burglar, "you're only a parrot!"

To which the parrot replies, "Maybe, but Jesus is a rottweiler!"


Doesnt get any better than this, eh!

Ian

For instance we could all go to my latest thread and have a chat about the subject there.