Genealogy Chat

Hello Angela. Yes when I started doing my tree it started to get me down when I found my great aunt on the 1901 census when she was 4 months old (I only knew her as an old lady). When I found her, my daughter was 4 months old at the time and it was sad imagining that maybe one of my decendants will be looking at her name thinking the same thing. My father recently died when I started my tree and I wish I could share it with him what I have found.

Hi Just an add on to this subject. It is very distressing to lose a child. I lost a son in 1988 to S.I.D.s. I was then told in 2000 that they had removed ALL his organs and other stuff at post mortem, and kept them. In 2001 they were returned to me. We had a second funeral. I know that lots of this has gone on. I am happy to say I now have 4 healthy children, but it doesn't change the hurt.

It's interesting that, of all the 'tips' I have looked up, this one has the most responses. I thought I was alone in this! I lost my own Mam in March, which probably makes it harder--but also easier in a strange way. It is comforting to find out more about her background and family. Also, there's nowt like a family funeral to reunite long lost family! It's a shame it takes a death for people to realise how important family is. My Mam always told me what a lovely man her Dad was--now all my new-found family have confirmed this. I think it is nice that we can all be still moved by the tragedies our ancestors went through--it means that there suffering wasn't wasted. I'm still quite new to this, but have already discovered scandal, tragedy, secrets, adoptions, etc. My Great Uncle and his 3 brothers fought together in WW2 and survived, then Harry died in a car crash in Paris on VE Day. My Grandmother lost a son aged 3 years--a lot of my family didn't know this because she could never talk about him. He is in an unmarked grave, which seems so sad.

I have just discovered 2 of my gr uncles died of Flu in 1920 probably within days of each other as they have cert with consecutive numbers, both leaving wifes and quite a few children. One was 29, the other 35.

Cheer up everybody. I lost my grandparents, my parents and my only brother (aged 30)in just 10 years. My mother died when my eldest was only 6 months. Gets me down a bit at certain times like Xmas but try to remember the good times. And we certainly had good times as a family.

Hi Laurie, I am really so sorry to hear about the very sad loss of your husband. That must have been a really tough one. Thanks also for all the great advice that you are always giving everyone. As I have a male friend called Laurie, I presumed that you were male too!! Sorry :( Regards Margaret

Hi Margaret, The thing is with suicides people are not in the right! frame of mind. I am currently studying for a degree and I am doing mental health and it is so hard for them. I have lost a few close friends to suicide and that is the only way forward for them. As for me I lost my husband 2yrs ago, 10 days after my daughter was born and it is hard, when I hear about the babies/children who lost one or both their parents at an early age I really feel for them. Are we a depressing bunch or what? Laurie

I'd be very worried if it was us. Thank you penicillin. So far my Grandmother is one of 15, of whom 3 survived to adulthood, most went in infancy.

Hi Angela, I found that my ggg grandmother died when my gg grandfather was only two and that upset me. Laurie

Hi Angela Me to i lost my dad in 1989 then my brother was killed in a accident in 1991 leaving to small boys. It does get very sad. theresa.x

I don't find myself getting that emotional, but I suppose I'm used to it. Since 1997, there has been one death in my family every year. We're certainly keeping the funeral directors in business! My relatives either die very young (under 21) or very old (80s/90s). Maybe I've not found them yet, but it doesn't look like many of my relatives lost children - just two infant deaths so far - and only my grandfather lost his parents very young (he was orphaned by age 7).

It is very sad, but you must remember that, by trying to find your ancestors and the bits of their lives that are shown to you by certificates, censuses and wills, you are remembering, and in a way rejoicing the fact that, if it weren't for them, you wouldn't be here, and the events in their lives may have influenced the way you were brought up. Rather like a modern form of ancestor worship really!

It's bad enough to find out about lost babies and children in your ancestor's families, it's even worse when you lose your own babies(I lost two in the 70's) ,but at least you can understand what heartache they must have gone through.

In the first few hours of begining my family tree I found my grandparents had 2 more children who no one knew about, one was their first born. They have kept this a secret for 65 and 70 years. This was news to my mum who was one of ten who are all still alive until she found by accident the birth and death certificates of a youger brother several years ago and now she is one of 13. I have yet to try to find entries for their deaths and get the certificates and part of me is somewhat reluctant because of what I might find, or worse still not find! I kind of hope they passed away quickly and peacefully, but there is always the alternative that they lived with someone else and went on to have families. I could have a few more cousins out there....

Hi Margaret, I felt the same way when I found out the death certificate of my GG Aunt. She died the same way as your Grandfather. I can't imagine how someone could do that so themselves. She was in an Asylum and I thought that maybe a fellow in-mate might have been involved! Regards Margaret

I knew that my grandfather commited suicide, I knew how, but when I sent for his death certificate and it said "self inflicted throat wound" I went cold. It was different seeing it in writing. I think he was very brave to do that with a cut throat razor. Margaret

I know what you mean Angela! I found myself sitting in the LDS FHC with tears rolling down my cheeks when I found my Nan's name on the INDEX!! I was a complete wreck when I got the actual certificate! She died of pernicious anaemia when my Da was just 4. I looked at my just 4 year old and went to pieces! Nan died when she was only 29 and Grandie went onto remarry some elusive woman! rotfl Obviously I never knew her but it didn't make it any easier. The old fella reckons I was going soft in the head! Sonja

My father's great-aunt died on the same day she gave birth to her 13th child - the poor little child died 3 weeks later, but on the same day that the child's oldest sister had her first child. It upsets me when I read a death cert. of a young child that states 'mother present at the death'. My great-gran had that experience 3 times. Hazel

"A great great grandma of mine had 3 husbands all of whom died on her!" Hey, look on the bright side. 400 years ago she'd probably have been hanged as a witch :)

Thought I would add my 2 pence worth - i'm a funeral director so you would think i would be used to death etc. Let me tell you, it can be very harrowing dealing with death each day, and sometime even harrowing when i receive a death cert. of one of my own -my grt-grandmother died at 32 having married at 28, she had two children and died after giving birth to the third - that child survived one month after her mum - grt-grandad only lived until 49 and never remarried - caring for his two small children 4 and 3. We have it made nowadays when compared to the late 1800's I do wonder how folk managed to survive (I know my grt-grandad had his unmarried sister living with him in the 1881 and 1891 census returns, so I suppose she was a surrogate mother to the children) and I also have my suspicions that the maternal grandparents played a big part in the childrens upbringing, as he was an Appraiser of Furniture, and my granddad also made a living doing the same - he must have sat at his grandad's knee and learnt a thing of two (that's what I like to think, anyway). Hey cheer up you lot, we have a lot to be thankful for you know. Jacqui