Genealogy Chat

THinking about you, Donna,Its 9am Sunday morning , with two hours to go to meeting your B/F Brother. Hopefull later you'll share with us how it went, in your own time of course. Perhaps talk later jess x

Sending cyber hugs to all who need them at the mo. Stay strong and follow your instincts. Jules xx Hi Joan! I think I'm getting old!! hee hee x

nudge

hi jess and lou, i think you are both wright i think that they are trying to rush me into things after all i really do not know my birth family so it is going to be strange i think i will ring my uncle again and ask if i could just meet him and take things a lot slower perhaps talk on the phone to the other members of my birth family i am meeting him at the pub so it will be in a public place and my husband will be there i have arranged for a babysitter as i did think it would be too much for my children to take in . jess i am sorry to hear about you not being to have children please keep trying you never know i bet you would make a loverly mom you sound a very carring person love donna xx

Jess, I'm so glad you retain a sense of humour, it keeps you going, even if at times it's black humour!! I am quite lucky in the fact that in my very thin file from social services there was a declaration of health made while my mother was pregnant with me, which wasn't much good to me as I had aleady had my children. At least I know there is no family insanity, that's only me.LOL!!! Sue

.....and on the medical history bit - sorry have to have a word! ' My mum has high blood pressure , is overweigh and has diabetes and is in the early stages of dementia' ' my dad has had 3 heart attacks, and has parkinsons' .......' but it's okay I'M Adopted!!' Seriously, i once wrote, some years ago now, to my B/M , asking about well, lets say 'womens things'. I am unable to have children (yes, My side) and even after 4 IVF have still failed. Wrote and asked about fertility problems and then realised this:- My B/M had at least 4 children My B/F had at least 9 DOH- what a stupid question!! jess x - who still manages to laugh!

Donna, you do what you want to do at your own pace. I trust that you are meeting him somewhere neutral and that you are not going alone. Do you have a hubby or best friend you can take with you, Find someone to mind the kids so you don't have to worry about them. Don't forget you always have the option of walking away at any stage - you don't know what you are walking into - Ring him and say how you feel about meeting all these people at once- If he really wants to know you then he'll understand. If he doesn't then you'll be doing something that you're not happy with and is not the way to start. You instigated it, so you should have the control.keep the control and do what YOU want when YOU want.There is always tommorow - and if that tommorow doesn't come then it probably wasn't meant to be. please reassure me you are not going alone and where you are actually going (off thread if you like) - sound like your mother now! jess

Donna Its great that he rang you but take this at YOUR pace. If YOU don't feel ready to be bombarded with several new family members all in one day, then say that you'd rather leave THAT meeting for another time and just spend some time chatting with your Uncle on Sunday. There are no hard and fast rules with this one but the important thing is that you feel happy with the way things are moving. If they are genuinely interested in meeting you and trying to form a relationship with you then they'll understand that this is a LOT for you to take it all at once. What's wrong with leaving meeting the rest of them until NEXT weekend? That way you'll have a week to digest anything you and your Uncle talk about and you'll be more prepared to face more members of the family Lou

hi sue ,jules,lou and jess thankyou sue for your words of encouragement i hope you find your mom soon lou, jules and jess i hope you also find your moms and brothers i know what you are all going through at the moment it is hard when you have to fill in medical forms and they say what does any of your family suffer with in the past and then you feel stupid because you do not know the answers and they look at you like your are some sort of alien lol my uncle did ring last night but he sounded abit cagey he wants me to meet him sunday at 11 o'clock he then is going to take me to meet my nan and aunty ,we are then going to see my sisters(3) who want there mom there as it is going to be strange for them all 3 are in there 40s a lot older then me but i will agree to anything to get to know them do you think that they are rushing me i thought i was just getting to know my uncle first i have got butterflys asking my self all sort of questions will they like me ,will they want to know me after sunday or do they just want to tell me to get out of there lives i am not taking my 2 little children as i think it might be to much for them to take in the first time i go as i do not want them to get upset if my birth family do not want to know i am not sure if anybody else feels like this its hard to take in love donna xx

Hi Lou, Nice to see you back again. I know what you mean about medical history. Everytime I've had to go to the hospital wether I'm pregnant or what. It's the same old thing 'Is there any history of ....' To which you reply I don't know, I was adopted. It doesn't matter how many times they ask the question the answer stays the same, Unless of course you've been reunited. I've had 31 years of being asked 20 questions in one consultation and I give the same answer to every bloody one. I DON'T KNOW I'M ADOPTED! Now though I can give some info at last. Nothing major only that mum died of a brain haemorrage, history of depression, thyroid problems, bad joints to the point of being crippled(women's side), bladder problems and chronic obstuctive pulmony disease (sorry if i spelt it wrong!). Trouble is I already suffer from 3 of these illness's! Look at what I've got to look forward to in the coming years! Lord help me! I've said my bit now! Good luck Lou and all Jules Joan sorry i fell asleep on the phone to you again! x

Hi Peeps Haven't checked in for a while, nice to see some other adoptees have joined the merry band. Been lovely reading everyone's stories. Sylvia, best of luck with your ads, babe, hope it all works out for you. I've now written letter numero THREE to my birth mother. Quite resigned myself to the fact that for whatever reason she's decided that she doesn't even want to acknowledge me, let alone have anything that might resemble a relationship with me and, quite frankly, that's her loss. However, I want to know whether there's any family medical history that I need to know about. It was one of my MAJOR gripes when I was expecting my children, that I couldn't properly answer questions about any conditions that might be within the family, and I have them to consider now as well as myself. I developed a serious condition during my last pregnancy which has left me partially disabled. I'd like to know whether that was a fluke or whether there's a history of it. I know that the letters are going to the right address, it's not that I'm barking up totally the wrong tree, so I've tried again. I've kept it very simple and to the point and included my email address in case that's easier for her than actually writing me a letter. I know she has a computer at home cos the person she now lives with is a member of this site and has my BM's name on the name search facility! Lou

Thanks for that Sue and good luck with your search. Hello Joan if you still awake! Jules xx

For Jess, Jules and Donna, I hope you all get the news you want to hear. A year ago I wrote to a lady I thought was my mother. She took TWO weeks to reply, I was like a cat on a hot tin roof!! I have placed an advert in this Friday and Saturday's ' Polish Daily' newspaper, still looking for my mother. Fingers crossed please that I get some response. Sue

bumped for Jeanette, and no doubt Joan later jess x

Jess, Well you've given me a much needed laugh at that thought! Me being the daughter of Rodger More!! Ha ha! If it had of been him...poor sod! Having a nutter like me for a daughter! lol. I don't seem to be doing so well at explaining myself clearly at the mo. Anyone got a new brain for me? Mine upped and left a few days ago!! I have tried to correct my mistake on previous msg but obviously haven't done a very good job! If anyone wants proof that your head goes to pot once you're on this roller coaster, then here's your proof! Me!! Catch you all later, baby wants her mummy jules xx

jess i forgot to say my mom and birth dad was not married so she says she never needed his permission as he was not on the birth certificate so when she married she had to addopt me to change my name , i feel sorry for my birth dad trying to find me and not knowing that i was addopted it is such a shame that i will never know him but with finding his family perhaps i will find out about him love donna xx

hi jess you are probably right it could be something simple have you had any look with your brother ringing you , i bet it is hard waiting you know where they are but you have to be patient and let them do all the running around my uncle said i have got three sisters who want to know me ,its been 35 years to get this far i surpose a couple of days won't matter love donna xx

Give him a little while,it maybe something as simple as he was late home from work, or simply forgot. Were you mother and B/F ever married? jess

hi everyone who is on this thread i know what you are all going through i also was addopted and made contact with my birth farthers side ,my dad died when i was little and my mom she married and her self and her husband addopted me ,i was told that my birth dad did not want to know me it took me a lot of years to pluck up the courage to go and search for my birth family thanks to everyone on the addopted thread i decided to go and search a lady on genes karen who i am really gratefull to managed to find where my dad was buried and i went and put some flowers on his grave with a note asking permission off his family to leave them and a contact number with my details on if they would likee to contact me . that was before christmass i was not expecting to hear from them but on sunday night i had a phone call from my dads brother saying that he knew of me and that i had got a big family who wanted to meet me and apparantly my dad was searching for me before he died but was not aware that i was addopted so he never found me ,my uncle promised to ring me last night but he never did i do not know what to do now whether to wait or telephone him , what would anybody else do lots of love donna xx

Sorry Jules , missed the H**** - Thought you were the illegitimate daughetr of James Bond!! i need to spend less time on here and watch more uk Gold repeats! Jess xx lol at my own stupidity!