Genealogy Chat

Well done Lou. Well said. Some people do not, will not, and cannot understand. There are lots of us here that do, so please carry on, name and shaming is not such a bad idea- then we know who to look out for. Love Jessx

Can I just say to the 3 people who have taken in on themselves to send me private e mails slagging me off for comments I made earlier on the thread...mainly about feeling rejected by my birth mother by being given up for adoption and being cynical about the fact she got married again so quickly and had more children only months after she placed me for adoption... You do not know the facts. I have my adoption file and I know the circumstances surrounding my adoption. I am entitled to my own personal opinion, views and feelings and I shared these on here with fellow adoptees who have shared the same opinions, views and emotions over the years in one situation or another. I will continue to express these with the people who have supported me over the last few weeks while I have been making the decision with regards to tracing her and contacting her. If you don't like my opinions, tough, but keep yours to yourself. The NEXT nasty e mail I get I will post it to this board with your name attached for everyone to see Lou

congrats lou and well done x

CONGRATULATIONS LOU Hope you have a relaxing weekend. The earliest they can get it is Monday so no point in worrying this weekend. Hope little one is Ok too - not too shocked about being taken for a walk in his pj's :-) TTFN Penny

Hi All The letters went into the box at 9am this morning. Spent most of the night really unsettled, rewriting, wondering should I shouldn't I then thought sod it, strapped baba in his pushchair, put our coats and wellies on (yes, it's raining here and it IS the country part of Cheshire!) OVER our PJ's and went. Thought if I messed around getting us both dressed, I'd have opted out again before the process was complete. So...deep breaths and here goes! Lou xx

those of us that have 'been there' know exactly where you are in the process- that letter will be written and re-written probably 10 times before it right, in your head if not on paper. Post it when it feels as right as it can, and i do hope most sincerely that they do want a part in your life, if only to say hello, even once.As you say,you won't know unless you ask. thinking of you. please tell us when you do actually post it, love Jess x

Hi Lou Well done for getting this far. Hope you have success getting to the post box :-) & then hearing from your new found relations Penny

If you decide to go for it Lou, then I wish all the very best, and I hope you get what you're hoping for Sam

Hi All I haven't posted a message for a while, hope everyone's doing ok. I've now got some information through from Joan which has given me a lot to think about, both over who to contact and how to approach it. I wont name names for reasons I'll keep to myself but someone from the site has e mailed me some pretty good information and advice on how to word that 'initial' letter and I've actually had one written for a few days now which hasn't made it as far as the Royal Mail. But it will, I just keep thinking of things I should have said and things that maybe would be better left unsaid for the moment, it keeps getting changed and hence, so far, remains on my microwave! It's certainly a difficult decision but one I know I wont regret no matter what the outcome is. I cannot spend any longer wondering whether I should get in touch, whether my birth family want to hear from me, I wont know unless I take that first step because as the law stands right now, they aren't allowed to. I'm sure it will come as a shock to all concerned, after all its been 34 years, but that's 34 without them in my life and I have done just fine. The rest of my life without them wont be a trauma, but it would be nice to think that they might want to be a small part of it in the future Lou

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Nudge for this important thread.

Bumped for vickie

Hi Vicki, I have e-mailed you direct, Glad to see so many happy stories on here. Lou for what its worth I think your right with your softly softly approach, whilst you want to know your routes, you also have to take a step back and think of all concerned, birth mother, brothers, sisters etc, whilst you may have had a little time to adapt to knowing you have them, it may come as a bolt out the blue for some people, you have the right to know but do it as gently as possible for all concerned. May I wish you all luck, in your searches! Sheila

Hi Lou, I have only just read your amazing news, as my husband had messed around with the computer and I couldn't get on to Genes. You are so lucky to have"found" some living relations. I hope it all goes really well and that your "new family" will welcome you. I think nowadays most people have very different attitudes to say 15 or even 10 years ago and that the odd unknown relation popping up is easy to accept. Keep us informed of your progress please, we're all cheering for you!! Sue X

I have only been a member for a day and already think I might have found my natural mothers family. I am not really sure what to do next as I now have to rely on other family members I have sent off a couple of vague messages any suggestions???

nudged for angela

This is a nudge for Ken Stockley who wanted to read this thread. Joan

Lou.... If you want help with that letter...mail me. As you know I pondered for weeks before sending the right letter to my adopted sister. She told me since that.....she thought the letter was very good under the difficult circumstances. You know where I am ;) Gerri xx

Hi Lou How exciting. Hope you have success in the future. It will give you time to write the perfect letter :-) Penny

just read all your stories i never told anyone mine untill june 2003 in my daughter was born 1968 i was not married to her father in june 1969 i had a son i never told my family a very dear friends sister adopted him i had contact untill he was 2 they came to my daughters 3rd birthday on that day he was very naughty and his adopted mum smacked him i think then irealised what i had done giving him up was the hardest thing i have ever had to do people often ask the question if there is one thing in your life you could change that would be mine anyway from that day i never saw my son again i thought of him constantly on his birthdays i would take off for the day so no one would see me cry then in june 2003 my dear friend telephoned me he wanted to see me it realy was the happiest day of my life ihave 2 more sons his half brothers i never told my daughter about him untill the day after i met him they now see each other often he has 2 boys i never saw grow up yesterday they had a baby girl who god willing i will obviesly ther is a lot more to this story i could write a book i am crying as i writing this i thank his mum & dad from the bottom of my heart he is a wonderfull lad